Crucifixus
by BlindxMag
Summary: A very different style to Repo! and a different storyline entirely. There was a sport both Mag and Marni always loved, but what if that sport was to be the cause of Marni's accident? Very equine centred and Mag/Nathan.
1. Chapter 1

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE~** This is a very different rendition of REPO! The Genetic Opera. I've taken the characters of Mag and Nathan and put them in a very different, more modern day scenerio. It's very equine centred. It's diffreent, yes, but Shilo is in it, as are Mag and Nathan, and Marni's accident happens in a very different way. Please don't hate me, I hope I've stayed loyal to the characters. I'm still working on what to do with it. Call this the pilot episode. Nathan, rather than being a doctor, is a large animal vet. It sort of ties in to how he blames himself for what happened to Marni. PLEASE read, I've been working on this on an email draft at work. if it seems to appear to have a few changes from present tense to past tense, that's by accident. I originally did it in present then changed my mind and redid the whole thing in past, I thought I got everything but I might not have._

Crucifixus

It doesn't matter what happens during the day. All hell could break loose, you could be having the worst day of your life. But for a horse person, being around the one horse that makes everything better can completely turn your day around. To me, that's Rigoletto. A big mahogany bay Iberian Warmblood who is my heart and soul. Throughout the days Marni and I would ride and compete together, we had a team. It consisted of me and Rags, shown affectionately as _Caro Nome_ and with my best friend, Marni Wallace and her horse, a big German Warmblood stallion that they called Uther Pendragon. The three of us, including her husband, Nathan, have all been close. And just recently, Marni gave birth to a little girl, Shilo, who was just turning a year old.

"_Mag!_"I knelt at Rigoletto's black foreleg, wrapping it with dark red shipping wrap for travel. The gelding was spotless, sheeted in a crimson dress sheet with black lining. I looked up to see Marni's sweatshirted form making her way down the aisle. Rig craned his head with pricked ears toward Marni's shoulder. She obliged by rubbing the offered nose, which immediately pleased and satisfied my gelding. He got the attention he wanted. He was pleased.

"Hm?" My response was grunted as I straightened, adjusting the sheet over Rigoletto's back.

"Nathan's pulling up with the rig." Marni's light brown eyes were lit with excitement, her shoulder length dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. "Can you believe it? We both made it to finals."

"I know, it's brilliant," As I stood next to Rags I could feel his lip unrelentingly nudging my shoulder, not-so politely demanding my attention. Absently, I stroked a finger over his dark muzzle. "Are you bringing Shilo?"

"Yeah, she's too young to be left alone, and I'm sure Nathan would have a stroke if we did," Marni said, glancing my way as she made her way down the aisle, running an arm over Rags' haunches to let him know she was back there. "Truth is, I don't want to leave her, either. It's incredible, this unconditional love you have for a human being right then and there."

"She's your child, it's human nature," I responded, turning to look at her as she slid open the stall door of her stallion. I could hear her gushing to him from behind the wall. "She's a part of you—Marni, watch it—"

I cast a wary glance at her as she lead her Warmblood, black and white pinto stallion down the aisle. I know Marni's careful, but between Rigoletto; a gelding, and right in the centre of the aisle, Uther; a stallion, and me sandwiched between the two, I felt I was entitled to be a bit uneasy of the situation at hand.

"I've got him, I've got him," Marni assured me, but Rags' ears slammed down against his head, snaking his head out with a rather ugly expression at Uther. That didn't sit well with Uther, who about ploughed Marni over to show Rags just how much he didn't appreciate it.

"_UTHER._" I snarled, more alarmed than angry, whacking his shoulder to get him back over. Marni about pulled the stallion's head around to try to get him out of the aisle. I looked up and see Nathan's truck pull up and before long, Marni's six-foot-six, sandy-haired husband with thick black rimmed glasses, got out of the driver's seat, advancing toward Marni and Uther to give his wife a hand, since her smaller one-hundred-twenty pounds in no way is a match for Uther's fifteen-hundred-plus, but Nathan was a bit more of an equal adversary, even though Uther still outweighed him as well. They were able to get Uther out of the aisle, where Marni stood with him. Uther gave a full body-shake that shuddered from his head to his dock. Out of sight, out of mind. But Rigoletto still seemed pissed.

"How did I miss this excitement?" Nathan mused, turning his head as Marni greeted him with a kiss, returning it with an arm around her. Nathan and I had been friends for ages, almost as long as I've known and been friends with Marni, But there was a part of me that still couldn't help but wish I had what Marni did. Marni was happy. She had a family, and Nathan was unlike any man I'd ever met.

"You put a stallion and a gelding in the same barn aisle and hell is almost guaranteed to ensue." I responded jokingly. Marni shot me an apologetic glance.

"I'm really sorry. I thought we had more room than that." She said. Uther was indeed a big horse. He got far too close for Rags' liking and my gelding retaliated, with initiated war, or at least the plan to pound Rags into the ground in order to teach him a lesson. I have no doubt in my mind it would have worked, either.

"You're fine, neither of them are hurt." I assured her, and then looked in Nathan's direction. "Nate, what trailer do we have?"

"Three horse slant-load," He said. "I figured we could put Uther in, leave a space open between him and Rig and they would get along well enough throughout the trip."

"Reasonable enough."

We got the horses loaded and are on the road. The second I was in the backseat, I was immediately met with a pair of big, dark brown eyes in a baby carrier.

"Why hello there, Shi," I crooned, scooting toward the carrier to offer a finger. The little girl issued a big, toothless grin, her whole face and eyes wrinkling in absolute glee. Marni twisted around in the front seat, looking from Shilo to me with a smile.

"Say hello to Auntie Maggie, Shi," She said, reaching back to adjust the baby blanket. I could already see tufts of thick black hair pluming out from the skull cap Shilo is wearing. When Nathan got in the truck, he also turned around, his thin lips curving into a grin.

"She knows Mag." Nathan's green eyes turned to me for a brief moment. "She's got to know her god mom."

"I'd be amazed if she didn't," Marni said. "She sees Mag about every day."

"I love seeing her every day." I ever so softly tapped Shilo's little nose with the pad of my finger, and the infant squealed with laughter and complete joy. I looked up. "We have everything, right? Saddles, etc.?"

"We've got everything." Nathan said, turning in his seat to back the truck and trailer out of the driveway. From where his eyes were turned, I could see the tiny spot of hazel in his olive green eyes. Amazing how I pay attention to these things, he wasn't even my husband. But there was a side of me that wished he was. "We've got the saddles for all three events."

"Fantastic." I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. "What would we do without you, Nathan?"

"I ask myself that many times," He joked, and then jerked away with a laugh as Marni playfully smacked his arm. "Ow! Ok, kidding!"

"You didn't have to wash and groom horses, on top of braiding manes and tails." Marni eyed him matter-of-factly; I could see the triumph in her eyes.

"I don't _have_ a horse, honey," Nathan pointed out. "I shouldn't have to."

"You could've at least _helped_ a bit."

"_Helped?_ I hooked up the rig and helped you both load." Nathan's voice raised an octave in mock defence. But for some reason I think Marni wanted to argue the point further. Nathan saw it as a joke, but Marni lately had wanted to argue for the sake of arguing.

"I appreciate what you did, Nathan, leave me out of this one," I said quickly with a laugh, but something told me this was about to escalate into something more than just playful. Marni was throwing hand grenades while Nathan was desperately trying to defend himself.

That night we finally pulled up to the event show grounds. We got the horses unloaded, and while I was watching Shilo, I could hear Marni and Nathan rowing from outside of Uther's stall. They weren't fighting too badly, but it was definitely an argument. From what I could hear Marni was getting on Nathan's case about something, with him just trying to defend himself. After getting Rigoletto fed and bedded down for the night, I headed up to my hotel room, and within minutes of sitting down on the bed, I heard my iPhone going off. Grabbing it off the bedside table, Marni's number immediately glared back at me. I pressed accept, propping between my shoulder and cheek. "Hey, what's up?"

"Nathan and I had an argument, so I'm going to head over to that little bar down the street. You want to join?" She said. I made a face. A night of drinking right before the Dressage event the next day, when I knew we were going to have to get up at the crack of dawn, didn't sound appealing in the least.

"I'll pass, love, but thanks," I responded, shifting so I could sit up comfortably. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just pissed," Marni responded. "Nathan can just be difficult sometimes."

I frowned. Now wait a minute… Nathan didn'tdo anything. I wanted to ask her if she really was pissed at him or if maybe this was just another confrontation that Marni was looking for. Sometimes that girl's moods switched like ying and yang. But the second she said it, I knew Nathan must have been in a mood as well. He hated fighting with Marni. Nathan always gave his all to her, and their arguments affected him more than Marni thought. Or really it was more than Nathan let her think.

"Party pooper," Marni said teasingly, though she sounded slightly disappointed. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Alright, 'night," As soon as I hung up the phone, I quickly scrolled through my contacts for Nathan's number and pressed send.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," I could immediately tell he was not happy.

"Hey,"

"You okay?" I sat back against the bed board, pulling my knees up to my chest. I could hear Nathan sigh heavily on the other end. "I'll take that as a no."

"I could be better, I'll put it that way."

"Yeah, Marni told me." I told him sympathetically. "Why don't you come up, we'll have a chat. I know how Marni can be."

Nathan soon showed up at my door, with little Shilo in hand. Closing the door behind him, I reached forward and gently rubbed his back as he moved past me. "How're you doing?"

"Bottom line, I feel like crap," Nathan muttered, sitting down in one of the chairs after he gently set Shilo down, taking off his glasses and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, rubbing his eyes as the glasses dangled from his hand. I knelt down to pick Shilo up out of the carrier, gently bouncing her as I sat back down in one of the chairs near Nathan with a sympathetic glance shot in his direction

"I know, I saw her start up. I'm sorry." I tried to search his face but his eyes were closed as though pained or stressed. My heart clenched. I absolutely hated seeing him like this.

"What I don't understand is _why_ she does it." Nathan said, lifting his head, though his shoulders remained hunched.

"It could be that maybe she's defensive about something," I said with a shrug, "Do you think it has anything to do with… you know…?"

The "You-Know" happens to be referring to a time when Nathan had found out Marni had been cheating. That had been the one time there ever _might_ have been a possibility of something happening between me and Nathan, but once Marni had found out she was pregnant, both Nathan and I knew that nothing between us could happen. He remained a close friend of mine, as did Marni, especially since she had no idea that I once slept with her husband.

"It could be," Nathan said with a heavy exhale. "It sounds a lot like Marni."

I studied him for a moment, watching as he lowered his head, running a hand through his light brown hair. Setting Shilo down on the ground for a moment, with a careful glance as to where she might wander to, I moved nearer to Nathan and lay a hand on his upper back, gently running my hand up and down his back and over the backs of his shoulders..

"You don't deserve that, Nate," I was still trying to find his eyes. I could feel the subtle muscle tone in his back, which made my affection for him hit me with a pang. I don't think I ever wanted anything more than to be with Nathan. As much as I loved Marni dearly, I knew she didn't treat him well. Poor Nathan, he was a good person, but very inwardly insecure. He was a loving man, fiercely protective of his family, and a doting father. Why did Marni seem to think she could take advantage of him?

Nathan nodded slowly, laying a hand on my knee. Immediate pleasant chills shot from the area where his hand resided.

"I didn't think I did, but I love her," He said softly. "I shouldn't put up with it, but I do. She's my world, she's everything to me, her and Shilo. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her."

_YOU HAVE ME! _My subconscious was practically screaming. I knew it would never happen, though. I knew Nathan well enough to know that while he had a kid, he would never leave Marni.

It was day one of the three day event finals. I pulled a rather sleepy-looking Rigoletto out of his stall, picking shavings out of his forelock and off his barely growing whiskers. Clipping the tether dangling from the portable stall door to Rigoletto's black leather halter, I opened my tack trunk and dug the grooming kit out to set to work. Rags' braids, thankfully, were still intact.

"You ready?" I could hear Marni's voice from the next stall over, with a Starbucks cup in one hand. Nathan was nearby with a very bundled up Shilo in one arm and a drink holder in the other with two other Starbucks cups.

"I am. I'm surprised you are," I teased her playfully. Marni could have been hung-over or even still drunk and she could have still passed it off as though everything was fine. She turned her head with a look in my direction that playfully wondered why I don't give her enough credit.

"Please. One night out isn't going to stop me." She said, unlatching Uther's stall door. I had to hand it to her. The girl had incredible stamina, especially for a new mum. As Marni went in to get Uther, Nathan moved toward me, ducking out of the way of Rags' curious nose with a laugh as my gelding seemed convinced that one of those cups was for him.

"Get out of here," Nathan growled playfully, gently pushing Rags' nose out of the way before setting a coffee cup down on my tack trunk.

"You're a lifesaver," I told him gratefully, picking the cup up.

"Believe me, you've returned the favour many times," Nathan said with a grin, and from the look in his eyes I knew immediately that he was talking about me inviting him up to my room to vent last night, and all the other times I had given him someone to talk to. He had done the same for me.

"Nathan? Honey?" We both turned as Marni lay the dressage saddle over Uther's back. "You'll be able to watch Shilo, right? I just need to get on Uther to warm him up a bit."

"Here—Marni, why don't I get on him for a bit, it's cold out, I just want to make sure he's not stiff or hasn't pulled anything." Nathan offered. By the look on Marni's face she was clearly more grateful for that. Nathan was a veterinary surgeon. He didn't ride often but he knew how to and could ride well. Marni was quick to agree, and before long, I was watching Nathan stick his foot in the stirrup of the saddle with a dressage whip in hand. He leaned down to adjust one of the stirrups effortlessly even as Uther turned, which made me realize that Nathan had told him to walk on, and was guiding him toward the arena as he straightened once more.

The connection between the two was incredible. Uther's neck rounded as Nathan got him in the bridle, asking for softness on the bit which Uther obliged. The pair performed figure eights, an extended trot, side passes, and leg yields. It never failed to amaze me just how quickly Nathan could reconnect with the stallion.

"Isn't it great?" Marni looked over at me with Shilo in her arms. There was a smile on her face and I nodded and grinned in return, but looking back at Nathan on Uther, as Nathan collected the stallion, I could see something in Nathan's expression. His eyebrows furrowed in an expression I couldn't entirely read, but something about it doesn't read 'Good sign'. Nathan asked Uther to walk, and loosening the reins, he guided the stallion out of the arena, snatching up the reins as a girl on a little Morgan mare passed him. Uther had started to falter, turning his head and rounding his neck to the curious mare who was dwarfed by Uther's massive size, but his attention was quickly brought back as Nathan gave him a single smack on the flank with the dressage whip almost effortlessly, moving him away from the gate.

"Watch out, honey, he's a stallion, don't get too close," I could hear him telling the girl who nodded quickly and moved her little mare away. But seeing Nathan shaking his head as he loosened Uther's reins again, walking back to the barn, I could tell something was up and it wasn't just the girl whose mare was at risk of a fornication attempt by Uther.

"Marni," Nathan tightened the reins and dismounted, pulling the reins back over Uther's head and began gently rubbing the stallion's poll. "Honey, he feels a bit off to me."

"Oh. He's fine, Nate, it's probably just the cold," Marni set Shilo down in the carrier on her tack trunk. She had changed into her dressage ensemble, which I was nearly close to getting into. But Marni's test was before mine. Nathan looked hesitant.

"Just be careful, Mar," Nathan said, with a hand lightly on Uther's withers. "You have two other events, the last thing you want is him pulling or bowing something."

"Nathan, it's fine," Marni's tone was almost short, "I know, I've done this before, remember? I wouldn't be here with Mag if I hadn't. I know how to keep him from wearing out."

"Alright," Nathan responded with a sigh. I looked up from placing the saddle pad over Rags' back and saw the almost exasperated look on Nathan's face, but it was obvious he wasn't going to fight her. As Marni mentally ran the test through in her mind, motioning each with a finger tracing the air as though she was running the test over on a piece of paper n front of her, Nathan scooped Shilo up. I quickly changed and got Rags tacked and ready before mounting and following Nathan over to the dressage arena.

"Number one-seventy-two, Marni Wallace riding Uther Pendragon." The announcer blared. Nathan stood by the fence where I stood beside him aboard Rags, who stayed put rather patiently, every so often dropping his head with a snort which I could feel through his entire body.

"Do you think Uther's alright to be ridden?" I looked in Nathan's direction. He didn't look at me, his eyes trained on Marni as she performed the test, but his expression was grim.

"He'll be alright in this if she's careful, but something off." He said quietly. "She'd better hope he doesn't come up lame tomorrow."

About three minutes later, Marni finished the test with the soft clapping of dressage etiquette. Before long, I knew I was going up after her.

"Next up we have one-seventy-three, Magdalene DeFoe on _Caro Nome._" Nathan looked my way with a gentle pat to my boot.

"Go get 'em," He said with a grin that immediately brought one to my face. Passing Marni going into the arena, she raised her hand and slapped me a high five, mouthing good luck as I entered the ring.

_Centre. Salute. Extended trot to K,_ Even though I knew the test like the back of my hand, it was suddenly cloudy in my mind the second Rigoletto and I entered the ring. _Damnit to hell_

Rags' ears tipped back towards me. _What's next?_ He was waiting on my command. He was counting on me as the pilot to get us through the dressage test. Keeping my hands still near his neck, I asked for a walk straight toward the centre of the arena and salute. Not uttering a sound, for any spoken commands docked points from a test, I dug my heels into Rags' sides until he gradually picked up pace to an extended trot. Using leg and rein we both turned the circle, breaking into a canter across the arena to F. Once we reach the mark I sat back, gently slowing him until we came to a trot and I dug my heel into his left side, asking him to move away from it in a side pass. It was a clean break. Two steps to the right, halt. Canter from a halt, counter canter, then back up the middle.

Realizing I was holding my breath the entire time, I released it after the salute, loosening the reins and briskly pat Rags' neck as applause softly travelled throughout the crowd as we exited the ring.

"You were awesome!" Marni squealed, beaming at me but knowing to keep her distance with Uther. Nathan came up with Shilo in arm and I leaned down to hug him, feeling his own arm around me in a tight, congratulatory embrace.

"That was beautiful. Beautiful." Nathan told me, his voice extremely close to my ear, and as the embrace broke, I was able to see the genuine smile on his face. "You two were fantastic."

"Only the scoreboards will have the final say." I responded with a shrug, but I was ecstatic and the smile on my face was a dead giveaway. Nathan grinned and patted my knee.

"You guys! They're reading the result!" Marni said excitedly.

"In fifth place is Kerri Roth riding Santorini." The PA announced. "Coming in fourth is Jessica Banks riding Galloway. Third is Tara Redding on Das Boot… "

"This is it, it has to be either one of you," Nathan muttered, standing near the both of us. My heart stopped for a moment and the next call seemed to take ages.

"Second place goes to Marni Wallace on Uther Pendragon." The PA announced. Marni smacked her thigh.

"Damnit!" She growled, but she was laughing nonetheless. "You had to have gotten it, Mag, there's no way you didn't."

"And first place and congratulations go to Magdalene DeFoe on _Caro Nome_." My breath caught in my throat and Marni screamed.

"Oh my God, Maggie I'm so proud of you!" Marni squealed. My smile couldn't have been wider, even as we accepted the ribbons for it and head back to the barn to get the horses cooled down and put away. We headed up to the hotel rooms where there was a jointed patio. Marni, Nathan, Shilo and I all sat up there, with Shilo playing with toys on the ground and a bottle of wine opened between the three of us.

"I'd say congratulations are in order for the two of you," Nathan said as we clinked wine glasses together. "You both were fantastic. The horses as well."

"We've all worked our way up here," Marni said, scooping Shilo up and set her in her lap. I took a sip from my own glass, letting the sharp, tangy flavour fill my senses, nodding in agreement.

"Indeed. Through blood sweat and tears." I remarked, setting my wine glass on the table.

"Not to mention dirt." Marni added. Nathan barked a laugh.

"No exaggeration there," He shook his head. "I've seen you both come off more than once."

"Just wait, Nathan, your daughter is going to be just as into it before long." I teased him gently. Nathan's eyes widen in a look of mock terror that lined his features.

"God, I hope not." He sighed. "I don't know if I want Shilo showing. I'm still trying to get my mind wrapped around what's to come when she starts dating."

"Whoa there, cowboy," Marni laughed, turning to stare, amused, at her husband. "She just turned a year old, Nate. That doesn't come for quite some time.

"You're a great dad, though," Marni said with a smile, leaning toward Nathan to kiss him. As their lips met my stomach tightened, wishing so badly that that was me rather than her, as much as I hated to be jealous of my best friend.

"I'm going to go turn Rig out for a little bit," I said casually, standing. Marni didn't turn but Nathan's eyes shot toward me, breaking the kiss for a moment.

"Alright, call if you need anything," He said, but I could see his eyes studying me, knowing something's wrong. There really wasn't. At least not in my mind. I just hated seeing that happiness that I wished so desperately that I could have. I nodded quickly.

"I'll do that," Pushing my chair back in, I left my nearly empty wine glass on the table, zipping up my hooded sweatshirt with the scarf wrapped around my neck, heading into my room and down the hall to the elevator. I eventually came to the barn and wandered up the aisle, casting eyes into stalls with sleek, muscular Warmbloods that were probably worth thousands of dollars. Pausing at Rigoletto's stall, I greeted my gelding with a hand run down his face before looking over at Uther's stall. My mind went immediately to what Nathan had said. Maybe he was right. I couldn't help but be curious and moved to Uther's stall door, carefully letting myself in and was met with a pair of dark, inquisitive eyes standing out from a jet black head, a small bit of white travelling in a crooked pattern down his face.

"Hello, handsome," I murmured, rubbing Uther's neck as I bent down to run a hand down his foreleg. Uther was naturally curious, and before long I felt a pair of lips wriggling over an area of exposed skin on my back.

"Don't bite me, Uther," I growled in warning. Everything seemed fine, yet there was heat by the side of his cannon bone which concerned me in the slightest. I straightened, gently scratching the stallion's neck, who leaned heavily against my hand, upper lip rigid and eyelids partially closed in complete bliss. Yet the last thing I wanted to do was stimulate him. Scratching seems to always stimulate a stallion, which gets them studdish and rambunctious and that's the last thing I needed to deal with when Uther was over seventeen hands tall.

Leaving the stall, I had to push Uther back to keep him from following me directly out the door. Latching the stall door, I moved back over to Rags' stall, grabbing the halter off the hook and open the door.

"Thought I would have missed you by now." A sudden voice behind me caused my heart to about fly out of my throat. I jumped, whirling around when I heard a snort and rustling of sawdust flying in every direction.

"Jesus Christ, Nathan… " I muttered, glancing over at a rather sheepish looking Nathan. I then looked back to find that my horse had fled to the far corner of the stall. The whites of his eyes showed as he fixed the both of them on the two of us, nostrils flared as he continued huffing, clearly just as startled as I was.

"Didn't mean to scare you both," Nathan said as I finally calm Rigoletto down and slip the halter over his nose and buckle it on his head. "Though a two in one isn't all that bad."

"You're hilarious," I fired back; though look at him with a smile on my face that I knew he recognized as me kidding. With a grin, he was standing by the stall door as I lead Rags, who cast a suspicious look in Nathan's direction, out of the stall. "So did you just decide to follow me down here?"

"I know you, Mag." Nathan said, and that actually freaked me out a bit more than it should. "Something was wrong, and I have a feeling I know what it is."

"You probably do," I couldn't look at him at that point, and was doing everything I possibly could not to as I lead Rags to the turnout ring and unlatched the gate. Nathan kept a hold on it behind me and Rag once I lead him into the ring and let him loose. Rags exploded into a complete airborne head-between-knees bucking fit as he tore across the middle of the arena. Nathan moved to stand near me on the other side of the fence. Oddly enough, there was something comforting about his presence, familiar. I'd known the man for years, he was one of my best friends. But regardless, I couldn't look at him.

"You know you can talk to me."

"About the topic at hand? No, I can't." I answered, glancing at him over my shoulder. "It's not my place, Nathan. I have no business saying anything about it."

"That's what this is about," I heard Nathan murmur behind me and I froze. But it's not in exasperation, but understanding, sadness. I kept my eyes glued to Rags, who came to a complete halt, his ears turning like dials with that elegant Andalusian-like head lifted. Before long his knees tucked underneath him and he hit the ground on his belly with a thud, and within seconds he was on his back, writhing in complete bliss, his hooves flinging sand in every direction. That lasted for not even two-point-five seconds before he clambered to his feet, sending a brisk shake shuddering through his body before picking up an elegant trot in almost a zigzag pattern down the centre. He was just enjoying being out.

"Like I said, I'm happy for you two, I have no business having any kind of opinion about it." I murmured with a brief glance over my shoulder at him, but I knew he can read me like a book. At that point I was standing next to the man I had such strong feelings for with a heavy heart. My eyes lowered, lifting slowly as Rags made his way back over, gently nosing his muzzle into my hands while breathing in the scent. The warmth of his breath was hot against my hands, but the love I had for that gelding was unconditional. As mad as he drove me sometimes, he and I were both a team. I could immediately tell I was doing everything I could to keep my mind off of myself and Nathan.

"Yes, you do," Nathan's voice was gentle, leaning toward me from where he could reach over the fence, and I felt his hand on my upper back. "Mag… I feel horrible for the position I put you in during that time. I absolutely do. But it doesn't mean my feelings for you aren't still strong."

"Nathan, you have a baby," I responded softly, my own tone gentle. Nathan couldn't possibly be being rational about this. "I wouldn't ever ask you to leave your family, especially not when your wife is my best friend. I wouldn't allow it."

"I know you wouldn't," Nathan said softly, "And that's why feel horrible for putting you in the situation I did. I know you care about me, just as I do you. But because of the situation at hand, nothing could happen, and I know you wouldn't let anything happen."

He almost sounded disappointed, which killed me. As Rags stood near, I start smoothing his forelock, feeling my throat constrict. The fact that he was saddened about it brought up the unsettling emotion that he felt the exact same, and to know we shared that made it all the more difficult to carry on like we were doing. Opening the gate, I slid back out, trying to avoid eye contact with Nathan so he couldn't see that I was literally fighting back tears.

"Hey," I heard him say gently, almost surprised but sympathetic. Damnit. He caught on. As I finally got the gate latched, I could feel the sting of tears welling in my eyes, but suddenly Nathan's arms were around me and pulling me to him gently. At that point I gave in, slowly wrapping my arms around him and let him hold me. At that moment it was more of a comfort than he could have possibly imagined.

"I know this is hard, I really do," His voice was low, soft in my ear. "It's hard for the both of us."

"I love Marni to death," I murmured against his chest. I could feel tears welling in my eyes. "But I wish things could be different. I really do, and I'm sorry for that, Nathan,"

"Maggie, you don't need to be sorry," He said. I could feel his hand gently stroking the back of my head. It almost scared me how right it felt, when I knew it just couldn't happen. That is what hurt the most. I stayed in Nathan's arms for a few more moments, cherishing the feeling, cherishing the fact that I had this man so close. But what was even more painful was having him so close yet so far away.

The next day, both Marni and I stood by the barn, both Uther and Rags were standing tied outside their stalls, almost fully tacked. I leaned over Marni's shoulder to look at the mapped out cross-country course when Nathan arrived with Shilo. He and I exchanged glances but that was about it. I figured we' were on the same page; it was easier if the both of us just had as little contact as possible as long as Marni was around… and in general.

"It rained last night, so some of the more solid fences I'd watch it on," Nathan advised the both of us, moving to Uther's shoulder and ran a hand down his foreleg, picking up the hoof to inspect it. Marni's head turned and she looked over my shoulder, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Nathan, he's fine. He came out of it sound yesterday," She said, her tone a bit clipped. I immediately looked in Nathan's direction, inwardly cringing in preparation. Poor Nathan.

"I'm just checking, honey." Nathan let out a sigh following the sentence, looking up but not at Marni, still bent over, almost in mild exasperation. Marni shook her head.

"Alright, fine," She gave a shrug, clearly deciding not to deal with it. I stood and headed over to Rags to get his splint boots on, looking up to see Marni finishing tacking up Uther and mounting. As her number was called, she headed over to the starting box. I caught Nathan looking in my direction and he and I exchanged glances. He shook his head, his eyes averting to where Marni had just left to.

"She's just uptight, don't let her get to you, Nate," I offered, searching his face, but Nathan exhaled heavily.

"I'm trying. I really am trying," He said, his voice quiet and lower than it had been. I wondered for a moment if he was only talking about not letting Marni get to him, or if it was the fact that he really was trying to be a good husband; which he was, but I knew Marni didn't quite appreciate that as much as she should have. I turned back to Rags and knelt down, only to find heat radiating off the back of his cannon bone.

"_Damnit_." I kept feeling around the area, and then checked the other one for comparison. Yes. It was hot when it shouldn't have been. "Damnit, _really?_."

"What's wrong?" I felt Nathan come up behind me, running a hand down Rags' neck before kneeling down behind me.

"Do you feel heat there?" I asked, guiding his hand to the area of Rags' cannon bone, freezing for a moment as I realized that the movement had been completely impulsive, and now my hand was over Nathan's. I glanced over my shoulder as though to see his reaction, in fear that he would see it too, but if Nathan gave off any kind of expression about it, it had gone before I could see it. So I proceeded to pretend like nothing happened.

Nathan's eyes lowered for a moment as though focusing his attention on my horse, keeping his hand on Rags' leg. My hand didn't leave Nathan's hand either, as though my mind froze for a moment and I didn't have the mental or physical capacity to move it. So what did I do? Left it there and pretend like it was supposed to be, while inwardly kicking myself.

"There's definitely heat," Nathan said, and at that point I removed my hand from his. "Can you walk him so I can take a look at his gait?"

"Sure," I untied Rags' lead rope and turned him away from the barn once Nathan stood, and right off the bat as I walked him I could feel him favouring one of the legs. Perfect.

"You felt that, huh?" Nathan said grimly. With a sigh, I nodded, rubbing Rags' forehead just as I brought him to a halt.

"No cross country for you today, buddy," I said to Rags, but I was disappointed. We did incredible on the first day and now I wasn't even sure if we would be able to compete in the show jumping part on the third day. For the time being, my concern was getting my horse healed up. As I lead him back to the stall, Nathan came up behind me and I could feel his hand on my shoulder and the gentle squeeze it gave.

"I'm sorry, Maggie," He said softly, his tone genuinely sympathetic as I unbuckled Rags' girth. I offer a half smile.

"Thanks," I responded, giving a shrug of my shoulders as I patted Rags' neck. "Well, we can't compete in them all, can we?"

Nathan smiled. "Get him put up then we'll go watch Marni's ride."

Once I had Rags untacked, blanketed and his leg was wrapped with a medical cooling wrap, I headed down with Nathan, stopping at the show office to scratch myself and my horse from cross country.

While in the show office waiting for one of the officials to get the list taken care of so Rags and I were out of cross country, I could hear a radio going off at someone's desk.

"We've got a horse down at fence five. I repeat, horse and rider down at fence five. Seventeen hand black and white pinto stallion with a woman in her late twenties."

Immediate panic filled me, for the description sounded almost exactly like Marni and Uther. "Nathan—" I was trying to keep my voice calm, though immediately I became uneasy. Nathan had heard it and rushed over as one of the judges came back over to the desk.

"Can you find out which rider that was?" Nathan said, hovering at the desk, almost pacing. The judge shot Nathan a questioning look but paged the course official.

"Copy that, Tom? Which number?" The judge asked.

"One-seventy-two, Marni Wallace."

"Oh, my God, I know her! She's with us." My breath caught in my throat.

"Which jump is she at?" Nathan demanded.

"Sir, only event officials are allowed on the—"

"I don't give a damn who's allowed on the course. That's my wife." Nathan snapped. "_Which jump is she at?_"

"The canoe."

Both Nathan and I tore out of the office. My heart hammered in my chest as we practically sprinted toward the course. But once we reached the fence, I gasped and Nathan let out a strangled yelp. There was a number of people surrounding what looked like a horse lying on the ground on top of a portion of a rider. Nathan ducked under the fence with me close behind him, immediately rushing to the people surrounding the body where the ambulance resided as well.

"Oh Jesus… my God, Marni… " Nathan's voice was almost broken in panic. An EMT had to catch him and hold him back.

"Sir, we're doing what we can."

"That's my wife!" Nathan protested. My arm went around his waist, the other on his chest both to try to reassure him and to hold him back; otherwise I was sure he'd beat the poor kid's face in.

"Nathan, please," I practically begged him. "Let them do their job, it's the best thing we can do."

Nathan's jaw clenched, and I could feel his heart pounding as well as his heavy breathing, but he stayed near me. With a hold still on Nathan, I turned to one of the EMTs. "What happened? We know her, that's my friend and his wife."

"The ground had too much give. Horse tried to take the jump anyway, I think both radius bones have snapped and he crashed down on top of her."

"Oh my God… " Nathan choked. I ran my hand over his chest and side to try to soothe him, even though I was just as frantic as he was. It wasn't good. If Uther broke both radius bones, nothing was keeping his weight from completely coming down on top of Marni. Her whole lower half was under Uther… it would have been a miracle if we could have even saved Uther. Marni might have been in even worse shape, and that was enough to make it feel like a knife is turning in my chest. How was it that just yesterday everything was fine? Now this nightmare took place. We couldn't lose her… Nathan and Shilo couldn't lose her. _I_ couldn't lose her.


	2. My Burdens I Can't Erase

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE~** Hi guys, wanted to add the second chapter. Please, please PLEASE tell me what you think. I have quite a few more chapters coming, but I want to know if it's worth posting. Please, review (be nice about it), all constructive criticism is welcomed! I'd love to get at least two reviews before I post the next chapter. It would be greatly appreciated!_

We followed Marni's ambulance to the hospital. Nathan looked like he was going to come unglued the whole ride over. As we were sitting in the waiting room for any kind of news, I had Shilo cradled in my arms, who had just gotten through crying for the past hour. She could feel the tension in everyone else, I was sure of it. She buried her little head against my shoulder, and holding her, I turned and gently rubbed Nathan's hunched back. He was sitting beside me with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, running his hand through his hair, his glasses dangling from one of his hands. This was hard for him. It was hard for the both of us. We had absolutely no idea if Marni was going to make it through this.

Nathan's cell phone suddenly went off and he jumped, scaring Shilo, who started wailing once more. Nathan, clearly overwhelmed, exhaled sharply before flipping the phone open. "Wallace."

Shushing gently to Shilo and gently bouncing her to soothe her, I looked in Nathan's direction, keeping a hand on him, some kind of touch that might offer a bit of comfort or reassurance. Nathan pushed the glasses back on his face, his green eyes staring forward.

"So both are broken?" He said. "That as well? Jesus Christ… "

The glasses came off again as he rubbed his eyes, squeezing them shut as he did so before opening them. Now I was dying to know what was going on. A part of me believed they were talking about Uther. They had to be. Nathan worked at an emergency veterinary hospital for large animals. Judging by the conversation, it was bad enough that Uther snapped both radius bones, but there was no way that was the only thing he broke.

"What are the odds of him coming out of this?" Nathan said. I set Shilo down by a play set in the waiting room of coloured blocks and other toys so I could turn my attention to Nathan, laying a hand on his knee with a gentle squeeze. "No. Absolutely not. Do not put the horse down."

_Put him down_. The sentence just didn't seem realistic when I had just seen Uther alive and well last night. It didn't seem to fit the big, young pinto stallion.

"I don't care." Nathan's voice rose. "Do whatever you can to keep him alive. Marni… " His voice hitched and I saw his bottom lip quiver for a moment before he exhaled abruptly, clearly trying to hold himself together. "Marni will be devastated if we lose him."

Seeing; _hearing_ him say that was enough to bring tears to my eyes. Nathan was trying so hard to convince himself Marni was going to be fine, when I knew that we both knew that the chances of everything going alright were slim. We didn't even know if Marni was going to be alright. We didn't know if she was going to make it, but it was almost as though Nathan was trying to push that as far back and pretend like it wouldn't happen when I knew it was surfacing in his subconscious just how likely the odds were that we might very well lose her. That alone and the fear of it was slowly breaking him down.

Nathan lowered his eyes, nodding almost too quickly while biting his lip. "Right. Keep… keep me posted. Please,"

When he hung up, I could hear the heavy, sharp exhale again as he lowered his head, and I moved closer to him.

"Nathan… come here…" I murmured gently, wrapping my arms around him as I gently pulled him into my arms. Nathan sank against me, his head against my shoulder as his body started shaking. I could hear the hitches in his breathing and knew he had fallen apart. He needed to, and I knew doing so alone wouldn't have been of any help. Tears streamed down my own face as well as I held him, hearing the suppressed, quiet sobs that periodically shook through him. "I know, Nate… I know it's hard…"

"I can't lose her…" Nathan stammered against my shoulder. I suddenly realized his arms were around me and literally clinging to me. Swallowing, I stroked his hair, hugging him tightly. "I can't raise Shilo by myself… I just can't do it without her…"

"All we can do is hope for the best, Nathan," I told him, my forehead against the side of his own, gently running my hand up and down his back. "There's nothing else we can do, we just have to wait and see.

"We got into a fight last night… " Nathan murmured, and a choked, suppressed sob shook through him. "God, I feel horrible… what if that's what was distracting her? I knew something was wrong, I should have stood my ground and not let her ride. Something was off in the horse's leg, I knew it, and I didn't stop her… if she dies it's my fault.."

"Nathan, listen to me," I gently pulled away just enough to find Nathan's eyes, cupping his face in both hands. My voice was wavering, I looked into his green eyes and saw tears streaking his face, I knew there were tears running down mine as well, but there was no way I could let him keep thinking he was to blame. "This is not your fault. In any way, shape or form. Falls happen, you know how Marni is, she would have pushed on regardless. In no way are you to blame for this, Nate. None."

Nathan lowered his eyes, I saw tears spill down his face and pulled him back into my arms, feeling his move around me in return. All I could do was hold him and stay with him, for his sake and the sake of my being nauseatingly worried for my best friend. Slowly, Nathan seemed to pull himself together and gently pulled away, wiping his eyes and face in general with his hand, clearing his throat. I had only seen Nathan cry one other time and that was only getting emotional over the fact that Marni had slept with someone else. It was the only other time. I had never seen him break down like that, and knowing Nathan, he hated doing so. Through his eyes I could easily tell that he probably felt ashamed, weak, embarrassed; the list goes on. But it was only natural for someone to feel overwhelmed at the fact that he might lose his wife. As he straightened, I remained beside him, still gently running my hand up and down his back in a notion that could assure him it was alright. Glancing my way, Nathan laid his hand on my knee with a gentle squeeze. The swinging doors opened as a surgeon in scrubs appeared and made his way over to us.

"Nathan Wallace?" He said. Nathan looked up and slowly stood. I stood as well. There was something in the surgeon's face that I just didn't like in the least. Tiny rat teeth of anxiety gnawed at the pit of my stomach, feeling as though no matter what the doctor said it wouldn't be good.

"Can I ask what the relation is to the patient?" The surgeon asked. You've got to be kidding me. They shared the same last name, what could he possibly have thought?

"She's my wife," Nathan responded, eyebrows furrowing as though wondering the same thing. The surgeon lowered his eyes to the chart for a moment and nodded.

"I see. Why don't you take a seat for a moment," He said. Staring at him, Nathan slowly sat back down where he had originally been, and I sat down beside him.

"Is she alive?" Nathan said suddenly. The doctor looks up.

"Nathan… " I tried to settle him, laying a hand on his arm, but he ignored it.

"Please," He said, his voice cracking. "That's all I need to know at the moment, is she alive?"

The doctor exhaled and I suddenly felt sick. "Dr. Wallace, Marni sustained an extensive amount of injuries when the horse fell on her. That's a thousand-plus pounds landing on a hundred-twenty-five pound human body."

"I realise that," Nathan responded, but his face had paled.

"She crushed her pelvis, both legs were shattered and quite a bit of internal damage was inflicted as well," The doctor said grimly. "The helmet she had on didn't quite do as much good as we would have hoped. There was cranial swelling and we had to release that as well. But during surgery, both lungs had already collapsed and her head injury was just too critical."

"No… " Nathan's voice was almost inaudible. My arm tightened around him almost immediately.

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could… " The doctor's voice trailed off.

"No, no no no _no_." Nathan's voice was almost a furious snarl, but there was so much grief in there as well. He was immediately on his feet and before I could even process where he had moved to, I heard the underside of his fist slam against the wall, which caused both me and Shilo to jump. Shilo dissolved into tears. But I couldn't do anything to comfort her at that point. The news didn't quite sink in for me. It just didn't seem real.

Marni.

Marni who I had just been talking to earlier. Was she really dead? My best friend? How did this happen? How could things suddenly become so much worse so quickly? I was too stunned to cry. My chest ached with my heart pounding against it, and the doctor's words seemed like they're far away. But almost immediately I got up to move toward Nathan, looking over to see both his fists on the wall, which lead me to believe that the bang hadn't only been one fist but the both of them, and suddenly flattening his hands against the wall, Nathan let his forehead bang against it once, leaving it there, his whole face furrowed in more pain than I could even imagine. I went to his side instantly, wrapping my arms around his waist to hold him the best I could in the position he and I were both in.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," The doctor said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice. I knew he did the best he could.

"Can we see her? I mean, the body?" I murmured, not trusting my voice. Associating the words _Marni_ and _body_ together made me sick. This couldn't be happening. It just _couldn't_ be happening.

"Of course," The doctor told us. "I can have a nurse watch your child as well so you can say your goodbyes."

"Thank you," I answered. I could feel Nathan shaking; not through tears but literally trembling. I gently tightened my hold on him, knowing both of us were experiencing the same grief. As the doctor guided us in back to the morgue, a nurse was holding and playing with Shilo while both Nathan and I slowly moved into the room where Marni, our beloved, gorgeous Marni, lay on the medical steel table, everything from her collarbone down covered by a white sheet. She had gone pale, her lips slowly turning an ashen colour, her beautiful brown eyes closed, never to be seen again by anyone. Shilo would never again see her mother's eyes. She would never see her mother. She would grow up with only Nathan raising her… God, poor Nathan. With tears blinding my own vision, when I looked over at Nathan his shoulders were hunched, tears coursing down his face.

"Oh, Marni… " Nathan's voice was nothing more but a choked whisper, gently stroking her dark hair. He gently lifted her hand and presses it to his lips to kiss it, closing his eyes tightly. "I'm so sorry… "

"Nathan… " I murmured, almost strangled by my throat's constriction. I was well in tears, laying a hand on Nathan's lower back. I could hear the choked intake of breath from him followed by the sob that tore through him. Closing my eyes, I laid my other hand on Marni's leg, inwardly saying my own goodbyes as I tried to suppress a sob that threatened to escape. As Nathan left Marni's side, he turned with his back to Marni, and the second I wrapped my arms around him in an embrace, he broke down in tears, holding me just as tightly as I held him.

"I'm so sorry, Nathan," When I didn't recognize my own voice, I realized immediately that I was crying. Nathan pulled me to him and held me, the side of his face against the side of mine, though with his height in comparison to my own, his was higher up.

"I know, Maggie… I know… " He murmured, stroking my hair and at that I started to sob. I just couldn't believe she was gone. There was an almost devastating sense that it could have been prevented had we just been there. It was something that brought up such a desperation of wanting to save her, like a dream where a loved one dies and there's that moment of wondering if it's real then waking up to such a huge relief that they're alright. I wanted so badly to wake up. I wanted to turn the corner and see her walking down the hallway to join us, to realize that it was all a big mistake. But it wasn't. Nathan was a widower and now Shilo was without a mother.

_A hand above the water_

_An angel reaching for the sky_

_Is it raining in heaven?_

_Do you want us to cry?_

_Now everywhere, the broken hearted_

_On every lonely avenue_

_No-one could reach them_

_No-one but you_

_One by one, only the good die young_

_They're only flying too close to the sun_

_And life goes on, without you_

_Another tricky situation_

_I get to drowning in the blue_

_And I find myself thinking_

"_Well… what would you do?"_

_Yes, it was such an operation_

_Forever paying every due_

_Hell, you made a sensation_

_You found your way through_

_One by one, only the good die young_

_They're only flying too close to the sun_

_And we remember, forever_

_And now the party must be over_

_I guess we'll never understand_

_The sense of your leaving_

_Was it the way it was planned?_

_And so we grace another table_

_And raise our glasses one more time_

_There's a face at the window_

_And I ain't never, ever saying goodbye_

_One by one, only the good die young_

_They're only flying too close to the sun_

_Crying for nothing, crying for no-one,_

_No-one but you_

Two weeks had come and gone, and I hadn't heard a thing from Nathan. Uther was saved, ironically enough, but he couldn't ever be shown again, they'd be lucky if he was ride able. But I knew Nathan. That horse would stay at their home until the day he died. I would stop by to see to Rags, but Nathan was never out. And I didn't think I could brave stepping inside the house yet. Not without the familiarity of Marni being there. I couldn't imagine walking in that house, as familiar as home to me, without Marni. But I drove out as usual to turn Rags out and feed, and I was suddenly desperate to see Nathan. It was killing me to know how he was doing, how he was coping with the loss we both were suffering. I wanted to see how he was coping as a single father as well. I parked in front near the barn and got out of my car to head into the barn. Rags greeted me with a throaty whicker and while scratching his forehead in a hello, I clipped the lead rope to his halter and pulled him out, walking him to one of the paddocks where I let him loose for a bit before heading up to the house. Each step I took, my stomach knotted itself even tighter than before. But once I reached the door, I drew a breath and slowly open it.

"Hello? Nathan?" I kept my voice quiet, peering inside from one side to the next. I looked in the living room to see Shilo playing in a little portable playpen, and on the couch was Nathan curled up on his side on the couch, wearing his grey Cornell University sweatshirt that he'd had for God-knows how long. As I made my way around the couch was when I really could see just how exhausted and drained he looked. He was asleep, which was probably something he'd been lacking for awhile. I slowly sat down on an open space on the side of the couch at Nathan's side, laying a hand on his arm and watched his green eyes slowly open and his head turn in my direction. Surprise and recognition registered in his features for that moment. "Mag,"

"What're you doing down here, Nathan?" I asked gently, keeping my hand gently on his arm as I searched his face. "Have you gotten any sleep?"

Nathan exhaled slowly and turned over so he was not so much on his side but a bit on his back as well to look at me better, still with his elbow under his head.

"For the past month, or so? Not really, no," He said, his voice gravelly as though he'd been asleep or was just flat out exhausted. "I couldn't fall asleep without seeing an image of her under Uther… then I just hit the wall about a week ago, but I can't bring myself to sleep in our bedroom,"

His voice trailed off and I can see him swallow, shifting his eyes away from mine. I nodded slowly, gently running my hand up and down his upper arm.

"Not doing very well, hm?" I said softly. Nathan exhaled slowly, shaking his head.

"I guess not," He responded, closing his eyes. "I keep seeing her. Keep seeing what happened. I just… I keep feeling like I could have prevented it."

"Nobody could have prevented it, Nathan," I told him, wanting so badly to reassure him. "You didn't do anything wrong. You tried to tell her, you did everything you could do."

Nathan opened his eyes and swallowed once more. I could see what looked like the glint of tears welling in his eyes, but he was hell-bent on keeping them at bay. "If I did do everything I could, she wouldn't have ridden and still been here."

"Nobody knew this would happen," I responded softly, gently stroking my thumb along an area of his upper arm, trying to be of some consolation, but I knew he and I are both thinking over what could have happened, how it could have ended differently. Both our eyes turned to Shilo, who seemed to be chatting away in a language that was clearly only understandable to one-year-olds. I looked over and saw Nathan's eyes well again.

"Look at me," He murmured. "How am I going to be able to be the father she needs when I can't even function? I've tried so hard to get through each day just to be there for her, but it's harder than I ever could have imagined. I need her here. I need her with me to raise Shilo,"

His voice broke and I laid my hand gently on his chest. "I know, Nathan. I know it's hard, believe me, I do, but you have to. You'll find a way to carry on, I promise you will."

Nathan turned his gaze to Shilo, turning his head somewhat to look at her. "I never would have wanted to admit this before all of this happened, but I'm scared," He murmured, swallowing. "I'm scared of not being able to be the father I know I can be for Shilo, scared that I'll fail her. Scared of doing this without Marni,"

His voice hitched at merely saying Marni's name. My heart went out to him, his words moving me to the brink of tears. I could understand just how much pain he was in, just how much he missed her because I missed her just as much.

"Oh, Nathan," I murmured, laying both hands on both his arms before somewhat opening my own for him. He sat up and sank against me, head lowering to my shoulder and I heard a sharp, wavering exhale leave him. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him, finding myself relieved to actually be near him after all this time, and to see how he was doing and have him turn to me for comfort. I didn't say anything; all I did was hold him, promising through a reassuring embrace that he had someone with him, that he wouldn't go through this alone.

"Nathan, you won't be alone raising Shilo," I murmured to him, gently rubbing his back. "I'll help you in any way I can, that's a promise."

I could almost feel Nathan relax in my arms, which was a relief. I'd stay and hold him for as long as he needed it. I knew he really didn't have anyone else. A part of me wondered if he'd even spoken to his parents about what happened. I didn't really have to break the news to anybody, which made me rather grateful, for once, that most of my family died during the NOS outbreak. Having to tell anyone about it might have been more pain than I was ready to handle.

"Lie down, Nate," I encouraged gently, shifting so he could lie in my lap. If having someone there would help him get some sleep, I was more than willing to take that position. Slowly, Nathan lowered himself onto his side with his head resting on my thigh before rolling over onto his stomach, one hand on my knee. Leaning back against the back of their long corner couch, I laid a hand on Nathan's back while the other gently strokes his hair. A part of me felt extremely guilty for the fact that, yes, although I was doing so to comfort Nathan, but there my late best friend's widowed husband was curled in the fetal position in my lap and a part of me actually enjoyed it. I was enjoying feeling needed; especially by the man I had inwardly had _very _strong feelings for for ages now. Either I could be considered desperate or just a complete traitor toward my friend's marriage. I kept telling myself its nothing; that I was just comforting him, but my subconscious knew better.

Trying to push it from my mind, I sat back with a sigh, gently running my nails along Nathan's back in an effort to soothe him to some degree. We were both grieving. It seemed we only had each other during this time. Continuing to gently scratch his back, for a moment it seemed like I was actually with Nathan. That I was his, and he was mine. I was doing something a girlfriend or wife should be doing, and as unnerving as it was, it just seemed to fit. It was both a combination of greatly uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. It was almost unreal, but its relieving to me that I seemed to serve some sort of purpose. I just hoped I could give him the strength he needed, and somehow find my own as well.

Almost a week had passed since I first saw Nathan since Marni's death. I found myself going over there often to see to him and Shilo, while it also gave me a chance to tend to Rags. I hadn't done much with him since Marni's death, almost unnerved to get back on my own horse because of what happened to my best friend, even though I knew it was a freak accident. So in the meantime, Rags still got exercise through getting turned out on a regular basis. After I turned him loose, though, Uther entered my mind. Locking the paddock gate, I turned around and headed slowly into the barn, arms crossed over my chest. I hadn't seen Uther since the accident, and for some reason my heart was pounding in nervous anticipation. How was it going to be? What would it be like seeing Uther again after what happened? I slowed as I approached the stall containing the big grey stallion, and almost immediately I could feel tears spring into my eyes. Uther was still on the mend, that was apparent, but he didn't look like the same horse we once knew. Sliding open the door, I slowly stepped in, trying to swallow the lump that rose in my throat.

"Hey, big guy," I murmured. Uther turns his head, a weakened, throaty whicker leaving him in a futile attempt to greet me. Such a sweet horse; so willing and eager to please, even when he was still intact. He had only tried to do his job and it had gone horribly wrong, but that wasn't his fault. He limped around to face me, stretching his head out toward me as I gently ran the undersides of my knuckles down the sides of his face in a stroking motion, swallowing to keep the emotion that suddenly overwhelmed me at bay as his dark eyes closed into slits which displayed his obvious contentment. While doing this, my eyes trailed along Uther's frame. He still walked with a limp, his coat dull. He'd lost quite a bit of weight, and just didn't seem like the same horse he used to be. A part of me wondered if it's also because of Marni. That horse loved Marni dearly. I'm absolutely sure horses can grieve just like we do.

"Oh, Uther… " I murmured, and then drew a breath when I felt somebody come up behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was, but I was wishing he had come a little later. I was too close to tears to function. I knew Marni's death was slowly weighing down on me, the grief that I hadn't let go of slowly catching up.

"He's recovering the best we can get him to," Nathan said softly. My arms remained crossed over my chest, one of them with a closed fist pressed to my mouth as I nodded and tried desperately not to make it known now much this was getting to me. It just hurt, seeing Marni's horse and how destroyed he looked, as though he was mourning her just like the rest of us, and to know that she was not around anymore. I suddenly felt Nathan's hand on the small of my back. He didn't say anything, but stayed with me, slowly moving nearer to me with an arm around me. I exhaled slowly, which came out shaky and somewhat ragged, immediately feeling Nathan's arm tighten around me and the tears that spilled down my face.

"Come here, Maggie… " He murmured, gently drawing me to him. I slowly moved into his arms and lowered my head to his chest with a choked sob. Nathan's arms tightened around me and he held me to him, saying nothing and just letting me cry as I suddenly gave way to the grief that I had tried so hard to push aside for him.

"I'm so sorry, Nathan… you were going through enough, I didn't want to lose it in front of you," I sobbed. I could feel his hand gently running up and down my back as he murmured to me, sounding saddened.

"No, Mag, honey, I never would have expected you to keep it from me," Nathan told me, his voice softened, genuinely trying to comfort me. "She was so important to the both of us. We both lost someone we loved dearly."

Another sob tore through me. "It scares me. I can't even get on Rags, I keep seeing the image of that day, seeing her…"

"I know, Maggie, I know… " Nathan's voice was murmured, gentle, though I could hear the tears that were threatening his own voice. He said nothing about how we just needed to push through. How getting back on Rags would help, which told me that he has the same fear. I was surprised he was able to even go down to the barn after what happened. But somehow it was more of a comfort, knowing that he was experiencing the same thing. We both were. We both knew what the other was going through. It wasn't a false sense of hope, the "Keep on truckin'" attitude. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than that to get through something like this. The realism of it was almost more of a comfort than anything could have been.

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE~ _**_Hope you guys enjoyed. Let me know what you think. Please, it would be greatly appreciated._


	3. Nothing Ever Hurt Like Holding On

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE~ **__Hey you guys. First off, I'm a moron, because I accidently posted the same chapter. Here's the real one. Thank you thank you thank you thank you for the reviews! So glad it's liked so far. Let's keep the reviews coming! You're guys' oppinion and constructive criticism is what makes this what it is and what you guys like! It'll only make it better. Please keep reviewing!_

That weekend was the funeral. Shilo was left with a babysitter back at the Wallace's home and Nathan and I both went to the funeral. There was no question it was going to be exceedingly difficult, neither of us were expecting any different. The car ride to the memorial lawn was silent. I looked at Nathan next to me, and I could easily see the tension in his shoulders and general demeanour. His olive green eyes from behind his black thick-rimmed glasses stared straight, almost blank, as though numb by what we were about to endure. I could easily tell that inwardly he was upset. There was only so long the poker face could last. I reached over and gently lay my hand over his with a reassuring squeeze. He looked over at me, forcing a thin smile.

Once we got there, Marni's funeral service is outdoors. I sat beside Nathan, knowing he was going to need someone's support and was sure he wouldn't get it from anyone else. As it began, I kept a hand on his back, gently rubbing it as the service began. The pastor paying respects and holding the ceremony spoke about how Marni was an amazing person, kind, generous, loved and extremely caring. All of this was true, but what really aggravated me is how this man was saying these things when he really didn't know Marni himself. Who else knew Marni as well as Nathan and I did? But once he was finished, it was Nathan's turn to get up and give his speech. Nathan straightened with a wavering exhale as he stood, and I knew immediately that he was not about to have an easy time of this. He got up to the podium and I could already see him struggling. My heart went out to him. I knew exactly how hard this was.

"Marni was so many things," Nathan began, clearing his throat. "She was a wife, a best friend, a mother, and an amazing athlete. I fell in love with not only Marni's caring nature, but I've never seen anyone bond with a horse like she did. She had a way with animals like nothing I've ever seen. We teased her that she treated her horses like her children. And after she had our daughter, Shilo, that devotion was passed on and turned Marni into the most devoted, protective mom. Shilo was her world, _our_ world. From the minute Shilo was born, she looked just like Marni. Marni and I always said that she would probably grow up an adrenalin junkie just like her mom was, with a love for horseback riding and this sport. I'm sorry Marni won't get to see Shilo grow up, grow into the beautiful, sweet, talented and caring person her mom was and what we were sure she would be, and I'm sorry that Shilo will grow up never really knowing her mother because her mom was an incredible woman, and the love of my life."

Nathan's voice cracked. Tears streamed down my face as I watched Nathan pause, giving a heavy, wavering exhale and try to continue. "I've never known anyone like Marni, and I know I never will. She was one in a million, and she will be missed. I love you, Marni. So much. I'll never stop missing you."

A choked sob left Nathan as he stepped away from the podium and came back over to sit back down. As he did, he rested an elbow on his knee, his hand covering his eyes as though rubbing them, but I could see his whole body very quietly shaking. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling one go around me and hugged him close to me. As a few people went up and pay their respects and speak about Marni, I kept my arm around Nathan as he stayed quiet, his eyes lowered, but I knew he was taking in every sentence spoken about Marni. I was, too, but I gently rubbed my hand up and down his back in long, slow strokes. The one thing I wanted to do is be there for him and comfort him. But it seemed like in almost no time, it was my turn to go up. My stomach tied itself in a knot, and I could already feel the sting of tears burning the backs of my eyes. The second I stepped up to the podium, however, any kind of anxiety left me. This was Marni. This was nothing more than me speaking about my best friend, paying my respects to her and sharing what an amazing person she was.

"I'm not a good writer," I admitted, lifting my eyes. "I can't really come up with anything creative like many of these other people did, but what I can do is tell you just what a special person Marni was to me. She and I knew each other back when we were going to high school. She was the one true friend I had, she was the one who got me through some of the harder times that every teenager goes through. She was the one person I could count on, and I wanted to be the best friend I could to her. Marni was an incredibly talented rider, you've heard that, but she was also a lovely person, a wonderful mother, and a loving woman who would have given anything for her family."

I looked at Nathan as I say that, and could hear my own voice crack. Nathan took his glasses off and was wiping his eyes, clearly having heard what I said. I paused a moment, lowering my eyes as I tried desperately to collect myself; regain composure that I knew was hanging by a thread.

"The best way I could describe it… and I think we can all relate to it to some degree, just how we're going to cope with Marni no longer being here with us, but this song struck me in ways I didn't think anything could." I finished, clearing my throat and behind me where a CD player had been placed, was turned on by someone else in the memorial party. It was LeAnn Rimes' song _Probably Wouldn't Be This Way._ I remembered driving over to the Wallace's with the radio on, and when this song came on I cried the remainder of the way there. It just hit home.

_Got a date a week from Friday with the preacher's son_

_Everybody says he's crazy, I'll have to see_

_I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came_

_I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves_

_I'm probably goin' on and on, it seems_

_I'm doing more of that these days_

_It probably wouldn't be this way_

_It probably wouldn't hurt so bad_

_I never pictured every minute without you in it_

_How you left so fast_

_Sometimes I see you standing there_

_Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch_

_Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance_

_To love this much,_

_So God give me a moment's grace_

'_Cause if I'd never seen your face, it probably wouldn't be this way_

I had to turn around so that I was not facing the other people attending Marni's funeral, unable to stop the tears from streaming down my face. My breath caught in my throat, as though maybe that will stop the sob that I knew was about to tear through me. I felt somebody coming up behind me and realized it was Nathan as he moved near me and wrapped his arms around me, drawing me near him, standing so his body was almost shielding me from the vulnerability of the fact that I was literally breaking down as the song continued playing out. I put both my arms around him, sobbing against his chest and Nathan did nothing more but hold me. It became more and more real, the fact that Marni was no longer with us. She was gone, there was nothing that could bring her back. That seemed to hit me and Nathan both.

After the funeral, I went back to the Wallace's with Nathan. The two horses needed to fed, and Nathan had asked if I wanted to stay for wine and dinner. We sat in the living room on the couches after Nathan had put Shilo down for the night, and we opened a bottle of pinot noir between us. I sat on the couch and Nathan came back in with the bottle and two wine glasses in hand, pouring a glass which he handed to me then poured one for himself.

"It's strange to think of what happened today," I said quietly, staring forward at the coffee table in almost a zoned thought process. Nathan sat down on the couch beside me. "It's as though burying her really confirms that she's gone,"

"That's crossed my mind several times since we've gotten back," Nathan responded, taking a sip from his glass. "I think it definitely took a lot out of both of us."

"Without a doubt," I said, taking a sip from my own wine glass. The alcohol was getting less and less tart by the glass. We had been drinking almost the whole night, so I was sure that the warmth and slowly growing numbness was one of the effects of the wine. It was a numbing sensation that I was rather grateful for. There was a moment of silence before Nathan set his glass on the coffee table, leaning back against the back of the couch with a sigh, the arm opposite from me draping over the back of the couch with that hand running through his light brown hair.

"I can't thank you enough for being here during all of this," He said softly. "She was your best friend, you could have very well just gone your own way and mourned by yourself. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me; how much of a comfort it is to have you here."

I look in his direction, my expression softening as he spoke, and I turned my body toward him so I could face him, reaching slightly and gently lay a hand on his knee.

"You're my friend, too, Nathan." I told him, trying to search his face. "Marni and I were close, but you and I are, too. I couldn't have left you dealing with this by yourself."

Nathan nodded slowly, laying his other hand over mine and I could feel it give a gentle squeeze. He said nothing in response, however. That didn't surprise me much. Nathan was never a man of many words.

There was another moment of silence before I looked back in his direction, inching a bit closer to him. "What's going to happen with Uther?"

Nathan took his glasses off, rubbing his eyes for a moment, letting his glasses dangle from his hand, shaking his head slowly. "I don't know. He seems like he's healing up alright, which is _more_ than lucky, considering the injuries he endured," He responded, stopping before he went further into the topic of his late wife's accident. "We just have to hope that nothing gets infected, and I think he'll be alright. He'll never be showed again, he'll be lucky if he's slightly ride able."

"Are you going to keep him?" I asked softly, lowering my eyes to the fray in the seam of the trench coat I wore. Nathan nodded slowly.

"Yes," He said. "I don't have the heart to sell him, because of… you know… and if I were to sell him chances are he'd be killed. What happened wasn't his fault."

"He's still a stallion, too," I said softly. "I mean, if you wanted to breed him… Marni put a lot of mileage on him; he earned quite the reputation in the show ring. Anything sired by him would be greatly valued."

He nodded in response, "That's true… I don't know, I can't process the thought of breeding anything right now," He murmured, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, rubbing his eyes once more. I moved nearer to Nathan, laying a hand on his back and ran my hand up and down it in a gentle, reassuring motion. I could almost feel the tension in his back. I couldn't believe what he was getting put through.

"Things will get better, Nathan," I told him softly. "I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will,"

Nathan actually stayed where he was as I rubbed his back, seeming to relax in the slightest. A part of me wondered if the wine helped a bit. I was sure it was for the both of us.

"I hope so," He murmured.

"It will," I said gently. "You just have to keep going, Nathan. Keep holding on, you'll get through this. We both will."

Nathan stayed silent. I alternated to gently running my nails up and down his back in the same soothing fashion. Nathan didn't move from the position, but I could see his eyes closing slightly, his body ever so slightly rocking slightly from side to side with the motion of my hand, very lightly but as though he was no longer rigid like he had been. I could hear a sigh leave Nathan, almost like a low, contented groan in the back of his throat, letting his head hang slightly as I continued to scratch his back, soon gently kneading into the muscle of Nathan's back with the heel of my palm. That issued another light groan out of him, but suddenly he slowly straightened, turning to look in my direction. My eyes were trained on his green pair as they searched my face. I could feel his hand on the side of my face and neck, his touch tender, enough to raise every hair on the back of my neck from pleasant chills his touch sent through me. My hand slowly went to Nathan's side, before I could even do anything to control what we were doing. I slowly moved nearer to him and before I could do anything to stop it, his lips met mine in a kiss that was completely preventable but neither of us seemed to bother. Closing my eyes, I leaned toward Nathan, my hand sliding from his side to his chest. It was slow, not quick and furious in the least, but more meaningful. It was familiar; _Nathan_ was familiar.

Though suddenly, as though we both had the same immediate thought and reaction, both of us broke the kiss almost immediately. Nathan looked stunned, as though he couldn't believe what he had just done. I knew mainly it was because of how recently he lost Marni, and now this was happening.

"I'm sorry… I… I don't know what happened," He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck, then as though he had said something he thought would have insulted me, his head snapped back up and toward me. "I—I mean it wasn't because of you, it wasn't that at all—I—you know how I feel about you, I just—oh, God… "

"It's alright, it was both of us… " I responded softly, still trying to come to grips with what just happened. But I was absolutely in the same situation as Nathan. What did we just do? Was something really building back with me and Nathan so soon after Marni's death? There was no way it was the right thing, not so soon. Not like this. "There was alcohol involved, too."

I tried to reassure him, but I knew just as well as he did that that wasn't just an alcohol-induced impulsive move. It meant something to the both of us, and I think that's why Nathan proceeded to mentally beat himself up over it. He was bent back over with his elbows on his knees, staring at the coffee table. I lay my hand on his back, half expecting him to flinch away, but when he didn't it was both relieving and at the same time it frightened me. What was happening between us? And how could it happen so soon after Marni's death?

"Nathan, it meant nothing, I promise," I tried to assure him, and then was surprised when he turned around and gave me a horrified look.

"Did it really? It meant nothing? How could—" He stopped himself and wiped a hand over his mouth in a motion of obvious distress. "Then do I dare admit that it meant something to me?"

"Then what the hell is going on, Nathan?" I slowly stood, one hand on my hip and the other rubbing the back of my neck, a combination of frustrated and shaken. Was I lying? It did mean something to me. It meant everything to me. I turned back to face him, both arms now crossed over my chest."What are we doing?"

"I don't know," Nathan's voice was quieted and he wouldn't look at me, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from him.

"I wish you did know," I responded, my voice quieting a bit, even though I never really raised it to begin with. "Because I don't either, but I know that it did mean something to me, and if it did to you, too, then that scares me. This can't be a good thing… I mean under any other circumstances, it would, but right now… ? So soon?"

"I know," Nathan hung his head with a heavy exhale. My expression softened.

"I know how you feel, Nathan, I really do. It's killing me, but it just can't mean anything right now. Not to either of us. Not this soon. Especially not for you; for your sake and well being." I said softly. Nathan didn't say a word in response, but I could tell through his general posture and hunched shoulders that this affected him, probably with shame as a dominating emotion. With a sigh, I sat down next to him, sliding my arm around his shoulders.

"I just want you to be okay, Nathan," I told him softly, giving his arm furthest from me a gentle squeeze, and could feel him gently leaning toward me. "I don't want you to rush into something so soon, because I know I'm not ready for it, and I'm sure you're not either."

Nathan nodded slowly, and I got the impression that he did understand what I was saying. I did want to be with him, more than anything, but when all of him was in the relationship. But inwardly I suddenly wondered if it wasn't so much of us not being ready, but if I was just terrified of disrespecting my best friend's memory by forming a romantic relationship with her widowed husband, a man who I've been in love with since I could remember?

After a moment of silence, Nathan glanced over at the clock to my left, clearing his throat. "Listen, it's getting late, why don't you stay here for the night?"

"Nathan… " I shot him a wary look. Weren't we just over this?

"No, no, I don't mean like that, I promise. You shouldn't have to drive back home this late. I would feel better about it if you stayed here for the night." Nathan said. I searched his green eyes and finally gave in. It couldn't hurt. He was doing it as a friend looking out for me. At least I was trying to convince myself of that, even though I didn't entirely want it to. I knew it was better for the both of us this way.

"Alright," I nodded slowly with a sigh. "It probably would be best."

I could see a look of relief cross Nathan's face. Maybe he _was_ just concerned for my wellbeing. "Great. I have sweats and a t-shirt if you want to borrow something to sleep in, I have both long-sleeved and short-sleeved."

"Long-sleeved is fine," I told him, glancing his way. Nathan nodded, and I could feel him watching me as I rested my elbows on my knees and interlaced my fingers together so both hands were closed together, on knuckle gently pressed to my lips as I stared forward in thought. I could hear Nathan shift slightly, but he said nothing. I didn't either for the first minute or so then shook my head, letting my hands drop so the were still together but draped past my knees. "Things can't be awkward between us. We've known each other for years, Nathan, there's no way."

Nathan nodded. "I know. They won't be." He said, exhaling slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. My heart went out to him.

"Nathan, I don't want you to think I shot you down, either. I would love to be with you. You know that, I know that. I care about you so much, just... right now isn't the right time." I said softly, turned slightly toward him while giving him a remorseful look. Nathan looked in my direction and a thin smile slipped across his face. As I straightened, I could feel his arm go around me as though reassuring me, and almost immediately I sank against him as he gently pulled me into a one armed hug. I moved my arm over his torso, settling with the side of my head against his collarbone and chest.

"I know you didn't, honey, you're fine." Nathan said softly, and I could feel him gently kiss the side of my head. It was a friendly gesture, but while a part of me felt as though this was still not a good thing in the least, that we were still getting far too close, the more dominant side of me cherished every second of it. I didn't want to let him go. I never wanted to let him go. I found myself memorising every little detail, every movement. I could feel the pattern of his breathing, his heartbeat. To sit beside a person you cared about so much was a surreal thing, but also because he seemed so out of reach for so long. But he still was. At least I was hell-bent on trying to realise that. I could feel the backs of his fingers running gently up and down my upper arm, holding me to him.

"We should get to bed," I said finally, slowly straightening. Nathan loosened his arms to release me and I gently pulled away.

"That's probably a good idea." He said. "Now... the guest room's down the hall from our... the master bedroom, you're more than welcome to stay in there."

I shot him a sympathetic look, having caught the slip up and the twinge of sadness that appeared in his green eyes as we both stood, but it quickly disappeared. He glanced back in my direction. "I'm going to check on Shilo then I'll bring pyjamas for you."

"Thanks," I pulled a black hair tie off my wrist and wrung my almost waist-length dark hair into a messy bun, then followed Nathan up the stairs and passed him in the hallway to the guestroom with a glance in his direction. He and I parted ways as I made my way into the guest room with my purse in hand. I set it on the bed and sat down at the foot, surveying the room around me. It was so familiar, yet without Marni, it was strange and uncomfortable all the same.

Ten minutes later, I heard a knock at the door. I had a feeling it was Nathan.

"Come in,"

Sure enough, Nathan slowly entered the room with a few folded clothing articles in arm. I gave him a grateful look. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," He said, setting them down on the bed with a brief, thin smile in my direction. I watched his green eyes move from me to around the room. "Let me know if you need anything, alright?"

"I will," I responded, then moved toward him and wrapped my arms around him in a hug, feeling his own encircle me in return. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I felt him kiss the side of my head again after gently tightening his arms a moment. I had read somewhere that if someone squeezes you gently during a hug, it is usually because they've felt a sudden, strong emotion. I couldn't help but wonder what was going through Nathan at that moment. "I'll see you in the morning."

After a moment the embrace we broke apart slowly, and Nathan left the room to go down to the master bedroom. I went into the bathroom with the pyjamas he gave me in arm to change. Finally changed in the grey sweats and white long sleeve shirt Nathan gave me, I folded the clothes I had worn to the funeral and set them on the chair in the corner before going to one side of the bed, pulled back the covers and crawled in, leaning over to switch off the light.

Over half an hour had passed, and I still found myself wide awake. I just couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. My mind whirled, thinking about Marni, Uther, what happened, the funeral; everything. But of all else, I couldn't stop thinking of Nathan. Yet an almost disturbed feeling kept coming back. It dawned on me it was being by myself in this room.

The floors creaked in the hallway and I froze, eyes darting toward my closed door. I couldn't see the other side of the door, but I couldn't help but feel my heart rate pick up in the slightest.

_This is an ancient house. It's nothing. Floors are probably just really old. Wood floors creak all the time._ It was a running mantra through my head, trying to keep from spooking myself. It was a combination of just feeling uneasy being alone after Marni's death, and now this. I just kept giving myself one excuse after another, but all in all, I just couldn't sleep.

With a sigh, I climbed out of bed and opened the bedroom door, moving slowly out into the hallway, wondering if Nathan was awake. The master bedroom at the end of the hall was left with its door cracked open. I moved toward it and slowly pushed it further, trying to remain as quiet as I could in case Nathan was indeed asleep.

"Nathan?" My voice was a hushed whisper, expecting to hear someone stirring in the bed or just complete silence. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I could see Nathan's form lying on his side, the covers at his waist which made the fact that he was shirtless visible. I cringed, wondering if I was waking him up, but almost immediately I could see Nathan's head lift and turn to me.

"Hey," I tried to hear out his voice to see if it was muffled or thick from sleep, but it wasn't. It was hushed, as though concerned about waking Shilo who was asleep just next-door. "What's wrong? You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I began, then heard Nathan shift.

"Come in here, you're fine," He assured me. Moving inside the room, I shut the door behind me. It was easier to see through the moonlight washing through the massive window that was just on the other side of the room. I could see Nathan propped up on his elbow, his glasses off, and with no shirt. _Oh, my lord... he doesn't have a shirt on..._

"I didn't wake you, did I?" I asked, taking a seat on the corner of the foot of the bed near him, looking in his direction.

"No... no, you didn't," He said quietly. "I've been awake for the past half hour or so. Just couldn't fall asleep."

"Likewise, actually," I said, lowering my eyes. A part of me was tempted to crawl in bed with him, at least be next to somebody and feel like I wasn't alone. Something told me he felt alone as well, but I didn't want to take the chance. Though I felt like a little girl who had just had a nightmare and came into her parents' room to crawl in bed with them. But mainly I just wanted to be next to him again; as my friend and someone I took great comfort in being around, as well as someone who I absolutely cared so much about on a whole new level.

"Having a hard time being alone in the room?" Nathan asked softly. I made a bit of a face and shrugged, but after a moment I nodded slowly, not able to really look at him.

"Yeah. Me too," He said quietly. I looked up at him and found that he had lowered his gaze. He was sleeping on Marni's side of the bed, I just realised that. One of her pillows was by his chest, as though he was holding onto it. That killed me, just seeing how much it was impacting him, and knowing how much he missed her. Seeing him like this absolutely broke my heart.

"You could sleep in here if you want," Nathan's voice was quieted, glancing at me in a way of understanding if I said no, but I could tell he hoped I wouldn't say no. I knew he needed someone with him just as much as I did.

In response, I slowly crawled over to the other side of him to where his back faced the side he normally slept on. Before settling down, I lay a gentle, reassuring hand on his side before crawling under the covers with him. H e glanced over his shoulder at me and I could see almost a look of grateful relief come across his face as he settled down, inching nearer to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and lay my chin on the crook of his shoulder. Nathan's arms went over my own, gently pressing them to him, while I could almost feel him relax in my arms. Hugging Nathan close, I gently ran my thumb in a gentle stroking motion over an area of his stomach that my thumb could reach. I almost couldn't believe I was in this position, but I couldn't have been more relieved that I was able to be with him at this time.

"Turn over and I'll scratch your back," I offered gently, quietly. My notions were to comfort and soothe him to sleep, feeling as though if he were calm it would help me fall asleep as well. Nathan nodded slowly and I loosened my arms as he turned over onto his stomach, with his arms under the pillow that was under his head. I lay my hand on his back and could feel the exhale he gave, unable to see if he was closing his eyes or not. But I lay my head down on my arm that was folded with my elbow out in front of me, and ran began running my nails very softly up and down Nathan's back, from side to side on both his lower and upper back. Every so often I let my nails trail gently back and forth to his ribcage, and could feel goose bumps rise over Nathan's skin when I did, but it was as though it still felt good to him. I could follow Nathan's breathing pattern, feeling and hearing it growing steadier and steadier. I could feel him relax, grateful that he was calming down and might actually be able to sleep. I continued running my nails up and down his back, and even for a bit longer after he seemed to have fallen asleep. Eventually my hand settled though, and I slid the flat of my palm onto his back and around him to where it went partway around his ribcage and side and let it settle there, laying my head down on the pillow and moved nearer to him. What surprised me even more, though, was when I felt Nathan's arm that was closest to me move from under his head to almost under his chest, taking gently hold over my own that was at his ribcage and lay his own hand over it with a gentle squeeze, feeling his thumb gently stroking it.

Touched by the notion, I inched closer to him so that I was right pressed against his bare upper body, feeling his warmth and the affection that was obvious in his gentle hold. We both fell asleep in that position, though when I woke up at about three in the morning, I realised I was facing the other direction, but Nathan's arms were around me. It was actually comforting, a reassuring sense of falling asleep being held by someone. I snuggled closer to him, laying my arms over his as he had done earlier. The tranquillity of the night didn't last very long though, because the dreams I had suddenly became horrible, gruesome, and horrifying. At one point I remember jerking awake with a gasp, which was enough to startle Nathan into consciousness, but when I looked over at the corner for a moment I could see the rotting, distorted creature of a corpse that could have at one point been Marni standing; _standing_ in the corner, glaring at me. My gasp had broken off in to screaming, throwing myself against the backboard of the bed. Almost immediately the lights went on.

"Mag! _Mag!_" Nathan was trying to get my attention. When I looked back, trembling, at the corner of the room, my heart hammering in my ribcage, the image was gone. It was a dream. It was a slowly waking hallucination. But still, terrified, as Nathan drew me into his arms I broke down in tears.

"I saw her... I saw her... Oh, my God, Nathan... " Sentences didn't even seem to comprehend and I found myself sobbing harder against him than I had in awhile. Nonetheless, Nathan held me, rocking me back and forth.

"Shh... shh.... Maggie, no-one's in here, it's just us.... " He murmured to me, trying to calm me down. His embrace was firm, secure, drawing my trembling body into his arms further. I cried against the crook of his neck, my sobs slowly quieting into slight hitches of breath. I could feel Nathan rubbing my back, doing whatever he could to comfort me.

"I saw her, Nathan... she was... she was standing in the corner of the room... she would never forgive me for this... "I stammered, burying my face against his chest. "She was.... she was dead, Nathan.... it was horrifying. Marni... Gorgeous, sweet Marni... she looked like a monster."

"Oh, honey.... " Nathan murmured, tightening his arms around me. "Marni loved you, she would never think that way about you. It was a dream, all of it was just a dream. It's alright.... "

He could have gotten upset. As I calmed down and became more and more awake, I realised just what I had said, bringing up his late wife and my best friend that we had lost so recently, but he did nothing more than hold me. He was supportive, reassuring and caring. That was something I couldn't have been more grateful for, but at the same time, I felt horrible.

"I'm so sorry, Nathan... " I murmured against him after having calmed down. Nathan shook his head, stroking my hair.

"Maggie, you're fine, you don't have to be sorry," He told me. "We both lost her. You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry you experienced that,"

I didn't move but stayed in his arms. Being near Nathan felt safe, like I had someone there, someone who cared about me. But the sad thing was, I couldn't possibly let this happen. I couldn't betray my best friend's memory like that.

Could I?


	4. The Heart of Everything

_**AN~** Hey you guys. I can't believe it, read my email earlier to see a new review and a new favourite author alert. I'm so pleased you guys like this! I know it's a bit unconventional, but hey, I'm glad it's getting a good response. Does anyone else agree with me when I say the mental image of Nathan Wallace on a horse is just flat out HOT? Hehe, anyway, hope you guys enjoy. Feel free to discuss it on the reviews, I love seeing what you guys have to say about it :3_

A few more weeks went by since that night, and even though I had refused to let it happen... or more or less tried to... Nathan and I became closer. But what worried me was whether or not he was ready to get involved with someone else. And whether or not this was the right thing, if Marni would have been ok with this. But I tried to get my mind on other things for the time being, letting Nathan become a part of my life naturally, the way it was supposed to happen. I didn't hold back anymore. I figured if it was going to happen it was going to happen. Though I still had my reserves, only worrying about Nathan's well being. But if he was having a difficult time of things, it wasn't anything he was displaying to me. But while living at my house, a little three bedroom two-story house, I knew I wanted to get a dog. I had a cat, a black and white long-haired female I named Georgia. She ruled the roost at the moment, and while I had spent many an hour trying to decide if I actually had time for a cat, horse _and _a dog, I knew that getting a dog was a must. I was still living by myself, and I knew I would feel better having a large dog around the house. So with Nathan over one of the days, he and I surfed the net looking at different breeds of dogs to decide what would best suit my lifestyle.

"What about a Border Collie?" I glanced over my shoulder at him, having gone over a list of breeds on a dog breed website. Georgia lay stretched out on top of a few papers I had written breeds on, her tail flicking periodically as she watched the both of us with very little interest. As long as she was in the room and we knew she was in the room, she wanted nothing more to do with us.

"No... if you were living where you had a barn with a lot of property, then yeah, a border collie would be a good dog, but you just don't have the space for a dog with that type of energy level." Nathan responded. He sat behind me on a stool, leaning with his elbows on his knees so he was more so next to me. I nodded slowly.

"Alright. Nix that idea," I responded, scrolling down further. "Lab?"

"Great dogs, but they have an IQ of a walnut." Nathan said. "And everyone has one."

"What about the working breeds? I've read up on some of them and a select few seem like they'd be great dogs," I asked.

"Some of them are great." Nathan said, and I saw his head follow Georgia as she jumped off the desk and sauntered out of the room before his eyes returned to the computer screen. "For instance I've heard great things about Belgian Malinois,"

"Well... yeah, but you want to talk about a dog with high energy; dear lord... " I said with a laugh and Nathan chuckled. A grin crossed my face. "Check this one out."

I typed Caucasian Ovcharka into the search engine and pictures of a massive beast of a dog resembling something like a lion came onscreen. Nathan's eyes went wide.

"Jesus!" Nathan gave a surprised bark of a laugh, scanning the breed information. "Maggie, you could ride that thing. Where would you put it? How _big_ do they get?"

"I have no idea where I would put it." I laughed, shaking my head. "And adult males can get as big is one-eighty."

"That thing's almost as heavy as I am," Nathan stared at the image, clearly awestruck, before looking at me. "What about a German Shepherd?"

"I actually considered the breed," I responded. "But I don't know."

Nathan inched forward and scooted nearer to the keyboard, which I relinquished to him. "Let me show you something. I've seen a couple great breeders in the area, I think you could get a great dog out of this."

After about ten minutes I knew my decision was made. About a week later after quite a bit of prep and puppy-proofing my house, including equipping myself with puppy kibble, formula, wet puppy food, dishes, a collar that couldn't be chewed through, an abundance of chew toys, rawhide chews, dog cookies, soft plushies that were puppy safe and wouldn't leave polyester fluff all over the place if it was gutted by tiny puppy teeth among loads of other things I would need in order to bring my new family member home, I took Nathan with me, dog crate packed in the back of my black LR4, over to the decided breeder. Nathan wanted to be with me to help pick the puppy, and truth was I was glad to have him there. We got to the property and the woman showed us both parents of the litter we were looking at. The sire was a big black and red male Shepherd with a thick coat. When Nathan and I were introduced to him, I was pleased to find that the male, who was called Dieter, was just slightly aloof at first but otherwise a very sweet natured dog. The bitch, Ava, was a _gorgeous_ bicoloured female with a massive coat, beautiful conformation, and a great disposition. Both dogs had been carefully selected and both passed hip and elbow displasia evaluations, neither carried the gene where that would be an issue. They were certified in it. Both German-bred German Shepherds, Dieter carried the Sch H III title, which was the highest level of Schutzhund training a dog could possibly achieve. When we were taken to look at the puppies, I still hadn't made up my mind whether I was looking for a male or female until a little bicoloured male fuzz ball was lightly thrust into my arms, I knew I would be going home with him.

"You're smitten, aren't you?" Nathan teased. I grinned, shaking my head, but held the puppy close to me, with one arm cupped under his haunches and the other wrapped around his little ribcage, scratching the little mottled white mark on his chest. The puppy blinked up at me. He was already starting to take the form of what might be a German Shepherd at some point, with ears that flopped in every which direction since the cartilage hadn't fully developed yet. But my goodness, was he cute. His paws were huge, so I knew he was going to be big.

"Yeah, I think I'm hooked," I responded with a grin, rubbing one of his ears gently. We brought the puppy back to my house, and the second we let him loose, Georgia happened to have been making her way from one side of the room to the next, and the second the puppy came into her line of sight, the cat stopped dead in her tracks. The fur on Georgia's body flared out and her tail puffed up to about twice it's normal size. She hissed, turned and streaked across the room to the kitchen, leaping up onto the counter before turning to glare in the puppy's direction. I could hear her growl from the opposite side of the room, tail swishing in obvious aggravation before she turned her gaze from the puppy and shot me a look from hell.

"She is _not_ happy." Nathan mused.

"I'm going to pay for this later, I know it." I responded, shaking my head. Nathan chuckled, then knelt down and gently tugged at the puppy's tail. The puppy whirled around in obvious excitement that a game had been initiated, and pounced on Nathan's hand, mouthing on his thumb with both front paws wrapped around Nathan's wrist.

"Little bugger," Nathan growled playfully, jerking his hand around a little bit which only made the pup latch on tighter to try to "kill" the prey he clearly thought he caught. Nathan grinned, and then looked up at me.

"I should probably head out in a little bit." He said, though sounded regretful at that fact. I knew where he was coming from. Since Nathan and I had started seeing each other, it was becoming harder and harder to be alone. I was still trying to decide if it was because of that or just because we both wanted to see each other. We were both still a bit apprehensive about this, but it was hard to resist.

"Why don't you stay over tonight?" I offered. "Shilo's already asleep here, it'll be easier on you rather than having to wake her up."

Nathan looked reluctant, straightening and pulling his hand out of the puppy's grip. "I don't want to put that on you again… " He began. I shook my head, kneeling down behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I immediately felt him relax a bit in my arms.

"You're not putting anything on me," I assured him, gently kissing the side of his neck. "It'll be easier on you both. And we can watch a movie tonight, order dinner. It'll be fine. Plus you need a laid back night."

A thin smile crossed Nathan's face as he reached up and squeezed my arm gently, sort of leaning back a bit into me. "You're too good to me," He said softly, but I could tell through his tone that he was a bit relieved. I shook my head, holding him close.

"No, you deserve every bit of it," I told him gently.

Nathan gave in and we planned a night of staying in. We called for take-out and after a number of times of taking the puppy, who I still hadn't decided on a name for yet, outside to relieve himself, even though we still had a couple accidents in the house, Nathan fed Shilo and put her back to bed in the portable crib in my guest room. I scooped a little plate of wet puppy food and set it down for the new family member, but when I went to open a can of cat food for Georgia was when I noticed she was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's my cat?" I said, looking from one side of the room to the next. Not even an hour ago she was still on this countertop glaring at us. Then I realized that when I brought the puppy in to be fed was when Georgia had disappeared out of the front room.

"She's probably just mad, she'll show up," Nathan assured me. I nodded slowly, but to put a little bit of relief on myself, I still wanted to find her.

"Probably, but if I can find her and just feed her in the laundry room where the puppy won't bother her, I'll feel better," I said. Nathan nodded, slowly getting up from the couch.

"I'll go check in your room," He said. I decided to check in the laundry room in case she had decided to beat us there.

"Found her," I heard Nathan call from my bedroom. I headed in there and found Nathan on his hands and knees trying to lure Georgia out from under the bed. I couldn't help but stifle a laugh. She really was pissed at me.

"Is she under there?" I asked.

"Yeah, and she's not happy," Nathan grunted, trying to reach under my bed and suddenly jerked his hand out with a start. "_Ow!_"

"Did she get you?" I moved toward him. Nathan shook his hand where three long, ugly red lines were visible over the top of his hand as blood started to slowly rise to the surface in a thin little line, nothing to be concerned about, as he straightened, shooting a look at the bed.

"Yeah, it's not too bad, though," He said, though glared at the bed. I lay a hand on his lower back as he stood.

"Let me see if I can get her," I said, slowly kneeling down as Nathan took a step back. I crouched down low and was met by a pair of glowing retinas leering back at me.

"Georgie, c'mere, kitty…" I murmured to her, tapping the carpet in front of her. The look Georgia gave me couldn't have read "Screw you" more clearly unless she had decided to shove the middle of her six front toes in my face. Deciding to take my chances, I reached under and took hold of Georgia's furry body and tried to pull her out from under the bed. She planted all twelve toes; claws included, and I could hear them ripping through the carpet as I finally drew her out from under the bed. All four legs went rigid in my arms, trying to push away from me as I brought her into the laundry room and set her down as Nathan soon came in following me with the plate of wet cat food.

Once we both had the animals fed Nathan and I had some time to ourselves. We ordered Chinese and sat down on the couch to watch a movie. With take-out boxes strewn about on the coffee table, I sat curled up at Nathan's side, feeling his arm around me with a glance cast across the room at the puppy who was now in the crate by the TV. The little guy had crashed and was now sprawled out on his side. Nathan noticed me looking over there and grinned. I could feel him gently running his hand up and down my upper arm.

"At least you don't have to worry about excessive energy with him," He commented. I grinned. My arm went partially over Nathan's torso, setting my hand lightly at his side, running my thumb gently in a stroking motion along an area of it.

"True, but at the same time, it's his first night here. He's had a big day," I commented.

"That's true," Nathan remarked, and the news coming on caught both of our attention when we heard the words "horse" and "accident". Nathan turned his head toward the screen.

_"Back at River Valley Equestrienne Park, the tragic death of Marni Wallace is still being called into question. There is talk about whether or not the Park should have a lawsuit filed against them for allowing the event to occur when conditions were bad."_

_"We were warned that conditions were bad. Why would they hold the cross country course if that were the case? Wallace's horse wasn't the only one to slip. We had a couple almost lose their footing."_ A trainer who I believed was in the barn behind us came onto the television. Immediately, a tightness formed in my stomach.

"What?" I breathed, stunned. I could feel tension in Nathan's body, and looked up to see what was on his face. His green eyes were glued to the TV, a frown creased his otherwise blank features.

"I didn't know they were even talking about it," He said softly. I gently ran my hand up and down his side as we both seemed unable to switch the program to something else. A picture of Marni popped up in the corner of the screen, and I swore I could almost feel Nathan's heart jump in his chest.

_"Although while there's a chance the property may be to blame for the tragedy, most also believe it was an accident,"_

"The owners weren't to blame for this. It was a freak accident," Nathan muttered. I could hear the disgust, as well as concealed sadness in his voice.

_"However, there's also a handful of people that it may have been preventable by the owners of the animal and the family of the rider themselves."_

_"Wasn't her husband a vet of some sort? The horse was injured after, what if it was an injury before hand? It should be looked into. He could have stopped it if it was. Maybe he should be the one investigated." _A bystander said and at that moment I was furious. But beside me, Nathan didn't utter a word. Though I knew immediately how much the comment had hurt him.

"They don't have the slightest clue what happened," I said fiercely, partly incredibly protective because I knew that was something Nathan worried about, whether or not it was his fault. It wasn't, I knew it wasn't, but hearing what that moron said must have really hit him. I looked in Nathan's direction, but his expression was sombre, blank, but at the same time almost as though someone had kicked him in the stomach.

"Nathan," I said softly, searching his face. I sat up slightly and Nathan leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he ran a hand through the back of his hair. I reached for the remote and immediately turned the TV off, moving back to his side, putting an arm around him with one hand on his forearm closest to me.

"What happened wasn't your fault, Nathan," I told him softly, gently squeezing his arm. He didn't look at me, but when I tried to search his face his eyes were blank, as though processing what was said. A heavy exhale left him and I gently rubbed his back.

"What if I could have done more?" He said quietly, then hung his head. "The never had any business reporting it. I don't understand what the point was, why they couldn't have just left us, and her alone,"

I moved toward him, gently wrapping both arms around him and pulled him gently to me. Nathan turned and sank against me, wrapping his arms around me, his head against my shoulder. All that guilt and self loathing was probably back at this point. I knew Nathan probably just needed to be held, to have someone tell him it wasn't his fault.

"You did nothing wrong, Nathan." I told him, hugging him close. I could feel his arms tighten around me and an exhale leave him. I turned my head and kissed the side of his, not saying anything else. This was hard for the both of us. I knew it would take a while to get past it. But I was willing to stand by Nathan for however long I needed to.

It took quite a bit for me to work up the nerve to really get myself and Rags back into training again after Marni's death, but even though I knew it made Nathan really uncomfortable, he was willing to help us out. I got Rags out and tacked him up, and Nathan helped us set up jumps.

"Just take it easy, Mag... it's been over a month since he's been under saddle," Nathan said. I could see the worry etching his face. I could understand his concern, but I knew we had to get back in the game. The second we got out there, Rags immediately felt incredibly flighty to me. His back end felt rounded and I knew that he was feeling good. I had to focus on keeping his head up to keep him from bucking.

The whole entire time I was battling my gelding. For some reason it was just one of those off days. As we took the line Nathan had set up, I could feel Rags speeding up. Right at the jump in between the three that would take two strides to get to, Rags threw in the two, then at the last second dropped one shoulder and veered away from the jump, and the next thing I saw was the jump coming at me and everything went completely black the second I crashed into it.

"Mag? Maggie! Jesus, Mag, honey, talk to me, please." Nathan's voice at first sounded far away but when I opened my eyes I was lying flat on my back on about three of the jump poles that had been set up. One standard had been completely taken out and was on it's side. Nathan was kneeling beside me with a hand on my shoulder and the other at my waist. Rags' reins were looped on Nathan's arm, I assumed he had grabbed my horse before he could shoot out the gate or that Rags had stopped the second I came off.

"Nathan... "It took me seconds to realise the breath had been knocked out of me when I tried to respond and wound up coughing violently, unable to yet force the air back into my lungs. Nathan helped me sit up slowly as I caught my breath. I could feel his hand rubbing my back as I tried to breathe normally.

"Easy, easy, honey... " Nathan murmured. I could feel his green eyes on me. "You really took a hard fall."

"What..._happened?_" I looked in his direction I could feel my lower back aching as well as my ribcage like someone had just beaten me with a baseball bat. "We were going fine, then next thing I know I was off."

"What happened is that Rags here is a dirty stopper, and we found that out the hard way," Nathan said, shooting a look in my horse's direction. Rags stood with his head lowered slightly, each ear tilted to the side in complete contentment. Nathan turned his head back to me and closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. "You scared the hell out of me... "

"I know, I'm sure I did. I'm sorry," I said, feeling horrible for putting Nathan through that. But I knew there wasn't anything I could have done. I knew Nathan knew that, too, but I'm sure watching me wipe out the entire jump only months after his late wife had died was about as least comforting as it could get. What I really wanted to do was get up and beat the daylights out of my horse for it, but I knew at this point he would have no idea what he was being punished for, and that wasn't the way to do it. Second, the second I moved my whole body ached.

"I hit the jump, didn't I?" I muttered. Nathan scoffed.

"Yeah, like a freight train," He said, mildly joking, but it wasn't until I lay my hand on his forearm that was at my waist that I realised he was shaking.

"Nathan, sweetheart... "I looked up into his face, worried. I could see it in his eyes before he lowered them.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just... the whole thing. I would die if something happened to you," He said softly. "I couldn't bear to lose you, too."

"Nathan, it's alright," I assured him, gently rubbing my hand up and down his arm. "I'm alright. A bit beaten up, but we're both fine. Rags and I both."

"I know," He said, drawing a breath and exhaling slowly. "I just need to get myself to realise that."

He helped me up and I turned and wrapped my arms around him in a hug, feeling him sink against me slightly. He kissed the side of my head, and I could feel his lips linger there for a moment, hearing the exhale that left him. I ran my hand in gentle circles over his back. I knew that having me in his arms for a moment or so would help him come to grips with the fact that both Rags and I had made it through a fall that looked worse than it actually was unscathed. I knew I probably wouldn't be able to move in the morning, but the last thing I wanted was for Nathan to be thinking about what had happened and watching me fall off. The last thing he needed was more trauma in his life. Nathan kissed my forehead then gently pulled away, both his hands on my arms.

"Let's go get this monster put away." He said softly.

"Yeah, then I need to head home," I said. A look of slight alarm crossed Nathan's face.

"I really don't want you driving," He said.

"Nathan, I'm fine--"

"I know, but I really would just feel better if you stayed here tonight. After that fall, I'm just worried about you having hit your head or something,"

"Sweetheart, I've got the puppy back home, I can't," I said, but I knew Nathan was worried. Even though I was sure I was fine, he was justified to be worried. I wanted to put him at ease, and on top of that spend more time with him. "Why don't you and Shilo spend the night again? We can take my car back over there."

"How about this, we'll take mine and I'll drive you back here tomorrow to pick up your car. Sound good?" He asked. I agreed, and once we got Rags put away and blanketed, Nathan fed both horses, I went in to get Shilo and her diaper bag, then we headed over to Nathan's truck, put Shilo in the car seat and headed back to my house after Nathan made sure the barn door was locked and shut to avoid anyone getting into the barn to the horses while he wasn't home. Rigoletto was an eventer and was worth quite a bit of money with the training I put into him, and even though he was injured and out of commission; possibly permanently, Uther was still valuable, and Nathan didn't want to risk losing either of them.

We got back to my house and I took Shilo inside with me while Nathan took the diaper back and parked the car. After he and I had been together for a few weeks now, having him at my house was completely normal. It was like a second home to him and Shilo. Nathan got Shilo situated in a high chair and I fed both animals. Every time the puppy crossed Georgia's path it still elicited a hiss out of her and a swipe in the puppy's direction if he ventured too close. He was getting bigger, and I knew he still didn't have a collar. Or a name, for that matter.

I cooked dinner, deciding spaghetti was the easiest option, and plain noodles with butter would be fine for Shilo. We sat down to eat with a bottle of Chianti opened. The puppy came tearing into the kitchen, almost skidding on the tile in all his long-legged ineptitude, flinging a soft toy he had in his mouth over his head.

"He doesn't have a name yet, does he?" Nathan commented, looking back in my direction as he picked up his wine glass.

"No, not yet. I have no idea what I'm going to name him."

"Well, we can't really get away with calling him 'Puppy' much longer." Nathan chuckled. "What about Duke?"

"Nah, there's too many Dukes." I said. "Amigo?"

"And you say there's too many Dukes," Nathan said with a laugh. "Axle?"

"Like Axle Rose?" I cast a look in the Shepherd pup's direction. "Eh. We want to stick with the two syllables though. I think calling 'Da Vinci' or something might be a bit much.... then again I kind of like that."

"I could see that with a Doberman, but with that one?" Nathan made a grab for him as he raced past, successfully scooping the wriggling pup up in his arms. "Beamer."

"No way. I knew someone who's Golden Retriever was named Beamer," I laughed. "Chopin?"

"You've got a horse named Rigoletto and now you want to name your dog Chopin?" Nathan teased. "No way. You wanted short, so I'm assuming Chewbacca is out of the question."

"Like _Star Wars_, you're hilarious," I scoffed, knowing he was joking by the grin on his face, so I was able to fire one back at him. "I kind of like Cuervo."

"You yell Cuervo trying to get him back in then your neighbours are really going to wonder." Nathan joked, which made me laugh. "There's Echo... or you could go with calling him Da Vinci."

"Well, now that I think about it... " My eyes wandered over to Shilo, who looked like she was trying to stick an end of a noodle up her nose. "Nate, your daughter's trying to put a noodle up her nose."

"Shilo!" Nathan turned toward her, pulling the noodle out of her hand before cutting the pasta up in tinier bits. "Shi, you're supposed to eat that, sweetie."

"I can't believe how big she's getting," I commented. "She's fourteen months now, right?"

"Yeah," Nathan said with a grin, gently wiping the toddler's mouth. Shilo tried to squirm away in protest. "She's getting to be a big girl."

When he set the napkin down on the high chair surface, I saw what looked like a flicker of sadness pass over his features. I knew he still wished Marni could be here to see her little girl grow up. Reaching over, I lay my hand over his gently with an affectionate, sympathetic squeeze. Nathan forced a thin smile and squeezed mine in return, clearing his throat. "So you don't think Da Vinci'll work?"

"What about Cougar?" I asked. Nathan made a face at first.

"Remember what cougars were considered?" He said. "I'm not talking big cat variety either, I mean the women in their fifties or forties who would date guys _much_ younger, like in their early twenties or teens."

"I'm not talking about those," I said with a laugh. "I just mean like the big cat. You know, could call him Coogs or something for short."

"It kind of sounds like Cooper," Nathan said, then looked up at me. "That could actually be good."

I thought it over, watching the puppy tear out of the kitchen like a bat out of hell, almost bowling over Georgia who froze and arched her back like a Halloween decoration.

"I like it," I responded softly, tilting my head in thought. Nathan was grinning at the near collision of my two animals; either that or the fact that Georgia whacked Cooper in the face as he passed, eliciting a shocked yelp out of the puppy.

"What do you think she'll do when he's too big for her to beat him up anymore?" Nathan said, looking in my direction.

"That won't stop her." I said, laughing.

After dinner we headed up to bed after putting Shilo down for the night. Nathan game out of the bathroom dressed in dark blue cotton lounge pants. I had already changed into grey sweatpants and a blank tank top, crawling into bed as Nathan joined me. He lay on his back and I inched toward him, settling with my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat under my ear, which I actually found quite soothing. With a hand on his ribcage, I gently stroked my thumb up and down a section of it, feeling Nathan's arms go around me, with his hand sliding partway up the back of my tank top, his hand running up and down my lower back.

"Tomorrow, it'll have been three months since Marni died," Nathan said softly. I could feel and hear voice rumble resonantly in his chest. It seemed to dawn on me the second he said it.

"My God, it has been, hasn't it?"

"I haven't been to her mausoleum since the funeral," He said quietly. My hand ran absently though in an affectionate manner up and down his chest, side, an with fingertips gently running up and down his stomach and torso. I could feel the very subtle muscle tone of his abs. Nathan wasn't ridiculously muscular, but there was a very subtle six pack there somewhere. His body was realistic. He was masculine, very male, but very human, too.

"You should go visit her tomorrow, sweetheart," I said softly, tilting my head up to look at him. Nathan's green eyes lifted to the ceiling almost as though in thought. I could feel his fingers tracing along my upper back and shoulder blade.

"Would you come with me?" He asked, looking down in my direction. I could see the look in his eyes. Worried, saddened, and almost subtly pleading. "I just... I don't think I can bring myself to go alone yet,"

"Of course, Nathan," I responded softly, trying to reassure him. My hand continued in a gentle motion along his torso and chest, tilting my head to kiss his sternum. I wanted to be there for him as much as I could. I was still coming to terms with the fact that he really depended on and trusted me now, but I knew it was something I valued. We both depended on each other. We _needed_ each other.

"Thank you," Nathan murmured, and I felt his chest rise and fall with what sounded like a slow exhale of relief. But I could feel tension in him as well, as though the very idea of what he was about to go through tomorrow scared the hell out of him. It was such a vulnerable, emotional experience, going back and almost reliving what had happened. Feeling like he was in the presence of his late wife. I knew he still had feelings for her. I knew he still loved her. I would have been surprised if he didn't. But a part of me couldn't help but wonder if he was feeling guilt over what we were doing. My mind traced back to the night at the hospital, holding Nathan's sobbing, trembling frame in my arms, as though a part of both of us knew she wasn't going to make it. I gently tightened my arm around him.

"It'll be alright," I told him softly. "I'll be right there with you, Nathan. You'll be okay,"

Even in the dark I could see Nathan swallow. He lifted his head and kissed the top of my own, drawing me closer to him and tightening his arms around me. I tightened my own around him, staying near. If I wanted anything, it was for Nathan to come out of this okay. I wanted nothing more than for him to be alright.


	5. I'll Be With You Wherever You Go

_**AN~** Hey you guys. So here's the next segment. PLEASE review, I can't stress that enough._

The next day, Nathan and I both drove over to the cemetery. We got out of the car and walked over to the mausoleum. I looked in Nathan's direction and could practically feel the tension coming from him. I knew he was uneasy about this. Uneasy didn't even do it justice. When we got there, Nathan drew to a halt and exhaled slowly, setting the flowers he had gotten down on the stone epitaph. When he straightened, I heard a heavy exhale come from him and looked in his direction. Nathan took off his glasses and seemed to rub the corners of his eyes, holding them in his hand as he lowered his eyes to the epitaph, swallowing. I moved nearer to him, rubbing his back in slow, gentle circles. I felt his arm go around my shoulders and the kiss he placed on the side of my head, leaning the side of his against my own. We left the cemetery, saying out goodbyes to Marni before heading back. I stayed over at Nathan's that night. While he finished up the dishes, I went to put Shilo to bed. I was concerned, actually. He hadn't really said a word since we got back from the cemetery. Tucking Shilo in, I decided that I was going to talk to Nathan before we went to bed, let him talk if he needed to. Closing the door to Shilo's room, I walked down the stairs to the kitchen to find Nathan leaning with his hand on the counter, his glasses next to his hand, with his other one over his eyes. I could see his head lowered and sharp exhale and knew immediately that something was wrong.

"Nathan," I murmured softly, moving toward him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I could feel a periodic shake go through him every so often, knowing immediately just how much today had affected him. I rubbed my hand up and down his side to comfort him, gently kissing the back of his shoulder. I felt one arm go over my own and felt him almost lean toward me.

"I'm sorry," Nathan muttered, his voice thick and broken. I knew he was crying. I knew before I even got down the stairs. But I held him close.

"It's alright, Nate," I told him gently, doing what I could to comfort him. Nathan turned around in my arms wrapped his own around me, burying his face against the side of my neck. I held him tightly, kissing the side of his head.

"I miss her," He murmured against my shoulder. "I didn't want to put you through this, but I do,"

"I know you do, sweetheart, it's alright." I assured him, rubbing his back. "I never would have expected you not to. However long it takes you to grieve, I'll be right here,"

Nathan exhaled sharply, tightening his arms around me. I meant every word I said. At this time, Nathan needed someone beside him more than anything. I was more than willing to take that place.

We went upstairs to get to bed, and when I came out of the bathroom after having changed into sweats, I saw Nathan in flannel pyjama bottoms sitting at the foot of the bed, shoulders hunched, his elbows rested on his knees with one hand running through his hair, his head lowered. I moved nearer to him, sliding my arm around his shoulders.

"You don't deserve what I've put you through," He said quietly, not quite glancing up at me but in my direction.

"You haven't put me through anything," I assured him. I sat behind him with both my legs on either side of him, my body pressed to his back while I wrapped my arms around his torso from behind, kissing the back of his shoulder. Nathan exhaled slowly through his nose and gently straightened, leaning slightly back against me in response. I kissed the side of his neck, my arms gently wrapped around his bare torso. I loved touching him. I couldn't have been crazier about Nathan. Everything about him was familiar. "You know I'm here anytime you need me. Always."

Nathan nodded slowly, gently tilting his head so it was near me, laying a hand over my arms and gently stroked my wrist with his thumb.

"I know, and that means the world to me," He said softly. I found myself with my attention on every movement, the feeling of his voice resonating in his chest, in his body. The body that I now held in my arms when he spoke again. "I love you, Maggie,"

I almost thought I didn't hear him correctly. That word. The word that seemed to seal the deal, display the ultimate devotion. Did I really just hear that out of Nathan Wallace begin_of_the_skype_highlighting end_of_the_skype_highlighting?

"I do, Mag. I really do love you." He said, and his voice seemed to quiet. "I'm not just saying that either, because, yes, you've been there for me more than I could have ever asked. Losing Marni... it was heartbreaking, but you and I have something, a bond that I never could have with anyone else. You care about me more than anyone else could."

I was speechless at first. Only because of how left field the comment had been. Nathan turned his head to look at me.

"If that was too intense, I'm sorry. You don't have to return it," He said softly, lowering his eyes. He was trying to protect himself and shrug it off, but I could tell he was hoping I would return it, and knew it would hurt him if he had come out too quickly. But that wasn't the reason I responded with what I did.

"No, it's not. I love you, too, Nathan," I responded, tightening my arms around him. There was utmost sincerity in my voice, because I did love him. I had loved him for longer than he knew. Nathan lifted his head and looked at me, almost as though he hadn't been expecting that answer. He seemed like he had been expecting to be hurt, again, as though he thought pain and heartbreak was all he would ever know.

"You do?"

"Yes," I responded, kissing his shoulder. "So much. I've loved you for a long time now."

I could almost feel the relief run through him and he closed his eyes with a low exhale. I brought the side of his head toward me gently and kissed it, feeling Nathan then lay the side of his head against my shoulder. I tilted the side of my head against the back side of his own, gently running the tips of my fingers along his chest and stomach.

"I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you," He murmured, shaking his head against my shoulder. I shook my own, holding him close.

"You'll never lose me, Nathan. I promise," I told him. I meant it, too. There was nothing he could ever do that would turn me away.

Later that night we lay in bed. Nathan fell asleep beside me on his back, one hand lying on his stomach, his head tilted in the opposite direction from me though his body was tilted nearer to my own. I lay on my stomach, one arm under my head while the one closest to him was free. I couldn't take my eyes off him, watching him sleep, surveying every slight movement, every periodic shift, watching his stomach and chest rise and fall in a steady pattern. I wanted to touch him but I didn't want to wake him. I lay there, still watching him, unable to believe that not even an hour and a half ago, this man, the man I knew so well, and had loved for God only knows how long, had told me he loved me. A man crippled by tragedy emotionally, who I never thought could ever love again, and now he lay beside me. I inched closer to him, laying my arm over him, feeling the warmth of his body and the comfort of holding on to someone. I affectionately but gently ran my hand and finger tips gently up and down Nathan's side, feeling every contour of his hip and the rest of his body. It was almost as though I was completely in awe by him now that I knew for a fact that he was mine. I had his still-healing heart, and that was something I never, ever planned on breaking again. I wanted to love him, I wanted to show him that someone else could love him. That he meant more to me than anything. I gently ran my fingertips from his side down his torso and stomach, feeling him breathing and feeling the tiny muscles twitch subtly in response to the touch. He stirred slightly, and I felt his arm go around me and gently draw me closer. I knew he was still somewhat half asleep, but just awake enough to be able to acknowledge my presence. I moved nearer to him, tightening my arm around Nathan and lay my head on his chest. and partially on his sternum. I could feel and hear the gentle drumming of Nathan's heart, a soothing aspect of falling asleep in his arms.

Another month had gone by, which would have lead up to about four months since Marni had died and three that Nathan and I had been dating. Cooper was now four months old at a hefty forty pounds for a male German Shepherd. He was growing into himself, but was still very leggy, with his ears seeming to grow crookedly on either side of his head, though I knew eventually fill in and stand straight like they were supposed to. I had taken him to extensive obedience classes because there was no way I needed him growing to be a year old and bowling people over. With Cooper in the back of my LR4, I pulled up at Nathan's property and parked. But looking in the arena, I immediately noticed Nathan out there with a big black and white pinto who I immediately recognised to be Uther. The stallion was at a choppy trot, and I knew it was probably because he was still recovering from his injury, but he was hooked to a lunge line with Nathan standing in the centre with a lunge whip. I parked and got out of the car, opening up the back to clip Cooper's leash to his training prong chain, which actually helped with a lot of control over the growing puppy. Even at his young age, Cooper was very good about staying with me and listening to my commands.

I was surprised to see Nathan working with the stallion. Uther seemed like he was coming along decently enough. His mane had grown out quite a bit as well as whiskers and the feathers on his fetlocks, but he looked fairly good. I told Cooper to sit, which he immediately did beside me, and leaned on the fence. Nathan slowed the stallion to a walk and reeled him in after he glanced over and saw me. Once he had Uther next to him, Nathan walked over to where the fence was.

"Hey you," He said with a smile, and leaning over the fence I kissed him in return as he tilted his head to do so.

"Hey," I was always happy to see Nathan. Even when we hadn't seen each other yet for that morning it seemed too long. My eyes trailed to Uther. "How's he doing?"

"Well, I decided to bring him out, he's already kicked a fairly decent-sized hole in the wall of his stall." Nathan said, unbuckling the halter to tighten it a notch on Uther's head. "I really don't feel like having a board repaired, so we figured it's about time he was able to get out a bit. If he's at least in training to keep him working then it should keep him sane. How's this one doing?"

Nathan motioned at Cooper, who was squirming with anticipation to jump up on Nathan, but that was one of the many things we had been working on, and the young Shepherd knew better. Even so, I moved my leg so one was on either side of him and Cooper sat between my legs, hoping to block him from lunging forward to greet Nathan, which I knew would scare the hell out of Uther. "He's doing well. I can't believe how smart he is. He wants to please so badly."

Nathan chuckled. "See? What did I tell you?" He said, looking from me to Cooper. "He looks like he's doing well. That's very characteristic of a German Shepherd. You're his human, by nature and instinct he's going to want to please you, and he will be fiercely loyal to you."

"He already is. I'm very pleased with how he's turned out so far," I said with a smile, bending to pat Cooper's side.

"Here, come with us back in the barn," Nathan said, and I joined him in the barn to put Uther away. Clipping him to the aisle crossties, Nathan grabbed a brush and swept it over Uther's black and white frame. I couldn't help but notice just how much better the stallion looked.

"He's put on weight," I commented. "He looks good."

It wasn't just that, though. Uther's mane and tail were combed out and his whole coat was brushed. Nathan had actually been spending time with the stallion. The mere idea was touching.

Nathan looked up at me in response with a thin smile. "Yeah. It hasn't been easy, and he eats more than I've ever seen, but it's coming back to him."

I tied Cooper to one of the stalls and when Nathan put the brush away and straightened, I moved forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, kissing the side of his neck and hugged him from behind. Nathan smiled, squeezing my arm gently and leaned the side of his head against mine, leaning back into me slightly.

"I love you," I murmured to him, laying my chin on his shoulder. I could feel his thumb gently stroking along my wrist.

"I love you, too, sweetheart." He responded softly. I gave him a gentle squeeze then released him, feeling his hand run affectionately up and down my back before he unclipped Uther to lead him back to his stall.

"Nate, do you think you would ever get another horse?" I asked. Nathan laughed, shaking his head.

"Are you kidding? I have enough on my hands with these two." He said gently, unbuckling Uther's halter.

"I mean for you to ride," I said. "Like, your own horse. You're an amazing rider, Nathan. I think you'd love it."

Nathan paused, and the look he gave me was almost somewhat saddened.

"I don't think so," He said softly. He moved out of the stall, sliding it shut behind him. "It took quite a bit for me to even come back down here again. After what happened, I just... I don't think I bring myself to get back on a horse. Not after what happened to her."

Although I wanted to try to convince him otherwise, I could understand how he felt. I wrapped an arm around him, feeling his own go around my shoulders with a gentle squeeze.

"You going to get on Rags?" He asked, looking in my direction. I shrugged.

"I don't know, maybe not today," I responded.

Nathan's phone rang suddenly and we both jumped. Rolling his eyes, he grabbed it out of his pocket and flipped it open. "Wallace. Hi Renee."

I watched Nathan's eyes as he listened to what was being said on the other end. His olive green eyes trailed to the other side of the barn intently. A frown suddenly crossed his face and I searched his face.

"Wait, how did my num... really?" Nathan paused then exhaled slowly, taking off his glasses and wiping them with the hem of his t-shirt. "I'm not a Rescue, Renee, you know that,"

Nathan pushed the glasses back on his face, exhaling heavily. "Alright, let me think about it. I've got more than enough room but I'm taking care of the two I have with my girlfriend. I don't know if we can take on a third. I'll call you back, alright? Ok, thanks. Bye."

Nathan hung up the phone and I shot him questioning look.

"What was that about?"

"This guy was arrested for tax evasion. He owned over thirty racehorses, all of which had been neglected. Renee runs a Thoroughbred rescue and she just didn't have the room. Wanted to know if I could take on one or two, maybe three."

"You should, honey." I said. Nathan made a face.

"I don't know. I think we're having enough issues with two horses plus my sixteen-month-old daughter, I'm not sure I can handle a spastic two-year-old Thoroughbred off the track; let alone three." Nathan responded.

"Just go take a look, Nathan. We can both go." I said. "Go with the plan to just foster one, then see how you feel when you get there. If you wound up keeping the horse--"

"Whoa... whoa whoa whoa... " Nathan stopped me in my tracks with an uneasy laugh. "Maggie, _keeping_ the animal didn't even cross my mind. I would be keeping it here until it found a permenant home then I'd have it off my hands."

"_However_," I began, trying to see if maybe I could talk him into it. "You helped train Uther."

"Barely," Nathan replied. "Marni did a majority of the work with him beforehand."

"All I'm saying is if you can get it retrained, it would be easier to sell. And all three of them all the better."

Nathan blew out a breath, running his hands through his hair before rolling his eyes, shaking his head with a grin. "Alright, fine. We'll go take a look. But you're coming with me, I'm going to need you there to help me cram whatever I bring home into the trailer. I've seen racehorses, they don't load easily. At least not the ones I've seen."

I laughed. "Alright. Deal."

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Nathan muttered. We were in the car the next day with the three-horse-trailer in tow. Nathan wanted to bring a two-horse, I'm sure to avoid the temptation of bringing home three, but I convinced him that having a three horse would at least leave more room if say we did bring back one, even two and we could leave the space between the two. We got to the property where the confiscated horses were kept. When Nathan and I got out of the car, they had quite a few of the yearlings in one pen while some of them were in pipe corrals. Mares with foals were kept in one of the arenas. It was clear that they were overwhelmed with what they had.

"Nathan Wallace begin_of_the_skype_highlighting end_of_the_skype_highlighting?" Both Nathan and I turn our heads as a man in his early fifties with dark hair and brown eyes approached and he and Nathan both shook hands.

"Yes."

"Tony." The guy responded. "We spoke on the phone."

"That's right," Nathan responded in immediate realisation. "Tony, my girlfriend; Mag."

"Pleasure." Tony responded with a nod, shaking my own hand before turning to the both of us. "So you can see our predicament here."

"I can," Nathan commented, shaking his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. "What's going to happen to the ones that can't fit on Renee's property?"

"We're trying to find more fosters for them, hopefully permenant homes." He said.

"Don't tell Mag that, if she could she would take all of them home," Nathan said with a grin, looking in my direction in a way of telling me that he was gently teasing. I already knew that, and grinned in return. It was true. I would take all of them home if I was able to.

"How much room in your trailer do you have?" Tony asked.

"We brought a three-horse, but I really would prefer not bringing three home. Maybe two tops, but even that I'm not sure if I can handle."

"Alright. We'll have you take a look at a few of them and see what you think." Tony said. As we went through the pens, these horses looked like they had been standing up to their knees in mud. Some of them were skinnier than others, all of them caked in dirt and mud. A few of them seemed sick but they were kept quarantined from the others. Nathan was shaking his head in disgust.

"It's sick," I commented. He nodded slowly.

"They don't look as bad as I was expecting, but they're still in pretty bad shape." He said.

"We do have a couple stud colts on the property as well." Tony said.

"Ah, I'd like to avoid that, actually. I've got a stallion at home, that might cause for some problems." Nathan said. Tony nodded.

"Alright, that's understandable." He took us down to the arena. A few of them bunched together, wide-eyed and uneasy. Tony went through the list of names.

"Batten, Away We Go, Dragonada, Kilkenny Creek, Empada, Dragon Blade, Bank on Silver, Empire... " Tony read and looked up.

"Which one's Kilkenny Creek?" Nathan asked, trying to scan the arena.

"The bay with the right hind sock and the blaze." He said. I caught sight of him immediately. He wasn't all that big, but he couldn't have been older than two, either. I would have guessed he had to be around fifteen hands at this point.

"What about Dragonada?" I asked. Tony pointed at the dark grey filly who crowded near Kilkenny Creek

"The chestnut is Batten, Dragon Blade is the black colt with the star, Bank on Silver is the other grey in there, Empada is the blood bay with the star, Empire is the seal brown, Away We Go is the other chestnut but with a star.

"Which ones should we take?" Nathan looked in my direction.

"You think we can fit four in?"

"Mag... "

"Alright, I know, I know," I leaned toward Nathan so he could hear me. "My favourites so far are Kilkenny Creek, Dragonada and Bank on Silver."

"I've seen Kilkenny Creek run before, he's talented," Nathan commented. "But two greys and a bay?"

"We could always throw Dragon Blade in there, too."

"He is a nice looking colt, but what about Batten?"

"I don't know... "

"Maggie, I'm not planning on training these guys. I'm keeping them, feeding them, then getting rid of them the second they find homes. Thoroughbreds are not my thing."

"We do have a few broodmares with foals as well." Tony suggested. My head whipped in Nathan's direction.

"Oh my God, Nathan... "

"No way. Not a chance. I don't do foals." Nathan said, then turned to Tony. "How about this, we'll take the three, Kilkenny Creek, Bank on Silver and Dragonada, and if we think we can take on a fourth I'll let you know. How long will you have these? What will happen to the ones that don't get adopted?"

"We're a bit pressed for space. I'm afraid the ones we can't rehome are out of our responsibility."

Nathan and I both knew what that meant. If the horses were out of their hands that usually meant they went to auction, and their fate was undecided. "Listen, just hold Batten and Dragon Blade for me and I'll see if I make room later on. For the time being, if I take those three home then I have five horses to focus on. I think that about pulls all my attention away for the time being, but if I can take those other two I'll let you know." Nathan told Tony.

"Alright, so if you'll back up your trailer we can get them herded into it." Tony said. Nathan's eyes widened.

"_Herded?_" Nathan said. "I have a slant load, not a stock trailer. They'll kill themselves."

"Then we'd better take down the divider, because they're not going to go in easily. They've been untouched for going on four weeks now."

"Fantastic," Nathan growled, turning toward the trailer. I knew at this point he was irritated, but above all, stressed. He didn't want to be responsible for one of the horses getting hurt on the ride over. Trying to load them and keep them loose in the trailer wasn't a safe idea, especially for racehorses that I'm sure were worth thousands of dollars. When we walked back to the truck, I got in with Nathan, who was tense.

"You alright?" I asked. Nathan nodded, exhaling heavily.

"Yeah, just annoyed." He responded. "The guy's a jerk, he has no real idea what he's doing. You can't free load three Thoroughbreds under the age of five and expect to not have a disaster on your hands."

"I know." I said gently. "We'll get them home and go from there.

We pulled the trailer up and Nathan twisted around in his seat, backing up to the entrance of the arena. A couple younger guys hollered and swung coiled leadropes in the direction of the three we had chosen.

"What the hell are you doing?" Nathan got out of the truck. "You're going to have a horse with a broken leg if you keep that up."

"Look, man, we're just doing what we're told." The guy who looked about eighteen responded. Nathan was muttering under his breath as he lowered the ramp, moving in to lock the dividers back. They chased Dragonada, Kilkenny Creek and Bank on Silver up the ramp in a racket of clanging metal and alarmed snorts. But they were in. The ramp was lifted and Tony came around with papers for Nathan to sign.

"Alright, so this just declares that you are the current caretaker for these horses until we find someone to take them. Be sure to let us know if you decide to keep any of them--"

"--I can almost guarantee you that's not going to happen." Nathan said.

"Well, regardless, it'll just save us having to look for a new owner... and if you find someone who's interested have them call us and we'll take it from there."

Nathan signed his name on the forms and we were heading back to his place. We turned the three loose in the arena, since we knew trying to go in the trailer when the horses had only halters and no leadropes on had bad news written all over it. If we caught them in the arena it was a much safer bet.

"They give us halters, but no leadropes, I love it." Nathan laughed bitterly, stepping into the trailer. Within seconds, all three of them flew out of there like bats out of hell. The tore across the arena and lapped around it several times before drawing to halts, watching us wide-eyed and wary.

"You know what, for the time being we're going to have to use only two leadropes to get them. I'll get leadropes tomorrow." Nathan said. He went into the barn and came out with Uther's and Rags' leadropes, handing Rags' to me. We went in and slowly tried to go for a few of them.

"Why don't you grab Dragonada, Maggie, and I'll get Kilkenny Creek and Bank on Silver." Nathan said. I tried to remember which one was Dragonada and which one was Bank on Silver, since both of them were grays. It just so happened that Dragonada's mane was darker than Bank on Silver's, but the second I approached her the filly shot me a wary look.

"Easy sweetheart, you're fine," I crooned, trying to approach closer, but Dragonada pressed herself further against Kilkenny Creek's side. I took another step toward her and she scrambled to get away. All three of them scattered and Nathan narrowly missed being plowed over by Kilkenny Creek. We should have let them loose in the round pen. This was a huge mistake.

After about thirty minutes we finally caught the three. They were placed in stalls across from each other so they could see one another, which would at least be comforting to a degree, being in a new place. Nathan and I went back up to the house and finally collapsed on the corner couch.

"What've we gotten ourselves into?" I murmured, lying on my side beside Nathan with my head on his chest.

"I was just wondering the same thing." He responded softly with his arm around me. "If we can just get them mellowed out a bit, I think we'll be fine. All three of them are broke."

"Yeah. Two speeds, one direction," I muttered, sinking further against him. "...exhausted."

"I know, sweetheart." Nathan said softly, kissing the top of my head. "You and me both."

I had brought Cooper over to Nathan's house with me, and before we both knew it, we had forty pounds of German Shepherd clambering up on the couch only to plop down ontop of us.

"Ok... this isn't going to work," Nathan grunted. I had my face buried in his chest I was laughing so hard. Even Nathan was laughing. "We've got to rethink your position here, Coop."

Cooper stared at him then pawed at Nathan's chin. However, that was a big paw, and wound up slapping Nathan in the face. Nathan laughed, pulling Cooper so he lay between my legs and Nathan's. We were in for a quiet night and we both knew it.

"I have a question for you," Nathan said. I glanced up at him, still rubbing Cooper's ears.

"Oh? What would that be?"

"Well, considering your horse is here, you're always here, and you're dog's always here... " Nathan said, his voice mocking exasperation. I playfully and gently whacked him on the chest with the back of my hand, which elicited a grunt and a laugh out of Nathan.

"I'm serious on part of that, though," He said, his tone changing. "Would you want to move in here?"

"You mean... move in here?" I asked, a bit taken aback at first by his request. Nathan laughed.

"Let me rephrase that." He said. "Would you want to move in with me?"

I stared at him for a couple seconds before a smile slid across my face. "Absolutely." I responded, completely excited. But I paused, searching his face. "Nate, are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Of course I am," He said with a grin. I could feel his hand running gently up and down my side. "I want to live with you, Maggie. I really do."

I was touched by what he said. Mainly because I could see in his eyes that he was telling the absolute and complete truth. I gently ran my fingers through the side of his hair in a soothing manner, searching his face before leaning forward and kissed him. "I love you," I murmured against his lips with a smile. Nathan chuckled, kissing me back.

"I love you, too, Maggie," He responded, breaking the kiss and gently kissed alongside my jaw. "So can I take that as a yes?"

"Yes!" I shrieked with a laugh as he playfully poked my side and I squirmed out of the way, sliding my arm over his torso and I lay beside him. I didn't think I could possibly be happier.


	6. Remember What You Did to Her

_**Author's Note~** Hey you guys, so here's the next part of the story, please please please keep reviewing! I'm really pleased with the response I've received so far from it :]_

Two months later had gone by. Each month that gone by since Marni's death had been easier and easier, but I think it still hurt Nathan greatly. Shilo was eighteen months old and growing up fast. Cooper was also growing up quickly, at six months old now, and I was finally moved in with Nathan and Shilo. It was nice not to have to drive back and forth, especially when my horse was right on the property. One night when we did the final checks on the horses for tonight, I went down to check on Rags only to find him lying on his side in the stall.

"Rags?" I murmured softly, frowning. I could hear groaning breaths coming from him. I knew that horses couldn't breathe as well lying down because of their weight, but there was something about his eyes. I went in, trying to tell myself he was just sleeping. "Honey, you okay?"

Rags lifted his head, trying to reach and nip at his flank, and legs flailed as he rolled violently, causing me to stumble out of the way to avoid getting kicked as my gelding thrashed.

"Nathan!" I yelled out the door, feeling panic bubble up in me. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Nathan came rushing in, slowing as he neared Rags' stall. I could immediately see the concerned yet knowing expression on Nathan's face.

"He's colicking. We've got to get him up." Nathan said as Rags quieted and lay flat on his side. I could hear groaning coming from my horse and it killed me, now knowing it was in pain. "Can you hand me his halter?"

I grabbed Rags' halter off the hook and handed it to Nathan, who slid the nose band over Rags' nose and buckled it on his head.

"C'mon, big guy, we need you up," Nathan coaxed, lightly smacking Rags' haunches to try to spur him into movement. It wasn't working. Rags rolled over onto his belly with a grunt, both front legs out from under him. Nathan tugged at his head to try to get Rags up, and after a few minutes of rocking back and forth, Rags finally heaved himself to his feet.

"We just need to keep him walking, Maggie, walk him up and down the aisle a few times," Nathan said. I was a wreck, but I tried to focus on the fact that Nathan was tense, but he wasn't overly worried. Thank God. He headed into the tack room, pausing before he entered and I saw his head stick out, searching for me. "Did you notice if there was any manure in his stall?"

That might have been the first hint. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't seen any. "No, there wasn't."

"It's probably a block then. I have mineral oil in here and a funnel, plus a tube here somewhere. We may have to tube him to get oil flowing through his system and hopefully it'll loosen the block." He said. He disappeared into the tackroom as I led Rags up the stall aisle. As I came back down, Nathan reappeared from the office with a funnel, rubber tube and the bottle of mineral oil. I could feel Rags' legs buckle behind me and I immediately swung around.

"Rags, _no!"_ I snapped, more out of fear than anything else, lunging toward him. Rags' backpedaled rapidly with a startled snort, scaring the three Thoroughbreds that were farther down the aisle. I couldn't let him get down and roll again. I didn't want to risk Rags twisting an intestine.

"Alright, bring him back in here, honey." I heard Nathan's voice and led Rags down the aisle and back into his stall. Nathan tubed him and poured the oil down the funnel, which Rags didn't appreciate in the least. But after about a half hour of fighting my gelding to finally stand still, we had taken his haynet out of his stall and left him tied with a bucket of water which I had added elecrolytes to within his reach. Nathan and I sat in the corner of the stall, watching him, waiting for the moment of him defecating which would tell us that the oil had done its job and the block had passed. But we weren't sure. If it didn't work, we would have to take him to a vet hospital and the chances of them having to go in and surgically remove the block were high. That option was also highly risky as well.

"Why did this have to happen?" I muttered, dropping my head into my arms and knees which were drawn up to my chest. I could feel Nathan's arm around me, rubbing my back, doing what he could to reassure me.

"We caught it early, sweetheart. I think he'll be fine." He said. But in truth it worried me alot more than it probably should have.

"I can't lose him, Nate, I just can't." I murmured, feeling a lump rise in my throat with the mere emotion of the thought. "What if it doesn't pass? He'll need surgery... God, what if he doesn't make it through that?"

"Hey.... hey, it's alright..." Nathan murmured to me. He pulled me into his arms and I sank against him, trying to blink back tears. I could feel him kiss the top of my head. "We've done what we can. Everything looks fine for the time being, we've done everything we can. We caught it before he could do any real damage to himself. All we can do is sit back and wait. The best thing you can do for him is stay calm and hope for the best."

I nodded slowly, knowing he was right. I stayed in his arms, taking immense comfort from just having him there. We sat in silence for awhile. Something seemed to gradually come over Nathan, something bothering him. I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

"I came across a box of Marni's things earlier," He said softly. I lifted my head. It was the first time I'd heard him talk about Marni in awhile.

"What was in it?" I asked, my tone gentle. I knew if he was about to talk about this, the best thing to do was let him. Pushing him into speaking further about it would just make him shut down.

"Old pictures, frames, a few ribbons from before," He said softly. "She had a few pictures from our wedding in there, as well as Shilo's sonogram pictures. Going through the pictures was... painful. to say the least,"

"Of course," I said quietly, striaghtening but still kept my arms around Nathan. "You miss her, that's perfectly normal."

"I know," He said quietly. "And I do, I just... a day doesn't go by that I don't blame myself for what happened."

"Nathan... " I murmured, searching his face but watching as he lowered his head slightly. "It wasn't your fault, honey. None of it was."

He didn't say anything, but I saw him swallow and blink a few times, turning his head for a moment. I slid my arms further around him, kissing the side of his head. "Come here, sweetheart,"

He sank into my arms witht he side of his head against my shoulder. I held him gently, stroking his hair, wanting to reassure him the best I could. It took my mind off of what was going on with my horse, which I was grateful for. I kissed the side of his head, running my hand gently up and down Nathan's back. I felt his arms tighten around me and the exhale that left him.

"I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you, too, Mag," He murmured. "In truth, I'm scared. It terrifies me that I've invested myself in this, and the mere thought of losing you due to something I might do to screw things up. I'm already struggling to raise Shilo myself, I just.... I couldn't....

"Shh... I know, sweetheart," I murmured to him. "Nathan, you won't ever lose me. There's absolutely nothing you could possibly do that would make me turn away from you now. You're my life. I'll always be here."

We sat there for another ten minutes or so. I took great comfort in holding Nathan in my arms, knowing that I was of some comfort to him as well. Before long, we saw Rags lift his tail and with a groan, relieved himself. I've never been so happy to see horse manure in all my life. I wanted to stay down there for the night and watch over him, but Nathan wasn't about to let me do that by myself, so instead, he lay a futon out in the loft overlooking Rags' stall. After going up to the house to change, I came back to Nathan trying to nudge Cooper up the ladder. It was a sight to behold, and I don't think I've laughed harder in my life. On the last three steps, Cooper refused to budge. Nathan cupped the German Shepherd puppy's haunches and pushed him up the rest of the way and Cooper scrambled up the remainder of it, flopping down on the futon as though he was entitled. When I had moved in with Nathan, there was no need for me to bring my horse, he was already there, but my cat and dog came with me. Georgia, however, decided to stay as far away from the barn as humanly possible.

Having come back wearing boxer shorts and a large t-shirt, I spotted Nathan wearing sweats and a grey t-shirt of his own and moved up the ladder to the loft to join him. I lay on my back and he joined me, lying down beside me, turning over on his side and his eyes searched my face.

"You're gorgeous, Maggie," He said softly. His words warmed my heart, but I just didn't see it.

"Even in sweats and no makeup on?" I teased gently, feeling him brush the shorter lengths of my hair away from my face. I gently trailed my hand down his jaw, searching his olive green eyes. To me, Nathan couldn't have been more gorgeous himself. I couldn't believe how lucky I was..

"Even more so," He said with a smile. I could feel his hand slide partially up the front of my shirt to settle at my side, the warmth of his hand against my bare skin, gently running alongside my stomach. His touch was gentle, loving, and the next thing I know he lay back down with his head against my collarbone with a contented sigh. I grinned, wrapping my arms around him, cherishing the feeling of having him so near to me.

Rags wound up pulling through fine, much to my relief. The next day, we decided we were going to have to start working with the Thoroughbreds. The idea of me getting on one of them was enough to send Nathan into cardiac arrest, so I figured roundpen work would be my best bet for the time being. I finished up with Bank on Silver and had her in the crossties grooming her as Nathan pulled up in the truck with a number of bags of feed and hay bales in arm.

"We don't have horses. We have four around-the-clock eating machines. That's what we have," Nathan deadpanned, getting into the bed of the truck, bringing feedbag after feedbag into the feedroom and started unloading the hay bales into hay storage. I took a rag out of the grooming kit and rubbed Bank on Silver's face, clearing any crusties from her eyes and wiping her nose. She was filling out well, and I had to say I was growing quite fond of her.

"She has a snip on her nose, a tiny little pink thing," I commented, tickling the filly's muzzle. "I never noticed that before."

Nathan stopped mid stride as he made his way to the feedroom, casting a glance in my direction. "Uh oh. You're becoming attached, aren't you?"

"No." I protested, then paused as I smoothed her forelock. "Maybe."

I heard Nathan chuckle and set the bag down, and he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, kissing the side of my neck.

"Maggie, I told you not to get attached," He murmured sympathetically, leaning his chin on my shoulder. I leaned gently back against his chest, laying my arms over his. Bank on Silver, who wasn't keen on the idea that the attention was no longer on her, craning her neck and lipped at my wrist.

"I know, but I couldn't help it," I admitted, laying the side of my head against his chest and neck. I could feel him draw a breath and exhale slowly behind me.

"We've still got alot of time with these three. Who knows, they might wind up being permenant residents."

Two more months had gone by and the horses were coming along wonderfully. Four months of training had really done the Thoroughbreds good. It had been eight months since Marni's death, and around that for me and Nathan and our relationship. Shilo was twenty-months old now, almost two years old, and Cooper had just turned eight months old. But tragedy struck when I came downstairs one morning and saw Nathan sitting at the kitchen table, the cordless phone in front of him, his head leaning against one of his hands, staring at the table in front of him. I made my way down and moved around him, sliding an arm around to his opposite shoulder in an affectionate manner. Cooper was lying by the staircase, watching me move into the kitchen without much thought.

"Hey," I murmured gently, realising that something was wrong, that Nathan was upset. "What is it, honey?"

Nathan drew a breath and I moved nearer to him, running my hand up and down his back. "That was my father. My mom... my mom was killed in a car accident a few hours ago. They just discovered her car. It was a head-on collision, the guy in the other car was drunk."

"Oh, my God, Nathan... " I was speechless, in a complete state of shock. Nathan didn't say a word. I assumed he was in shock still, that it hadn't sunk in yet. But I knew I had to be there for him. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry,"

I put my arms around him and hugged him, stroking his hair, feeling his upper half sink against me as his head lowered to my collarbone. I didn't know what else I could say. Nathan had just lost a parent in a tragic accident. I heard a shaky exhale leave him and held him tighter, not wanting him to think he was going to have to go through this on his own.

"How's your father doing?" I asked him, kissing the top of his head. I could feel Nathan's arm go around me.

"Like my father always is. I'm sure he's hurting, but he's not showing any sign of it," Nathan murmured. I didn't let go of him, giving him someone to hold him during this. I remembered when my own parents died. This wasn't about to be an easy thing for him to endure. "I can't... I can't even believe it."

"I know, sweetheart, I know," I murmured to him, gently rubbing his back. "Do you want to go see your father?"

I caught Nathan's eye and immediately recognised the look, remembering that Nathan hadn't spoken to his parents since Marni died. I knew how hard it was going to be for him, but I also knew he probably needed to.

"You should, Nate," I told him gently. "It might be good for the both of you."

He lifted his head slightly, but lay his hand over my arm and looked up in my direction. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course, sweetheart," I assured him, kissing the top of his head. I held him for a few moments, knowing it was probably something he needed. After a few moments, he straightened and slowly stood, clearing his throat.

"I think I'm going to go lie down for a little bit," He said softly. I nodded slowly. I could only imagine what he was being put through.

"Alright, call me if you need anything," I said gently. He nodded slowly, turning, and then slid his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. I wrapped my arms around his waist in a hug for a moment before releasing him and watching him trudge upstairs. I turned my head as Shilo caught my attention with her babbling. She was trying to learn how to talk but it just consisted of incoherent noises and sounds. She was getting there, though. Moving into the family room, I scooped her up from the play pen and held her. When I moved toward it though, I noticed Cooper was lying right beside it, an ever watchful guardian. It started to sink in just how attached the eight month old Shepherd was getting to the little girl.

"Hello, sweetheart," I crooned to Shilo, finding myself studying her face, and just how much she looked like Marni. I bounced her gently, watching a smile spread across her little face and the giggles that spewed forth. After about ten minutes of playing with her, I set her back down in the playpen and cast a gaze upstairs. I wanted to see how Nathan was coping, just how he was doing, but I didn't want to wake him if he was asleep. Moving toward the stairs, I headed up slowly, with Cooper at my heels.

"Cooper, no. Go down and see Shilo," I said. Cooper cast me a glance but grudgingly went back downstairs. I felt bad, but I wanted to go in and see Nathan. The last thing he would need was a sixty-six-pound German Shepherd joining in. The bedroom door was closed and after knocking quietly, I slowly opened the door, seeing nothing but darkness and Nathan's form on the bed.

"Nathan? Are you awake?" I said softly, just loud enough that if he was awake, he could hear me, but if he was asleep it wouldn't disturb him. Nathan didn't move, at least not from what I saw.

"Yes," He responded, though his voice was almost saddened, hurt, and I could see him turn his head toward me slightly, curled up. He was still in the t-shirt and jeans he had been wearing from what I could tell. I closed the door behind me and moved slowly into the room.

"How're you doing?" I asked softly, sitting down on the edge of his side of the bed beside him. Nathan shrugged, lifting a hand and gently ran it up and down my forearm slowly, as though wanting some kind of contact with somebody.

"Could be better I suppose," He murmured. I gently brushed a bit of his hair off his forehead. "How's Shilo?"

"She's good, sweetheart, she's downstairs. I was playing with her for a bit," I told him, laying a hand on his upper arm. I could see his green eyes searching mine before they lowered for a moment and he nodded slowly, then glanced back up at me.

"Lie down with me for a little bit?" He asked quietly. There was no way I could have denied him that.

"Of course, sweetheart," I responded gently. I moved so I was on the other side of him and his back was to me. I slid my arms around his waist, kissing the back of his neck. I could feel him settling against me and lay his arms over my own.

"Thank you," He murmured, almost inaudibly. For a moment, his voice sounded like it was cracking. I knew that the 'thank you' was for just the fact that I was staying with him, that he had someone there. I lay the side of my head gently against his neck, wrapping my arms slightly tighter around him.

"Of course, sweetheart," I told him. My thumb gently stroked an area of his stomach. "I'm always going to be there for you, Nathan. I promise."

He was holding so much back, I could feel it in him. Obviously he was still in shock over the death of his mother. But I knew Nathan. I knew he would hold it in until he broke down completely. I didn't want to see him endure that but I knew nothing I did was going to stop it. All I could do was hold him and be there for him as much as I could, which was exactly what I did as I lay beside him, my arms gently tightened around his waist. He turned in my arms and wrapped his own around me, drawing me to him. I could feel his face bury itself against the side of my neck and hair, plus the heavy exhale he gave.

"It's alright, sweetheart... it's alright," I murmured to him. I gently ran my hand up and down his back, trying to soothe him the best I could. I knew he was upset, but he was doing what he could to keep it together. That was probably going to change after he saw his father. When Marni died, Nathan hadn't been able to speak to either of his parents. He just couldn't bring himself to face them and tell them what happened. He was so burdened by guilt that the accident was his fault that he just couldn't face them. But it may have done more harm than good, especially now that he found out his mother ha dbeen killed in a car accident. I knew his dad wasn't about to be kind to him, either. I lay with Nathan, rubbing his back until he fell asleep, feeling his body leaning lightly against me. I held him close, not wanting to let go.

The following morning when Nathan and I were up, getting ready to go to Nathan's father's house, I looked up at my boyfriend and surveyed what was in front of me. Nathan wore a grey button-up dress shirt and black slacks. With a cup of coffee in front of him, he was leaning against the island counter looking over the newspaper, one hand shoved in his pocket. His green eyes were fixed on the paper behind his glasses, but there was a tension in his body, one that I knew was caused by the stress of what he was about to go do. I moved into the kitchen, approaching from behind him and slid my arms around his waist from behind, kissing the back of his shoulderblade before setting my chin on his shoulder. Nathan turned his head, kissing the side of my own before straightening, turning to gently pull me into his arms. I hugged him tightly, feeling him burying his face against my hair and felt him draw a breath and exhale heavily. I knew he was nervous, uneasy, and beyond tense. This was probably going to be one of the few moments today before interacting with his father that I could get him to still calm down a bit and turn to me. After this I knew he would be almost impossible to get through to until this whole thing was over.

"It'll be okay, honey," I murmured to him, kissing the side of his head. Nathan didn't say anything but nodded slowly in response before he gently pulled away, running a hand through his hair.

"We ready to go?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, I just need to put Cooper in the laundryroom and we'll leave."

I locked Cooper in the laundryroom with his open crate, water and dry food, plus a couple of toys to keep him occupied and tried to ignore the perpetual scratching and whining he caused from behind the door. I met Nathan in the kitchen and we left. The whole car ride there, Nathan was absolutely rigid. I lay my hand on his wrist with a gentle squeeze, seeing his eyes lower to it then find mine with a thin smile. But I knew his attention was elsewhere.

We pulled up at Nathan's parents' house. I heard Nathan exhale slowly, heavily, and he got out of the car, coming around and opening my door for me. As I got out, he shut the door behind me and we slowly made our way to the front door. I lay my hand on the back of his shoulder.

"It'll be alright, sweetheart," I assured him softly. He turned his head slightly in my direction and I knew he was taking in what I said, even if he didn't lift his eyes. "I'm right here,"

Nathan's body seemed to relax and I felt him put his arm around me, pulling me close to him. I wrapped my arm around his waist in return and we went to the front door. Nathan slowly and gently pulled away but stayed near me. Eventually, Grayor Wallace opened the door. Even though Nathan's father was in his early seventies, he looked so much older, like had aged over ten years since yesterday. His eyes were dull, looked haggard and exhausted. But his eyes hardened when he took a look at Nathan.

"I'm surprised you came," Grayor said. I could tell Nathan had been prepared to hug his father in consolation, but now he appeared to have thought against it. Nathan met his father's gaze.

"You think I wouldn't?" He responded. "Dad, I wouldn't have just ignored this."

"You ignored your family for the past eight months, how would we know?" Grayor responded, his tone terse. He cast a glance in my direction, his crass demeanor seeming to falter in the very slightest. As callous as Grayor had always been, I knew he was still, to an extent, a gentleman, and knowing him being like this while a woman was around was not something he was about to do. He had treated Emily Wallace like his queen. "Come in."

Both Nathan and I entered the house and followed Grayor into the living room, which was actually very elaborate. I knew Nathan's family had money. Nathan had a fairly decent time getting into med school. Had they not I don't think Nathan would have pursued that career. Immediately my gaze fell upon the polished wood bar where a bottle of Black Label scotch sat; open and almost half empty. I glanced in Grayor's direction and saw the glass he had put on the table. I studied his movements for a moment, realising that the unsteadiness and almost careless motions were alcohol induced. My stomach tightened. The man was belligerent as it was. With the death of his wife and now after he had been drinking? I dreaded how this was going to turn out. Glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, Nathan must have caught me looking, because his eyes shot to the bar where the bottle sat and then darted to his father. I could see Nathan's expression change. He knew.

"What's the real reason you came, Nathan?" Grayor said, sitting down in a chair across from us as Nathan and I sat down on the couch. Nathan's brow furrowed.

"Dad, really," He responded, his tone light but nonetheless exasperated, a bit taken aback. What other reason could he possibly have had to see his father? "I wanted to see how you were holding up. I mean... with Mom's death--"

"You have no god-forsaken idea, do you?" Grayor cut him off, his eyes boring into Nathan's. My hand went to Nathan's back. We sat near enough to each other where it couldn't have been noticed. But one way or another I wanted Nathan to know that he wasn't facing this alone. That someone was on his side. "How often did your mother get into the car and drive?"

"Not-- not very often," Nathan said uneasily, though immediately on the defensive.

"Do you know how badly she wanted so see you? How much she missed you?" Grayor continued. I saw immediate realisation come across Nathan's face, which paled at the same time as though something had just dawned on him.

"No... "

"Yes." Grayor responded, his tone harsh. "Your mother wouldn't have gotten in the car for any other reason but to see you. She finally couldn't take it anymore. She missed you. Missed you horribly. After what you did I can't imagine why she would. I told her she would be going by herself."

Nathan's eyes had been fixated on the table in front of us, almost agonisingly stunned. He was in shock, but as Grayor said what he did, Nathan lifted his eyes. I could see hurt like I've never seen before in his face as he stared at his father. "You let her go by herself? When you knew she wasn't comfortable in the car?"

"If you had actually come to see us, that decision wouldn't have had to be decided," Grayor shot back. "Rather than tearing yourself away from your family. The ones who might have ever loved you, except for that girl who was killed.

"Then again it looks like you got over that quickly," He continued, motioning toward me with his head. I drew back in astonishment, as though I had just been slapped. Nathan's hand immediately went to my knee almost protectively.

"Keep her out of this," Nathan responded, his tone now terse. "Mag was Marni's best friend."

Grayor barked a laugh.

"I hope you realise how that sounds, Nathan," He said, his tone cruel. Nathan's eyes narrowed and I could see his jaw set.

"Nathan, don't... " I quickly had to stop him from responding, because I knew whatever he was about to say would only fuel the fire. I turned my gaze to Grayor, keeping my hand on his back. He gently squeezed my knee. I knew at this point, though, that he was going to take any kind of verbal lashing his father was about to inflict on him, any sort of abuse, but he wans't going to let it be directed to me.

"Mr. Wallace," I began, glancing at Nathan, trying to keep at least some peace in this confrontation. "I'm so sorry for your loss, I really am. It's a horrible thing to have happen, especially so suddenly. But Nathan lost someone, too, we both did, when Marni died. Emily was someone you both lost. It was his only way of coping at the time--"

"Magdalene, sweetheart," Grayor cut me off. "You're with a man who clearly is far more damaged by things that have happened that's really understood. The loss you endured, yes, was horrendous. But Nathan was partially the reason for his mother's death, only because she had been driving out to see him. There is one hell of a vicious cycle here, because the death of his wife caused him to shut down, to close himself off, and in the long run tortured his mother. She drove out there to see him and was killed in the process."

"Dad... please.... " Nathan's voice was hoarse. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Grayor. His father was hitting every single fear and weakness, everything that had ultimately broken Nathan's heart and had made him see himself as a monster, and it was as though torturing his son was making Grayor feel better about what happened. Blaming someone else always seemed easier.

"You turned your back on your family, Nathan," Grayor said, his tone angry. "How could you live with yourself? Was mourning the death of your wife to that degree really worth losing your family? You've lost two people now. This could have been prevented. The death of _my_ wife could have been prevented. Unlike Marni's, who seemed to insist on riding a lame horse through a cross-country course. You're the vet, didn't you catch it? Didn't you do anything to stop her?"

"Mr. Wallace, that's enough!" I was astonished that a father could possibly have said that to his son. It was still a healing wound for me as well, and to hear him speaking of Marni... of his own _son_ like that was about as much as I was I was going to allow. Nathan had shut down, I could see it in his face but he abruptly stood.

"I don't have to listen to another word of this," Nathan muttered, his tone furious, but I could hear his voice crack. I stood slowly and he took me gently by the shoulders and moved me in front of him to head for the door, turning partially to his father.

"There was never once a positive childhood memory for me with you. Not a single one. As a father I hope that eats away at you, because there is nothing you can do to ever fix it."

"I don't give a shit. I did what I could to try to raise you. It isn't my fault that my son grew up to be a cold, hollow, ever-mourning widower,"

"Nathan, let's just go," I said quickly, laying a hand on his chest to try to pull him away, trying to turn him to guide him out. We left without saying a word to Grayor, and walking out to the car, I tried to ascess how Nathan was doing. His expression was blank, frigid, but looked almost defeated. Like he had failed. I knew that was probably what he was feeling.

"Do you want me to drive?" I offered. Nathan shook his head, opening my door for me before I could even touch it.

"No, it's fine," His voice was almost inaudible. He shut my door once I was in, and it was a painfully long five seconds before he went around to the other side and got in the driver's seat. As we pulled away from the house and finally reached the freeway, I glanced in Nathan's direction.

Still blank. As though every emotion, every bit of self-esteem or self-respect had just been beaten out him. It wasn't any kind of blame he was putting on his father, either. Every cruel thing Grayor had said to him Nathan was letting consume him. As though his father was right, as though believed every bit of it. I reached over and took his hand which resided on the consel, and he took mine and squeezed it in response, almost in desperate need for someone to be there. He was feeling like he had indeed almost lost everything and was to blame for it. I was sure of it.

"Nathan, none of what your father said was true," I said softly, gently stroking along his hand with my thumb. He didn't say anything, just shook his head. I could see his adams apple dip up and down as he swallowed, his jaw clenching once then releasing as though willing his body some other distraction rather than the pain I was sure he was enduring. His eyes were blank, dry, but just judging by ever movement, every little change in his expression, I could almost swear he was near tears. His only response was to squeeze my hand gently in return, which was how I knew that he had acknowledged what I said. But his mind was still beating him up. As though what he took from his father wasn't enough, I knew Nathan could be his own worst enemy. And sometimes his own worst enemy knew more of the weak points to hit than anyone else did. I didn't know if I should have touched him, done anything else to try to reassure. Something about his mood at this point made it seem as though even talking to him was treading on thin ice.

But I didn't let go of his hand. One way or another, I was there and I wasn't going anywhere. I wanted to make sure he knew that. That was one thing he could depend on, the fact that I was never going to leave his side. We finally got back to the house, and I went with Nathan to the side door where the kitchen was. Shilo was still asleep, at least from what we assumed, and I could hear the wild scratching and excited high pitched moaning whine of Cooper dying to get out of the laundry room to greet us with unrelenting enthusiasm. I went to let him in and Nathan went upstairs to check on Shilo. What concerned me was that he still hadn't said a word. The very second I let Cooper out from where he was sequestered to the laundryroom, he ploughed toward me, sliding his body along my legs, so excited, his tail bludgeoning my leg.

"Hello! Ohh you're just so excited," I crooned to him in a high pitched voice, which sent him into complete fits. I straightened, hearing the jingle of Cooper's tags as he shook himself, and at that point, I turned and made my way upstairs. As I moved down the hallway, I could see Shilo's room with the door partially open. I peered inside, seeing a male form bent over the side of the crib to tuck the little girl in. Probably just to see her as well.

"She asleep?" I asked in a volume that was just above a whisper. Nathan turned his head to look over his shoulder at me and nodded, slowly straightening.

"Yeah," He responded quietly. "She didn't move when I walked in."

With one last lingering look at Shilo he turned and headed toward the door toward me. As he moved somewhat past me, I tried to search his face, walking with him with a hand on his back. He cleared his throat, wrapping an arm around my shoulders in response, turning his head and kissed the top of my head. His hold was almost desperate, wanting someone there. I wrapped my arm around his waist as we turned and headed back downstairs. When we reached the living room, Nathan gently pulled away, moving to sit down on the couch. He slowly sank down, his elbows on his knees, hunched forward, running both hands through his hair with what sounded like a slightly wavering exhale. Letting his hands drop for a moment and his head lift, his eyes lifted to me for the briefest moment; saddened, alone. My heart went out to him. I moved to the couch to sit down.

"Oh, Nathan," I murmured, moving next to him. I wrapped one arm around the back of him to his waist, the other hand setting on his other side. I kissed the back of his shoulder, gently running my hand up and down his side which was closest to me. He still said nothing, but his head leaned gently against mine, with his shoulder and part of his body doing so as well. I joined him in silence, decided that if he wanted to talk, he would say something first. For the time being, silence was most likely the best thing for him. I stayed beside him, still gently running my hand up and down his side, kissing his shoulder, this time with my lips lingering against his shoulder, eventually with my chin lightly against it.

"What he said was true," I could barely hear him when he spoke, but I understood that part. His voice was hoarse, cracked, almost lifeless. "My mother's death _was_ my fault. I shut them both out because I couldn't bring myself to face them. Admitting Marni was dead made it real, and I couldn't face that at that time. It was rational, or at least... to me at the time. If I hadn't... my mom would still be alive. She died because of me."

His voice broke and I could barely see his eyes welling, as much as he tried desperately to push it back and fight it. I shook my head, wanting so badly to reassure him otherwise. I was sure that wasn't the case. It wasn't Nathan's fault. But his father had pointed out far too much for him to accept otherwise, and I was sure he wouldn't anytime soon.

"Nathan, it wasn't your fault," I said softly, wrapping my arms around him. "None of it was. What your father said was in no way true. He never should have said something like that. You didn't know. Nobody could have known what was going to happen."

"It had to have been, though," Nathan murmured, lowering his head. "She wouldn't have gone out for any other reason. My mother hated driving. And if my dad wasn't about to go, she was going to do whatever it took. Jesus... it was. If that was the case who's to say Marni's death wasn't my fault, either? I could have stopped her and I didn't."

His voice broke again, his breathing somewhat uneven. I suddenly realised just how much he was holding back, and that his mother's death and what his father said was just adding to it. I straightened slightly, keeping my furthest hand at his waist, and the one that was around him moved to his back.

"Nathan, you were not to blame for Marni's death. In no way, shape or form," I told him, my tone gentle but firm. He gave a heavy, abrupt exhale, lowering his head, bringing his hand almost to rub his eyes. He was trying so hard not to fall apart, I could feel it in him. I ran my hand gently up and down his back, staying near him. I knew he was reaching his breaking point. He needed to cry, needed to mourn the death of his mother. He hadn't even had the chance to do that. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like he was alone, or end up doing it alone, either.

"It's alright, Nathan," I murmured, still gently rubbing his back before I wrapped my arms around him once more, feeling him lean toward me. I kissed the side of his head. "If you need to let go, you can. I'm right here, you're safe,"

I could feel Nathan's arms wrap around my waist, and his head slowly lowered to my collarbone, letting me hold him. A quiet, suppressed sob left him, and I knew he was letting himself go.

"I should have talked to her.... " Nathan murmured, his voice broken, following with another choked sob. I didn't say anything, just tightened my arms around him and held him. My lips lingered at the top of his head, stroking his hair at the same time. Nathan broke down, and I could feel each quiet sob through the heaving of his back and shoulders. I wasn't about to let go of him. I knew the only thing I could possibly do was sit with him, hold him, and let him cry. He needed to let go of the grief, with someone there who he trusted and who he knew wasn't going to be critical, wasn't going to betray him in any way. It was a vulnerability that I had seen in him before, and not once had I done anything but comforted him the best I could.

He sobbed in my arms for the next ten minutes or so. There was so much pent up that I knew he was going to let go of at some point. Had he waited it would have probably been at a time he least expected it. At least I let him do it, gave him someone to do it to and at a time that I knew was right for him. His hold on me tightened, not wanting to let me go. The one thing he needed was for someone to hold on to, and that was exactly what I wanted to give him. After a few more moments of rubbing his back, trying to help steady his breathing, I could feel it start to quiet. He felt almost limp in my arms, emotionally exhausted, yet his arms remained around me. I gently stroked his hair. I didn't say a word. Silence seemed like it was appreciated the most usually.

"I love you so much," Nathan murmured, his voice still somewhat broken, almost inaudible. I lowered my head to kiss the top of his own.

"I love you, too, sweetheart," I murmured, still stroking his hair. "So much."

He didn't pull away. I assumed he wasn't ready to so I still held him. Gradually, his breathing became even again, and I could feel his thumb gently stroking along a section of my back. The touch was affectionate, and I knew to recognise it as his gratitude toward me for letting him break and being there with him to hold him the entire time. I don't think anyone had ever done that.

"God... the horses.... " Nathan muttered, wiping his eyes from under his glasses with his thumb and index finger, straightening slowly.

"No, don't even think about it," I insisted, laying a hand on his arm. "You're exhausted, Nate. You've been through enough. I can go down and feed the horses. You go upstairs, take a hot shower or something, and go lie down. I'll come up and join you when I get done."

Nathan opened his mouth as though he was going to protest. I was having none of it.

"No. I'm not taking no for an answer. Go." I proceeded, unrelenting. I narrowed my eyes in gentle playfulness, shooting him a look. "Don't argue with me, either."

That brought a thin smile to Nathan's face. He shook his head with a light scoff, slowly standing. His hand went around to the back of my head and gently drew it toward him, kissing the top of my head.

"I'll see you upstairs?" He said. Before he could walk away, I turned, bringing a hand to the side of his face to draw him back, kissing him briefly in return.

"Yes," I murmured against his lips. "I'll be right up there,"

My hand slid down to his hip as I felt him give my shoulder a gentle squeeze, letting my hand slide off as he turned and headed for the stairs. At that point, I turned and looked at Cooper, who caught my eye, cocking his head, those huge satellite-like ears pricked intently.

"Wanna go outside and see the horsies?" I crooned, a higher pitch to my voice with added enthusiasm. Cooper stood almost immediately, that tail going full-throttle. As I stood to head for the back door he was right at my side, and I reached for his leash. He was still young, and although he had quite a bit of training behind him, I just didn't trust that he was going to shoot off after some little creature and completely ignore my calls to stay put. What scared me more was him running into the road. We headed down to the barn and as soon as I walked in, I was greeted by throaty whickers and dark eyes peering at me from over stall doors. All five sets of ears were pricked, except for Dragonada on the far end who decided to swing her head around at Kilkenny Creek, threatening with pinned ears and bared teeth to take a chunk out of his nose. Kilkenny Creek yanked his head to the side, rolling his eye with a "W-T-F" look in the filly's direction, but he wasn't about to get his head close enough to find out why.

"Don't make me seperate you two," I warned, swatting lightly at Dragonada's muzzle, but the filly flung her head up before I could actually get her. I saw both Uther and Rags' heads draped over the stall door, too. Uther seemed to be calming down quite a bit. With his huge appearance, and the fact that he was still a stallion, there was a regal quality to him, almost a old wisdom the way he watched things, not reacting except for a subtle change in his expression, turning ears, and that was it. As I walked by him and Rags, I greeted them both with forehead rubs and scratches, heading toward the feed room. it was strange being down here without Nathan, an area where he was usually a presence with me down here, but there was no way I would have let him come down to help me. Not after everything he'd been through tonight and how much it had taken out of him. Feeding took about fifteen minutes and as soon as I was done, I checked waters, blanketed, made sure they were all settled, then headed back up to the house with Cooper's leash in hand, him trotting at my side.

I got back up to the house and let Cooper off the leash as soon as I walked in. I headed up the stairs to the hallway, peeking in Shilo's room briefly before I continued toward the closed door of Nathan's and my bedroom. Knocking gently, I expected him to have been asleep by now, almost reserved about going in and waking him, but I could hear the shower running. I opened the door, glancing in the open bathroom and could see a bluured sillouette of Nathan's naked torso from behind the glass in the shower. He hadn't seen me come in. With a grin, I figured I'd surprise him. Slipping out of my jeans, unzipping the vest I wore and pulling off the long-sleeved shirt under it, I moved inside, knocking lightly on the glass before reaching for the clasp of my bra. Nathan turned his head in my direction and I could barely make out the thin smile on his face.

"Want company?" I asked with a grin as soon as he opened up the shower door, finally undoing the clasp on my bra, but saw his eyes trail up and down my frame for the briefest second.

"You think I could say no to that?" He teased gently, but I could tell in the tone of his voice that he was tired. I knew that we weren't going to be doing anything in the shower, that hadn't been my plan to begin with. I just wanted to be with him, and knew he probably needed someone there. Finally stripping down, I joined him in the shower and shut the door behind us. I draped my arms gently around his neck and felt his lightly go around my waist. He kissed me, a long, slow movement that I immediately matched, closing my eyes. I combed my fingers gently through the back of his wet hair, the warmth of the water and his body near mine created an incredible thing. A moment of closeness, the complete bond that we shared. He gently broke the kiss and I could feel him kissing along my neck. He was gentle, his mannerisms nothing but loving. His hands, travelling down to settle at my waist, one hand by my hip with his thumb gently brushing over it, were gentle. Nathan was never rough. I had never known him to be. My arms moved down from around his neck, feeling him gently breaking the kiss and searching my face for a moment. I lifted my eyes to his, running my hands slowly past his shoulder and down to his chest. At first, I had been uneasy about it. He had seen me naked, but barely. Usually the lights were off, or at least there was only a bit of light, but in here the lights of the bathroom made everything visible. I had felt vulnerable, just completely exposed, but he treated me as though I was the most treasured thing in his life. He looked at me as though he loved me, and a lump rose in my throat because I knew that was true. I knew he loved me, and I loved him. I had always loved him, and now, moments like this didn't even seem real. Spending so long longing for someone and now to have this, know that you held their heart just as they held yours, it was an incredible, emotional thing. Nathan moved his hands upward to cup my face in both his hands. I lowered my eyes for a moment, feeling the warm water still beating down on the both of us. He kissed the top of my head and my arms gently went around his waist. He held me to him, and I turned my head to kiss his chest before laying the side of it agains his chest. He lowered his face to the crook of my neck, and I could feel him exhale. I ran my nails up and down his bare back gently, feeling him stroking the back of my hair.

He merely tightened his arms around me, hugging me, as though I was the last thing he held near and dear. There was an almost desperation to his hold on me, as though afraid I would slip away. I knew that the death of his mother and his father's cruel comments had broken his heart, now wanting so badly to be loved by someone, and I tightened my own arms around him, promising my love, affection and support. Always. He would never lose me, ever.

We finally had gotten out of the shower and into the bedroom to change. Wrapping a towel around my still wet hair, I changed into a pair of flannel pajama pants and a black t-shirt, squeezing the towel to try to soak up as much of the water as I could. In navy blue and forest green plaid boxer shorts and a grey t-shirt, Nathan moved slowly to his side of the bed, pulling back the covers and crawled in, his movements and landing more of a sluggish flop, curling up on his side. I went around to the other side of the bed and got in beside him, lying partially on my back while moving my furthest hand, running it up and down his upper arm in a soothing notion. Nathan opened his eyes and inched nearer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and gently settled his head against my shoulder and partial collarbone. I loved the feeling of the weight of his body against mine, as though he was leaning on me, needing my support, everything I could possibly give him and that I was more than willing to give him. I wrapped my arms around him, turning my head to kiss the top of his, gently stroking his hair while tilting the side of my cheekbone against the top of his head. I had glanced down to see his eyes closed. I could feel the pattern of his breathing, and he just seemed unsettled. When he opened his eyes, he seemed to stir slightly.

"Shh... try to sleep, sweetheart," I murmured to him. I gently brushed a bit of his hair back from his forehead, my nails gently running through his hair and the side of his head. "I'm right here,"

He stared forward for a few seconds before I watched his eyes slowly close once more. Within five minutes or so, I could feel his chest rising and falling in a steady pattern, and knew that he had fallen asleep. I continued to gently stroke his hair, eventually moving my hand to run up and down his back, wanting to keep the same pattern of doing everything I could to soothe him, to keep him asleep, to keep him knowing that someone was right there for him.


	7. The Last Night You Spend Alone

_**AN** Hey you guys, sorry it took me so long to get the next chapter up. PLEASE, R&R! :D_

About two days had gone by since learning about Nathan's mother's death. He seemed to be coping with it alright, but I knew he was still hurting. That was obvious, and expected, and what his father had said to him wasn't about to make things any easier, either. I led Dragonada out of the roundpen. I wanted to work on some ground work with her but I had her fully tacked up. Even though she was broke, as all three of the Thoroughbreds we fostered were, I figured starting from scratch would be the best way to go about re-training her. It was cold, especially early in the morning. Nathan was heading over from the house, moving toward the roundpen.

"Hey," I glanced his way, trying to ascess just how he was doing. "How're you doing?"

"I'm alright," He responded, moving toward the gate and leaned against it to watch. "You're not going to do what I think you're going to do, are you?"

By that question I knew he was referring to the fact that Dragonada was tacked, thinking I might get on her. I wanted to at some point, but knew that she was extremely high-strung for one and me getting on her when that was still an issue was just too much for him to handle.

"No, I'm not." I assured him, "But you know I'm going to have to get on her at some point."

"I know," He responded, studying the filly. "I'm just hoping for it to be prolonged."

I'm not sure what caused it, what noise Dragonada heard, but in about ten seconds she was airborn. She spun on her haunches with a wild snort, and in the midst of her yanking the leadrope right out of my hands, a back hoof was fired in my direction, making direct contact with my hip. A sharp pain shot through my entire thigh, almost up to my pelvis, intense enough to give me double vision for half a second, immediately knocking me to the ground.

"Mag!" Nathan hadn't even bothered to open the gate to get into the roundpen, he had gone clean up and over the gate and was on the other side. I was on my feet in a matter of seconds.

"I'm fine! I'm fine-" I tried to get Nathan to keep a level head, but at this point that wasn't happening.

"And you wonder why I didn't want you riding one of them?" Nathan's voice was tight. "Stupid, brainless animal..."

"Nathan, I've got her," I said, hobbling over to where Dragonada had finally come to a stop. We had watched her run lap after lap at a break-neck gallop. I dreaded what might happen, especially when all I could think of was what would happen if she stepped on the reins. "Easy, easy, sweetie... "

"Mag, honey are you insane?" Nathan's voice was almost panicked, quickly moving past me. "You just got kicked. Go back to the barn and go sit down, I can take her."

"Nathan, it's fine, I've got her-" I protested.

"-_Go._" Nathan turned and shot me a rigid look. It was a combination of terror, panic and relief all at the same time as well. There are few expressions made by Nathan that I know not to argue with and that's one of them. But there was something else. I knew this wasn't just another incident. This genuinely scared him. Without a word, I turned and hobbled toward the barn. I was beginning to feel worse and worse about what happened. Moments later, almost a few behind me once I finally reached the barn, Nathan showed up, leading Dragonada. I could tell by his posture that he was upset, shaken, annoyed, and not approachable. But that wasn't going to stop me.

"Nathan, I didn't know she was going to kick," I said softly. Nathan didn't look at me.

"Neither of us did," He responded, his voice tight as he clipped Dragonada into the crossties, moving to undo the girth. His response only made me feel worse.

"I'm sorry, honey, I know it scared you,"

"Don't be." He said, almost shortly. I recoiled slightly.

"Nathan, it turned out alright. It could have been worse." I continued trying. "But we came out of it alright. The filly wasn't hurt, I wasn't hur-"

"You weren't hurt?" Nathan's response abrupt enough to startle me as his eyes shot upward at me, pulling the saddle off of Dragonada. "You were just kicked in the hip, Mag, what do you mean you weren't hurt? And do not tell me 'it could have been worse', we're lucky it wasn't. A little bit higher, she could have kicked you in the head. You could have been killed. I don't consider that alright, I'm sorry if you do. But you're right, I guess it '_could have been worse._'."

"Why are you blaming me for this?" I responded, annoyed. I didn't do anything wrong. Why was he coming after me for this? "It wasn't anybody's fault. It wasn't mine, it wasn't the horse's, accident's happen."

"You're right, it wasn't anybody's fault. It couldn't have been _prevented._ That's exactly what I'm saying, and it goes right back to why I didn't want you on one of the Thoroughbreds to begin with. Because we just don't know what's going to happen. We can't stop anything from happening. A disaster can happen at any moment and there's nothing anybody can do to stop it." Nathan dropped the saddle rather roughly, enough to make Dragonada shy to the side. I knew what he was referring to the accident to a degree. But at this point, he already made me defensive. There was no reason for him for him to speak to me like that. At least I didn't think so at the time. Any remorse I had for him was quickly replaced by resentment.

Getting the filly unsaddled, Nathan wouldn't look at me. His shoulders were tense, every movement he made was tense. "I'm going to walk her out and then hose her off. You can go back up to the house or stay down here, whatever you want. I don't care." He muttered, his voice clipped. My eyes narrowed. Now it was getting personal. I was a combination of resentful, hurt, and annoyed.

"What is your problem?" I responded, defensive, "I know it freaked you out, but Nathan, there's no reason to be like this,"

"I'm sorry, I guess I just don't want to watch another person in my life get killed," Nathan responded, his voice calm yet cold. He had stopped for a moment, and now he still wouldn't look at me. The second he responded guilt hit me with a pang. But he kept walking. I shouldn't have said it. The more I thought about it the worse I felt, but I was still annoyed and wasn't about to let him think he was in the right treating me like that. Turning, I limped back up to the house, moving through the front door and went upstairs; which proved to be a bigger task than I thought. At the top of the stairs, I stopped, lifting the hem of my shirt at the side and pushed the waistband of my jeans down slightly to take a look at what damage was done. Sure enough, there was a perfectly shaped hoofprint that had turned and ugly black and blue hue. I knew it would be a massive bruise by morning. Gingerly touching it, I winced upon finding that it was indeed tender. I had to put ice on it before it got worse. Making my way down the hall to our bedroom, I took off the clothes I had been wearing and put on a black tanktop with a pair of black lounge pants. Pulling a hairtie out of the dresser drawer, I scraped my long dark hair back into a messy bun before limping back downstairs. At this rate I was starting to feel like I had just added a good fifty years to my real age, hobbling down into the kitchen like a cripple. Nathan always kept medical gel packs in the freezer, and now I was starting to understand why and appreciate it. Taking one of the gel packs, I carefully slid it under the waistband of my pants against my hip, going to the couch in the living room and laid down on the long side of the corner couch. I pulled the hem of my tanktop up and folded it half over on my chest for easier access, propping myself up slightly on the cushions. I lay the gel pack on my hip, finally settling, with one free hand ready to catch it if it slid, the other hand resting on my stomach. I couldn't get my mind, settled, though. I felt horrible for what happened. Had Nathan and I ever even fought before this?

I had no idea when he was coming back up. A part of me was almost worried he wouldn't for the night. No. It wasn't that bad that he needed to take a night and not come home.

Was it?

After another twenty minutes or so, I heard and saw Cooper get up and rush to the door to greet whoever it was entering. He wasn't barking. I knew it was Nathan.

He came around the side of the couch slowly and I looked up. "Hey, how're you doing?"

"Hey," He responded softly, moving to the wide side of the couch and sat down next to me. "I'm better. Finally got the filly cooled down." I tried to assess his mood at this point. He seemed like he had cooled off a bit, but he still didn't say anything.

"Nathan, I'm sorry," I said softly, glancing his way, "I know you were scared, I should have taken that into consideration, and I didn't."

"No, _I'm_ sorry," He said quietly, shaking his head. "I never should have treated you like that. When it happened, it scared the hell out of me, but at the same time, I was angry. Angry at the fact that it was happening again, something else was threatening the life of another person I loved, and I couldn't do anything about it. I was angry, scared, and shaken up, and I took it out on you. When I heard the crack of her kicking you and watched you drop, the worst was going through my mind. The only thing I could think to do was get out there. My heart was pounding, I didn't know what had happened, and seeing you on the ground even for that short amount of time, all I could see was Marni. All I could think was, 'Oh my God, it's happening again,'"

I didn't know what to say to respond. I searched his face, saw in his eyes just how much what happened had affected him. His eyes and expression were softer, but filled with complete remorse. He turned toward me a bit, his other hand laying itself gently on my other side, his thumb gently stroking along it.

"Forgive me?" He said quietly, almost sadly. "I never wanted to treat you like that, Maggie, I never would have. I had absolutely no right. I was scared, but I feel like a monster."

"Nathan... " I murmured, searching his face before I pushed myself slightly further, gently opening my arms and partially wrapping them around his neck, letting him sink against me the remainder of the way and that's exactly what he did. He buried his face against the side of my neck, his own arms around me with a heavy sigh.

"Of course I forgive you," I murmured, kissing the side of his head while stroking his hair. "You were scared, you didn't know what to do,"

"That doesn't give me justification for how I treated you," He murmured against my neck. I held him tightly,

"You're not a monster, Nate," I told Nathan softly.

"I just couldn't lose another person I love. I can't go through that again," His voice cracked in the slightest. I knew he was right.

"You won't, sweetheart, you won't lose me," I promised him, gently rubbing his back. We stayed there for another few moments before Nathan gently pulled away, but not before kissing my stomach, keeping his hand the there for a moment.

"How's the hip?" He asked gently, running his hand gently back and forth over my lower stomach.

"Black and blue, but still intact... thank God," I responded softly, laying my hand over his once it stopped and squeezed his gently in an affectionate manner. "It's probably going to be worse tomorrow, but oh well,"

"Let me take a look at it for a second," Nathan offered gently. I removed the gel pack, which Nathan set on the coffee table. He was very careful about where he was applying pressure, but it still hurt on certain areas. He felt along my hipbone, lifting his eyes slightly as though trying to focus on where the bone was, if it was still in place and so on.

"Well, it's not broken, which is good," He responded, "Not out of place, either. I think it's just going to be a really big bruise for awhile."

"Great," I muttered.

"Just keep this on it," Nathan said, setting the gel pack on my bare hip. The sudden cold was a shock to the area, causing me to flinch slightly. Nathan scooted closer to me, bringing his feet; which he had taken his shoes off before hand, up onto the long side and sat beside me, leaning against the back of the couch. I inched closer to him, draping my arm over his torso and lay my head against his stomach. Nathan wrapped his arm around me in response.

"What are we watching?" He asked. I could feel his hand running gently up and down my upper arm.

"I haven't the slightest idea," I said. Nathan grinned, kissing the top of my head. It was a huge relief to not be fighting anymore. Things were back to normal, or at least as normal as they could get. It was still fairly early in the morning, but I had a feeling I was out of comission for a few days. Even as a few days went by, I found hobbling around to be extremely tasking and even more frustrating. But as days went by, the bruise healed and I was back in action. And before long, the day came where Nathan finally agreed to letting me get on Dragonada.

"I can't believe I'm letting you do this." He stood by the arena fence, leaning on his forearms, watching me lean down to adjust my stirrup. I could tell by the look on his face that he was anything but comfortable with what was happening. Every nerve of mine was actually jumping as well, but it was more in anticipation. Dragonada was like a coiled spring underneath me.

"We'll be fine, honey, don't worry," I assured him, moving toward the fence and leaning to gently rub the back of his shoulder. Nathan drew a sharp breath that almost sounded panicked.

"Maggie- do me a favour and just keep both hands on the reins, honey, please, for the love of God." Nathan muttered, dropping his head into his hands and rubbed his temple. I would have found it laughable if I hadn't known why he was so scared of me doing this.

"Nathan, look at me," I said gently, searching his face as he lifted his head slowly. "Honey, nothing is going to happen. I'm not going to let anything happen. I can feel what she's going to do before she does it, if she does anything."

Nathan's eyes were on mine, and I could see just how worried he was, how much this brought back everything that had happened. It affected me, but I don't think to the extent it did Nathan. I reached out a hand, waiting for his. Hesitant, he lifted his and took mine. I squeezed his gently and felt him squeeze mine in return, watching him bring it to his lips and kiss my knuckles.

"Be careful, sweetie. Please," He said softly. I nodded and he let go of my hand. I adjusted the reins, keeping one eye on Dragonada's ears, the position of her head. I also kept part of my attention on what I was feeling through her body, any sort of tension, anything that might indicate that she was going to act out explosively. I had two options; either try to stop her, which was ideal, but not likely, especially for a young, green Thoroughbred who was in the heat of a full-blown panic, or bail, which seemed like the go-to option, but I knew there was no way I'd make it through that without breaking a bone. You can't bail from a thousand pound animal going nearly thirty-five miles an hour and come out unscathed. If you did, you were lucky. _Ok, stop it. You're sending negative energy toward this._

I was extremely uneasy about this, but I _couldn't_ let myself submit to it. I couldn't let Dragonada feel that I was scared. If she felt that tension from me, she would get uneasy and tense, which would only make me worse, and it would be a vicious cycle from then on. Pressing my weight down in my heels, which would anchor me to the saddle if for some reason I was at risk of being thrown, I clicked my tongue at her and gently pressed my heels against her sides, keeping pressure on the area behind the girth where I knew she would feel pressure. One thing I wanted to avoid was really pulling on the reins. On the track, horses were trained to run against the tightening of the reins. Pulling on reins was signal for them to run, then jockeys stood up in the stirrups and leaned back for them to stop. I knew it was something we needed to train her, and the other two, out of, I just needed to teach myself how to ride a horse trained like that without getting myself killed.

At first, Dragonada's trot was choppy and over exuberant. I had to lean my weight back somewhat to gradually slow her gait to a comfortable trot, at which I praised her for. For such a young horse, Dragonada was extremely willing. She wasn't ornery, wasn't a bitchy mare or filly in the least. I'm sure she had her moments, I've seen her beat up on Kilkenny Creek many times over the stall door, but toward people when it came to working? She was willing to please. Her ears tilted back toward me, delicate, finely fluted ears that were constantly swivelling back and forth. Posting her trot, I guided her in circles, figure eights around the arena, and then guided her down the diagonal. Halfway down, she spooked at something clearly she saw, but I didn't, shying to the side with rather very impressive agility and an explosive snort, almost unseating me. I quickly regained control, and can could vividly imagine Nathan nearly going into cardiac arrest over by the arena fence.

"You're going to kill me," I heard Nathan call from the arena fence. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Breathe, Nate," I responded, asking Dragonada for a trot again. After a few moments, she eased into it. Sitting in the saddle, I squeezed harder with my heels. She sprang into a canter, displaying to me that she clearly knew nothing about correct leads. I guided her over to where we would approach a corner, asked for a trot and as we rounded the corner asked for a center again. The bend would force her instinctively to pick up the correct lead, and it did. I cantered her a few times around the ring before slowing her to a walk, not wanting to overwork her. It disgusted me how young racehorse trainers started their horses. Horses on the track usually were started at a year old, if not two or three. Ligaments weren't fully developed.

"Thank God, now get off before she decides a branch is going to kill her," Nathan joked, but his tone was uneasy. Shaking my head with a grin, I dismounted, moving around toward him and put my arms around him in a hug. I felt his arms go around my waist and his head lower to the crook of my neck.

"See? I told you it would be fine," I assured him, kissing the side of his head. Nathan nodded slowly, and I could feel him exhale. He gently tightened his arms and lifted his head briefly, kissing the side of my neck before his head lowered again. I held onto him. I knew he wasn't ready to let go yet. For that matter, I wasn't either.

A week later, I stayed home that night to watch Shilo. Nathan had been called into work and I figured he would he home late. Around eight o' clock at night, I was beginning to really wonder where he was. The phone rang when I was in the kitchen and I cleared the room to get it. "Hello?"

"Hi- is this Mag?"

"Yes, who is this?" I responded.

"Hi Mag. Chris. We've met a few times before." The guy on the other end responded. "I work with Nathan at the clinic."

"Oh! Right. How are you?" I asked.

"I'm alright. Was calling to prepare you for what's about to come home, though." He said.

"Oh, God... what?"

"We had a case today that Nathan and I were both on. Big pinto stallion broke both legs in an accident. Total freak coincidence, actually. Horse looked a hell of alot like Nathan's stallion. I could tell is was going to be hard on him. We took the stallion through surgery and everything, Nathan wanted to do something so badly. But the horse was in shock as it was. He died on the operating table."

"Oh, God," I murmured, my hand at my collarbone. I could only imagine what that did to him. "How is he?"

"Well... he's not doing well over it. But you know Nathan. He sort of went blank, cold and so on, didn't say anything. If he's going to talk to anyone or turn to anyone, it's going to be you. He's going to need someone, whether he wants to admit it or not."

"Right," I responded softly, biting the inside of my cheek in thought, and now uneasy anticipation, glancing at the clock again to see when exactly Nathan was due back. "Did he already leave?"

"Yeah, he left a bit ago. I figured I should let you know before he got home that he had quite the rough night."

"Yeah, thank you for letting me know. He might not have told me anything," I said. "I have an idea of how I'm going to handle it. I'll talk to you soon, Chris."

"Alright, take care."

We got off the phone and I started to think about the whole situation. Just what Nathan had probably gone through, trying so hard to stabilize that stallion. And what a freak coincidence was right. I went upstairs to check on Shilo, and minutes later, I heard the front door open and Cooper racing to greet the person. I left Shilo's room and headed down the stairs and saw Nathan, immediately recognising he wasn't well. He looked exhausted, worn out, as though he had failed. He went into the living room and I moved closer to him from the side.

"Nathan... " I said softly, the tone in my voice gentle, yet knowing, recognising how much he was probably hurting. He turned his head to look at me, with a not very convincing attempt at masking just how hard work was, then his expression softened.

"You heard?" He said quietly, turning his head a bit away from me. I nodded slowly, moving toward him.

"Chris called me and told me." I responded softly, coming up next to him and slid my arm around his waist, my other hand placed gently on his arm. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart,"

I half expected Nathan to become guarded, to try to brush it off like it didn't happen. But he didn't. He wrapped his arm around me, tilting his head gently against mine. I ran my hand gently up and down his side, the hand that was once on his arm that was now around me settled gently at his stomach. After a few moments, Nathan turned in my arms and wrapped both of his around me, his head against the side of my neck and shoulder and he exhaled slowly as he sank against me. I gently tightened my arms around him, holding him.

"How're you doing?" I asked him gently, kissing the side of his head.

"Tired," He murmured, closing his eyes. I knew that had to have been an understatement. He seemed exhausted.

"I can imagine. Why don't you go lie down, sweetheart?" I suggested. I could feel him lift his head head from my shoulder and set his chin on it. He shook his head.

"Let's go lie down on the couch and put on a movie. I need to get my mind on something else, I can't go to bed thinking about what I did," He said softly, then kissed the side of my neck. "And I want you with me, Maggie. Need you, actually... "

I ran my hand up and down his back. "I'll stay with you, sweetheart. The whole night on the couch if you want me to."

He exhaled slowly once more, gently tightening his arms around me and nodded slowly.

"Let's go upstairs and change for bed incase we both fall asleep down here," I suggested. Nathan nodded and I felt his arms loosen. We headed upstairs and changed. I turned to see Nathan was in black lounge pants, his torso bare. I changed into a black long-sleeved t-shirt and black briefs. It was warm out, but not that warm. I watched Nathan finish changing and shuffle toward the door, pausing with a hand on the door frame as though waiting for me. I moved toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist from the side. He wrapped his arm around me, kissing my forehead and we both made our way down. My main goal of putting my arms around him was moreso to keep him upright going down the stairs. He looked like was about to drop any second.

We made it down the stairs and Nathan more or less flopped down on the long side of the couch. Climbing over the back of it, I joined him, lying down beside him as we went to On Demand and ordered a movie. The lights were flipped off, and the dog lay at the foot of the couch. Nathan turned over partially when I did to kiss my forehead, turning back over onto his back where he was somewhat propped up by the cushions. I lay beside him and he put his arm around me, pulling me gently closer as I curled up at his side with my head on his chest, my hand resting directly on his sternum. He reached back and pulled the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch off and pulled it over the both of us, kissing the top of my head. At this point, both of his arms went around me and I kept my arm around his torso. He tilted the side of his head against the top of mine. I could feel his chest moving underneath my head, and could hear his heartbeat. It was comforting, and now that he seemed completely and totally relaxed, it was even better. The movie played out, and about ten minutes into it, I could feel Nathan's body completely relax, glanced somewhat up to see his eyes closed. I gently and slowly rubbed his side and chest, hoping to soothe him to the greatest degree I could. I could tell he had finally fallen asleep, which was a huge relief. The movie was barely a quarter through, so I decided to keep it on. I wanted to be there if Nathan woke up at all. I knew his sleeping patterns, if something traumatic or unsettling happened, it didn't matter how dead exhausted Nathan was, he still had a habit of letting it wake him up.

And it did.

Ten minutes following, I felt Nathan stir, and heard a groan and a few murmurs. I lay my arm over him with my hand at his side, lifting my head.

"Shh... Nathan, you're okay, sweetheart," I murmured to him, reaching up to gently push a bit of his hair away from from his forehead. Nathan's eyes opened partway, seeing to slowly come to realisation.

"Damnit," He groaned softly, clearly agonisingly frustrated over not being able to sleep. I pushed myself upward somewhat, allowing him room to turn over onto his stomach, which I gently encouraged. He settled and I lay beside him, an arm over his back with a hand gently placed on his ribcage.

"Just try to relax, love," I said softly, kissing the back of his neck. I ran my nails gently up and down his bare back to soothe him, kissing the back of his shoulder, laying the side of my head against part of his upper back. "I'm right here, Nathan. You're alright."

Finally, Nathan did fall back asleep. With my arm around the back of him to his waist, I turned my gaze to the television screen, absently watching until I could barely keep my eyes open. Reaching for the remote on the coffee table, I almost wondered if I should wake Nathan up to bring him up to bed. No. He had just gotten to sleep, I didn't want to wake him. And I knew the last thing he would need was to be left alone down here. I knew I would stay with him one way or another. I turned the television off to find us in complete darkness. Before I settled back down, Nathan unconsciously shifted onto his back. I moved nearer to him and returned my head to his chest, feeling his arms go back around me and I felt the kiss placed to the top of my head.

"I love you," Nathan murmured, his voice almost incoherent. I realised he was still asleep, but even so, it still meant something

"I love you, too, sweetheart," I responded softly. I lay my head gently on his chest and felt his arms around me, the tips of my fingers gently trailing down his stomach to his side in a completely absent, affectionate manner. He was familiar. Every bit of him. From each portion of his body to the beat of his heart. Soon, I too fell asleep before I realised it, with my head on my other half's chest and in his arms. I couldn't have been happier.


	8. Lean on Me When You're Not Strong

_**AN~ **Sorry it's taken me so long, you guys. Things have been insane. I'm going to post as much of it as I possibly can in the next week. R&R please! :D :D :D :D_

About two weeks later, I overheard Nathan in the living room at his desk and on the phone. Having poured myself a cup of coffee, I took a sip before setting it down and scooping Shilo up in my arms, propping her up on the hip that _wasn't_ bruised. The black and blue had gone away, but it was still a bit sore. I made my way into the living room with Shilo in my arms, kissing the little girl's forehead and set her down. Approaching Nathan, I lay a hand on the back of his shoulder, running my hand gently and affectionately up and down his back. He got off the phone and shook his head with a scoff, dropping his forehead into one hand.

"So I just called and okayed them bringing both Dragon Blade and Batten over here," He said, shaking his head again. "I'm asking for it."

"No, Nathan, that's a good thing, honey," I told him with a grin, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and kissed the side of his head. Nathan laid his hand over my arms, and I could feel his thumb gently stroking along the side of my forearm. I felt his head lean back slightly against my collarbone.

"Seven horses..." He said softly. "We're going to have _seven_ horses. What the hell was I thinking?"

"You're a good person, that's all," I said, kissing the side of his head again. Nathan grinned and stood slowly.

"Let's go get the stalls ready," Nathan said, wrapping his arm around me. I slid my arm around his waist and we headed down to the barn. Nathan went to go get a bag of shavings and I went over to Rags' stall to check on him. But almost the second I got there, my beloved gelding fell against the side of the stall with a violent crash, convulsing and thrashing as soon as he hit the floor. My stomach twisted and my heart hit the back of my throat.

_"Nathan!"_ I gave a strangled, panic cry, immediately fumbling with the latch to try to get in there. What was I going to do? I had no idea what was wrong with Rags to begin with, but with flailing hooves, I knew it was a hazard. But instinctively I wanted to go to my horse's side. Nathan was there immediately, took one look in the stall and as soon as I pushed the stall door open reached for me.

"He's seizing," Nathan's voice was tight, taking hold of me to hold me back. "Do not go in there, Mag. He's got no control over his body, he'll kill you."

My heart pounded in my chest, but Nathan wouldn't let me go. I knew he was right. Nathan stood between me and the stall door, holding me as we both watched in helpless agony as my beloved horse thrashed spasmodically. It lasted about a minute before Rags lay still. For a moment I thought he was dead, and panic filled me. Tears welled in my eyes but Nathan held me. Rags suddenly staggered to his feet, teetering the whole way up as though he were going to fall back over. His head was low, his eyes dazed for a moment. Nathan kissed the top of my head before moving into the stall slowly. "Easy... easy... you're alright... "

"What happened? What caused that?" I murmured. I wiped my eyes, still shaking. I couldn't believe what we had just witnessed. Rags looked shaken, bewildered, and almost lethargic at the same time. Nathan lifted my gelding's upper lip to take a look at his gums, feeling along the underside of his jaw, shaking his head.

"I don't know," Nathan muttered, his focus on Rags. "He's never had a seizure before. He doesn't have a history of Epilepsy, does he?"

"No, not that I know of," I said, moving into the stall. Nathan shook his head.

"A horse doesn't just have a seizure, so something's wrong," Nathan said, digging his phone out of his pocket.

Something was wrong. Nathan called another vet out for a second opinion. Tests were done and West Nile was suspected as the cause. There's no real treatment for West Nile, just therapy of different types, and letting the virus run its course if the horse even makes it. As weeks went by, symptoms got worse. Rags had a hard time even moving. His temperament changed drastically, and he was even as much as aggressive at times. We had him quarantined from the other horses just in case, and it killed me. Nathan came in one morning at barely six o' clock to wake me. I knew the second I saw his face.

"He can't get up, Maggie," Nathan said softly, sadly, sitting at the edge of my side of the bed. "We can't let him go through this anymore,"

Tears welled in my eyes, knowing he was right, but I just couldn't bring myself to accept it yet. "There's got to be something else we can do. What about antibiotics? Anything?"

"We've tried everything, sweetheart. He's just not responding to anything." Nathan said, his voice gentle. I pushed myself up slowly, tears streaming down my face. I knew he was right. Rags couldn't suffer anymore. Nathan gently pulled me into his arms and held me.

We went down to the barn and I looked in to see Rags lying flat on his side in the stall. I went in with Nathan beside me and sat with him, cradling his head in my lap. Nathan went to help the other vet, holding Rags' lead rope, gently leaning one knee against the top of Rags' crest to keep him from trying to jump up. We both knew Rags probably couldn't if he tried, anyway. With tears streaming down my face, I murmured my goodbyes to him through quiet sobs, telling him I was sorry. Within moments I could feel Rags' breathing stop. There's something about holding a dying animal in your arms where you can just about feel their spirit leave them. And what broke my heart was that I could feel my beloved horse, my teammate, pass in my very arms. As soon as Rags died, Nathan set the lead rope down and moved to my side, kneeling beside me and wrapped his arms around me to hold me. I sank against his chest and cried, feeling Nathan rubbing my back and hearing him murmuring to me.

"I'm so sorry, Maggie," He murmured, gently rocking me back and forth. I sobbed quietly against Nathan's chest. My horse was gone. Rigoletto, the horse who was my partner in the show ring for so many years, was gone. Though no longer in pain, I knew a day wouldn't go by that I wouldn't miss him

Two days had passed since Rigoletto's death. Both Batten and Dragon Blade had arrived, and I knew they were two that we would have to work with, but I still couldn't quite wrap my mind around the fact that my horse was dead.

I sat in the living room with a box of different photos and show memorabilia. I eventually heard Nathan come in and heard his footsteps falter.

"Maggie?" He said gently. I could feel him approaching and felt him sit down beside me.

"A few weeks," I murmured, tears welling in my eyes. "A few weeks ago he was fine. How did this happen?"

"I know, sweetheart, I know... " Nathan murmured. He wrapped his arms around me and I sank against him. Nothing like this was ever easy. Losing anybody close to you was never easy. Rags was buried on the far side of the property. He was a constant presence. Sometimes, walking out with one of the horses, I could swear I could feel Rags standing behind me. It didn't bother me. It was almost a relief to know he was still there.

Two more months had gone by since everything happened. Shilo was turning two today. Cooper had just turned a year old. It had been just about a year since Marni's death, and two months since Rigoletto was put down. Riding Batten, I stood by the corner of the arena, looking from afar at what my life was now. It was definitely a huge change, but a change for the better. Despite everything, it was indeed better. I was happy.

My iPhone rang in my vest pocket and Batten just about lept out from under me. Gaining control over the young gelding, I dug it out of my pocket to find Nathan was calling. "Hi honey,"

_"Hey sweetheart. Listen, can you do me a favour and get Shilo? I have some things I want to set up for her birthday and need her out of the way."_

"Sure, when should I be expecting you?" I asked, and could hear a crash in the background on Nathan's end. "Nate, what was that?"

_"What was what?"_

_Clang clang._ "That."

_"Oh, I just hit a pot hole, it's nothing."_

"You sound like you've got the trailer with you."

_"No- I mean yeah, I do, but only to transport some stuff for Shilo's birthday,"_ He responded. _Ok, something's up._

"Alright, I'll see you when you get home," I said. I got off the phone with him and dismounted Batten, leading him back to the barn. I untacked him, cooled him down, then put him away and headed up to the house for Shilo. Over an hour later, I had done over a dozen crafts with Shilo, put on movies that I had bought for her and played with her when Nathan finally called me.

_"Bring Shilo down to the barn, I have something for the both of you,"_ Nathan said. I could hear the smile in his voice. Sure enough, I obeyed and brought Shilo with me down to the barn, with Cooper at our heels. Nathan stood in the barn and from the stall he stood next to stuck the tiny little head of a liver chestnut Shetland Pony that couldn't have been more than nine-hands tall. The halter was purple, and a pair of dark, inquisitive eyes peered out from a thick mass of forelock, her fuzzy little ears pricked in complete curiosity. My jaw dropped.

"Meet Tinkerbell," Nathan said with a grin. I could see the smile spread across Shilo's face and she reached out toward the pony.

"Pony!" She squealed. I looked in Nathan's direction, near suffering from a complete cute overload.

"Oh, my _God,_ Nathan, she's adorable," I gushed, referring to the pony. He opened the stall door and I set Shilo down so she could go into the stall. Tinkerbell turned her little head to look at Shilo, but she didn't move. I noticed that Nathan also held the pony's lead rope to be on the safe side.

"Whassername, Daddy?" Shilo said, turning her large dark eyes to her father. Nathan pushed the door behind him, kneeling down and scratched the underside of Tinkerbell's neck.

"Her name's Tinkerbell, Shi," Nathan said. Shilo's smile broadened.

"Like the fairy in Peter Pan!" She squealed.

"She's a fairy of a pony," I remarked with a smile. I couldn't get over the tiny cuteness of the pony. She had the teeniest little muzzle, teeny ears, little hooves that could have fit into teacups (Nathan had put the Twinkletoes Hoof glitter on them; purple for that matter, as well.), and enough mane and tail to fit on two ponies.

"I was debating whether or not she was still too young for a pony for awhile," Nathan told me as I knelt beside him. "But I thought it'd be good for her to learn how to bond and take care of a pony. Better than her learning to ride on Uther. Her mom would have wanted her to learn,"

I watched the flicker of sadness pass through Nathan's green eyes and I lay a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. He turned to me with a thin smile, looking back at Shilo. "Shi, we have something for Mag, too. Once we give Mag her gift we'll let you get on Tinkerbell, alright?"

I stared at Nathan. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Nathan laughed, slowly standing and unhooked the lead from Tinkerbell's halter, closing the stall door after Shilo had left the stall. "Follow me."

Not even three stalls down I could hear the frantic pacing of a horse. It didn't sound like any of the other ones. It sounded totally unfamiliar. My heart leapt in my chest, and as we approached the stall, I peered in and found myself looking at the most stunning Arab I'd ever seen. He was a big, cresty chestnut with no white on him except for a little white star. His head was perfectly dipped. He was absolutely stunning.

"Oh, my God... " I breathed, unable to tear my eyes away from him.

"That's Phaeton TE," Nathan said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. "He's a stallion. They were trying to get rid of him just because the owners didn't have enough room for him. With his lines, I couldn't let him go. I knew you'd love him."

I was speechless. I stayed in Nathan's arms, leaning gently back against him. Phaeton approached the stall door, slipping his delicate muzzle through the bars of the stall. Reaching past me, Nathan pushed the stall door open partway just enough for Phaeton to slip his head through. His perfectly fluted ears were pricked, his eyes curious but alert. He was stunning. I reached out to gently cup his dark muzzle in my hands. Unlike most stallions I've known, Phaeton was gentle. He puffed lightly against my hands, his breath warm. His forelock travelled almost past the center of his head. I smoothed it gently.

"Nathan, he's gorgeous," I murmured, moved by what he had done. I didn't know if I was ready for another horse just yet, but the fact that Nathan had bought Phaeton and was giving him to me was unbelievable.

"I know he can never replace Rags, but I think he wants to try to win that place in your heart," Nathan said. I could feel him place his chin gently on my shoulder. I turned my head and kissed the side of Nathan's own.

"He's already started, sweetheart. Thank you so much," I murmured, not quite trusting my voice. I turned in Nathan's arms and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face against the side of his neck as well. He hugged me tightly. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too, darling," Nathan murmured in response. "So much.

Shilo's birthday had been a hit. Nathan put Tinkerbell on a lungeline and let Shilo get on her, letting Shilo walk her pony around the roundpen. I stood on the other side of the gate, holding Phaeton's lead rope. The halter and lead rope he had come with had both been red and nylon, which matched his chestnut coat perfectly. I kept Rags' leather halter, knowing I could never use it on Phaeton. It was in Rags' honour, and I knew Phaeton would leave his own little imprint on me. He already had.

"Mag, go get on him," Nathan encouraged. At the moment, Phaeton stood beside me. I was a bit uneasy.

"I don't know... are you sure? I mean, it's Shilo's birthday-"

"Maggie, get on him. You're fine," Nathan said. His expression was gentle, understanding my apprehension. Drawing a breath, I brought him back into the barn to tack him up. He was a bit girthy first tacking him up, and as I tightened the girth he flattened his ears, but he stood quietly. I bridled him, and turning, I found myself looking at my new horse completely saddled. I had no idea what I was about to experience getting on him, but Phaeton was complete perfection. Leading him into the arena next to the roundpen, I could see Nathan watching me as he reeled Shilo on Tinkerbell in. Pulling the stirrups down, I exhaled shakily, taking a handful of Phaeton's red mane into my hand as I stuck my foot in the stirrup, keeping a fairly tight hold on both reins in one hand to keep him from going anywhere. But Phaeton didn't move. He stood quietly, those fluted ears tilted back toward me as though listening to what I was doing. He was awaiting my command. I had never, ever seen a stallion this calm. Carefully, I lifted myself and swung my leg over his back and slowly sat to avoid landing hard on Phaeton's back. He still didn't move a muscle, instead of bobbing his head to pull the reins a bit looser, more or less insisting I let go of his head. I did and asked him for a walk.

We bonded perfectly. He began to anticipate my next move just as I did his. His gait was fluid, forward, the smoothest I've ever ridden. He and I just seemed to mesh together. I asked him for a canter and he dropped his muzzle to his chest, abiding by my wish and leapt into a canter. Having slowed him, I looked over and saw Nathan standing with Tinkerbell and Shilo by the arena fence. A smile was broadened across his face.

"You two look incredible," He said.

That night, we celebrated Shilo's birthday. We made Shilo her favourite dinner, which consisted of cut up hot dog, mashed potatoes and a combination of peas and carrots on the side, steak was on the menu for the adults, which both Nathan and I partnered in preparing. After dinner we did the birthday cake, let Shilo stay up to watch a movie, and it was off to bed. All in all, Shilo's second birthday couldn't have gone smoother. After we put the birthday girl to bed, we went downstairs to check on the horses for the night. I couldn't quite bring myself to move Phaeton into Rags' old stall just yet, out of respect for my gelding. But I couldn't believe Nathan had bought the stunning Arab stallion for me. As I was gazing into Phaeton's stall, watching the stallion rip hay from the haynet, I felt Nathan come up behind me and wrap his arms around me.

"You like him?" He asked, kissing the side of my neck. I leaned back against him, laying my arms over his.

"I love him." I responded with a smile, turning my head to kiss the side of his. "Thank you so much, sweetheart. I love you so much."

"I love you, too, honey," He murmured, and I could feel him give me a gentle squeeze, kissing my shoulder.

The next morning was a whole different event however. I woke up and looked over at Nathan, who was curled up on his side, shifting periodically but he appeared to be still asleep. Odd, normally Nathan was up by now. I got up to go check on Shilo then headed back into the bedroom. But when I got in there, Nathan lay partially on his back, his eyes closed, not in sleep but more or less pained, with his arms pressed to his stomach.

"Nathan?" I moved toward the bed, crawling up on it to sit beside him. "Nathan, sweetheart, what is it?"

"I don't know," Nathan murmured, swallowing, "But I feel like someone just hit me in the stomach. My whole lower back hurts; I don't know what's wrong,"

He drew a sharp breath, turning his head in my direction with closed eyes and I moved nearer to him. Could it be something that's visible on the surface? Bruising? I gently pushed the hem of Nathan's t-shirt up and lay my hand on his stomach as though expecting to see bruising or something, but there was nothing. But something was definitely wrong if Nathan was in this much pain.

"Try to breathe, sweetheart," I told him, gently running my hand up and down an area of his lower stomach, and I could tell breathing wasn't easy because Nathan's was uneven and pained. It wasn't until then that I realised just how hot Nathan's skin was. He was burning up with a fever. "I'm going to call Chris. We've got to get you to the hospital."

"I can't... the horses... Shilo... " Nathan muttered. I tried to soothe him, grabbing my iPhone off the bedside table as I sat at his side.

"They'll be fine, Shilo will be fine, Chris will watch her," I assured him, dialing Nathan's co-worker and friend's number.

_"Hello?"_

"Chris, it's Mag. Sorry to be calling so early, but I need to get Nathan to the hospital," I said, quicklyl standing with Nathan as he stumbled out of bed and went to the bathroom. I went with him quickly, standing beside his knelt frame and rubbed his back as he got sick.

_"The hospital? Is everything alright?"_

"Well, Nathan woke up with severe stomach pains and a fever." I said, with my hand slipped gently up the back of Nathan's shirt to scratch his back.

_"I'll be right over. Do you guys need a ride to the hospital?"_

"That would be amazing, but we have Shilo... " My voice trailed off, chewing my lip, worried about Nathan and about the all around situation.

_"Don't worry. I can watch Shilo. I'll be right over to pick you guys up. It sounds like he has appendicitis. Just try to keep him as still as possible, have him lie down or something. Movement could make his appendix burst, if it hasn't already."_

"Alright. Thank you so much, Chris," I said. I hung up the phone with Chris and coaxed Nathan to his feet, my arm around his waist as I led him back over to bed until Chris got there.

"You've got to lie as still as you can, Nate," I murmured to him, gently caressing his forehead with the backs of my fingers. He lay still, clearly pained, having trouble breathing without any kind of pain. I sat beside him, watching out the window, with my hand partially up Nathan's shirt and gently rubbed his stomach as though trying to cease some of the pain he was in until we could get him to the hospital. Nathan groaned softly, turning his head to the side. Chris finally got there. I handed him Shilo and he helped me coax Nathan up and get him down to Chris's Tahoe. With Shilo's car seat in the front seat, I sat in back with Nathan and his head resting in my lap. I ran my hand gently up and down his chest to soothe him. Even the slightest bump in the road caused a grimace of pain to flare up in Nathan's features. It killed me to see him in such pain, and the other part of me was praying that he would be alright. We pulled up to the hospital and I lay a hand on Nathan's back as he slowly sat up to steady him, getting out of the car with an arm around his waist to help him into the ER.

We wound up waiting about twenty minutes before they got Nathan into a hospital gown and on one of the hospital beds. I stayed at his side throughout the whole thing as they ran tests, rubbing his arm, running a hand through his hair, rubbing his chest, anything I could do to comfort him at that point. A nurse came back in with one of the doctors.

"Dr. Wallace, Ms. DeFoe, I'm Dr. Vargas," The doctor's introductory were rather quick. "Dr. Wallace, it seems your appendix is extremely inflamed, if not already burst. It's turned into very acute appendicitis."

"Did something cause it?" Nathan asked, his voice an exhausted murmur. They had him on morphine for the pain, so he was rather exhausted and didn't quite seem as there as he normally would have been. But he still managed to get through it. I sat at his bedside, my hand on his arm.

"Nothing really causes appendicitis, it just sort of flares up, if you will," Dr. Vargas said. "We're going to have to do an appendectomy and remove your appendix."

"How long is the recovery period?" Nathan asked. I could hear the worried tension in his voice.

"And how long is he going to be in the hospital for?" I asked. I felt Nathan take my hand in his and squeeze it gently.

"He can go home tonight, and recovery period will be about two weeks, but this is assuming the surgery goes well."

"There's a chance it might now?" I asked, a cold chill of worry passing through me.

"With surgical procedures, there's always a risk, but it's more than likely everything should go fine," The doctor said. I looked at Nathan, but he looked relatively calm and understanding.

"I'll be fine, sweetheart, don't worry," He said softly. "Any kind of surgery can be risky."

I gently squeezed his hand, exhaling slowly. I hoped to God he was right.

They prepped Nathan for surgery and I waited in the living room, an untouched Styrofoam cup of coffee in my hand. The surgery had gone for about sixty-five minutes and I was a wreck. I couldn't imagine how I could possibly handle it if something happened to Nathan during surgery.

The surgeon came out of the doors and I immediately stood up, setting the coffee cup down, or more so almost spilled it in my nervous anticipation. But the surgeon's features were calm, almost relieved.

"Ms. DeFoe?"

"Yes?" I searched his face, trying to read if there was anything behind it. He wouldn't be relieved if Nathan had died or anything on the table, would he?

"Everything went smoothly. Nathan's in recovery now. The appendix did rupture so we had to clean out the abdominal cavity, so he may be in a bit more pain than he normally would have been, but he's going to be fine." Dr. Vargas said. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God. Thank you so much," I said. "Can I see him?"

They took me to Nathan's hospital room. He was asleep, or at least trying to, it looked like. I went to his bedside and pulled up a chair to sit down, leaning forward to kiss his forward. Nathan opened his eyes slowly. He was groggy, somewhat disoriented, and attached to about three different IVs, but relief seemed to pass over his features when he saw me.

"Hi, sweetheart," He murmured, turning his head in my direction. I gently brushed a bit of his hair off his forehead.

"Hi love, how are you doing?" I asked him gently.

"I feel a bit like I just got hit by a truck," He deadpanned weakly. "But I'm not dead, so I'm alright."

"Oh, don't say that," I groaned lightly. But I couldn't have been more relieved that he was alright. A nurse came in at that point, and both Nathan and I looked up.

"Hi Dr. Wallace. I'm just here to check your stitches and see how they're holding up, and then I'll be out of your way," She said. I watched as she folded the hospital bed blanket back a bit but merely to cover Nathan's hips and down, sliding his hospital gown upward. Near the left side of his lower stomach was a three inch line of sutures. She dabbed what looked like some kind of clear ointment on the line with a long q-tip. Once she finished, she lowered his gown and left. I leaned forward, laying a hand on his hip.

"Can I see?"

"Sure," Nathan carefully gathered the bottom of the gown back up to where I could see the incision line once more. I gently ran two fingers along the area, but felt that side of his stomach twitch in response.

"Am I hurting you?" I looked up at him, worried.

"No, you're fine," He responded softly. "Involuntary muscle reaction. You couldn't hurt me,"

I had part of my hand against his side, still apprehensive. He lay his hand over mine, gently stroking the top of it with his thumb.

"Thank you. For being here," He murmured. "I don't know what I would have done without you,"

"Well, Chris was the one who drove us over here," I said softly with a half smile, "There's no way I would have left your side, though,"

Nathan searched my face and a thin smile crossed his own, seeming almost touched that I had indeed stayed. But it was replaced by what appeared to be momentary panic. "Wait... where's Shilo... ?"

"She's fine, Chris is with her," I assured him. Nathan exhaled slowly, almost in relief, and turned his head toward me.

"Lie down with me? For a little bit?"

There was a moment of wondering whether or not I was allowed to by the hospital. But I didn't care. Here was Nathan, the man I love, just come out of surgery, hurting and probably still a bit scared. Nobody goes into surgery totally unafraid. With a gentle smile, I crawled up onto the hospital bed and curled up beside him, laying an arm over the upper part of his torso to avoid the incision. Nathan wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead and drew me closer. I lay my head against his chest, gently tightening my hold on him.

I took Nathan home that night. The doctor had told me that Nathan would be fine, but would probably be experiencing some discomfort after tonight, if even tonight. Sure enough, that's exactly what happened. We got home, I fed the horses and put Shilo to bed and Nathan and I both went to bed. Hours later I woke up hearing someone in the bathroom getting sick. I got up and went to the bathroom to where Nathan stood, hands on his knees, bent over getting sick in the toilet. I went in, laying a hand on Nathan's back and reached for a glass off the sink, filling it with water and knelt beside Nathan as he slowly sank to a kneeling position on the floor by the toilet, coughing and trying to catch his breath. Holding the water glass in front of him, I gently rubbed his bare back. He shakily took the glass and took a sip, spitting what remained from in his mouth into the toilet as well to rinse his mouth out. I kept a hand near to help keep the glass steady. But Nathan wretched and got sick again. I continued to gently scratch and rub his back.

"You're ok... you're ok, sweetheart," I murmured to him, trying to soothe him once he finished. Nathan didn't say anything, but he was clearly exhausted. Wrapping an arm around his waist and setting the glass down on the counter, I carefully helped him to his feet, turning and flushed the toilet with my foot before guiding him out of the bathroom and to bed. Nathan hit the bed with a thud, lying on his back on the bed. I went back into the bathroom, almost gagging, myself at how heavy the odor of vomit hung in the air. I pulled a can of Lysol out of the cabinet under the sink and sprayed the bathroom heavily before putting the aerosol can away, rummaging through the medicine cabinet and found a pack of Rolaids. Figuring it would help settle Nathan's stomach a bit, I took out two and brought it to him with the same glass of water. I crawled in and sat beside him, grazing my nails gently up and down his back as he slowly chewed the Rolaids and took a sip of the water.

"How do you feel, Nate?" I asked him gently. He shook his head, swallowing.

"Horrible," He murmured, his voice thick with exhaustion. He bent over forward with a groan, his forehead on his knees. "I think it's a reaction to the anesthetic."

"See if the Rolaids settle your stomach a bit," I said. He straightened slowly, setting the glass of water down on the bedside table. I shifted to lie back a bit, "Come here, sweetheart,"

Reminding me of a sick child, Nathan listlessly turned and lay on his side in my lap, his head lying against my stomach and he wrapped his arms around me. I stroked his hair, running a hand gently up and down his arm. He couldn't fall asleep soundly, that was obvious. But I was willing to hold him until he felt like he could at least try to.

The next morning Nathan was still miserable. I brought him up tea and a bit of oatmeal, thinking maybe he'd be able to keep it down. He needed to eat a little bit, and I figured give him something that wasn't going to be too hard on his stomach. He ate a bit of it, which I was happy with, then slept for another hour or so. I went down to feed the horses. It was a bit chilly out, and we had more sun than we'd had in awhile, even if it was still slightly overcast. Out of the three pastures the property had, I separated the mares and geldings from the stallions. The two stallions were Phaeton and Uther. Those two were separated and turned out separately. The rest; which included Batten, Dragonada, Bank on Silver; who, as cliché as it was, had been nicknamed Silver, Kilkenny Creek and Tinkerbell, were turned out in one pasture while I let Phaeton and Uther into their own pastures. I was about to put Dragon Blade out, since I had assumed he was a gelding, until he literally charged out of his stall after me on his hind legs. The colt was about two years old; I had to give him that, if not younger, but when I narrowly missed getting knocked in the head by one of his front feet he decided to strike out at me with, something seemed different.

"What are you on about?" I muttered, annoyed. I smacked Blade's flank, checking the lead sharply to get his attention back, but the colt was so wired. It took me whacking him with the end of the lead a couple times for him to realise his behaviour was not okay with me. Finally, having gotten him standing still, I tentatively bent to check between his legs, ready to yank my head up if need be. I'd already been kicked in the hip; I didn't need to get it in the head. Sure enough, when I checked to see what he was equipped with, two little bulbs had formed around his sheath. It dawned on me that Blade's testicles had just very recently dropped. A sudden wave of very shallow horror surged through me when I realised that I was almost positive ninety percent of the mares that were on the property now had at one point been turned out with him.

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap... " I muttered, shaking my head, and then straightened with a heavy sigh. If any of the mares turned up pregnant, Nathan would have a heart attack. I slipped the lead rope through the rings of his halter to loop over his nose in a form of a temporary stud chain; I led him over to the roundpen. Blade fought me every step of the way, and I had to beat him over the head a couple times with the folded end of the lead rope to get his attention back on me and not on his libido or testosterone. I wanted to get him gelded _fast_. But for the time being he would have to be separated. It was heartbreaking watching Blade pace the fence, stretching his head over the top of it, screaming to the others who had once been his turnout mates. What was worse was that they barely acknowledged him. Out of sight out of mind, but I knew exactly what was going through his mind. He was out of the herd. His life was in danger. The poor guy. But I knew I would have to bring this up to Nathan and possibly have the two mares tested to make sure they weren't pregnant. If one of them was, what then?

I headed back up to check on Nathan. He was asleep on his back, his body turned almost diagonally across part of the bed, one hand draped over his stomach, the other settled beside him. I crawled onto the bed with him, moving my arm around his midsection, kissing the center of his sternum. Nathan rolled his head my way, almost curling against me, slowly opening his eyes groggily and blinked at me a few times. "Hi, sweetheart,"

"Hey you," I murmured, running my hand along his side. "How are you feeling?"

"About the same," He responded, his voice so muffled it was barely coherent. I lovingly traced a few fingers along his stomach, feeling him wrap his arm around me. My eyes moved to his right side where the bandage resided. It was getting a bit gross-looking with dried blood seeping through to the other side and whatever other discharge was coming from the incision.

"We need to change your bandage," I said softly, gently touching the area but keeping my fingers away from the exact location of the surgical wound.

"I know, we'll do that later," He murmured, tilting his head so it lay against my shoulder. I gently stroked his hair. "I'm so tired,"

"I can imagine," I responded gently. "This probably the first time you've actually slept in ages."

Nathan nodded slowly, his eyes closing for a moment before opening; heavy lidded, once more. "How're the horses? What's going on down there?"

I paused. "I'm not going there."

"What? What's going on?"

"Well, turns out one of our little foster children isn't a gelding." I said.

Pause. "You're kidding."

"I wish that were so."

"Which one?"

"Dragon Blade."

"Shit."

Nathan groaned. "I told him no stallions."

"His testicles just dropped. I don't think anyone would have suspected he was a stallion still." I said. Nathan exhaled heavily.

"How old is he?"

"I think just under two."

"How could they assume he was a gelding that young?" He said, shaking his head in disbelief. I shrugged.

"I don't know. but I think we might have to get a vet from the clinic out here to test the two mares."

"What about Tinkerbell?"

"Tinkerbell's been out with him once, and in a matter of two days? I doubt it. He never tried to cover her."

Nathan nodded in response. "Alright. No need to call another vet out, I can do it. I've got a number of equine pregnancy test kits.

"Honey, you don't need to-why in the world do you have equine pregnancy test kits? You've only ever had Uther and Rags on the property; none of which were mares."

"I get them from work all the time, God only knows why."

"Nathan, you just had surgery yesterday. You're not doing a pregnancy test on either of the three year old Thoroughbred mares we have. You'll rip the stitches out in a second."

"They're only valid after eighty days, anyway, Maggie. I'll be fine. If I'm not healed by then I ought to be shot." He said, pulling me nearer to him and kissed the top of my head. He pulled me close enough to where I was lying with my head on his chest, and I could feel him gently stroking my hair. Though I was worried I was leaning on the stitches.

"Are you okay? I mean, I'm not leaning on anything, am I?" I asked. Nathan chuckled.

"No, Maggie, you're fine. You're not hurting me," He assured me. Relieved, I settled against him.


	9. What Have You Done?

_**AN~**__ Hey you guys, sorry it's been so long, things have been hectic. But here's the next chapter. R&R! 3_

Hours later, I had gone back out to bring the horses in. Nathan was up and walking around a bit, and had put on a t-shirt and a zip-up sweatshirt over pajama pants. Cooper came outside with me. While I was bringing Batten in, what looked like a big black 1980 Ford Bronco pickup tore into the drive. Gravel flew in every direction as the truck came to an abrupt halt, and in the back a dog was barking furiously. The second the vehicle came to a halt the dog jumped out of the bed of the truck and charged straight for me and Batten. It took about three seconds for it to get close enough and for me to asess that the dog looked like some kind of weird chow-akita cross before the dog lunged at me. Batten panicked and yanked the leadrope clean out of my hands, stumbling around quickly to get away. I brought my knee up to block the snarling and barking dog, who's attention had turned away from Batten and now was on me, when Cooper lunged forward to come to my aid. The chow mix was big, but Cooper was indeed bigger. He knocked the chow completely off its feet with a snarl I had never heard come out of my dog, moving himself between me and the offending dog before a blur of black and tawny fur started to fly combined with snarls and yelps. I heard the back door slam and immediately saw Nathan rushing down, hearing the clatter of Batten's hooves coming up the driveway. The guy in the Bronco was just now getting out of his car.

"Come get your dog!" I snapped, frantic at this point. What the hell was he doing here, anyway? Nathan was quickly making his way toward us.

"Hey!" He barked, his green eyes hardened, zeroed in on the guy. The stranger was about six-foot-two, maybe a bit younger than Nathan and I, looking about twenty six or twenty seven.

"Sorry, man. She keeps getting out of the back of the truck." The stranger said. "Janie, _gitoverhere._"

We had to physically pull the dogs apart. The guy swung a closed fist at his dog's flank, and the female yelped as it made contact, bolting back into the vehicle with her tail tucked between her legs.

"You come onto private property with a vicious dog that attacks my girlfriend and one of our horses? What the hell are you doing here?" Nathan snapped, nudging me partially behind him once I finally got ahold of Cooper. My Shepherd wasn't hurt. His thick coat was wet in some places and somewhat sticky from the saliva of the other dog, but from what I could tell he wasn't bleeding and wasn't hurt. I didn't think she had made contact. But Cooper's hackles were raised while he continued growling and barking. I had never seen Cooper like this.

"Look, dude, I'm just looking for Marni," The guy shot back. Nathan's eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean you're looking for Marni?" He responded tersely. "Marni's been dead for almost a year now. And who the hell are you?"

The guy's eyes widened. "She's dead? Well, shit," He blew out a breath. "That's heavy. Look, I was, well... "

"You were what?" Nathan pressed, rather impatiently, but he was tense.

"Well, I feel sorry for her husband. Poor bastard had no fuckin' idea," The guy snorted. There was a vein in the side of Nathan's neck that I was sure was going to burst at some point.

"What the f-_I was her husband!_" Nathan growled, but at the same time, there was a note of panic in his voice. "What were you doing with my wife?"

At this point, the guy froze. "Oh shit, man.. I thought... you said your girlfriend-"

"Answer my question. _What were you doing with my wife?_" Nathan snapped. The guy recoiled, but he started to get aggressive, hands thrown upward in abrasive defense.

"Yo, man, chill the fuck out." The guy shot back. "Look, apparently there was some shit going on behind your back. She kept coming to me, saying things weren't going well between you two. And I... "

"-You what?" Nathan demanded.

"I fucked her, man, alright?" The guy lost his cool at that point. "She kept coming to me, and we fucked around."

Nathan's face paled. It was an obvious expression. _No, not again. No..._ He loved her. I knew he did. To hear that she had still been doing behind his back, after he had tried so hard to make things work, was devastating. I lay a hand on his back, feeling awful for him.

"_What?_" Nathan's voice was hushed, enraged, but stunned and hurt.

"I hadn't seen her, so I figured-"

"You figured you'd what, stop by her house?" Nathan found his voice, looking up at the guy with a caustic stare, swallowing. "Good fucking move. She was married with a child. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Don't fucking get in my face, bro."

"Get the hell of my property or I'm going to do a hell of alot more than just get in your face." Nathan snarled, advancing toward him. "Bringing a vicious dog on private property and around lifestock, trespassing... I could beat your sorry ass into the ground right now and you would still get charged with a hell of alot more than a misdemeanor."

"Whoa whoa whoa," The guy's aggression had been taken down a couple of notches. "I'm already on probation, I don't need another fucking charge-"

The next thing I knew Nathan had picked up a hay hook and advanced toward the guy. "_You piece of shit, get the hell of my poperty!" _He roared.

"Nathan!" I was horrified. I had no doubt in my mind that Nathan was about to take the hook to the guy's skull at the first given chance. A line was crossed at this point. But the guy seemed like he was realising he was going to have to act on his bluff. Somewhat frantic, but with testosterone roaring, he swung and caught Nathan in the stomach. Nathan almost went down, and my heart was hammering in my chest.

_"Nathan!"_ I cried out, rushing toward the two. Nathan turned and started pounding the kid's face in, with the first solid punch it knocked the other guy clean off his feet, and Nathan was going to beat the holy hell out of him. But the other guy turned and bum-rushed Nathan, hearing him make impact with a smack and a groan out of Nathan.

"_KNOCK IT OFF!"_ I had lost my cool completely. I got in the middle of the both of them the first chance I got, pushing Nathan away and standing between him and the other guy. "_I will call the cops if you don't get off our property this instant._"

Swearing and screaming obscenities at us both, the guy finally got into the Bronco and left. Trying to guide Nathan back up to the house, I realised immediately he was bleeding. His stitches had ripped.

"Nathan, let's get you up to the bathroom-" I began, but he pulled away from me.

"No," His voice was quiet, but tense. "I'm... I'm going out for a bit,"

"Nathan, please. You just... you're in no shape to... " I reached gently for his arm, but he turned to me with a cool stare.

"Mag... let. _Go._" His tone was dangerously low. I let go of his arm, stunned and feeling like I was just slapped. I knew he was upset. I knew he was devastated over finding out about Marni. He turned, a complete mess of anger, hostility and upset. He was unreachable. He walked out the door and I was left helpless. I was just as upset that Marni had still been cheating on Nathan. While she had a family, and while Nathan and I had been tortured with feelings for one another for so long and had kept them at bay for the sake of their being a family, Marni had completely disregarded that. I was furious, but more worried about him.

_I hope it was wortth it, Marni. I hope it was worth what you've done to him._

Tears welled in my eyes and with a shaky exhale, I turned and walked upstairs. I went in to check on Shilo, brought her down to feed her, then put her down once more and tucked her in. I went into mine and Nathan's bedroom and changed into sweats, lying on the bed with the TV on, and Cooper came up on the bed and joined me. I wrapped my arm around him when he lay on his side beside me, lowering my face to the ruff on his neck and silently let tears fall. I was a wreck, being worried about Nathan, feeling hurt over how he had treated me and was devastated over what Marni had put us through. Cooper stayed there, letting me cry against his neck, wishing that for once Nathan could just find happiness, and my mind started to lead me to question just how much I could put up with this.

Over three hours later. I had fallen asleep, but woke up to Cooper getting up and jumping off the bed to go downstairs, and soon after, I heard the door open. I bolted upright and started heading downstairs. I went into the living room and saw Nathan's hunched form sitting on one of the couches. On the coffee table in front of him was a Jim Beam bottle that was almost a quarter full. But I found myself rigid.

"Nathan?" I said quietly, though I knew I was tense. He didn't look at me.

"So that's it? You're just not going to say anything?" I muttered. I was angry, but I was also hurt and upset. A lump rose in my throat. "Nathan, I have done nothing. If anyone has been there for you, if anyone is going to stand by you throughout everything. I did nothing to deserve be treated like that. I love you, Nathan, more than anything. I can't stand that. Coming from you, I just.. I can't take it."

Tears welled in my eyes but I tried to force the emotion back from my voice. Nathan turned his head toward me in the slightest, glancing out of the corner of his eye. It was then that I noticed his eyes were red, worn out, and tears had begun to well in them as he lowered his eyes and turned his head. His expression crumbled.

"I'm sorry," He murmured, his voice almost a whisper, lowering his head to his hand. Tears streamed down his face and a choked, broken sob left him. "I'm so sorry... "

It dawned on me that while Nathan was drunk, everything was catching up with him, and he was breaking down right before my very eyes.

"I didn't mean to, Maggie... I didn't... I'm so sorry... I can't lose you... " He sobbed. He hunched over, and I watched him unatulteratedly break down right there. Tears streamed down my face and I moved to his side and sat down, pulling him into my arms.

"Shh... shh... Nate, it's alright, sweetheart, it's alright... " I murmured, kissing the side of his head as I cradled him in my arms. HIs body shook with sobs, and I knew that what was really affecting him was surfacing.

"How could she... I gave her everything... " He wept. "I don't understand,"

"I know, sweetheart, I know... " I murmured, closing my eyes. I rubbed his back, murmuring to him and held him. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart... I'm so, so sorry... "

Nathan sobbed in my arms, clinging to me like I was the last thing he had left. I rubbed his back, stroked his hair, doing everything I could to comfort him when I knew that wasn't going to be possible. Marni had done it again. After a few minutes, he seemed to settle, his sobs now turning into slight hitches of breath which I could feel shake through his body periodically.

"Was she ever faithful to me?" He murmured, his voice still thick. I wrapped my arms tighter around him, gently holding him, but I could only shake my head.

"I don't know, sweetheart," I said softly. "I wish I could answer that, but I can't."

Nathan nodded slowly, swallowing, his head against my chest. "Makes you wonder. I mean, my own wife didn't even love me enough to stay loyal to me... my father hates me... " His voice trailed off, and he swallowed. "What's wrong with me? Why wasn't I enough?"

"Oh, Nathan... " I muttered, shaking my head. I wanted to tell him that nobody else would ever do that to him. I wanted to assure him someone loved him. That _I_ loved him. Instead, staying true to actions speak louder than words, I held Nathan in my arms. I consoled and comforted him, hugged and him assured him he was safe and loved. Nathan leaned against me, shaking his head.

"I love you, Mag. So much." He murmured, and his voice cracked in the slightest. "You have my heart, Maggie. Please be careful with it. I just can't have it broken again,"

When Nathan had been drinking, his emotions were open. His words were raw. Hearing that, I bent and kissed his head, tightening my arms around him. "I never would, Nathan. I love you, too, sweetheart. So much. I would never hurt you, or do anything to break your heart. Ever. Just like I have your heart, you have mine. You mean everything to me."

He nodded slowly, and it was then that I recalled the stitches that had obviously been ripped in his side. I wrapped my arms around him. "Let's get you upstairs and in bed, sweetheart. We should get those stitches cleaned up.

With an arm wrapped around his waist, I guided him up the stairs, realising halfway up that Batten was still down there. I hadn't even had the chance to catch him. But as much as I wanted to go get the gelding, Nathan was my top priority. I sat him down on the toiled seat cover and closed the door, bending down to unzip his sweatshirt.

"Arms up, sweetheart," I urged, and as he slowly did, I lifted the hem of his t-shirt and carefully pulled it up over his head and off so I could see the damage done. The bandage was soaked in blood, and murmuring to him as he winced in pain, I slowly peeled the bandage off, pulling the first aid kit off the shelf. Sure enough, two of the stitches had popped, and blood still seeped slightly from the opened area of the wound. Taking a clean wash cloth off the sink, I turned on the hot water and waited until it turned warm, soaking the wash cloth and gently blotted at the dried blood on Nathan's skin.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him gently, lifting a hand to gently brush a bit of his hair off his forehead. I knelt beside him, but Nathan's upper body swayed slightly like he was going to tip directly off the toilet seat and land face-first on the floor.

"Like I shouldn't have been drinking after surgery," He murmured. I lay a hand on his knee, continuing to gently blot at the sutures, but found that I couldn't quite get to it the way Nathan sat.

"Here... Nathan, can you lie down on your back on the floor?" I urged gently. "I can't quite get to it."

With a bit of my help, Nathan eased himself off the toilet seat and onto the floor slowly, lying down with a bit of a strained exhale. I continued to clean the area around the cut until all the dried blood was wiped away. To close the ends where the stitches had ripped, I used a few strips of suture tape, but only after I blotted it lightly with the ointment the hospital had given us to clean the stitches. Once finished, I rummaged through the first aid kit, only to find that the only thing we had that could work as a bandage were three different coloured rolls of veterinary wrap.

"We only have vet wrap, it looks like," I said softly, making a face, but looked up at Nathan. "What colour do you want?"

Nathan snorted. "I don't care what colour."

"You don't want to tell me that. I will give you pink." I glanced up at him with a mildly teasing 'Test me and see.' look. Nathan chuckled.

"Alright, fine. Blue." He said with a thin smile. I grinned, grateful to see the mood lightened in the slightest. I placed gauze on the sutures and urged Nathan to sit up, wrapping it around his waist. I finally got it wrapped, and gently helped Nathan to his feet. I wanted to get him in bed and lying down. He needed sleep, that was obvious. And I knew I needed to get that horse.

"Come on, Nate, easy now, there we go... slowly... " I coaxed, guiding Nathan as he slowly lay down on the bed, turning over on his side. I covered him with the comforter, leaning down to kiss the top of his head and stroke his hair, promising I would be right back before heading right back down. Cooper, who had been on the bed, sprang down and followed me as I went out to catch Batten

"Batten!" I called once I got outside, my arms crossed over my chest. Closing the door behind me and the dog, I made my way down to the barn, trying to scan the area for any sign of a large form wandering around near the trees or in the bushes. But when I reached the barn, I couldn't find the lights. It was turning and hearing a large form moving behind me in the dark that about scared the hell out of me. And me startling caused Cooper to start barking and whatever it was snorted and bolted for the other side of the barn. This caused a ruckus among the other horses and hearing the huffing on the other side of the barn I knew we had found Batten.

"Easy buddy... " I murmured, feeling my way through the dark to try to find not only the horse but the leadrope that I knew was trailing along thr ground as well. Finally coming across it, I got ahold of him, and pulling my iPhone out of my pocket, guided myself with the light of the lit screen as I took Batten back to his stall. I got him put away and headed back up to the house, closing the barn door on my way out.

I got back inside, made sure Cooper was with me, locked the door behind me and went back upstairs. In the darkness of the room, I could see Nathan asleep on the bed. I moved toward it, crawled in under the covers and wrapped my arms around his waist. Shifting slowly, Nathan turned in my arms which I wrapped around him. He lay his head on my collarbone and I proceded to gently run my nails up and down his back.

"I love you so much," He murmured. "I don't know what I would ever do without you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart." I responded softly. I cherished his warmth, the familiar feeling of him beside me. "So much. You would never be without me, Nate. Ever."

About five days had passed and Nathan was slowly making a recovery. He was up and moving around, but I refused to let him do any work down in the barn yet. So for that time I was doing the work out in the barn. That included mucking out, feeding, turning out, everything. I also trained the Thoroughbreds. But walking past Uther every day, I knew Nathan was the one usually working with him. I had to pull him out and do something with him. I couldn't bring myself to walk past him another day and see him watch me dolefully, wondering if I was going to stop and say hello, pull him out, anything. I pulled the great pinto out of his stall and lead him to one of the arenas to turn him loose. But rather than standing on the other side of the ring, I stayed in there with him. He was just as stunning as I remembered, his grace unwavering, even regardless of everything he had been through. After folding his legs beneath him and shakily lowering himself to the arena floor to roll, he heaved himself back up and made his way toward me. I drew a breath, watching him with offered palms as he lowered his muzzle to my hands.

"You've always been an awesome boy, haven't you?" I murmured to him, smoothing his thick forelock. Uther blew softly through his nostrils into my hand. I reached up and rubbed his forehead, then lowered my hands and slowly started walking to the rail of the arena to see what Uther would do. Almost as though attached to me, he turned and followed, his head leveled with my hip. I lifted a hand and set it gently at his crest as he followed me. It was a quiet walk, with Uther right at my side, taking companionship in the one living being that came to interact with him. It was almost heartbreaking. I knew Marni would have been down here every day to see him. Uther knew me. Through all the years Marni and I had showed in the same circuit, Uther and I had grown to know each other. I could pick him out of a herd and know him off the bat. I came to a halt, and Uther slowly stopped beside me, setting his chin gently on my shoulder with a heavy sigh. With a grin, I lay a hand gently on his nose, stroking the white on his mostly black nose.

Before long, Nathan was healed up. Nothing remained from his endeavor except for a small scar across the right side of his pelvis. We lay in bed one morning, my head on Nathan's chest, gently tracing a finger along the scar on his side. I paused when I suddenly had an idea.

"Nate,"

"Hm?"

"You know how that one trail leads to the waterfall?"

"Mm,"

"Why don't we go for a ride today and go to it? It'd be incredible." I suggested. Nathan's eyes opened. He thought over my idea and drew a breath.

"Maggie, we've been over this," He said softly. "I don't know if I can get back on a horse yet,"

"Nathan," I said softly, turning over so that I faced him. Looking into his eyes, I recognised genuine uneasiness. "It would be okay, sweetheart. I'll be right there with you. You used to be amazing on a horse. Marni wouldn't have wanted you discouraged."

Nathan exhaled slowly, lowering his eyes. I gently rubbed his chest. "It'll be alright, Nate, really. I think it'd be a great thing for the both of us to experience."

Nathan didn't lift his eyes to mine yet. I gently tightened my arms around him and felt him turn toward me, wrapping his arms around me as he buried himself against me with a heavy exhale. I kissed his forehead, holding him. I knew immediately that he was willing to give it a shot, but it was a tender subject. he hadn't been back on a horse since Marni had been killed. He wasn't about to admit it anytime soon, but I knew it scared him. I willingly held him in my arms, murmuring to him, doing what I could to soothe him.

Those few hours later, Nathan and I were in the barn. I tightened Phaeton's girth as Nathan brought Kilkenny Creek out. I had half expected him to get on Uther, but I knew he was concerned about reinjuring the stallion, even a year later since the accident. Or almost a year. It dawned on me that it would be a year tomorrow since Marni's death. It would explain why Nathan had been edgy the past few days. Reaching for Phaeton's bridle, I unbuckled his halter and with an arm around his nose, slipped the bit into his mouth and pulled the remainder of the headstall over his head and ears. By the time I finished buckling the bridle, I looked over to find that Nathan had the bay Thoroughbred gelding tacked up. I watched Nathan's general demeanor. He seemed tense, but was still just trying to pass it off as nothing.

"You okay?" I asked him as he and Kilkenny Creek passed us, laying a hand on his arm. Nathan glanced my way, lifting his free hand and lay it over my own with a gentle squeeze.

"I'm fine, honey," He assured me. Did I buy that for a second? No. But there was nothing I could by the time we got on and headed out onto the trail that would lead to the lake with the waterfall, Nathan seemed to relax. He seemed like the Nathan I knew back in the day, completely comfortable in the saddle. Even with Kilkenny Creek... being a young Thoroughbred, spooking at everything that moved on the trail. There were a number of times I thought Nathan was going to hit the dirt, but he stayed glued to that saddle.

"Want to race?" I teased, gathering Phaeton's reins and hunching over his neck as though I was going to ask him to leap forward into a gallop any second. The look of mock terror that crossed Nathan's face was priceless.

"No _way_." Nathan said quickly with a nervous laugh. "Your mount knows how to stop. I'm not so sure about this one."

It took us about twenty minutes to actually get there, and throughout that time, we continued talking. It was a really nice time between the two of is. It was just the two of us, and the quality time was something I knew we needed.

"Nathan, I've got a question," I said, clearly making it sound like it was regarding bringing another animal onto the property.

"If it's about a horse, forget it." Nathan shot me a sideways glance, mildly joking. "Just stop while you're ahead."

"But this one's different," I pointed out with a grin. "I found a horse online... "

"Jesus, we're turning into a rescue facility," Nathan groaned with a laugh. "What is it?"

"You've seen a Friesian right?"

"Yes, I've seen a Friesian." Nathan responded, looking my direction. "What website did you find this horse on?"

"Dreamhorse-dot-com." I responded. "He's for sale."

"Stallion or gelding?" Nathan asked. "And how old?"

"I think he's about nine, and he's a stallion." I answered. Phaeton turned his head with pricked ears to look at something that moved in the bushes, not really thinking much of it. Kilkenny Creek, however, was airborn with an explosive snort, nearly unseating Nathan as he shied sideways.

"Quiet down, you lunatic," Nathan growled, drawing to a halt and turned Kilkenny Creek so the gelding could look at what had just scared the living daylights out of him. A Skylark fluttered out of the same bush. Kilkenny Creek's ears pricked and he jumped, bracing with all four legs, staring at the bird wide-eyed. "It's a lark, you see them every day. Cool it. Spaz." Nathan rolled his eyes, shaking his head, then looked over in my direction. "Do I even want to know how much they're asking for him?"

"Actually not that much," I responded, shifting my weight in the saddle, leaning with one hand resting on my thigh. Phaeton shifted his own weight underneath me, cocking one back hoof with a sigh. "They were asking about ten grand."

Nathan's eyebrows shot up, loosening the reins and let Kilkenny Creek take a few brave baby steps toward the bush. The colt's nostrils flared to about the size of silver dollars, standing splay-legged in front of the bush. I found myself praying there wasn't another lark in there. Kilkenny Creek would have a heart attack.

"You sure you were looking at the price and not a stud fee?" Nathan asked, glancing at me briefly but kept his eyes and attention on his horse and the bush in front of them, wanting to be ready to snatch up the reins and gain control again if something else were to spring out of the bushes, God forbid.

"Oh, come on, Nate, give me a bit more credit than that." I rolled my eyes, though my response was playful. But I knew where he was coming from. Normally a horse like that, especially one that could reproduce, was worth a _hell_ of alot of money. Ten thousand dollars was beyond reasonable. "Yes, he was ten thousand dollars to purchase."

"Wow," Nathan's eyebrows shot up. Kilkenny Creek seemed to realise that whatever was still lingering in the bushes wasn't going to jump out and attack him, and with a brisk, full-bodied shake which almost unseated Nathan, appeared to be over it. Nathan grinned, leaning to pat the colt's neck.

"Onward," He joked. We continued on, and the subject of the stallion was still in discussion. "What's the horse's name?"

"Navarre 367." I responded. Nathan stopped in his tracks and turned to look at me.

"He's approved?" He said. I nodded.

"It's a total steal, Nate, he looks like a great horse." I said. At this point, I would have given anything to have that horse in one of our stalls.

"I'll tell you what," Nathan said. "Let me take a look at the site. I'll look at the horse, contact his owners and we'll see from there. If all goes well, we'll go out and see him. But I can't promise anything."

That was more progress than I had expected. I would have thrown my arms around Nathan and hugged him had he not been too far away. And I knew bringing Phaeton up near Kilkenny Creek was a bad idea. We reached the waterfall and stood near it, hearing the softened roaring of the fall. It was incredible. I looked over at Nathan, whose green eyes were trained on the lake and fall. I tried to assess his stance, and he seemed relatively relaxed.

"How're you doing?" I asked him. He looked in my direction.

"I'm actually alright," He responded. The smile on his face was thin, but it was calm, relaxed. He seemed genuinely content. Watching the signals of where my horse's ears were placed on his head, and watching that of Kilkenny Creek's, I guided Phaeton up alongside the bay gelding, sliding my hand along Nathan's lower back, rubbing it gently in an affectionate manner before wrapping my arm around him, kissing his shoulder. Nathan glanced down at me with a gentle smile, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head. Gently tightening my arm, I lay my head against his collarbone and shoulder as he shifted Kilkenny Creek's reins into one hand. I turned my head, enough so he could see it and do it in return and I kissed him.

"I love you," I murmured against his lips. The kiss was brief, but a smile spread across Nathan's face, breaking the kiss and kissed the side of my jaw.

"I love you, too," He responded, kissing the side of my head and let his lips linger there. There was a warmth and comfort about him that was so familiar. In his arms I felt safe. It was something I hadn't felt in a long time. I knew I could just about imagine myself spending the rest of my life with this man. Now whether or not he felt the same way about me, I wasn't sure.

The next morning, I woke up only for it to dawn on me not even three minutes later just what day it was. And looking over at Nathan, who lay on his back, wide awake, his features creased with unsettlement, I knew he knew as well. It was a year today that Marni had been dead. When I looked over at Nathan, he swallowed, exhaling slowly. I turned over, wrapping my arm around his torso and kissed his collarbone, running my hand up and down his chest to soothe him. He wrapped his arm around me, drawing me close and lay the side of his head against mine. I knew the emotion of this day would have probably been very different had Marni not been unfaithful. That aspect only made this day even harder on Nathan.

"Do you want to go see her?" I asked him gently. I felt his chest rise and fall with another exhale.

"I don't know," He said softly. "I don't know how to feel about what she did."

I gently ran my hand through soft, fine hairs on his chest. "It's your choice entirely. If you didn't go, I would completely understand." I said softly. "If you did go, I would be right there beside you the entire time."

Nathan nodded slowly, tightening his arm around me and kissed my forehead.

"I love you so much,"

"I love you, too, sweetheart," I murmured softly. "So much."

Later on that morning he and I went down to feed the horses. Shilo came hurrying down with us with a bag cut up carrots to feed to her pony; with Nathan's assistance of course. He coaxed her hand to lie flat so Tinkerbell could lip the carrot disc out of the little girl's palm. Every so often if Nathan was feeding and I had my hands free, I would help Shilo, gladly taking a chance to take a gentle hold of and rub one of Tinkerbell's fuzzy ears.

. She clearly wasn't fond of it but she put up with it.

"Shi, do you want to get on your pony?" Nathan asked, coming out of Uther's stall, dusting bits of alfalfa off of his jeans. I could immediately see the smile broaden across Shilo's face.

"Wanna ride!" She exclaimed enthusiastically. It greatly impressed me how extensive Shilo's vocabulary already was at this age. A thin smile played across Nathan's features as he and I exchanged glances and he scooped his little girl up in his arms.

"Then ride we will," He said, kissing the side of her head. It warmed my heart watching Nathan with Shilo. He was the epitome of paternal love and affection, as well as protective of his daughter. He set Shilo down and went in with her to halter Tinkerbell. With Shilo standing on the other side of Nathan to avoid little toes getting stepped on, she held the end of the lead while Nathan aided in leading Tinkerbell over to the barn aisle crossties and clipped it to the ring of Tinkerbell's halter by her ears. Since the pony was so little, the crossties were just long enough to let her stand comfortably with her head at a reasonable level, and clipping them at the furthest ring by her cheekbone would give her a little more slack. As Nathan aided Shilo in grooming the little sorrel pony, I slipped into Phaeton's stall right by them to check on my stallion. I opened the door to find the Arab lying down, his fleece show sheet covered in bits of sawdust clinging to the sides from when he must have been lying sprawled out. His eyes were closed with his muzzle resting in a pile of shavings, legs tucked underneath him, curled up in the corner. Hearing my entrance, Phaeton opened his eyes and lifted his head, looking up to blink at me. His nostrils flutter in an almost inaudible, throaty whicker in greeting, dropping his head to rub his nose against his knee. He stayed put though, which only enticed me.

"Hello, handsome boy." I crooned, kneeling down in front of him but ready to leap up if he decided to suddenly get up, that way I wasn't in the way of his feet. He craned his neck a bit, nosing at my knee. I gently cupped his muzzle in my hands and pushed his forelock away from the star on his forehead, gently kissing his forehead while running my fingertips up and down the side of his face. Adjusting my position, I sat down in the stall and with a low, contented, drawn out snort, lowered his muzzle into my lap. Nathan poked his head into the stall a smile crossing his face.

"That is the sweetest thing I've ever seen."

I looked up at him with a grin, gently smoothing Phaeton's forelock. "He's a big baby." I gushed. I still couldn't believe how affectionate the stallion was. When Nathan finally got Tinkerbell tacked up for Shilo, I finally had to get up, and when I got up Phaeton also did, shaking the sawdust from his blanket, and sending his long, thick mane completely askew on his neck. I unblanketed him, trying to smooth his mane the best I could but knew I would have to groom him later. Folding the blanket, I left the stall and followed Nathan, Shilo and Tinkerbell out to the roundpen. Shilo was on Tink's back, clinging to the pony with such determination. It was the same look in her eyes that I had seen in Marni's for so many years. I knew Nathan and I were both thinking that as I stood with him in the centre of the ring.

"Good job, Shi, keep those heels down, sweetie," Nathan encouraged gently, holding the lunge line. Even though he was trying to put up a positive front for his daughter, I knew something was affecting him and I knew exactly what that something was. As I reached over and lovingly scratched an area of Nathan's mid back, he glanced my way.

"I'm definitely going to go to the cemetery and see her," He said softly. "Did you… still want to come with?"

"Of course," I assured him. I could feel his stance relax and gently ran a hand up and down his back. When Nathan finished Shilo's twenty minute lesson, we went back to the barn to untack Tinkerbell, then headed back up to the house. Shilo was in her room playing and Nathan and I both changed to go to the cemetery. I glanced up as Nathan pulled his grey t-shirt up over his head, watching the muscles in his back flex as he did so. I felt the sudden urge to wrap my arms around him and I did. Standing after having put three inch wedges on, I moved toward Nathan with his bare back to me, slipping my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. Nathan set the grey button-up shirt he had in hand down and lay his arms over mine. I could feel his weight lightly leaning back into me.

"Thank you," He said softly, turning his head somewhat but not quite looking at me. "For coming with me. I don't… I don't think I could have done this alone. Not after knowing what she did."

"I told you I would be there for you no matter what, Nate, I'm going to keep that promise," I told him reassuringly, kissing the back of his shoulder. I could still feel tension in his body. I knew he was worried about what we were about to go face. "Nathan, it's alright. Try to relax, sweetheart, you're going to be okay."

I could feel Nathan draw a breath and exhale slowly, trying to get himself to relax. He nodded slowly, running his hand up and down my arm in response. We finished changing and both Nathan and I went to the car. As we made our way to the cemetary, Nathan was radiating tension. My heart went out to him. I lay a hand on his arm on the centre console. "It's alright, Nate. I'm right here, you can do this," I murmured to him gently, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze. He looked in my direction, acknowledging my notions with a thin, grateful half smile. We pulled up into the parking lot of the cemetary and got out of the car. Nathan drew a breath and exhaled slowly, and shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned to make his way toward the yard. I moved up next to him, gently rubbing his back before I linked my arm with his. Taking the hand of the arm closest to me out of his pocket, he gently pulled it out of mine and wrapped it around me, with my arm going around his waist in response. We reached Marni's mausoleum and Nathan paused, exhaling slowly and almost shakily.

"You're okay, honey," I murmured to him, my hand gently running up and down his lower back. Nathan gave me a gentle squeeze in response before letting go to take a few steps forward. My arm slid off of him and he moved toward the door. But he paused, glancing over his shoulder at me.

"Come with me?" He asked softly, his eyes pleading. There was no way I could have told him no. wrapping my arm around him with my hand at his furthest hip, I kissed the back of Nathan's shoulder, following him in. Within a few moments, we closed the door behind us, and I stood a few feet away to give Nathan space as he knelt at the tomb.

"The year has rolled by quickly, Marni," Nathan said softly, eyes lowered, as though unable to even look at the tomb like he would be looking Marni in the face. I knew that right now he couldn't even do that. "I miss you, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt or angry by what I've learned."

I knew immediately where he was heading, and I stood back and let him. He needed this closure with her.

Nathan's jaw set and he lowered his eyes, swallowing. I knew some kind of emotion was building up but I wasn't sure what yet. This was so much for him

"You were the mother of my child-_the mother of my child._" Nathan's eyes lifted, his voice tightened. "I loved you, Marni, I... I still do, but how could I possibly be in love with someone who... " His voice broke off and he lifted his eyes, bringing his hands up to place them on the back of his neck, a heavy, almost shaky exhale.

"You hurt me the first time you did it," He murmured, his voice tightened with hurt, barely suppressed anger and emotion. He was devastated by what had happened, I could easily recognise that. "But to do it a second time.. or a number or times, with the guy showing up at the house you and I shared- I loved you, I loved you so much and would have laid my life down for you... how could you possibly have done what you did then come back home and told me you loved me? How does a person do that to someone they love? Because I know _I never could have done that to you!_"

The last sentance was furious and snapped forth, causing me to jump, but I knew he was angry and upset, and it was just building. Nathan turned swiftly and his fist collided with the stone wall. I heard a crack and I could have sworn it was the bones in his hand breaking, especially when he drew it back with a pained hiss, but his breathing was heavy, and tears glinted in his eyes.

"I can't... I can't do this," He muttered, swallowing, shaking his head as he fought so hard to keep his composure. It hadn't gone the way he had planned, I could tell. He clutched his hand, with his knuckles now scraped and bleeding, and probably causing him more pain than he was already in. He looked in my direction briefly. "Please, I just... I need to get out of here."

"We will. We'll go," I assured him, moving toward him and wrapped an arm around him, guiding Nathan out of the mausoleum. We went back to the parking lot and I turned to him. "Nate, why don't you let me drive, sweetheart? Just sit in the passenger seat and relax, you need to."

He nodded, handing me the car keys from his pocket and as we both got in the car, I started it and we pulled out of the parking lot, and I watched the cemetary disappear into the distance from the rear-view mirror.

The car ride home was quiet. I knew Nathan was feeling horrible at the moment, but in the long run this brought him the closure he needed. I kept that in mind even as I looked over at him and saw tears welling in his eyes, with one escaping and spilling down his face. My heart went out to him.

"Nathan... " I murmured softly, sadly, knowing how hard this was for him. He tried to blink back the remaining unshed tears, exhaling slowly and closing his eyes, swallowing, even though the exhale wavered. I lay a hand on his arm and gently ran it up and down his forearm. When we finally reached the house, Nathan and I headed upstairs. He went into Shilo's room to check on the little girl. I watched him bend over the toddler bed to tuck the Shilo in. He stroked his daughter's hair and I could see her dark eyes open. Little words were exchanged between the two, and when Nathan bent to kiss Shilo's forehead, I could see tears in his eyes, and a pang of sadness hit me. As he left Shilo's room and we went into the master bedroom, I got the first aid kit out to see to Nathan's hand. We stood in the bathroom as I dabbed antiseptic ointment on his knuckles and bandaged them, when I looked up at his face and saw tears.

"Oh, sweetheart," I murmured, and leaned forward to wrap my arms around him, gently coaxing his head to my collarbone with my hand on the back of his neck. Nathan sank against me, burying his face against my collarbone and the side of my neck. I could feel a quiet sob shake through him, could feel him holding on to me tightly. I wanted to hold him and comfort him, more than anything. I knew he was extremely vulnerable over this whole thing, and knew today had really shaken him up. I kissed the side of his head and gently rubbed his back.

"I'm sorry, Nathan, I shouldn't have encouraged you to go over there yet," I murmured, shaking my head. I could feel his own shake in response.

"No, it was something I needed to do," He murmured against my shoulder. "It was hard... it still is, but I had to do it,"

He held on to me for a little while longer. I couldn't have been more willing to stay there with him. We finally went to bed and when Nathan lay down I settled beside him with my arm wrapped around him. Running a hand up and down his side I could feel his fingertips running over my back.

"I love you so much," He murmured, tightening his arms around me. I did the same, kissing his collarbone.

"I love you, too," I responded softly. "So much."

The next day, Nathan had gone to work. I pulled the horses out and turned them all out, except for the stallions, who went out by themselves. Deciding to get on Phaeton, I pulled him out of the pasture and led him into the barn to tack him up. Shilo was in Tinkerbell's stall, grooming the pony, whom I had haltered and tied to the stall door so she would stand still enough for Shilo to groom her. Leaving Phaeton crosstied, I went into the stall, my heart melting when Shilo lifted her big brown eyes to me with a huge smile.

"Hi Maggie!"

"Hey sweetheart," I responded witha smile, leaning my shoulder against the side of the stall. "How'd you like to go riding with me?"

Shilo blinked, in awe. "On Phay-tin?"

I bit back a chuckle at the sound of Shilo trying to say my horse's name. "Yes, on Phaeton." And watched Shilo's smile broaden further.

"Yay!" She squealed, jumping up and down. Tinkerbell flinched, rolling her eye in the little girl's reaction.

"Shi, no jumping around Tink, remember?" I said gently but firmly, though grinned as I untied Tinkerbell's leadrope and unbuckled her halter as Shilo hurried out of the stall to stand by Phaeton. Seeing her by my stallion's legs, my heart leapt in my throat for a moment, but Phaeton was as calm as could be. He lowered his head, letting Shilo stroke his muzzle. I bridled him and lifted Shilo up onto his back before I mounted in back of her, holding the reins and keeping a good grasp on the little girl as we rode out of the barn onto one of the trails, deciding to head to the same waterfall Nathan and I had gone.

"So pretty… " Shilo murmured, leaning back against me. I smiled, kissing the top of Shilo's black hair.

"Isn't it?" I responded as Phaeton walked along the hill. "You're daddy and I rode up here."

Shilo nodded as though taking in what I said. My iPhone rang from my pocket. I dug it out, halting Phaeton and looked down to see Nathan's mobile calling me. I immediately slid my finger along the ACCEPT button of the touch screen. "Hi honey."

"_Hey… what are you up to?" _He said, apparently hearing breeze and Phaeton's snort in the background.

"I took Shilo riding. She's in front of me on Phaeton." I responded, but I could hear something in his voice. He was tense. "Is everything okay?"

"_Yeah—well… "_ I could immediately hear him hesitate. _"I'm going to be a bit late tonight, there's something I need to get handled."_

"Get handled?" My eyebrows furrowed. "Nathan, is everything alright?"

"_I'll talk to you about it tonight. I—you're with Shilo."_ He responded. I could immediately tell that something was unsettling him. He was stressed out and tense; rigid. _"Look, I've got to go, Maggie, but I'll see you tonight._"

"Alright, take care of whatever you need to." I said. "Everything will be alright, Nate. I love you."

"_I love you, too."_ He responded and I could hear him take a deep breath and exhale slowly. _"I hope so. I'll talk to you soon."_

I pressed end and asked Phaeton to walk on, but I couldn't take my mind off of it. Shilo and I got back and we unsaddled Phaeton and put him away, as well as all the other horses. I fed the horses and took Shilo inside to feed her. I threw something quick together for Shilo, which included macaroni and cheese, three little chicken nuggets with steamed carrots on the side and cut up apples. I brought her plate over to her with a sippy cup filled with milk, then quickly fed the dog and cat. I fixed a bowl of macaroni for myself, leaving quite a bit left for Nathan when he got home, knowing he would be hungry. When Shilo finished, I put her to bed at about seven, then sat in the living room on the sofa with a _Horse Illustrated _magazine and a glass of wine. Cooper had been lying at my feet when I heard the front door open and looked over my shoulder as Cooper raced to the door to greet Nathan.

"Hey honey," I said softly, though concerned.

"Hey," Nathan murmured, moving past me after placing a brief kiss on the top of my head. He seemed distracted, worn out, and seemed upset about something. He trudged up the stairs and as I watched him it dawned on me that it had to have been whatever happened at work. Nonetheless, I was worried about him. I made my way up the stairs slowly after him, coming into the master bedroom. Nathan was changed out of his work clothes and was in lounge pants and a grey t-shirt. He sat at the side of the bed, his shoulders hunched and his back rounded. His head was lowered into his hands from what I could see, with his back to me. It was obvious that he was tense and exhausted.

"Nate?" I moved toward him, sitting down near to beside him, laying a hand on his lower back. "Hey… what happened, sweetheart?"

"I spoke to the lawyers of the clinic earlier." He said softly, exhaling heavily. "Evidently I'm being investigated as an adequate physician after the accident. They're looking into it, because obviously if I'm a vet, I should have known something was wrong."

"What?" I was astounded. "Why are they deciding to look into this now? It's been a year."

Nathan shook his head with a shrug of his shoulders. "I don't know. I don't know if someone reported it or called it into question, but somebody out there thinks it's my fault. A number of people."

"Oh, God, sweetheart…" I murmured, gently rubbing his back as Nathan dropped his head into his hands.

"Why can't they just leave it alone? _Her_ alone?" Nathan murmured. "I fought so hard to stand my ground, tell them I did everything I could to stop her from riding, but I think about it and I know I could have done something more."

"You did do everything you could, Nathan," I assured him. "What's the worst action they could take, do you think?"

Nathan shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. "The worst they could do, if I testify and they find me guilty veterinary malpractice or negligent homicide, whatever it is, the worst they could do is suspend my medical license… or fire me."

"This wasn't even your fault, Nathan," I said softly, and as Nathan dropped his head again, I continued rubbing his back. "Do you want to talk about it?

Nathan shook his head. "No, I spoke with lawyers and the board supervisor, I can't talk about it anymore. Just… hold me and stay with me? If I talk about it anymore I'm afraid I might lose it."

Immediately, I wrapped my arms around him from the side, tightening my arms around him and kissed the side of his head. "Of course, sweetheart.." I told him gently, feeling him sink against me. "No matter what happens, Nathan, you have my love and support throughout it all."

He sank against me, wrapping both arms around me and exhaled heavily. I held him, rubbing his back, trying to soothe him the best I could, murmuring to him that it would all work out. For Nathan's sake, I hoped it would.


	10. Come What May

_**AN~ **__ Hey you guys, sorry it's been so long since there's last been an update. I promise I'll be more consistent with it. But in this next one, don't wave off what happened to Mag so quickly, there very well may be something amidst ;3 Enjoy, R&R._

"Nathan! C'mere, here's the website."

I glanced over my shoulder as Nathan came into the den, responding to my calling him. He leaned forward with his hands on the back of my chair before moving to my shoulders kissing the top of my head with his lips lingering there. I clicked the link to Navarre 367's page. I could almost feel Nathan's eyes sweeping over the page of the stallion. The picture caught him in mid-trot with amazing knee action and a huge reach. I looked up at Nathan only to see his eyebrows shoot up, clearly impressed.

"My God," He breathed, leaning forward, eyes narrowing to get a better look. "He's really only ten grand?"

"Indeed," I responded, laying a hand over one of his that he had on my shoulders, gently squeezing. "He's a great addition. He's an incredible horse, Nate."

"Hang on, hang on." Nathan said, amused. "We've got to try him out before we make any immediate decisions. Horse before the carriage... literally."

He bent down and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head. I leaned back against him, lifting one hand to his arm and lowered my head to kiss it.

"Promise we can go look at him though?" I asked, looking up at him. Nathan chuckled, kissing the top of my head once more.

"Promise."

Suddenly, Cooper's wild barking at a crow landing in the front yard caused both me and Nathan to jump. Nathan's head turned over his shoulder, his smile disappearing for a moment. He left my side to be sure whatever our one-year-old Shepherd's conniption fit was wasn't anything to be majourly concerned about, moving to the window that Cooper was practically launching himself at. "What are you looking at? It's a bird!"

"Oi, Cooper!" I called from the living room. "Settle down, you mental thing."

Next thing I know, Nathan chuckled behind me and I could feel him moving closer. Placing both hands on my shoulders, he leans over my left, his face near mine.

"I love it when your accent comes through," He mutters playfully, leaning over my shoulder to kiss me. With a grin I kissed him back.

"What do you mean 'comes through'? It's normally there," I said, mock offended. Nathan grinned.

"You know what I mean, it gets thicker." He kissed my forehead, letting go of me to go sit down on the side of the corner couch. I had to agree with him. I was born in Berkhamsted in Hertfordshire, England, but moved with my parents when I was very young. My parents' accents had remained the same, so mine naturally came with it, if not a bit watered down and since they had hired an elocutionist, it definitely helped. But every so often it did become thicker and British dialect is very hard to lose entirely.

I stood up and moved toward the couch, watching Nathan inch toward the corner of it with his arms draped over both sides of the back of the couch. I moved toward him and crawled over toward him, settling with my back against his chest and lying between his outstretched legs, feeling his heartbeat behind me. He gently draped an arm over me, his hand settling at my waist.

"S'pose you're right." I responded with a good-natured shrug. Nathan grinned, drawing me a bit closer.

"Don't lose it entirely." He warned, kissing the top of my head with a grin. "Don't get me wrong, I love both accents."

"Let's talk about you're accent, mister," I shot back, playfully poking him in the ribs.

"My accent?" He laughed, kissing the side of my neck. "What accent?"

"Yeah, you're accent," I countered with a grin. "You and you're American accent."

"I didn't even know we had an accent," He said with a laugh. I stood up, draping my arms around his neck and felt his own go around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"Of course you do." I responded with a grin, kissing along his jawbone and planted another one on his chin. "So, what do you think?"

"Of you? You know what I think, you're gorgeous, you're amazing, I love you with all my heart... " Nathan said, teasing.

"You know what I mean," I growled playfully, nudging him in the side which made him squirm, but wrapped my arms back around him. "But I love you, too, with all my heart. I mean the horse?"

Nathan kissed my forehead and I tightened my arms around him, cuddling close. "I don't see why we couldn't go take a look at him."

I gave a slight squeak of excitement, diving forward to kiss him. I could feel Nathan chuckling against my lips, holding me and kissing me in return before it was broken.

"Thank you!" I said, thrilled. "Now, I was going to also bring up, I've been looking at parrots-"

"Stop right where you are." Nathan halted, laughing. "Forget it. We have a menagerie of animals as it is. I do four legs, paws, hooves, fur only. I don't do feathers or wings or any of that. Nothing of the avian variety, thank you."

He had me cracking up at that point, and even he was laughing. Tightening my arms gently, I hugged him tightly, feeling his arms tighten around me, laying the side of my head against his collarbone. I could feel him kiss the top of my head.

"I love you," I murmured, tightening my hold.

"I love you, too, sweetheart." He said softly in response, his tone full of meaning. There were random moments like this where I just had to hold him, to hug him. I couldn't seem to get him close enough, and when I did I didn't want to let go. He was safe, he was everything to me.

We sat down on the couch, with me sitting on the corner of the couch and Nathan sat beside me, letting me drape my legs in his lap.

"Nathan, this would never end, would it?" I said softly, lifting my eyes to his. Nathan's eyebrows furrowed.

"Would what never end?" He asked, gently stroking a section of my calf with his thumb.

"Us, what we have." I said, then lowered my eyes again. "I've gotten myself so invested in this, Nathan. I love you, so much, and I know what you've been through and what that's maybe caused, and what scares me is losing you. Having you suddenly shut down and close yourself off, wanting me out of your life."

Nathan's eyes softened, concerned as he leaned toward me with a hand on my leg, shaking his head. "Maggie... "

"It's stupid, I'm sorry," I shook my head, looking away, embarrassed that the topic had actually surfaced emotion, my own insecurities of feeling like I wasn't good enough for him. I had always been the one that was second to Marni, and now out of nowhere, that fear of losing Nathan when I loved him so much and finally had him in my life, I felt like that could be gone at any given moment. "I shouldn't have asked, you don't have to answer it."

"No, sweetie... hey, look at me," Blinking back tears, though a part of me was wondering where this all came from, swallowing, I met Nathan's green eyes. He scooted closer to me, cupping my face in his hands. "There is no way, I could ever, _ever_ not love you for fall out of love with you. Out of anybody, you are the one person who's been there for me the most, and if I were to shut anyone out, the last person it would ever be is you. Ever. You're my everything, Maggie. I would die if I lost you. Ever. I know I can be a jerk sometimes, I know that the way I act sometimes can be hurtful, I've never meant to hurt you. I react to things that happen in the only way I know how to, but that would never mean I don't love you."

Tears welled in my eyes, totally against my will. I nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry," I choked back a laugh combined with a sob, embarrassed by how much this had gotten to me.

"No, honey you're fine," Nathan said gently, giving a soft, sad chuckle as he pulled me into his arms. I folded my legs under me and sank against him, letting him hold me. "Where did this come from?"

"I have no idea," I murmured, shaking my head, laying the side of it against his chest. "I've been hormonal lately, I have no idea why."

"You've been stressed out lately, we both have," Nathan said, kissing the top of my head. "You're okay, don't worry about it."

We sat there for a few moments, and I held on to the man I loved, taking in his comfort and reassurance. Something that was always constant, and something that was always a huge support for me.

Two days later, I woke up early that morning with my stomach churning. I sat up, glancing over at Nathan still asleep next to me when I suddenly felt something rising into my throat. I stumbled out of bed and toward the bathroom, kneeling by the toilet as I got sick. I gathered hair off my forehead, feeling nauseaous and feeling like I was going to vomit again. It scared me, since I had no idea what had suddenly made me sick.

"Mag?" I heard Nathan's voice and heard his footsteps, feeling him come to my side. "Honey... "

"I'm alright," I assured him, though shakily. "I'm not sure what caused it."

Nathan filled a glass with water and knelt beside me, handing me the glass as he gently rubbed my back. I took a few little sips of it, one of which I swished around my mouth to get rid of anything remaining and spit it into the toilet.

"Maggie, you should stay in today," Nathan said softly. "If you're getting sick..."

"I don't think it's the flu or anything though," I said. "I'm not shaky or feverish or anything like that. This is different."

Nathan nodded slowly, though I could tell by the way he was looking at me when I stood slowly that he was still concerned and not totally convinced I was fine.

A couple hours later, I was fine. Nathan and I were going to go check out the stallion. Nathan, ever protective, kept an eye on me as we drove to the facility where Navarre was kept. We pulled into the property. I turned to Nathan as we pulled in.

"Who exactly are we asking for?" I asked him. Nathan picked up a folded piece of paper.

"The guy who owns this place is Sigvard Daaé, he's Swedish. I guess he specialises in training these horses." Nathan said, setting the paper down in the centre consol. "I think he was the one I spoke to. He had a fairly heavy accent."

We got out of the Explorer with the two horse trailer attached to the back and the second I did, I saw a younger girl, had to be eighteen years old at the most, riding a huge Friesian, but the two together was breathtaking.

"Dr. Wallace?" Both Nathan and I turned when an older man with the slightest Swedish accent came out way. His eyes were warm, his entire demeanor welcoming. Nathan turned and nodded, shaking the offered hand.

"Yes, Mr. Daaé?" Nathan said.

"Please, call me Sigvard," Sigvard said. "It's a pleasure. Dr. Wallace-"

"Nathan," Nathan said quickly with a thin smile. Sigvard nodded with a smile and then turned to me. "And my other half, Mag."

"A pleasure meeting you both," He said. "So you're here to see the big boy, eh?"

"We are," Nathan responded. "Mag actually found him. We're excited to see him."

"Follow me, I'll have my daughter bring him out." Sigvard said.

"Was that... your daughter on the horse in the arena? For that matter was that Navarre?" I asked. Sigvard looked toward the arena as the girl dismounted the Friesian and nodded.

"Yes, that is Christine. The horse is her mare Meyke." Sigvard explained. I could immediately see the fatherly pride Sigvard had in his daughter as she walked the massive, yet elegant animal back to the barn. I knew that someday Nathan would be looking at Shilo that same way. As we entered the most pristine barn I'd ever seen in my life, I could hear someone else coming down the aisle with the soft clopping of massive hooves on the cobblestone aisles.

"_Christine! Komma med Navarre ute , behaga._" Sigvard said. The girl that clipped the mare into the crossties looked up, nodding immediately, her dark eyes shifting to Nathan and myself.

"Hi," She said, a warm smile crossing her face as she nodded toward us. Sigvard stopped her before she could turn back away, motioning her over with a smile.

"_Vänta vänta vänta , stanna lägga,_ come say hello." Sigvard insisted with a chuckle, laying a hand on Christine's shoulder as she came over toward us. She wore a blue zip-up hoody with jeans, her dark hair pulled back in a french braid. She regarded me and Nathan warmly, as though knowing we would possibly be giving the horse she had worked with for so long a good home.

"Christine works with all of our horses," Sigvard said.

"How old are you, Christine?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"I'll be nineteen in the fall," She said. "My father told me you were interested in Navarre?"

I couldn't believe that this girl had literally no accent. She must have been born here. Nathan nodded.

"We are. We saw him online." He responded. Christine nodded.

"He's an incredible horse. He's approved with the Friesian registry, is registered. He's produced incredible horses. We bred him with a Thoroughbred mare that we bought awhile back, and the colt wound up being an amazing sport horse." Christine said. "I'll go grab him so you guys can see him."

Within moments, Christine came back out with the gigantic seventeen-hand Friesian stallion in tow. Navarre had a thick, wavy forelock travelling down past his nose. He had a stunning head and was completely solid. An elegant, graceful powerhouse of a horse.

"Holy hell... " Nathan breathed. Christine smiled, adjusting a bit of Navarre's-literally-_forearm length_ mane. The stallion's ears were pricked, studying all of us, though not dubiously. It was genuine curiousity in who the newcomers were. The horse seemed to genuinely enjoy human company.

"How old is he?" Nathan asked. Sigvard turned to his daughter, encouraging her to answer. It was refreshing seeing a trainer who was willing to give his daughter a chance. It seemed Christine knew this horse well.

"He's nine years old," She said, her dark eyes sweeping from Navarre to us. "He's always been sound, hasn't had a thing wrong with him. We started him when he was four years old, so he had plenty of time to get any muscle tissue developed. He's always been an extremely powerful mover, very eager to please."

We spent about a half hour there before Nathan and I both decided to have the horse on trial for thirty days. We loaded Navarre in the trailer, said our goodbyes to Sigvard and Christine. When we got home, we unloaded the stallion, which caused a ruckus with the other two... or should I say three with Dragon Blade now added into the mix. But Navarre didn't skip a beat. He took it all in stride, walking quietly beside me as I walked him around the area a bit, waiting for Nathan to bed down a stall for him. Thank God for that because I knew that if he wanted to, Navarre was powerful enough to drag me wherever he pleased.

"I'm dying to get on him, Nate," I looked over my shoulder at Nathan, who was stuffing the hay feeder with a flake of grass hay. He brushed his hands off on his pants, looking up at me.

"Go for it." He said with a grin. "I want to see him move."

Grinning, I lead Navarre over to the aisle crosstie and clipped him there. The stallion, calm as could be, stood quietly and watched me as I ran my hand over his haunches, moving down his side. It was the first time I had actually gotten to take a look at the stallion up close.

"Look at the size of his hooves," I remarked, bending with my back facing the horse's front, lifting one of his legs, pushing feathers away from the hoof to get a good look. Navarre's hoof had to be about the size of a large saucer. Nathan stuck his head out of the stall.

"You don't want those anywhere near toes," He said, dryly joking. I grinned, giving Navarre's haunches a quick pat, reaching for his thick tail and gently dragging my fingers through the waves of jet black trendils, moving to the tack room to get my saddle. Unsure of what he rode in, I selected a bridle with a loose ring snaffle, draping it by the crownpiece and reins over my forearm, a saddle pad in hand. Hanging the bridle on the hook, I draped the pad over Navarre's back, pulling it up in the slightest so it rested right at his withers. I watched him out of the corner of my eye just to see how he would react. The stallion was alert but placid. Making sure none of his long mane got caught under the saddle pad, I went to get the saddle and girth, got him saddled, unbuckled the halter to buckle it back at the base of his neck to keep him there while I bridled him, I looped my arm around his nose with my hand settled there to keep his head down, taking hold of the middle of the bridle with my other palm holding the bit. I gently pushed the the bit toward Navarre's lips and he easily accepted it. I pulled the bridle over his ears, pulled his forelock out from under the brow band and smoothed it down his face, buckled what was needed to, then I pulled down the stirrup and attempted to get my foot in.

I had seriously underestimated the horse's height. After a few failed attempts of jumping around and struggling to get on, I finally gave in, shaking my head with a defeated laugh. "Nathan? Can you give me a leg up, honey?"

Nathan's head popped out of the stall, his green eyes quickly assessing the situation and I could see the grin growing across his face.

"I missed you trying to get on? Ohh, I'm so bummed." He groaned with a laugh, moving toward me with his hands at my waist as he moved around me to the back of me, taking hold of my shin when I lifted my leg back toward him. "He's got to be more than sixteen hands. Well over it."

"That wouldn't surprise me." I responded. "Ok, on the count of three."

At three, I jumped and Nathan pushed me up into the saddle. Still struggling, I wriggled my way into the saddle and got both feet in the stirrups. I leaned to adjust them, noting that Navarre stood extremely quietly as I did so. Straightening, I gently nudged him with my heels and clicking my tongue at him. His ears whipped back toward me and immediately he started at a high-stepping, enthusiastic walk toward the arena. I could feel him round his neck and drop his muzzle to his chest, but his mouth was soft on the bit. He was 'in the bridle', had done it without me even asking. Nathan was following me toward the arena, shutting the gate behind me as we entered. I walked Navarre around the arena a couple of times to warm him up, knowing that it probably wasn't going to take much. Gently tightening the reins in the slightest, I pressed my heels against his sides, urging him into a trot.

For anyone who has never sat a Friesian horse's trot, you are missing out. Navarre was floating. _Floating._ His knee action was incredible, but each leg would shoot out with each step, carrying himself at an incredible, almost surreally smooth trot.

"Look at him go." I heard Nathan call from the fence, clearly amazed. I was a bundle of raw excitement, giddy at the idea of what I was riding. The trot was quick and powerful, but somehow Navarre stayed collected with his full attention on me. Kissing at him and squeezing my leg, I asked him for a canter and he lept into it, his hooves ripping at the ground with each massive step. His breath exploded from his nostrils with each stride, his head still rounded and at his chest. I circled him, did figured eights, asked him to alternate between a canter to a trot, then back into a walk. He did all of it. He was a powerhouse of a horse, but an absolute stunner. I walked him over to the gate where Nathan stood, loosening Navarre's reins.

"I've never seen a Friesian in action, but my God... " Nathan said, stunned, but I could easily tell he was greatly impressed. "I think we have ourselves a hell of a horse."

"What did I tell you?" I said witha grin, leaning to pat Navarre's neck. "You've got to get on him at some point, Nathan."

"I don't know about that-"

"Oh, come on. You got on Kilkenny Creek, you'll be fine. Where's the dog?"

"He's fine, he's with Shilo inside." Nathan responded. His green eyes swept over Navarre and he sighed heavily. "Alright, I'll get on him at some point. I can't resist."

I laughed, guiding Navarre out the gate as Nathan opened it. A little over an hour later, we got the stallion settled, fed him and the others after they all came back in. There were two seperate paddocks, one of which contained the three mares; Tinkerbell included, plus Batten and Kilkenny Creek. The five of them got on brilliantly, and in the other were the three stallions. We had been extremely careful about turning out the three together. The paddock was well on the other side of the barn so the mares were well out of sight. It had started off with Phaeton, and, when Nathan reluctantly agreed, Uther. For a few days both of them would come back in with bite marks and welts from having kicked each other here and there, but eventually they got the pecking order worked out. Surprisingly enough it was Uther who came out the victor, holding the position of alpha in the group. He and Phaeton got along just as well, and after making sure they were settled, we had turned Dragon Blade out with the two of them. It took both Phaeton and Uther knocking the ornery colt around a bit before he settled in the little three-horse-herd at the bottom of the pecking order.

The mare/gelding paddock was a complete different story. I would have expected one of the Thoroughbreds to be the dominant one, but the fact that Tinkerbell was ruling that paddock didn't entirely come as a surprise to me. All the pony had to do was give one of them a nasty look and the others would be well out of her way. It took awhile for that to be established, but Nathan and I both knew when all the Thoroughbreds came in with bite marks no higher than their barrels. It didn't take long for Nathan and I to figure out the culprit and we couldn't help but laugh. We knew it would take time before turning Navarre out with the stallions though. When we had gotten finished and Nathan shut the barn door, we headed back up to the house. Shilo was downstairs with us, and Cooper lay at her side, keeping a watchful eye on the two year old girl. Nathan and I sat on the couch. I leaned against the corner of it with Nathan's head in my lap and his body between my legs, lying on his back and I ran my fingers gently through his hair.

"You look tired," I commented gently, looking down at him. Nathan was watching Shilo, but lifted his eyes to me, laying a hand on my leg, though gave a light shrug.

"Somewhat," He said softly. "Haven't really been sleeping well,"

"Really?" I said softly, my eyebrows furrowing in concern. It occured to me that I had noticed Nathan tossing and turning alot lately. I hadn't really given it much thought, since Nathan usually moved about quite a bit in his sleep, but this had been more restless. I used my nails to gently run over his scalp, stroking his hair at the same time. I could feel his head tilt back against my stomach in contentment, though I could still feel uneasiness in his body. "What's been bothering you?"

Nathan sighed, tilting his head toward the back of the couch as though in thought. "Just... the whole situation at work, I've just been worrying about it. I have no idea what the outcome of this is going to be."

I lay my hand on his shoulder, gently sliding it down and over his chest, kissing the top of his head. "Well, if anything it's better than you going to jail," I said softly, gently scratching an area of his chest. "The idea of that happening scares me, I don't know what I would do."

Nathan lifted his hand to lay it over the hand I had on his chest, gently squeezing. "They wouldn't put me in jail," He said, shaking his head. "They have no direct proof it was negligent homicide, there were too many other factors in that. And I did state the warning that Uther seemed off, Marni ignored me," He said, his voice quieting in mentioning her. "What their concerned about is a lawsuit for malpractice in the future. This situation had no relevance to my abilities as a practitioner, but the clinic thinks it does. I just... I'm worried about losing my job. I can't, we've got the horses, I can't provide for you and Shilo... "

"Sweetheart," I murmured to him, gently rubbing his chest. "Everything will be alright. That's the worst-case-scenario. I promise you, if something happens, I will look for a job until you can find another one."

I could feel Nathan relax slightly, but he shook his head. "If they let me go, it could mean the end of my career as a vet, nobody's going to hire me if they see that I have a background in malpractice, which is exactly what they'll put on my record if they do wind up firing me."

"Oh, honey," I said softly. I knew where he was coming from, and absolutely felt for him. My hand continued in gentle, soothing circles over his chest, kissing the top of his head. "It'll be okay, Nathan, everything will work out."

Nathan exhaled slowly, settling against me, nodding in response.

"Changing the topic." He said. "What's been on your mind?"

I continued absently stroking Nathan's hair, tilting my head in thought. "Well... you may not want to hear it right now."

"Oh, that's not fair, that's going to torment me," He said with a half smile, looking up at me. "Tell me."

"Well," I said softly, trying to think of how to word it. "Remember when I told you about Navarre, and you said we were turning into a rescue facility?"

Nathan's smile faded, looking at me with mock dread. "Oh no... I know exactly what you're thinking."

"It would be a great opportunity. We've got the room."

"No,"

"We could do this! It would be a great thing, we could go to auctions, rescue the ones that might be going to slaughter,"

"Yeah, and we would wind up keeping them all. Especially with you onboard. You wouldn't be able to let a single one go."

"Yes I would, we'd be able to rehome them, and take on people whose horses have behavioural problems."

Nathan scoffed. "Yeah, there is no way I would get on a horse with serious behaviour problems. I do it enough with the Thoroughbreds."

"Exactly, that's why I would do it."

"That's what scares me. I know you would, you would get on a psychotic horse who would flip over a fence at the drop of a hat without a second thought. There is no way, you're going to get yourself killed."

"Nathan, I've been riding since I was four, there isn't a single behaviour issue that I haven't already experienced."

"So have alot of people, and accidents still happen."

"Of course! Accidents always happens, Nathan, there is always a risk."

"Exactly! You just proved my point," Nathan responded, clearly exasperated and a bit annoyed with our conversation. "Accidents happen, we've had this conversation before. Some of them can't be prevented."

"Nathan, we take a risk walking out of the house each day. Each time someone gets in the car there's a risk of an accident. Unpreventable."

"That's not the same as working with a thousand pound animal with a brain the size of a walnut."

"Coming from the man who is a large animal vet."

"One; not the point, and two; you see where it's gotten me? It's a bad idea."

"Nathan, if anything we can hire a professional trainer."

"Then what's the point of this? We advertise that we work with problem horses, and we bring in a trainer," Nathan countered, shaking his head. "'Work with problem horses', that has bad news wirtten all over it. Who knows what people would bring around."

"Why are you being so difficult about this?" I shot back with an exasperated sigh. "Then I can get on the horse."

"I'm not being difficult. Mag, I love you, but you can be foolish on a horse sometimes. You're willing to get on anything, it's going to get you killed. Did what happened to your best friend mean anything or open your eyes to anything?"

Nathan's words stung, especially bringing up Marni against me. My knee-jerk response of muttering that that was a low blow and getting defensive was right at the tip of my tongue, but I knew that in this case, I couldn't be defensive. While Marni was my best friend, she was also Nathan's late wife. He was entitled to say it, as much as it hurt to hear it.

"That's not fair, Nathan." I said, my tone quieting but still somewhat clipped. "We would be doing a great thing. As a vet you of all people should know the issues with abandoning horses, having them go to slaughter. It's murder. We have a twenty-five stall barn. There is no way we would fill it up, but we can get these horses rehomed."

"It requires a license to be able to do that." He muttered.

"Then I'll get the paperwork done for it. I know that in the long run, it would mean alot to you knowing what you were doing to help these horses. We can cancel out working with problem horses. I don't blame you, we're not equipped to handle that or trained. As much as I think I could do it, you're right, something bad would be bound to happen, and I know you're feelings on it, I don't blame you for that. I know you're not comfortable with it, we don't have to do it. But the other part I really want to do. If people want to abandon their horses, they could bring them to us, too."

He didn't say anything. Wouldn't look at me, but instead kept his gaze on the other side of the room. I ran a hand through his hair.

"You're still mad, aren't you?" I said quietly. Nathan exhaled and shook his head.

"I'm not mad, Maggie, I wasn't. I just hate arguing with you." He said softly. There was no aggravation in his tone, just tension and almost sadness. My heart went out to him.

"I know, we never argue, but I hate when we do, too." I responded softly. Nathan said nothing. I slid my arm over his chest and kissed the top of his head, lips lingering there as I began little puppy-style whimpers. Nathan gave a soft snort.

"You're pathetic, you know that?" He muttered, but I could see the slight smile slipping across his face.

"I know, but you love me regardless," I said gently, wrapping my arms around him. Nathan took hold of one of my hands to bring it down toward him, kissing my knuckles and gently squeezed my hand.

"That I do," He said, lifting his eyes to me for a moment. I could easily see he was in a better mood. He exhaled slowly.

"Let me think about it. This'll add up the cost of feed and everything, and it probably wouldn't be for a long time, Maggie, I don't want to start something like this when Shilo is still so young, there's enough we've got to deal with as is."

"That's reasonable." I said, tightening my arms around him. "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean for this to turn into an argument."

Nathan pushed himself up, twisting around and kissed me. I immediately kissed him back, breaking it just as he did. "You're fine, sweetie. These things happen. We have disagreements and we work them out." He said, lifting one hand to my cheek, his thumb gently stroking my cheekbone before leaning to kiss my forehead. "Let's put Shilo down."

Nodding, I stood after he did as we both headed for the stairs. Following him up the stairs, I lay a gentle hand on his lower back and rubbed it affectionately. We reached the top and Nathan immediately turned for Shilo's nursery. He opened the door and we walked in quietly. I watched Nathan lean over the toddler bed, gently stroking Shilo's dark hair and tucking her in. When he turned back toward me and the door, I watched his eyes for a moment, trying to read him. He lifted them and glanced at me, moving toward me and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. A smile slipped across my face and I wrapped my own around his waist.

"Let's get you to bed," I said, laying a hand against his stomach with my other wrapped around to his waist.

"Sounds like a plan," He responded with a thin smile, but I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. We went to our bedroom and Nathan pulled his grey t-shirt over his head. My eyes wandered toward him while I was changing, myself. Seeing Nathan; seeing his body never failed to make me want to wrap my arms around him. We both got changed and we crawled into bed. Nathan lay on his side and I crawled in beside him, feeling him curl himself against me. I kissed the side of his head, gently stroking his hair and running my fingers through it. I could see his green eyes start closing.

"I love you so much," I murmured to him, kissing his forehead. Nathan opened his eyes and inched closer, wrapping his arm around me.

"I love you, too, Maggie, so much," He murmured, tightening his arms around me. It wasn't long before he soon fell asleep. I continued gently stroking his hair until sleep found me as well, completely contented in curling up beside him and holding him.


	11. Because He Loved Me

_**AN~**__ Hey you guys, I am so sorry it's been so long since the last update. Life kinda got in the way, but to make up for it I made this chapter even longer. Please please please R&R! And thank you for everyone who commented and reviewed before!_

Morning came and right on schedule, nausea hit me and I sat up, getting out of bed and stumbling for the bathroom. This was getting ridiculous, but as I emptied my stomach of whatever was in it, it all dawned on me. I was late, my menstruation cycle was well past and still nothing. I was getting sick in the mornings. My mind trailed over the last time Nathan and I had had protected sex. Holding the shorter lengths of hair back off my forehead, I tried to catch my breath, processing what I had just realised. Nathan was immediately making his way toward the bathroom, kneeling at my side while rubbing my back.

"Honey, this is... what... the fifth time this week?" He said, searching my face. I could tell he was concerned. I looked up in his direction and met his eyes, and I knew that he immediately caught on. His eyes widened.

"Are you late?" He asked. I nodded slowly.

"Yes. By about three weeks. Nathan, when did we last had protected sex?" I said softly. Nathan blew out a breath, running one hand through his hair.

"I... I'm not sure." He said softly in response, shaking his head. "We used a condom in the beginning, but after awhile we just didn't really bother with one. And you weren't on any kind of contraceptive, were you?"

"No," I said, dropping my forehead against my arm. I was terrified. Nathan wasn't going to want another child yet, would he?

He moved closer to me, stroking my hair. "Maggie, listen to me," He said softly, urging me to look up into his eyes. "We don't know for sure. We'll go down and get you a pregnancy test. If it comes out positive," He cupped my face in his hands gently, searching my eyes. I lay my hand gently on his wrist, sofly stroking it with my thumb. "Then if you're ready to have a child, I'm thrilled about this. But only if you're ready."

Hearing his words sent relief washing over me. Now that I realised he was onboard with whatever my decision was, I knew that I wanted to have a baby with Nathan. The fact that he was thrilled about this, when I was terrified, was a huge comfort, because I knew no matter what I would have him and his support.

"I love you so much," I murmured, wrapping his arms around his neck in a hug. He wrapped his arms around me and held me.

"I love you, too, sweetie," Nathan murmured, "So much."

"You probably don't want to kiss me, espcially after I just got sick," I warned him.

"You only got sick, the mouth is off limits, but I can kiss you elsewhere," He teased gently, kissing my forehead before drawing me closer so I could sink against him.

Nathan came with me to the hospital to get the pregnancy test done that day. We waited in the exam room and I lay on the medical chair/bed that they had me on. The nurse had taken blood and gotten a urine test from me and now we just had to sit back and wait. Nathan was pacing, but he came over and took my hand in his with a gentle squeeze. Soon, the nurse came back in with a gentle smile on her face. Nathan lifted his head and looked in the direction of the nurse.

"Ms. DeFoe?" She asked.

"Yes?"

"Alright, your HCG levels are quite high, but high enough for one baby if there is one." She said. "The chances of you being pregnant are quite high at this point, but an ultrasound will confirm it. How long did you say since symptoms began."

"I'd say about... three weeks?" I looked in Nathan's direction for finality and he nodded in response.

"The morning sickness really only started this week, but she's been a bit off for the past three weeks, I think," Nathan responded. The nurse nodded.

"Alright, we'll get the ultrasound in here and we'll get the final say," She said. "I'll be right back."

She left the room and I exhaled slowly. Nathan remained at my side, stroking my hair and kissed my forehead. Before long, the nurse came back in with the ultrasound. My hospital gown was lifted and pushed upward and I could feel the gel being squirted onto my stomach. Nathan took my hand in his and gently squeezed, staying by my side as the monitor was run along my stomach. I held my breath and I could have sworn Nathan was holding his, until the soft swoosh of a steady heartbeat could be heard, and tears sprang into my eyes.

"Oh, my God, Maggie... " Nathan murmured. I could hear his voice crack, and he bent to kiss the top of my head. Looking at the monitor and realising there was a little living being inside of me, one that was fathered by Nathan, I couldn't have been more thrilled. I lay the side of my hand against Nathan's face gently, tears welling in my eyes. I couldn't even believe I was going to be having a child with Nathan, and what thrilled me even further was that he was excited about it as well. The nurse left us alone, and Nathan lay a hand on my stomach.

"Oh, sweetheart," He murmured, awestruck. He glanced up at me. "I am the father, right?"

"Yes! Of course you're the father," I responded with a sympathetic laugh, laying my hand on his back. I got changed and we headed back home to feed the horses. Once finished, Nathan and I both sat on the couch, with me curled up in his arms against him. I could feel him kiss my forehead.

"Mag,"

"Hm?"

"Would... would another guy ever tempt you? Would you ever feel the need to be with someone else?" Nathan asked quietly. I opened my eyes and looked in his direction.

"Nathan, why would you think... " I began, but it dawned on me where that was coming from. Marni. I shifted so that I was sitting beside him, wrapping my arms around him. "Honey... never. I have never, ever had any desire to be with any man other than you. I would never do that do you."

Nathan lowered his eyes, nodding slowly, though looking embarrassed. "My question earlier about... whether or not I was the father... I'm sorry for that, I just... "

"Nathan, it's alright," I murmured to him, laying a gentle hand on his chest. "The baby is yours. It's ours together. You would be the only option for it. If you weren't the father, it would have to be immaculate conception."

"I know, just after everything Marni did... " His voice trailed off, and I knew what she had done still hurt him. I gently rubbed his chest. "I can't... I couldn't go through that again. And now that you're pregnant, I mean, I'm thrilled, but it's taking me back to when Marni was pregnant with Shilo. We were so happy, and I was so blissfully ignorant. It came out of nowhere, Marni's infidelity, and the fact that I didn't see it coming hurt so much. I'm just... scared."

"Nathan, look at me," I murmured to him. "I have never been with anyone else beside you from the time we've been together. Ever. You were the one person on my mind and always. This baby is one hundred percent; no doubt in my mind yours. I would never do that to you, Nathan, you know that."

Nathan nodded slowly. I gently brushed his hair off his head and leaned back against the arm of the couch, opening my arms. Nathan sank into them, lying beside me with his head on my collarbone. I slipped my hand up the back of Nathan's shirt and began gently rubbing and scratching his back. I knew that if that ever happened again, if someone he loved ever betrayed him like Marni had, he would never recover. I knew in my heart that there was no possible way that could ever happen. I would never have eyes for another man. Nathan was mine. He held my heart as I held his. And like I promised him, I would always keep his safe.

**Four Days Later**

I stood in the kitchen with Shilo early in the evening around six or so, knowing Nathan would be getting home soon. I fixed Shilo dinner of grilled cheese with canned green beans that I had taken out of the can and heated up on the stove. She got her one cup of juice for the day, and after that her options were milk or water. I set the plastic plate down for Shilo, then turned and pulled the vegetarian lasagna out of the oven that I had fixed for Nathan and myself. In the other section of the oven came the Italian bread that was warmed and would be served with it as well as a bottle of Chardonnay. As though on cue, I watched Cooper rush to the door; a whining, squirming, wriggling bundle of canine excitement and enthusiasm, his tail swinging a mile a minute the second Nathan walked through the door. He was still in the dark red scrubs of the vet hospital he worked at, his ID tag still clipped to the front pocket of his shirt with a grey hoody over it.

"Hi honey," I said, frowning as I noticed the tense expression on his face. That couldn't be good. I tried searching his face as he quickly and absently bend to pat Cooper before moving into the kitchen, setting down his bag. "You okay?"

"Yeah, ah... I'll tell you in a few minutes," He said, moving toward me and kissed me briefly in a hello. I returned the second-long peck, which wasn't unusual when Nathan first got home. I worry if he didn't. It usually meant work was rough, but judging by his expression, I couldn't quite tell.

"Alright," I responded, nodding, a smile creeping across my face as Shilo squealed "Daddy!" and waved her little arms up toward him, and Nathan wrapped part of his arm around her little front, kissing the top of her head and growling "Hey you," affectionately into her hair, causing Shilo to erupt into delighted giggles. He straightened, making his way toward me and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"How was your day?" He asked, kissing the side of my head.

"It was alright. I turned the horses out for awhile. Haven't turned Navarre out with the stallions yet, though." I responded. Nathan nodded slowly, turning so he could wrap arms around me from behind, laying one hand over my stomach.

"That's probably a good idea, at least let me handle that until the little one is born." He said. I could feel his thumb gently stroking over an area of my stomach and I grinned, laying my arms over his.

"Nathan, I'm pregnant, not made of glass." I teased him gently, turning my head and lifting one hand to turn his head toward me, kissing him briefly. "Working with the horses isn't going to hurt me."

"No, but a well-aimed kick will." He said against my lips before breaking the kiss, then kissed the side of my neck. "I don't want to take any chances of letting that happen. Something smells good."

Hearing the note in his voice, I could tell Nathan's attention had turned to something else. I grinned, moving out of his arms as he released me. "I threw a vegetarian lasagna together. We have Italian bread, too, I can fix you a plate."

"You're amazing," Nathan remarked, watching the oven tray come out, and set to work setting the table for the two places on either side of Shilo that we would be sitting. I cut a square of lasagna from the tray and put it on a plate for Nathan as well as a few slices of the oven-warmed bread and set it down at the table setting I could guess he was moving toward. Following, I fixed a plate for myself and sat down.

"How did it go?" I asked, looking up while cutting a bite of the lasagna with the side of my fork. Nathan finished chewing what he had in his mouth and swallowed, lifting his eyes to me.

"Well... another company bought the clinic." He said, his tone lowering in the slightest. I could immediately tell that he wasn't thrilled with it.

"What company? I thought it was owned by Pembroke Inc.?" I said, frowning. Nathan shook his head.

"Exactly. 'Was' owned by Pem Inc., but now this company GeneCo Inc. bought it. I've heard of GeneCo. They do... fairly... traditional medical practices, but the owner has this fascination with genetics, there's alot of different projects that include genetic testing and such that I don't agree with." Nathan said, still shaking his head and lowered his eyes to his plate.

"Are you going to stay with the company?" I asked.

"I don't have much of a choice. The owner knows of me, God only knows how, and wants to keep me. If I stay, I'm no longer under investigation with Pem Inc., since I don't belong with that corporation anymore. If not, I'm still at risk. GeneCo I have a job with; just not under practices I support." He said, his eyes lowered and his shoulders hunched.

"Jingo!" Shilo declared. Both Nathan and I looked up.

"What, honey?" Nathan asked, looking in Shilo's direction.

"Jingo," Shilo repeated. "You said first, Daddy."

"Jingo..._GeneCo."_ Nathan came to the realisation and rolled his eyes. "Great. I taught my daughter a new word."

"Whass Jingo, Daddy?"

"Gene-co, sweetheart, is like a big store." Nathan tried to explain, shooting a glance in my direction. I couldn't help but grin. I felt sorry for Nathan, but I knew how exasperated he was by the fact that now he was having to explain GeneCo to his two-year-old daughter. Especially when I could read it in his body that he despised the company with every fiber of his being.

"I wanna go to da store." Shilo said excitedly. Immediate horror crossed Nathan's face for the briefest second, shooting another look at me, but this one read '_Help.' _quite clearly.

"No, no no no, Shi, you don't want to go to that store," He said quickly.

"It's not a fun store, Shi." I explained, noting the grateful look Nathan threw in my direction. Shilo looked back and forth at us both as though trying to process what we were saying, her little brow creased intently in curiousity. Finally, evidently deciding it was nothing that concerned her, lowered her dark eyes to her grilled cheese square and took a bite. Watching Shilo, my hand absently trailed to my stomach. It had taken me this long and watching Shilo, even though she was like my own, to realise just how badly I wanted a baby. Shilo yawned after swallowing the last bit of her grilled cheese.

"I think it's time for bed, kiddo," Nathan said, looking in his daughter's direction. Shilo's entire cherub-like face creased in immediate worry and protest.

"No." She said firmly. "Wanna cookie?"

"Did you eat your green beans?" Nathan asked. Shilo frowned.

"No." She said pointedly with an added "Hmph!"

"Take one more bite of green beans, then you can have a cookie." Nathan said, his voice gentle but firm. "Then it's bedtime, Shi."

Shilo seemed content with this idea, and with her little plastic spoon, shoveled a spoon full into her mouth. I had to bite back a laugh, since the little girl had crammed them in her cheeks, now resembling something along the lines of a chipmunk.

"Chew and swallow, sweetheart, a cookie isn't going to taste very good with green beans." Nathan said, casting a firm gaze in Shilo's direction. Shilo swallowed the beans, making a face in the process, then set her spoon down. Nathan grinned, standing to go to the cupboard, moving behind Shilo and lay his hand on the back of her head and kissed the top of it as he passed. Shilo looked up briefly, but a smile spread across her face as Nathan came back around with a sippy cup filled with milk and a chocolate chip cookie on a napkin and set it down on Shilo's high chair tray. Shilo immediately started on her cookie and as Nathan sat back down, I still noticed the tension in him, even though he was doing his best to hide it from his daughter. I reached out and gently rubbed his back.

"It'll work out, Nathan," I tried to assure him. Nathan nodded slowly, reaching over and lay his hand on my leg with a gentle squeeze.

"We'll talk about it tonight when we go to bed, alright?" He said gently. I nodded slowly, but could feel him lean gently into my touch. Once Shilo was put to bed later that night, Nathan and I had gone up to the master bedroom. I came out of the bathroom and saw Nathan trying to remove the grey hoody from himself, but I could see the grimace of pain come across his face, favouring his right shoulder. I moved toward him to help him as he gingerly slid his arms out of the sleeves, leaning against the dresser with one hand gently fingering the back of his shoulder. I moved nearer to him, laying a hand on his mid back and gently rubbed the area that was clearly hurting him on the back of his shoulder. Nathan winced, but he leaned into my touch slightly.

"You okay?" I asked him, still gently massaging the back of his shoulder. Nathan nodded, swallowing.

"Yeah," He responded softly. "I just tweaked it, I think. I'm getting old."

"What did you do to yourself? It's completely knotted up," I said, kneading my thumb into the hard, knotted muscletone in the back of his shoulder. Nathan uttered a low groan, I couldn't quite tell if it was out of pain or out of almost relief that it was getting loosened.

"A patient; big draft gelding, got up after surgery in the recovery stall, trying to bowl over me and past me then wound up falling on me in the doorway." He murmured.

"Oh, sweetheart," I murmured, shaking my head. "What wound up happening?"

"I was fine when he fell on me, surprisingly enough. He still had a halter and lead on, which I tried to grab as he got back up and bolted out the doorway." Nathan said softly.

"And you tried to stop him?" I said in almost unsurprised disbelief. "Nathan, what possibly made you think you could stop a nineteen hand, thousand pound draft horse without getting hurt?"

"I don't know," Nathan shook his head. "The outcome of that really didn't dawn on me until the second I did it." The sentance ended with a groan as I more than likely caught a particularly knotted area in his shoulder.

"Nathan, you're going to really be hurting tomorrow." I said, laying a hand on his lower back. "Take off your shirt and come lie down on the bed, sweetheart, I'll try to help what I can."

Nathan nodded, and with my aid he managed to get his shirt up and over his head and moved toward the bed.

"Lie down on your stomach, honey," I urged, my hand remaining on his lower back. Slowly, painfully, Nathan lowered himself down on the bed. I had to end up straddling his back to be able to get the access I needed. I began kneading my thumbs into the bare skin on his back and back of his shoulders. Nathan grunted in pain.

"I know, honey, I"ll be done in a bit," I said. He shook his head.

"No... take your time. It hurts, but it's relieving it." He muttered, his voice muffled by the duvet. I stayed there for a few more minutes, massaging and rubbing Nathan's back and shoulders, then gently lay my hand on his side as he turned over onto his back painfully.

"Feel a bit better?" I asked. Nathan nodded, settling back against the bed.

"Better, yes," He responded, and he lay his hand on my arm as I lay down with him, laying the side of my head on his stomach. I could feel him gently stroking my hair.

"When do the new owners of the clinic step in?" I asked. Nathan shifted slightly and I could feel the exhale leave him.

"Tomorrow," He responded. "I'm not looking forward to it."

"It'll be alright, sweetheart," I murmured, laying a hand on his side and gently stroked his hip with my thumb. Nathan tilted his head to the side, exhaling heavily through his nose.

"I hope so," He murmured. I slid upward so that I lay beside him, moving my arm across Nathan's chest and around him, feeling him lean lightly against me with his head on my collarbone.

"I know, honey," I murmured, kissing the top of his head. "I know."

The next day, after feeding the horses, I brought Shilo with me to the office to see Nathan. We walked into the waiting room, with Shilo in a stroller, holding a little tiny Starbucks cup with hot chocolate in it. With another Starbucks cup in hand for Nathan, I went to the front desk.

"Hi, I'm looking for Nathan Wallace begin_of_the_skype_highlighting end_of_the_skype_highlighting?" I asked the receptionist, who looked up in my direction.

"One moment, please." She said. "Can I have your name?"

"Mag," I responded. "I have his daughter with me, too."

The girl nodded and picked up the phone. There was a pause for a moment before she spoke. "Dr. Wallace, I have a Mag here to see you."

Within seconds she hung up the phone and nodded, pressing a button that would unlock the door into the medical unit. "Go ahead."

I pushed the stroller into the medical unit, looking at each pristine stall and what was in each of them. I was glad Shilo could see quite a few of them, because some were not in very good condition. I spotted Nathan at the end, talking to a nurse about a bay horse with a gel cooling wrap around it's foreleg. He scrawled something on the horse's file before looking in my direction and moved toward us.

"Hey you," He greeted me with a brief kiss, laying a hand on my arm then looked down at Shilo, bending to scoop her up when the little girl squealed "Daddy!" excitedly. "What are you guys up to?"

"We were in the area, we thought we'd come say hello." I said with a smile, then motioned to the Starbucks cup. "Figured you'd need it."

Nathan shot me a grateful look. "You're a lifesaver, sweetheart," He said with a grin, looking at Shilo, whose arms were wrapped around his neck. "How's your day been, Shi?"

"Good," Shilo murmured, her smile broad. Just then, Nathan's eyes averted from his daughter and to the sound of footsteps coming down the aisle. I could immediately see the frown crease Nathan's face and turned, seeing a bit of heavier, older man with a dress cane and an ascot, his longer grey hair in a ponytail, moving forward toward Nathan. Behind him, a girl in black jeans and high heeled boots with a fitted long-sleeved black top, followed, her black hair perfectly straight and styled.

"Mr. Largo," Nathan said with a nod, and also looked in the girl's direction. "Amber."

"Dr. Wallace," The man said with a smile, looking my way. "And you are...?

"My other half, Mag," Nathan said, "And my daughter, Shlio."

"A pleasure to meet you both," The man said. "Rotti Largo, and my daughter, Carmela-"

"-Amber." The girl corrected, rolling her eyes. Rotti shot her a look.

"_Amber._" He said, looking back at me. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Nathan doesn't speak much of his family."

I glanced in Nathan's direction and caught his uneasiness, but I knew exactly what Rotti was getting at. He was doing everything he could to bait information. Apparently Nathan had given him none, and there was a reason for that.

"Nathan doesn't often say much, but he does his job well," I said. I was smiling, but I made it clear that I wasn't about to say anything more. Rotti nodded slowly.

"And of course, there's you," He said. "I know well of your success in the showring. You have quite a following."

"Thank you," I responded, "Though I haven't really shown in a while,"

"Since your friend's death, yes. I was horribly sorry to hear that. Marni Wallace was one of the greats, also." Rotti said, looking in Nathan's direction. I saw his eyes lower slightly. "We're still trying to get a hold on the mess that's all caused. Which reminds me, Nathan, it seems your father-in-law is wandering around looking for you."

Nathan's head lifted, surprise crossing his face. "My father-in... oh God,"

I lay a hand on Nathan's arm and a grin crossed Rotti's face.

"That's around the reaction I thought it would cause. You'll do fine. I'll see you." Rotti said, and he and his daughter turned and walked away.

"I'd better see to this," Nathan said softly, bending to set Shilo back in the stroller. I lay my hand on his back. I could easily tell he was completely anxiety-ridden, as much as he tried to hide it.

"Do you want me to stay until you finish talking to him?" I asked. Nathan fastened Shilo in the stroller and straightened, looking in my direction.

"I couldn't ask you to do that-"

"You're not asking, I want to," I insisted gently, running my hand up and down his back. Nathan exhaled slowly.

"Please," He murmured, nodding slowly. I nodded in response.

"I'll be right in the waiting room with Shilo," I told him, wrapping my arms around him to embrace him. Nathan's arms went around me and he buried his face against the side of my neck for a moment. I could feel his shoulders rise then fall heavily with the deep breath and exhale he took before he kissed the side of my neck and pulled away.

"I'll see you guys in a little bit," Nathan said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze as I handed him his coffee. We parted ways and I took Shilo to the waiting room.

After about a half hour, I waited in the waiting room with Shilo, who sat on the ground playing with an assortment of toys in the waiting room. I couldn't help but feel anxious. Marni's father was here. He had to have known about me an Nathan, right? What could he possibly want? I hoped to God he wasn't giving Nathan hell. Nathan couldn't handle much more. It was bad enough that some people blamed him for Marni's death. I knew that having Marni's parents blame him would absolutely break him.

As though in impeccable timing, Nathan came through the corridors. I tried to survey his demeanor as I stood. He looked exhausted, worn, but he didn't appear to have gotten verbally and emotionally battered by Marni's father. I stood, casting a watchful glance over my shoulder at Shilo before I went to Nathan's side, laying my hands on his arms. "Hey... what happened?"

Nathan exhaled slowly, his hands going to my waist. "It went alright. He wants to see us tonight... wants us to come over for a glass of wine. He and Marni's mom, Nancy, are going to be there." His voice was tired, almost ragged. This had really taken it out of him. But brief dread crossed my face.

"Did you... did you tell him about us?" I asked. He nodded.

"I did. I told him, he was fine, it's been a year, he said he would have been surprised if I hadn't moved on, and said he was glad that it was with you, that Marni would have wanted it that way." Nathan said, and exhaled slowly. I had to admit I was relieved, but gently rubbed his arm.

"Are you okay?" I asked, searching his face. Nathan nodded slowly.

"I will be, I just need a minute before I go back in there. I'm not... sure if I can do this tonight. I mean, I haven't seen her parents since the funeral. And with everything going on... he didn't say whether he blamed me or not, I don't think he does, but if that's what he's having us over to do, to rake me over the coals, I can't do this," He said, exhaling heavily and shook his head.

"Hey," I murmured, squeezing his arm. "It'll be alright. I'm not going to leave your side. If he wants to berate you, he's going to have a fight on his hands; I won't let him do that to you. None of what happened was your fault."

Nathan nodded slowly, lowering his eyes. I could feel his thumb gently stroking along my side. I gently pulled him toward me into my arms. He held me tightly, his face once more against the side of my neck. He lifted his head, kissed the side of my own then gently pulled away.

"What time are you going to be home?" I asked as Nathan brushed a strand of hair away from my face.

"I'm going to get off early so we can go to this, so probably around five." He said. "Did the horses get out?"

"They did. I turned Navarre out with the other stallions, too, just to see." I said. Nathan paled.

"Maggie... " He said in protest, touching my stomach. "Honey, you're pregnant, I told you to wait,"

"He was really bored, Nathan, I couldn't just let him stand in his stall and swing his head back and forth, and I knew you would have had a heartattack if I had gotten on him when you weren't there." I explained. He searched my face and nodded slowly with a heavy sigh.

"You're right," He said, shaking his head. "I guess I prefer the latter, but still, the idea of you handling one of the stallions and something happening, especially when I'm not there... "

"I'll tell you what, I'll wait until you get home before I bring any of them in," I assured him. He studied me for a moment, then nodded.

"Alright," He murmured, then kissed my forehead. "I'd better get back in there, but I'll see you when I get home."

"Alright," I responded, kissing his cheek. He gave my waist a gentle squeeze and we parted. I watched as he knelt by Shilo, who threw her arms around his neck.

"I'll see you when I get home, precious, I'll be home early." Nathan told her, kissing the side of her head. Shilo nodded.

"Love you, Daddy."

My heart about melted, and I knew Nathan's probably had, too, for he gently tightened his arms around his little girl.

"I love you, too, honey. I'll see you." He said, and slowly straightened when Shilo let go. We said our goodbyes and I put Shilo back in the stroller, making sure we got everything that belonged to her and not the vet hospital before leaving. I went back down to the car, put Shilo in the car seat and folded the stroller up to put in the back of the Explorer. We drove home and I unloaded both toddler and stroller, bringing both up to the house and let Cooper outside to relieve himself. I wanted so badly to get on Phaeton, but I knew Nathan would have a fit if I did. Only because he was worried about something happening when he wasn't there, and I knew that since I was now pregnant with our child, he was especially protective. I went down to see the horses with Shilo, watching as all five heads of the mare-gelding pasture came up to the fence, with Tinkerbell's little furry head poking through the lower panels. Shilo and I issued pats and scratches, and I had gotten three carrots out of the feedroom and broke them into pieces. Each horse received a piece of carrot, and I gave Shilo five pieces to give to the three mares and two geldings. I didn't want her going near the stallions. All of our stallions were very well mannered, but nonetheless, curious lips and teeth near tiny fingers made me extremely uneasy. I stood by the fence of the stallion pasture, feeding offerings to each nose that was near. I ran a hand down Uther's face, but jumped as I heard a shrill squeal near Blade and Navarre, and looked in time to see Navarre, with his ears flattened, shoot Blade a nasty look and swing his haunches his way in warning. Blade's ears were pinned and he held his head out of the way. I immediately drew to conclusion that Blade had bitten Navarre and the Friesian was retaliating. In response to the ruckus, Uther pinned his ears.

"Enough, both of you." I growled. I had a feeling that if Blade kept this up, Navarre wouldn't stand for it. I was waiting for the day that Navarre was going to knock Blade around a bit before the colt figured out that messing with another stallion three times his own size wasn't a wise idea. Navarre already towered over the fifteen-two hand colt, nearly matching Uther's immense size at seventeen hands. But because of Navarre's build, he still appeared larger than Uther. Though the two stallions seemed to be getting on quite well.

We finished up at the barn and I brought Shilo and Cooper back inside. I still had questions I wanted to have answered before Nathan and I went to the Langley's tonight. Searching the drawer by the phone, I finally stumbled upon the Langley's home phone number. I held my breath as I dialed it and listened to the phone ring.

_"Hello?"_ I immediately recognised Nancy's voice and for some bizarre reason, tears sprang into my eyes.

"Nancy?" I said quietly, "It's Mag."

There was a long pause before I could hear Nancy draw a breath.

_"Mag? Maggie?"_ She murmured, and I could hear her voice crack. "_Oh my God, sweetheart... how are you?_"

"I'm alright," I responded, using the pad of my thumb to wipe my eyes. "I haven't... I'm sorry I didn't... "

_"No, no, honey, it's alright."_ Nancy responded quickly. I could immediately tell in her own voice that she was crying. _"We all lost someone, Mark and I didn't think anything about it. But we missed you... "_

"I know, I missed you both, too, horribly." I said softly.

_"Mark told me you and Nathan are coming over tonight. We've both been dying to speak to Nathan."_

"Yes," I said, then paused, "Did... did Mark tell you-?"

_"He told me, sweetie, yes."_ Nancy said. _"Mag, you didn't do anything wrong. You three were all close, I know Marni would say the same, we're glad you were the one who wound up with Nathan after everything."_

"Thank you," I murmured, clearing my throat. "I wanted to ask you as well, because I know Nathan's extremely worried about this. He's... wracked with guilt over what happened, and I don't think that would ever change. With everyone else talking, thinking Nathan had something to do with it, I think he's so scared that you and Mark blame him for what happened. I know he blames himself, but he loves you both-"

_"Oh my God, honey, not at all,"_ Nancy sounded horrified, saddened. _"Nathan... we would never have blamed him for what happened. Does he think... ?"_

"I think it crossed his mind," I responded softly.

_"We know how much Nathan loved Marni. We wanted to just see you both, try to offer some comfort to him in letting him know we don't. I know he's been through enough with the news and investigations._" Nancy said. _"The media has already put him through enough. Marni would have ridden anything under any circumstances. She was incredibly stubborn and we all knew that."_

I couldn't have been more relieved to hear that, and I knew Nathan was going to be, too. "Thank you... I'm so relieved to hear that. Nathan's... mother died not long ago in a car accident-"

_"Emily?"_ Nancy gasped. _"Emily Wallace is dead?"_

"Yes," I responded, shaking my head. "We went over to Grayor's house and Grayor did nothing but batter Nathan over it, blaming him, saying it was his fault. I guess Emily had gotten in the car to go see him, because Nathan hadn't been able to speak to anybody after what happened, he couldn't bring himself to, and Emily got in the car by herself."

_"Marni always told me that Emily didn't like driving, that she always tried to avoid it."_ Nancy said. _"Where was Grayor when all this happened?"_

"He let her go by herself!" I responded, disgusted by even recalling everything, the whole situation. "He had no desire to see Nathan, let Emily go by herself, then the accident happened and he had the audacity to blame Nathan. Told him that his mother died going to see him."

_"As if he didn't already have enough weight on his shoulders, his own father went and said that," _Nancy spat, sounding equally disgusted. _"From the time we met Nathan's parents, there was always something off. That man was never anything but critical to Nathan. The poor thing... he deserves to know he has people on his side._"

"That's going to mean more to him than anything," I said. "I know he was scared of this happening."

_"Nathan was like a son to us. We miss him horribly."_ Nancy said. _"You have nothing to worry about, sweetheart, and neither does Nathan. We already lost our baby girl, you two are a part of the family, we don't want to lose you, too."_

Nancy's words brought tears to my eyes. "Thank you so much, Nancy, I can't even begin to tell you how much that means to me, or how much it's going to mean to Nathan."

_"I mean every word of it."_ Nancy said. _"What are you going to do with little Shilo?"_

"You guys haven't seen her yet," I said softly. "Actually, I was going to ask you, I wasn't sure if we should bring her or not, we can't quite leave her at home... _"_

_"No, of course not, please bring her_,_" _Nancy insisted. _"We haven't seen her in ages."_

I got off the phone with Nancy and within another half hour, Nathan got home. We went up to the master bedroom to change, and when I looked over, I saw Nathan standing by his dresser, his hands still on the knobs, staring forward. He was in the midst of putting on a dark grey button up dress shirt, but he had stopped. I knew what was bothering him immediately. I moved toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissed the back of his shoulder.

"It'll be alright, sweetheart," I murmured to Nathan, feeling the side of his head tilt toward me. He lifted one hand and lay it over my arms, gently squeezing.

"I hope so, I really do," He murmured. We got Shilo ready, brought the horses in and headed over to the Langley's. The second we came up to the door, both Mark and Nancy answered it, and emotions ran haywire. Both Nancy and I held one another, both in tears, and when I looked over at Nathan and Mark, Mark had his arms wrapped around Nathan and was hugging him as well. Nancy and I separated and I hugged Mark, and the second Nancy hugged Nathan I could hear Nathan exhale shakily.

"I'm so glad you both could make it," Nancy said, and turned to see Shilo, who I willingly handed to her. "Oh my God, look how big she's gotten!"

It was a rather tearful reunion, and as we went inside, Nathan and I sat down on the opposite couch from Nancy and Mark, who came in with four glasses of white wine, handing each of us a glass.

"How've you two been?" Mark asked. I glanced at Nathan before looking back at Mark.

"We've been alright. Quite a bit of... excitement, to say the least," I responded. "I think work's been giving Nathan quite a hard time."

"Yes, I heard GeneCo bought the clinic you work at?" Mark said. Nathan nodded.

"Yes, that was very recent," He said. There was a bit of silence at first before Nancy spoke.

"Do you... still have Uther?" She asked quietly. Nathan's expression softened and he swallowed.

"Yes, we do," He said gently. Nancy's eyes welled with tears.

"How is he?" She asked.

"He's doing well," Nathan said softly. "We didn't... think he would pull through at first, let alone be rideable. He's... we haven't tried getting on him yet, but he's sound, to a degree, he's doing much better."

"That's such a relief." She said, swallowing. Mark lay a hand on her knee and squeezed it. I looked over and saw Nathan's eyes lowered. I could read in his expression just how hard he was trying to keep his own emotions at bay.

"I'm so sorry for what happened," He murmured, his voice thick, shoulders hunched. "I blame myself everyday for what happened... I should have tried harder to stop her."

I lay my hand on his lower back, gently grazing my nails over it, knowing this was about to be the closure he needed so badly. Nancy's eyes softened, as did Mark's. She leaned forward a bit, trying to find Nathan's eyes.

"Nathan, look at me," She said softly. I could hear the emotion in her voice, but knew that she was meaning every word. "We could never, _ever_ blame you for what happened, sweetheart. We never would. You knew Marni just as well as we did, you knew how stubborn she was."

Nathan's eyes welled. I stayed right by his side, still gently rubbing and scratching his back.

"You're part of this family, Nathan, you and Mag both. We don't want to lose either of you over this. This is exactly why we invited you over. We wanted to see you both, wanted to tell you that no matter what you have our support."

"What they say on the news doesn't matter, Nathan, we know you," Nancy moved toward Nathan, kneeling by the couch and lay a hand on his knee. "You need to know that nothing that happened to her was your fault, it wasn't anything that could have been stopped."

"There... there was so much guilt... over it," Nathan murmured, his breath catching in his throat. Tears welled and brimmed in his eyes and he took off his glasses. "And everything else.. there were things I found out, I wish I had just been ignorant about. I was an idiot... "

"What do you mean, Nathan? What happened?" Nancy tried to search his face. I had my arm around his waist at this point, my other at his ribcage.

"He... a younger guy showed up a few months ago. He was looking for Marni, and admitted to have been sleeping with her." I said softly, and could feel Nathan cringe. Nancy looked from me, horrified, to Nathan.

"Oh, my God, Nathan... " She murmured. Something about her tone made me realise that she had known about the first time Marni had been unfaithful. Nancy glanced at her husband before turning back to Nathan.

"Nathan, you always have our support, no matter what," She said softly, her voice cracking. "We love you, we're going to take your side. Not a part of this was your fault,"

She leaned forward and gently drew Nathan into her arms from where he sat and from where she did also, which mainly consisted of his head. But Nathan head was lowered to her shoulder and I could feel his body begin to shake. I knew it meant more to him than anything to actually have that support, especially from the family he had expected would blame him the most. I kissed the back of his shoulder, gently rubbing his back, seeing Nancy with her hand on the back of his neck, tears streaming down her own face as she stroked his hair. "I'm so sorry, Nancy... I'm so sorry... "

"It's alright... it wasn't your fault... " Nancy murmured to him, and I could feel Nathan's body shuddering with the quiet sobs that I knew were brought on by the emotion that Marni's family was on his side. He had people who loved him, and always would.

That night I drove myself, Nathan and Shilo home. Nathan was exhausted. I knew the second we got home I was getting him into bed. We got inside and Nathan had propped Shilo on his hip, who was fast asleep on his shoulder. I lay my hand on his back.

"Nate, let me take her, you go up and get settled for bed," I urged gently. Nathan looked in my direction.

"Maggie, are you sure? I can do it, really… " He began. I nodded quickly.

"It's alright. You're exhausted, Nate, let me do this for you," I offered. Nathan exhaled slowly and nodded, carefully handing me Shilo.

"You're too good to me, sweetheart," Nathan murmured, forcing a smile. I shook my head with a gentle smile.

"Nope, you deserve every bit of it. Now go." I shooed him after quickly kissing him. Nathan turned and trudged up the stairs. I followed with Shilo in my arms and took her to her room. I changed her diaper, changed her into pajamas and tucked her into bed. I went back into the master bedroom and saw Nathan on his side of the bed on his side, wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants. I changed into boxer shorts and a tank top, though before pulling the tank top on, I went to the mirror in the bathroom. It could have been my imagination, but I could swear I noticed my stomach protruding out in the slightest bump. It brought a sense of giddiness to me, that I was actually pregnant with Nathan's child, and at four weeks pregnant, I knew it was possible to start showing signs. Pulling the tank top on, I went to the bed after flipping the bathroom and bedroom lights off, crawling in beside Nathan. My hands slid gently up his shirt to go around him, one hand gently caressing his back. Nathan turned in my arms to where he could hold me, kissing the side of my head. I could feel his hand slide up my shirt and lie on my stomach. I gently lay my hand over his.

"Goodnight sweetheart," I murmured to him. I knew Nathan was practically half asleep.

"Goodnight," He murmured almost incoherently. "I love you so much, Marni."

Upon hearing the name he used, I froze. At first I thought I didn't hear him correctly, but replaying his words in my mind, I knew I was right. But his words didn't quite seem to process.

_He thinks I'm Marni._

_He still loves her._

_No, he's just half asleep, he didn't mean it._

_Wait… how could he not mean anything by it? He subconsciously said her name following 'I love you so much.'_

_How could that be a mistake?_

I couldn't move. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. But as I lay in bed thinking about it, a part of me knowing I was probably obsessing over this far more than I should, I couldn't push away the anxiety gnawing at the pit of my stomach that Nathan still wished he was with Marni. That he wished he was lying beside Marni instead of me.


	12. For The Dreams We Had To Silence

_**AN~ **Hey you guys, I'm sorry it took so long to update this, but I've had alot of time to write so many more chapters will be coming. Feel free to R&R. Because of the delay this one is extra long._

**The Next Day**

I stood in the kitchen, dunking a teabag into a mug of hot water, unable to touch it. The more I thought about what happened the more upset I was by it. Shilo sat in her high chair with a bowl of cheerios and a sippy cup filled with milk. Cooper lay at my feet by the table. Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs I turned my head.

"Hi honey," I said softly, trying to push it aside and make everything seem normal. But I just couldn't. A million different questions raced through my mind. Nathan entered the kitchen and moved toward me.

"Hey sweetheart," He responded, laying a hand on my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. But when he touched me this time I flinched. I just couldn't bring myself to be alright with him touching me when I wasn't even sure that he wasn't thinking of his late wife every time he was around me, asking myself if he would ever love me as much as he loved her. He immediately seemed to sense something was wrong.

"Hey," He said softly, trying to search my face, gently squeezing my shoulder. "What is it?"

I shook my head, picking up the spoon I had been using to stir the sugar in my tea and stood, gently pulling away from Nathan. "Nothing. I'm fine." I murmured, avoiding his eyes as I went to the sink. I could feel his eyes following me with every step I took.

"Now wait a minute," He said, taking a slight step toward me but paused. "Mag, I know you far too well to believe that. You know I can tell if something's wrong."

I said nothing, still turned toward the sink. I could feel Nathan come up behind me, laying a hand on the back of my shoulder.

"Talk to me, sweetie, what's wrong?" Nathan asked. I lowered my eyes.

"I came in last night when you were half asleep. I got in next to you, said goodnight, wrapped my arms around you. You said goodnight, then told Marni you loved her; _while_ holding me." I responded softly, knowing my voice was somewhat rigid, but even speaking those words brought a lump to my throat. I drew a breath, lifting my eyes to the window above the sink.

"What?" Nathan breathed, obviously surprised. I shook my head. "Wait… how did… _what?_"

"I don't know, Nathan, why don't you tell me?" I responded, shaking my head as I turned and moved past him, pausing at the table with my hands propped on it before slowly sitting back down. Only then could I actually bring myself to look at him. "If I'm wasting my time, please, tell me. I know you miss her, I miss her, too, but it's been a year, Nathan, if I can't compete with her after all this time, even in her death, then I don't stand a chance—"

"Compete with her—? Mag, what are you talking about?" Nathan sounded thoroughly taken aback and confused by all of this. Tears welled in my eyes, but I shook my head, wiping them with the back of my thumb.

"Am I ever going to be good enough, Nathan? Are you ever going to be able to love me like you did her? I can't… I can't live in her shadow forever, Nathan, I just can't. Before I always used to feel like I was being compared to her, but I got over that. Until this… " My voice broke off and I let my elbow rest on the table, looking away with the backs of my fingers pressed to my mouth. Nathan moved toward me.

"Mag… I never _ever_ compared you to Marni. Ever. You two are completely different people." He said softly, kneeling by my chair. "I never set any sort of standard after being married to Marni, if that's how you felt, or how you feel about it now, I'm so, so sorry,"

He lay his hand on my knee, but I looked away. He removed it and slowly stood, leaning against the island counter while facing me.

"Did you have a dream about her?"

"Did I have a what-?"

"Did you dream about her?" I asked, looking in his direction. "I kept trying to tell myself you were half asleep, but still… "

"Mag," He paused, as though trying to find the words. I knew I had taken him by surprise with this. I knew he was probably surprised at what he had learned. "Honey, I have had dreams about Marni, yes. I miss her, but it doesn't mean I love you any less than I did her. You are the one I'm with, you're the one I'm in love with. Marni… I miss her because she's gone, but it taught me a lot about our relationship. That's something that you and her were very different about. Where she clearly had no respect for our relationship, you do. I was half asleep, Maggie, you can't hold me accountable for that."

He knelt down by the chair I sat in again, taking my hand in his. "Marni hurt me. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over that, but it's because of you that I believe someone else could love me. I love you more than anything, Mag. That is never going to change."

I searched his face for a moment and felt tears well in my eyes. Leaning forward, I drew his head toward me and hugged him, feeling his forehead lie against my collarbone, his arms on my legs. I kissed the top of his head and his forehead. "I love you, too, Nathan," I murmured. "So much. I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

"It's alright, I don't blame you for a single part of it," Nathan responded, and I could feel his arms wrap around my waist from where he still kneeled. "I don't know what caused me to say that. But I promise you the person I love more than anything is you."

**One Month Later**

I was still in my first trimester of pregnancy, going on about two months. The "baby bump" was more obvious, but I was thrilled. I knew Nathan was, too. As each day went by, the more Nathan and I really looked at this like we were having a baby together. It had been a complete accident, something we hadn't expected, and still it was a huge blessing. I made my way down to the barn. I could see Nathan in the round pen with Blade, who raced around the pen, lap after lap. As I neared, I could hear Nathan's voice, giving spoken commands to the young colt.

"Easy, easy… " Nathan murmured just loud enough so the calming words could be heard by the black Thoroughbred colt. "Whoa… whoa… Blade, walk… "

The colt wore a black rope halter with a twelve-foot leadrope attached to it. Nathan lightly kicked at a rolled up blue tarp to unroll it and spread it out. Watching the blue material unroll, Blade went splay-legged, dropping his head with a hollow snort and a wide-eyed 'What the hell is THAT?' expression before backpedalling in the opposite direction. Nathan was quick to respond by moving with him before his arm was yanked out its socket.

"The exact reaction I was expecting," He muttered, almost amused, scratching the underside of Blade's neck once the colt came to a halt. "Guess what, pal? You're walking over it."

"So what's the game plan here?" I asked, leaning on the gate. Shilo stood beside me, watching with childlike intensity.

"Well," Nathan began, still holding the lead, turning Blade so that Nathan was facing the side of him. He gently pushed against the colt's shoulder, bringing me to realise that Nathan was trying to get him to move his front end but keep his haunches in place. Nathan only pressed his shoulder, Blade didn't have to move his whole body to the side, it wasn't necessary. However, the colt wasn't figuring that out, and stepped completely side. Nathan took up the slack in the lead before loosening it again as he moved nearer. "We have five Thoroughbreds off the track. I figure if we plan on selling any of them, to avoid anyone getting killed, we might as well get some sensory training in there, let them get used to seeing anything and everything, so the next time a leaf falls, Blade isn't going to wind up on the moon." He repositioned the colt, pressing again on his shoulder, but when Blade tried to move his whole body, Nathan took the pressure off Blade's shoulder and replaced it with his opposite hand on the colt's flank. Immediately, Blade's front end stopped and the haunches moved away. I studied the colt's face, watching his ears tilting to the side in Nathan's direction; a clear indication that he was paying attention to him. Nathan took his hand off the colt's flank and left it hovering and repeated the process again. The next time, it was an alternation between shoulder, flank, shoulder, flank, shoulder, flank. Blade moved his front end, then back end. Front end. Back end, finding a whole other way he could move his body that he wasn't taught when running. Merely because there's no point in it, a horse doesn't need to be flexible on the track.

"Aha, didn't know you could do that, did you?" Nathan chuckled, drawing up the slack in the leadrope and rubbed Blade's slender neck in praise. "Plus, I figured we could work on teaching them how to move their bodies and just what they're capable of. On the track, like I've said, all they know is two speeds, one direction. That's it."

I couldn't help but be fascinated by what Nathan was doing. It made sense. Most Thoroughbreds weren't exactly the most physically balanced horses while moving. This would teach it to them. Though I had a feeling that Nathan trying to walk the already strung-out stud-colt was just asking for trouble. I watched Nathan move in front of Blade, lead still in hand, moving both hands back and forth and advancing toward Blade. He didn't even have to push him, the mere action drove Blade backwards, teaching him how to back up and as soon as he stepped as far as Nathan wanted him, Nathan stopped and praised him.

"Now I'm looking forward to seeing what happens when he walks over that," I mused, tilting my head in the direction of the tarp, watching Nathan begin leading Blade toward it, but standing far enough so that he was off the tarp while Blade walked over it. "That should be exciting."

"Daddy I wanna do that." Shilo said excitedly.

"Sweetheart, it's going to be a long time before you're doing this—" Nathan's sentence cut off with a grunt as Blade literally took a step on the tarp then bunny-hopped over the rest with an explosive snort, almost yanking Nathan off his feet.

"That. Is. Enough. Of . That." Nathan said firmly, emphasizing each word with a light jerk to the lead, causing Blade's head to pop up and him to back up immediately, realising he did something wrong. Nathan led him back over to the tarp, and when Blade refused to take another step onto it, Nathan loosened the lead, letting the colt drop his head to check it out. It was almost amusing, since Blade's nostrils were flared, his ears stiffly pricked and his whole body quivering, making me realise he was like a coiled spring. I watched the grin play across Nathan's face as he looked in my direction.

"It's times like these where you want to poke him and go 'BOO!'." He said, chuckling.

"You would both be in the air." I said with a laugh. "Look at the rest of his body, Nathan, he looks like he's going to blow any second."

"You're right; I think we probably need to call it a day," Nathan said. He led Blade out of the roundpen and I moved right beside Nathan with Shilo, keeping her at a safe distance from Blade. Cooper came out of the barn and toward us, and I told Shilo to go see Tinkerbell, wanting to keep her out of harm's way and knew Nathan would feel more comfortable with it. The second Shilo left our sides, Cooper immediately followed her, which was a relief because I knew Cooper would keep an eye on the little girl. Nathan and I went to the empty pasture where he walked into it with Blade and I slipped in with them, standing back as Nathan let Blade loose. The second he did, the colt tore across the pasture in a fit of airborne bucks.

"Look at him move," Nathan commented, shaking his head, clearly impressed. "Once he's not as green, he would be an outstanding sport horse."

"It's making me crazy, because I want to be out here training with you," I said with a groan. Nathan moved toward me and wrapped his arm around me, kissing the side of my head.

"I know, honey. But there is no way that's happening until after the baby's born." He told me. I knew he was right about that. There was too much of a risk involved. Suddenly, Blade came thundering back over and slid to a halt right at the fence which caused my heart to leap into my throat in fear of him slamming into it. He was close. Way too close.

"Blade… " Nathan warned, eyeing the stud-colt warily. Blade was huffing, his tail in the air, and _way_ too close for comfort. Nathan slowly moved toward me, but Blade immediately tensed up. Nathan halted in his tracks.

"Mag, start moving my way, slowly," He said, his voice dangerously calm. I knew he was afraid of startling Blade. I tried to inch past, but the moment I moved, Blade spun and rocketed off across the pasture, with one back hoof fired and hitting me in the stomach with the force of an iron mallet in the process. I remembered excruciating pain, Nathan yelling my name and immediately knowing something was horribly wrong.

Hours. Hours at the hospital had gone by. Hours of medical procedures to try to save the baby, but inevitably, a kick to the stomach by a horse was guaranteed to cause a miscarriage.

And it did.

I lay in the hospital bed, tears streaming down my face. I could hear Nathan and the doctor talking, and could hear the upset strain in Nathan's voice. I felt sick. Not just from the medication they had given me to induce labour in a sense to get the dead fetus out of me, but by the mere thought of knowing the child that I was going to have with Nathan was gone. And somehow I felt as though it was my fault.

When the doctor left the room, Nathan made his way back over to my bedside, sitting to where he could face me. I lifted my eyes to his face and within seconds, he moved forward, wrapping his arms around me.

"I'm so sorry, Maggie," He murmured, his voice cracked. I sank against him as sobs racked my body. Nathan held me, stroking my hair and murmuring to me. But at this point, nothing could have possibly been of comfort. I felt like I had lost my child. I _had_. I had lost something... a little human being that I had grown to love so much, who never had the chance to come into the world. I felt as though it was my carelessness.

Nathan kissed my forehead, crawling onto the bed to settle on his back beside me. I inched nearer to him and settled against him, crying against his chest. We had found out it would have been a little boy. Nathan's son. I sank against him, devastated. Wondering how either of us would ever get through something like this.

Three days home from the hospital, Nathan had shut down, almost. He seemed to remain stoic, carrying on. He supported me, but I knew him. This man, completely emotionless, wasn't the man I loved and had been with for a year. I sat at the table in the kitchen when Nathan came in. There was rigidness in his shoulders, in his entire demeanor.

"I'm going to make coffee," He said softly. "Did you want a cup?"

"You can't possibly be feeling nothing over this," I said softly, not looking at him. I heard Nathan set down the coffee pot, exhaling heavily through his nose and lifted his head and eyes, his back to me.

"You're not really getting angry with me over this." He muttered, shaking his head.

"I'm not getting angry, Nathan," I responded. "It's been three days. You've showed no emotion over it."

"I'm dealing with it my own way,"

"Nathan, that's not like you-"

"Look, I'm coping with it. I want to be here to support you and be there for you." His voice was rigid, as though his jaw was set. I knew immediately that emotion was slowly building and he was trying everything he could to stop it.

"Nathan, I don't want you to just be there for me," I said, staring at him. "We both lost a child, Nathan, I want to be able to support you just as much. We both have a right to mourn over this."

Nathan dumped the coffee grounds into the filter and shut the lid, turning after if was flipped on. "Coffee's on. I... I can't do this,"

There it was. The break in his voice. I knew immediately that emotion was still there, and was relieved to find that it did indeed exist, no matter what Nathan wanted to let on as he moved out of the kitchen and went upstairs. Tears welled in my eyes, but I gave it a few minutes before I moved up the stairs after him. I went to the master bedroom and looked in to see Nathan first lying on the bed on his back then turn over onto his stomach. I knew he knew that I was there. He didn't even have to glance my way. I moved toward the bed and sat down at his side, laying my hand on his back.

"Completely emotionless, huh?" He murmured, his voice cracking. I shook my head.

"Nathan… " I murmured. I ran my hand gently up and down his back. I could see tears welling in his eyes.

"I would give anything to have stopped that from happening," He muttered, blinking back tears with his voice breaking. "Anything. It was my fault."

"Nathan, no… no, it wasn't," I said softly. I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around him with the side of my head against the back of his shoulder. Nathan's whole body began to shake and I heard his breath shuddering. Tears streamed down my own face as I held him, gently running my hand up and down along his side and ribcage, crying with him, mourning our loss with him, but promising that it wasn't his fault. I could never blame him for what happened. It was a complete accident. I lay down beside Nathan and held him, kissing the back of his shoulder. We both needed each other during this. I knew that and I knew he did, too.

"I'm so sorry, Mag," He stammered through a choked sob. I shook my head, holding him and rubbing his back.

"It wasn't your fault, Nathan, none of it," I murmured. We both lay there, crying, mourning the loss of the little boy we almost had together and that was so wrongfully taken from us.

The week was going to be a difficult one to get through. Nathan and I both knew that. While we were downstairs for breakfast one morning, I looked over at Nathan, who sat at the table with his shoulders hunched. Shilo was spreading her scrambled eggs all over the plastic top of the high chair tray. She appeared oblivious to the melancholic atmosphere, but I knew she knew. And looking over at Nathan, I knew the fears that were running through him. I knew what experiences he had, and realised just how scared he was that he would lose me over this. How many other people would have easily blamed Nathan for what had happened and left him for it?

I moved toward his chair, setting a cup of coffee from the pot I had just made down in front of him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and kissed the side of his head. I could feel Nathan's body relax and felt his hand lift and lay itself on my arm, kissing the side of my head.

"No matter what, I'm always going to love you," I told him softly. "You know that, right?"

I heard Nathan swallow and he nodded. I gently tightened my arms around him and drew him close to me. Nathan turned somewhat and buried his face against my collarbone. I kissed the top of his head, holding him close.

"I've been so scared that you would leave me over this," He murmured the admittance that a part of me always sort of knew was there, but hearing it come from him absolutely wrenched my heart. "I can't lose you, Maggie. It would absolutely kill me."

"I know, sweetheart," I murmured, stroking his hair. "I would never leave you, Nathan, we're in this together."

A few weeks had gone by since Nathan and I had lost the baby. It had only brought us closer, made us more determined to work together and stay together as a team and partnership. I loved him, and knew he loved me. One morning, I heard a truck pull up into our drive, and from where I lay with my head on Nathan's chest, I looked up.

"Nathan,"

"Hmm… two more minutes," He mumbled incoherently.

"_Nathan._" I nudged him. "Someone just pulled up in the drive."

At that point Nathan's eyes snapped open and he sat partially up, trying not to disturb my position, but reached for his glasses on the bedside table and pushed them onto his face, peering out the window. Sure enough, Cooper barreled off the bed in a fit of barking, rushing down the hall, the stairs, and into the kitchen near the front door.

"Oh, God… " Nathan muttered. I lay a hand on his arm.

"What? Who is it?"

"The Largos," Nathan shook his head. He climbed out of bed as I sat up, moving to the chair where he grabbed his jumper off the back of it, throwing it on over the grey t-shirt he had worn to bed, stepping into his Ugg™ slippers and headed downstairs, his head snapping to the side with a pause as Shilo started crying in the next room.

"I've got it, you go on." I assured him. Nathan shot me a grateful look and made his way down the remainder of the stairs. I quickly grabbed a jumper of my own to throw on over my tanktop and flannel pajama pants and went in to see the little girl. Shilo was standing in her crib.

"Maggie, loud bang." She whimpered, tears streaking her round cheeks. Lowering the side of the crib, I scooped Shilo out.

"I know, sweetie, Daddy's taking care of it." I stroked her hair, kissing her forehead. "Do you need to go potty?"

Shilo nodded, and I took her into the bathroom, setting her on the bowl and kneeled down in front of her, letting her balance herself with her little hands on my shoulders. I waited to hear the tinkling sound before I helped her stand. I wiped her, tossed the soiled bit of toilet paper in the toilet and flushed, bending to pull Shilo's pajama pants up before picking her back up to head downstairs, wondering if I should rescue Nathan. I went downstairs and placed Shilo in the playpen, making my way outside to join Nathan's side. I saw him standing outside talking to both Rotti Largo and a young girl who I recalled as Rotti's daughter, Carmella. She wore pristine beige jodhpurs with a white ascot and white show shirt. A black riding jacket melded against her slender frame, with her black hair pulled back into a slick bun. Rotti was also in an ascot. It occurred to me that stepping out of the house was a glamourous occasion for them. And here were Nathan and I still in pajamas.

"Mr. Largo, you remember Mag." Nathan said as I neared him. When I grew close enough, I felt his arm slide around my waist in almost a subtle, protective manner.

"Indeed I do, how are you?" Rotti asked.

"I've been alright," I responded, staying near Nathan. Every stroke he gave of my lower back, I could feel his body tense. He wasn't happy about them being here.

"How's the baby?" Rotti asked. I flinched slightly as though the name stung.

"I'm afraid we lost the baby not long ago." I said quietly, my eyes lowering. I could feel Nathan still rubbing my back.

"I'm so sorry to hear that." Rotti said. Amber, who stood beside him, turned to the side so she could see the buildings on our property.

"Where are your horses?" She asked. My eyes narrowed.

"They're still in, we haven't let them out for the day yet." I said.

"How many do you have now?"

"Nine. May I ask why?"

"How much space do you have?"

"What do you mean how much space—"

"—How many horses could you fit entirely?" Amber interjected. Before I could even look to Nathan for help he stepped in.

"Mr. Largo… out of all due respect, can I ask why you're both here?" He said.

Rotti studied him for a moment then a smile crossed his face, shaking his head.

"Forgive me, Nathan. Actually, Amber has a horse that we're… having some problems with. We were wanting to find out if perhaps you could take on the horse for a bit and work with it. I know Mag's background with training and riding, I think the horse could get the work in it needs."

Nathan rubbed the back of his neck, exhaling slowly. I tried to find the words. There was no way we could take on that horse, was there?

"That's… that would be a lot of horses for us to take on," I said apprehensively.

"Well, it's not like you're pregnant anymore or anything," Amber remarked. I was stunned.

"Excuse me?" Nathan said abruptly.

"Amber!" Rotti snapped, looking back at us. "I'm so sorry. Nathan, if you did this, I would repay you and Mag handsomely. I have so much faith in the both of you."

Nathan was still seething. He looked at me and something told me that it was probably whatever Amber was doing with the horse that was making it misbehave. Nathan met my gaze almost in telling me that if I was alright with it he was, too. I drew a breath and nodded slowly.

"Alright."

"Thank you so much, both of you. We don't quite have a working trailer operating, so if you could just let me know when you could come pick him up, Nathan, I'll have someone out there helping you."

We said goodbye and Nathan and I headed back up into the house. When we got back in, Nathan turned, gently placing both his hands on my upper arms.

"Are you okay?" He asked, searching my face and running his hand up and down my arm. I nodded slowly.

"Yes, I'm a bit shocked and stung by what she said, but I'm alright." I told him, laying a hand on his side. There was something in his eyes that made me press further, gently running my hand up and down his side. "Why, are you?"

Nathan's eyes searched mine and he exhaled heavily, giving a shrug. My eyebrows furrowed, moving toward him, laying a hand on his back. "Nate? Talk to me, honey,"

He ran a hand over his mouth, shaking his head, turning toward the couch and moving to sit down. "I don't know, I think it really got to me, just the way she said it because I still blame myself entirely for what happened," He murmured, laying his elbows on his knees and lowering his head, running his hands through his hair. My heart went out to him entirely. I was still mourning what had happened, but knowing how Nathan was, and knowing that he was working with Dragon Blade at the time when it happened, he did blame himself. I moved to his side on the couch, sitting on the arm of it as my hand ran up and down his back.

"Nathan, you know I don't blame you for it. I could never. It was an accident." I murmured to him, gently rubbing his back. Nathan exhaled slowly through his nose, leaning against me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed the side of his head.

"When I found out you were pregnant, I was ecstatic," Nathan said softly. "I was so excited to have this baby. With the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."

My heart stopped then seemed to take a huge leap upon hearing that. "You would want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"Of course, sweetheart," Nathan responded, looking up in my direction. "I love you with all my heart, you're my everything."

He turned in his seat, laying a hand on my knee. I gently raised my hand to the side of his face and neck, searching his face, my heart swelling with complete adoration for this man.

"I love you, too, Nathan, with all my heart. You mean everything to me, you and Shilo." I said softly. His eyes searched mine as they softened, giving my knee a gentle squeeze. I leaned forward and kissed him softly, feeling him kiss me in return. It was long, tender and nothing but loving. I ran my hand through his hair, leaning to hug him and feeling him wrap his arms around me in return.

"I love you so much," I murmured, kissing the side of his head.

"I love you, too," Nathan said softly, "So much."

The day that Nathan and I went to pick up Amber's horse was the day we seemed to realise exactly what we were getting ourselves into. Shilo was in her car seat and Cooper was in the back seat with her. When we pulled up into Largo Equestrian, we drove past three new-looking trailers. Nathan snorted.

"'Oh no, we don't have a trailer that's working. Just not the seven horse one, we just can't settle for anything less.'" He muttered sarcastically with a grin. I swatted at his arm and he chuckled.

"You hush," I teased, shaking my head. We pulled up, parked, cracked the windows and got out of the truck in time to hear an ear-splitting scream of a horse. My heart stopped for a moment until I realised it wasn't a scream of terror. But a more stallion-ish scream. An Arabian. Oh God….

Nathan and I exchanged glances as we headed toward the barn. In there, three grooms were trying to manhandle the most stunning black Arabian we'd ever seen. He had blue eyes with the typical "eyeliner" of a white splash Arabian with a nearly white face. He reared up in the air with flared nostrils and struck out with his front legs. I watched his eyes and face. There was nothing frightened in the horse's eyes. It was complete arrogant defiance. The stallion was challenging the people handling them. It was nothing but a temper tantrum like a child.

"Here's your project," Rotti said behind us. "Meet Poltergeist. That's the thing with him, is that he's got a fierce intelligence. It makes predicting his tantrums, such as this, almost impossible."

"I just don't know what freaks him out so much of the time," Amber muttered as she moved up along her father. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the animal as he turned his head with his ears peeled back against his skull, baring and gnashing his teeth at one of the handlers. I could have sworn there was a flicker of amusement in the stallion's pale blue eyes the second the man flinched away.

"There is no fear behind that horse's actions." I said in response. "He's challenging them. He wants to see just what is going to make them squirm."

"Little devil, he is," Nathan muttered, turning to look in Rotti's direction. "You told me nothing about him being a stallion."

"I figured you'd be able to handle it." Rotti said. Nathan's hands were placed on his hips, obviously tense and concerned about how we were going to get this horse in the trailer. "Plus you signed the contract."

"Contract?" I turned my head, searching Nathan's face. Nathan's eyes met mine.

"It's nothing, sweetheart, we'll talk later." He said. Something in his voice was tense, and it just didn't sit well with me. Keeping my eyes on him, I turned back to the horse. Poltergeist jerked his head to the side and sent the leadrope searing through the groom's fingers. The guy yowled in a pained fury, but Poltergeist turned and booted it for his stall. That was it. I moved forward to the stall.

"Can I give it a go?" I asked. The groom held his now rope burned fingers, shooting me a caustic look.

"Be my guest, the thing's psychotic," He said. My gaze shifted to Poltergeist, searching the horse's blue eyes. He kept studying the both of us, no fear within them, but merely out of amusement. I realised immediately that he was behaving this way because he was getting away with it. The grooms were afraid of him, thus starting the vicious cycle.

"Alright, you, you've had enough fun," I said to him as I entered the stall. Poltergeist's ears pinned back against his head and I could hear the click of his teeth as he snaked his head out, threatening a bite. In turn I met the muzzle with a light but fast smack, sending him recoiling with a look of complete astonishment. My body posture was assertive, making no indication that I was going to shrink back, though as I snatched the dangling lead up off the ground, Poltergeist reared up and launched toward me with one step, sending himself slamming back on his front feet to the ground near me, threatening.

"Mag!" Nathan's voice was abrupt, alarmed. I quickly snatched up the end of the leadrope in my other hand, ready to use it if need be.

"He's fine, Nathan, I have him." I responded over my shoulder, though I checked the lead a number of times, advancing toward Poltergeist and sent him backpedaling rapidly. "Now you. Don't. Scare me. Don't think for a second I'm going to let you intimidate me." The growl was directed toward the horse, who was now eyeing me with his haunches pressed against the wall. The look he shot me was full of resentment in not being allowed his way. Though one ear flipped up toward me and the other soon joined.

"You're not as scary as you think," I told him, watching his eye as I moved to the side of him, wanting to beware of his teeth which seemed to be his favourite weapon or tool of harassment. One ear swiveled upward and the other soon followed. I ran my hand along his thin neck and he seemed to settle. My body posture displayed no intimidation. I wasn't afraid of him. He was a bully and nothing more. I gathered the lead in my hand and turned toward the others. The two grooms were looking in complete shock. Rotti Largo looked like the cat that had eaten the canary.

"What did I tell you, Nathan? She's got him." He said, his tone just a step behind the line of boasting. Moving past, Nathan shot him a look.

"I need to have a talk with you later," Nathan said, his voice low, almost dangerous. As I lead Poltergeist out of the stall and down the aisle. We got him loaded up with a few issues but eventually got the trailer closed and drove back home. In the car, I could feel Nathan's eyes shifting in my direction.

"You okay?" He asked. I nodded once crisply.

"I'm fine." I responded. "Wondering what this situation with the contract's about."

Immediately I could sense Nathan tensing up. "We'll talk about it when we get home and get that horse settled."

"I'm going to hold you to that." I turned and shot him a look.

We got home and I walked Poltergeist around the property as Nathan bedded down a stall. It was already becoming dusk, so once Nathan bedded down Poltergeist's stall, he had gotten the other horses in and fed while I worked with Poltergeist in the roundpen. The Arab tossed his head, picking up a careless, flighty trot. I glanced out of the corner of my eye as Nathan came up to the fence, with Cooper at his side.

"Hey, so all the horses are in and fed. Did you want me to throw two flakes of grass hay in Poltergeist's stall or… ?" Nathan asked tentatively.

"No, it's okay, I can get it in there when I get done with him. Geist, walk…" I commanded the horse whose tail lashed against his flank as he came to a walk. I wasn't happy. Something wasn't sitting well with me and I knew Nathan knew it. He lingered at the fence for a moment, nodding before reluctantly heading back up to the house. I finished working with Poltergeist, making sure he'd be calmed and settled so he wasn't ripping boards off the whole night. I had him brushed and led him into the stall, watching him circle the twelve square foot stall a few times, dropping his dished head as clouds of shavings rose as he snorted into the bedding before lifting his head and going to his hay rack, yanking a mouthful from it. Satisfied that he seemed to be settling in alright, I made my way up to the house after closing and locking the barn doors. When I entered the house, Nathan was sitting in the living room, looking up as I walked in. Something told me he'd been waiting there the whole time I'd been working with Poltergeist.

"We need to talk," I said, placing my hands on my hips. I watched Nathan's green eyes lower.

"You're right, we do." He admitted.

"There something you want to tell me about this contract?" I said. "I'm sorry for sounding blunt, Nathan, but you and I are involved, more than that. I thought things like this were discussed between us."

"I signed a contract with Rotti to get the horse trained." Nathan admitted. He had his elbows on his knees and wouldn't look me in the eye. I could feel anger and disbelief rising within me.

"What?"

"I didn't think the horse would be like this. I hesitated when I went to talk to Rotti and he basically told me if I didn't sign the contract then the charges would be returned to me. I could lose everything, even you." Nathan looked up at me. But there was tightness in my chest. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"How long does the contract go for?" I asked, my voice neutral. Nathan exhaled slowly.

"Up until the horse is at least decently trained and his vices are broken." Nathan murmured.

"How can the contract be broken?"

"Injury to either horse or person working with the horse, otherwise the contract is voided." Nathan shook his head. "Maggie, I'm so sorry. I had no choice… I didn't think the horse would be this bad."

I lost it at that point. "Nathan, you're lucky the horse isn't worse. This isn't half as bad as it could be, for anybody else who didn't know how to handle a headstrong stallion like this, but what in the hell were you thinking?" Now it was my turn to be angry. "You're supposed to talk to me about these things, Nathan. You put your family in danger. You hadn't even met the horse, how could you go off of an assumption like that?"

"I was going off of Rotti's word… " He began, then paused, realizing immediately what had come out of his mouth and the repercussions of it. I nodded, staring at him as though it were obvious.

"Exactly. And since when did you trust Rotti Largo's word?" I countered. Nathan stood abruptly.

"Mag, listen to me, I was put in a position where not only would I have lost my career, but I would have lost everything; you, our means of supporting ourselves, I would have lost everything if I didn't agree to train this stupid animal that Amber obviously can't handle. You can be angry with me, you have every right to be angry at me, but don't act for a second like I didn't think about my family's wellbeing. You and Shilo mean the world to me. What flabbergasts me is that you would possibly think I would put my career above everything else before your safety." Nathan shortly.

"Is that so, Nathan? Because it seems otherwise." I shot back. The look on Nathan's face was a combination of hurt and anger.

"You think what you want, Mag. But what would you rather have me do? Deny the job? Have him fire me and let them file the same charges against me? Have us lose everything?" Nathan's eyes bore into mine. "Think about it, because if that's the way you'd rather have it.. then fine. But I will not have the woman I love more than anything or my daughter living off of paycheck after paycheck with barely anything. What astonishes me is that you don't think for a second that I considered your safety or Shilo's."

I said nothing. I was furious, but a part of me was furious also because I knew Nathan had a good point. Exhaling abruptly, I turned and grabbed my coat, heading out the door.

"Where are you going?" Nathan asked. I knew he was still annoyed but that would never stop him from being concerned.

"I'll be back, I'm going riding for a bit." I muttered.

"In the dark—?" Nathan began.

"I'll be fine." I cut him off. I couldn't bear to turn and see the look on his face as I walked out the door. Tears burned the backs of my eyes but I blinked them back, heading down to the barn. I couldn't believe it, though I knew what sort of situation Nathan was put in. What hurt the worst was that Nathan didn't feel he could talk to me about it. At least that was what I was gathering from the situation. I unlocked the barn door and moved into it. As I walked past Rags' old stall, a pang of sadness twisted in my gut. How I wished my beloved boy were still here. Exhaling slowly, I went to Phaeton's stall and the chestnut Arabian looked up from his hay, his ears pricked in curiosity. I slid the stall door open partially to where I could slide in and out, moving into the tackroom to get my saddle, a girth that would fit him, a saddle pad, his breast collar and his bridle. Wrapping a wrist around his dainty nose, I slipped the bit into Phaeton's mouth and pulled the bridle over his ears. He knew immediately to stand as I tacked him up and as I led him out of the stall and out of the barn, I closed it behind me and led him to the mounting block where I stuck my foot in the stirrup and swung my leg over.

"Late night ride sound alright?" I asked him, clicking my tongue and nudged him gently with my heels. He started forward at a brisk walk, his ears flicking back toward me as though listening to every request I asked. I headed down the trail with him, waiting until we were ways away from the property before I nudged him into a canter and sent him down the trail at a hand gallop. I hunkered over Phaeton's neck, feeling his copper-coloured mane whipping my face, but feeling the power of the horse beneath me and the two of us moving as one was thrilling. When we came to the water fall, I slowed Phaeton to a walk and a halt, dismounting him as I led him to the water's edge to drink. I studied the small fall for a moment, drawing a lungful of the cool, crisp night air and closed my eyes, breathing through my nose as I tried to push mine and Nathan's argument from my mind. For a moment I tried to see it in his perspective, tried to put myself in my boyfriend's shoes. I knew how he responded to things, and I knew just how much Shilo and I meant to him. How could he have known what Poltergeist would have been like?

Phaeton's dark lips had been dropped to the surface of the water and he drank deeply, then raised his head and outstretched one foreleg as tough he would wipe the water from his muzzle on his leg, but craned his head and instead chose to do it on my sleeve. I tried to push Phaeton's head out of the way but he was relentless.

"You're a pain in the butt, you know that?" I muttered with a grin, rubbing his forehead. I smoothed his long forelock and pulled my iPhone out of my pocket. No missed calls, but I knew Nathan well enough to know he was probably worried sick. He just wanted to give me time to myself. That idea warmed my heart. With a sigh, I slid my phone back in my pocket and remounted Phaeton, turning him and asking him for a canter back to the property. We reached the edge out of the brush and I slowed him to a trot and a walk, hearing Cooper barking and going ballistic inside. I halted Phaeton and dismounted, reopening the barn door and brought him back to his stall where I unsaddled him and took off his bridle, letting him turn and return to his hay, mentally promising I'd brush him tomorrow.

I headed back inside and saw Nathan nowhere in sight. With a frown I made my way upstairs, finding him sitting at the foot of the bed in his pajama pants and bare chested. Cooper sat at his feet with his head in Nathan's lap. Nathan lifted his head, offering me a sad, half smile.

"Hey," He murmured. Exhaling slowly, I moved toward him, wrapping my arm around his waist.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," I murmured, kissing his shoulder. Nathan laid his arms over mine as I shifted to where both my legs went to either side of him, holding him in my arms. He sank back against me, shaking his head.

"No, I'm sorry, darling; I should have talked to you. I feel like a fool. I put my whole family in danger." He murmured, his eyes welling with tears. I ran my hand along his side to soothe him, shushing to him and murmuring to him.

"No, darling, it's alright," I soothed him with my hands and my embrace as well as my words, holding him close. I urged him to lie down on the bed and lay down beside him, wrapping my arms around him.

"You know I would never put you in danger if I had any power over it in the least." He murmured. He turned over onto his stomach and I lay with him, laying my head on the center of his back, rubbing his side and lying beside him.

"I know you wouldn't, darling," I murmured to him. He and I lay there like that as the night went on until we both fell asleep.

The next day, Nathan and I got up at around six-thirty in the morning to feed. I watched as Nathan threw on a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. A number of months had gone by and indeed, Dragonada was pregnant. We went out to feed and Nathan was pouring grain into the feed buckets, setting them with the flakes of hay outside of each stall. As I tossed in the flakes of hay and dumped grain into feeders, we went to Dragonada whose sides were rapidly expanding as the foal inside of her grew. I went into the stall and felt her flanks and near her croup, checking for squishiness that would indicate that the filly was due soon. I was incredibly curious to see just how the foal would turn out. But when I took a closer look at the filly's sides, it dawned on me just how widely expanded her flanks were. My eyebrows furrowed.

"Nathan," I called, softly as to not startle Dragonada. Nathan came into the stall and moved to my side as I looked in his direction. "Does she look almost too big to you?

Nathan took a step out of the stall to get the filly's lead and clipped it to her halter, handing me the leadrope which I immediately took to hold her still.

"Now, if you kick me, you're in big trouble, missy," Nathan murmured to the mare, rubbing her blank as he felt her belly and peered under at her milk bag. There was no doubt she was producing milk, because her udder was almost painfully swollen.

"Is she waxing up?" I asked, referring to the tiny beads of what appeared to be wax that appeared on a mare's teat when she was getting ready to foal. Then again, no two mares behaved the same when they were preparing to foal. Nathan lifted Dragonada's tail, and in response the mare pinned her ears and shot him a ruthful look, cocking one hoof. Nathan immediately retreated and I checked the lead sharply.

"What did I say about kicking?" Nathan muttered to the filly, shaking his head and looked back at me with his hands on his hips. "Well, she's got a bit of discharge. I'd say there's a possibility she's due tonight."

"Why's she so wide?" I asked, stroking her face. Nathan shook his head.

"That's what I'm about to find out. One second, I'm going to go get a glove." Nathan said, and ducked out of the stall. I held Dragonada's leadrope, stroking her face and murmuring to her. When Nathan returned he had a shoulder-length veterinary glove and pulled it on.

"Ok, hold her head and keep her as distracted as you can," He instructed. "She's not going to be in the least bit happy about this. I just want to see what position the foal is in. Her pelvis has dropped which shows the foal has shifted, but I'm wondering just how big it is."

"She is only three." I said. "You don't think it could just be a big foal?"

"Not that big," Nathan said, and while I took up slack in the lead, Nathan slid his arm inside of Dragonada through her entrance, and the filly was not in the least bit pleased. She pinned her ears and swung her head, and immediately I took hold of her upper lip and tried to keep a hold of it to keep her attention on me before she could fire a back hoof in Nathan's direction. As I played with her black lip, I looked at Nathan's face as his brow furrowed in concentration, but I saw something come into his face and immediately felt an anxious spasm in my stomach.

"That look is frightening," I said. "What is it?"

Nathan slowly slid his hand out of Dragonada and pulled the glove off, his eyes widened as he met my gaze. "Well… I definitely felt a second head in there, as well as a second chest and a second set of legs. She's not just having one foal, from what I gathered."

My eyes widened almost immediately and I could have sworn my jaw hit the floor. "You're joking… she's foaling twins?"

Nathan nodded, turning the glove inside out so it was clean to handle as he pulled it off. "From what I felt, yes, but I'll call Chris out here to get a second opinion. To be honest, I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it."

"Why's that?" I asked. I didn't question Nathan's opinion, I just wanted to find out his reasons for concern, because I knew well that I had my own.

"I always am concerned for maiden mares who foal to begin with, and with her being so young, two foals will take a hell of a toll on her body, her calcium, her weight, her bones, everything." Nathan said. "I want to keep a close eye on her."

As we finished up the feeding, I went into the barn office with Nathan. My eyes trailed over the different feed inventories we had and bedding, jotting down on a pad of paper to buy a bale of straw and bed down another stall for Dragonada with it for when she foaled, as well as other memos such as wrapping her tail and getting a foaling kit together.

"We're going to have to order more feed soon, or go to the feed store," Nathan said from the feed room next door. I could only assume he was going through the bales of hay we had left as well as grain bags. We were in good shape, but with ten around the clock eating machines, our supply would probably last less than a week. Nathan reappeared in the office with Cooper at his heels. Shilo was grooming her pony in the stall. A steady rainfall had begun in light sprinkling. I knew turning the horses out all at once wasn't a good idea. I leaned back in the chair I sat in, spinning it to look in Nathan's direction.

"Nate, say Dragonada foals twins, both are fine—"

"Stopping you there for a moment, just to prepare you, because I've already prepared myself, we'll probably lose one foal, if not both, just warning you now," He said, moving toward me and I felt both his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them gently. A knot of anxiety formed in my stomach in the thought of the possibility of losing Dragonada as well, or instead of one of the foals. God… two orphaned twin foals…

"I know, believe me, I know," I assured him, laying my hand over his on my shoulder. "But say she foals both of them, they're both fine, what in the world are we going to do with two foals?" I looked up in his direction. Nathan blew out a breath.

"Well, both sire and dam were Jockey Club registered Thoroughbreds, we have papers on the both of them. We can register the foals, though that'll be expensive on its own; not to mention the cost of caring for the two little suckers, but we can get the foals register, get them weaned and at least somewhat trained, if anything keep them as yearlings then put them in the classifieds as pure Thoroughbred yearling twins for sale. I don't think we'll have a problem selling them."

"God, but the training of two foals… " I muttered with a groan, leaning forward with my arms crossed on the desk, my head leaning against my arms. I could feel Nathan rubbing my back.

"I know, the idea is enough to make anyone cringe, but we'll have to do it." He said with a shrug. I could hear in his voice that he was trying to sound more optimistic than he was feeling. "First off, I'm getting Dragon Blade gelded as soon as possible. I don't know if it's on his side of Dragonada's, but there is _no_ problem with fertility there."

The two horses' names replayed in my head and I was struck with a sensation of brief horror.

"Nathan… they're not related, are they?" I asked, my head shooting up. Nathan's expression sobered and he knelt beside me at the computer to look at their files.

"I don't think so… but to be on the safe side… " He clicked on both Dragonada and Dragon Blade's pedigrees. Thank God putting _dragon_ in a Thoroughbred's name was common, and there wasn't a single indication of relation on either sire or dam's side. _At least now we don't have to worry about inbreeding._

"Ok, I'm going to ring Chris and get him out here. I want to make sure I'm correct before we jump to any conclusions," Nathan said, standing and picked the phone up off the cradle.

A little over an hour and a half later, Chris showed up in the white pickup from GeneCo's veterinary clinic. He had both the equipment to check a mare's pregnancy, and deciding we would kill two birds with one stone by getting Dragon Blade gelded as well, he brought the materials for tha, too. I lead Dragon Blade out of his stall with a stud chain over his nose, clipping him in the center aisle crosstie as Chris ducked underneath the tether and went to Dragonada's stall. Nathan had the halter back on Dragonada and held her as she found herself both violated and insulted for a second time, clearly pissed off about it as well. Chris withdrew his hand from inside her and pulled the glove off, nodding slowly.

"Well, Nate, you were right, you guys are definitely due for twins," He said. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed to hear that. Reading Nathan's expression, I couldn't tell by his, either.

"What do we do, Chris? How do we prepare for this?" I asked, standing beside Nathan. Chris exhaled slowly.

"Well, she's not producing enough milk for two foals so you're going to have to bottle feed one of them; ideally the smaller one. Get a can of Foal-Lac, they sell them at feed store. But judging by how she looks, I would guess she's going to foal tonight—if not in the next two to three days."

Nathan took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. I reached over and ran my nails gently over his lower back.

"So that means we're sleeping down here for a few nights," Nathan said, exhaling slowly.

"I probably would, just in case there's complications; which is likely."

After Chris left, Nathan and I drove to the feed store to get the Foal-Lac, a few bales of straw to bed down a foaling stall for Dragonada and to put together a foaling kit. When we got back to the barn and bedded down the stall, I looked in the direction of Dragonada, who had her head over the door with a very wary expression, her ears tilted back. A sigh left me. No matter how much we worked with the filly, I doubted there was ever going to be a time when she was fully gentled or broke. With her lines and what I presumed to be Dragon Blade's, I wondered how the foals were going to turn out; if, God forbid, they were to both make it. Nathan and I set up a bed in the loft above the foaling stall where we turned Dragonada loose in. That night Nathan and I both went up with Shilo sleeping beside the both of us. I turned over to see Nathan lying on his side, propped up on one elbow and watching the mare intently. Careful not to disturb Shilo at my other side, I turned over an lay a hand on Nathan's hip, slipping my hand up the side of his shirt and rubbed along it, easily able to tell that he was uneasy about what was going on.

"How's she doing?" I asked, reaching for my iPhone with my free hand to look at the time, seeing twelve-forty-two looking back at me. I heard and felt a heavy sigh come from Nathan, watching him remove his glasses to rub his eyes.

"She's starting to get restless, but that doesn't tell us much." He said, returning his glasses and lifted his other hand to lay it over my own on his side with a gentle squeeze over his shirt. I cherished the warmth of his skin and gently grazed my nails with just a notion of my fingers over the area, watching him turn over onto his back beside me and my hand immediately slid over his stomach. I could feel the raised scar tissue where his appendectomy scar still remained on his lower stomach, and very tenderly rubbed the area, pausing to peer over him and look down at Dragonada. The mare seemed to pace for a moment to and fro around the stall before coming to a halt by the flakes of alfalfa hay we had dropped in her stall, munching on the pile only slightly. With my hand still up Nathan's shirt, I settled beside him, laying my head on his chest and I felt him move his arm around me, running his hand along my forearm.

"You okay?" I asked, shifting my head to look up at him as he removed his glasses and set them behind us.

"Yeah, I'm just worried, though. The fact that she's having twins is… well, terrifying." He said with an almost unhappy chuckle, shaking his head. I nodded slowly, still running my hand along his torso.

"I know sweetheart. We're down here with her, if there's anything that happens, we know that at least we were down here to be able to help her out." I told him. Nathan nodded slowly, kissing the top of my head. I settled against him and it seemed we both fell asleep for a little bit. The next thing I knew Nathan was gently nudging me awake, though I could feel the urgency in her touch.

"Maggie, Dragonada's in labour." He said in a whisper. Shilo was already up beside her father, peering over the side. I immediately sat up and we slowly went down the ladder. As we did, I could see Dragonada buckle down onto her knees and sink down into the straw. I could see the wet spot in the stall where her water broke and already we could see the white bubble forming under her wrapped tail. Nathan and I got to the stall door, careful not to disturb the mare and watched her entire body strain with effort at pushing the foal out. Contractions rippled through her sides, and we could hear groans of pain leaving her.

"You're okay, Momma," I crooned to her, feeling Nathan wrap his arm around my shoulders and issue a squeeze. The first bag seemed to slide out easily with an almost black head breaking out of the placenta with a blaze running down its face. I slipped my arms around Nathan's waist, watching as Dragonada turned her head and uttered a soft whicker to her newborn that lifted its head. Nathan and I both went into the stall slowly to take a look at the little one, whose squeaky whicker was given in response to its mother. We knelt beside the wet bundle and pulled the sac away from it.

"It's a filly," Nathan said with a grin, watching as Dragonada clambered to her feet, moving toward her baby to lick the little one try. I sat with my knees folded under me with Nathan kneeling beside me, watching the scene unfold as Dragonada seemed to instinctively know how to mother the filly. She nudged the foal to try to urge the wobbly youngster to her feet. But within a few more minutes as the filly seemed to rock herself to an unsteady position at her feet, and Dragonada's sides contracted once more, her tail moved to the side, another white bubble emerging.

"Crap, she needs to lie back down before she gives birth to that foal," Nathan muttered, moving forward. But Dragonada kept going down, getting back up, and going back down, the process repeating itself. The bag wasn't budging. Nathan glanced at his watch.

"We need to get the foal out of her," I said, moving to Dragonada's side as she lay down again. Nathan already came in with iodine and the gloves in the foaling kit.

"Lean your knee on her crest, Maggie, we have to keep her down." Nathan said. I nodded and knelt on her crest, gently stroking the laboring mare's face as Nathan reached into her, taking hold of what he could. I could see the perspiration forming on Nathan's forehead as he grunted with effort.

"It's breached, I've got to turn the foal around," Nathan's voice was strained, trying to get the foal in the correct position."

It was a couple of minutes before Nathan seemed to get the bag pulled out of Dragonada and within moments, we had to pull the bag off the foal and get it breathing ourselves. Nathan pulled the sac off of the foal's head, using a towel to clear the mucus from its nose and towel the foal dry. "It's a colt," I heard him say, and I lifted my knee from Dragonada's crest and watched her scramble to her feet and move to her other foal's side. Soon, the little colt was breathing and lifting his head weakly, uttering the same high pitched whicker that his sister had given. Dragonada nudged the foal to his feet slowly and within a few minutes. I looked to Nathan who was still on his knees, trying to catch his breath. I knelt to his side and ran my hand along his hunched back, seeing him lift his head to watch the scene before us. The filly had her head under Dragonada's flank, nursing contently, and I knew as well as Nathan did that there was no way Dragonada could produce enough milk for the both of them.

"Maggie, can you go get some hot water and mix foal-lac into the bottle?" Nathan said breathlessly. He was exhausted, that was easy to see, and I nodded, kissing the back of his head and went to the foal kit. I dumped the correct amount of the powder and warm water, shaking it until I knew it was mixed enough. After a few moments, I went to the colt's side and urged him to take the teat of the bottle, holding it upward just enough so that it was a natural nursing motion.

The foals were up and both nursing here and there. I knew that by the time it was morning we would have to be out there every few hours to bottle feed one or the other. Nathan and I both went back up to the loft to watch over them and to go to bed. Nathan carefully moved past Shilo and collapsed on his back with an exhausted groan, his hand on his chest.

"I can't believe that went as well as it did." He murmured, pulling off his glasses and set them in back of the futon. I crawled over to settle beside him, feeling his arm move around me.

"It's not over yet, sweetheart." I said softly, laying my head on his chest and moving my arm over his waist. Nathan nodded and I could feel his chest rise and fall as he drew a breath and released it slowly. I ran my hand along his side and sternum to soothe him, knowing he was exhausted. "Try to get some sleep, sweetheart. I'll stay up and if I see anything I'll wake you."

"Honey.. I don't want you staying up all night," Nathan said softly. "We'll both be up on and off, I know we will."

However, after awhile I could feel Nathan's breathing growing steadier and steadier and knew he had fallen asleep. I stayed at his side, gently rubbing it and found myself falling asleep before long as well.

About a week later, the foals had grown a bit stronger. It was a painstaking process of getting up to bottle feed either one depending on the day, and Dragonada was getting more hay than usual to keep her milk production going. Feeding two foals had to be a tiring process, we knew ourselves since we were helping with a majority of it. After turning the horses out one morning, I came back in and saw Nathan at the desk. I moved toward him and lay a hand on his back, both of us looking over as the phone rang. Nathan picked it up off the cradle and answered it. "Hello?"

I searched Nathan's face out of curiosity, seeing a smile slowly slide across his face.

"Well, I'll be damned. Clark, how are you?" Nathan said. I could hear the brief, brassy voice on the other end that sounded like a man's. Nathan nodded in response.

"Yeah, I never wound up going to the funeral; I figured Dad wouldn't exactly make me feel welcome." He said, lowering his eyes. I gently ran my hand up and down his back, realizing he was talking about his mother's funeral. But who was Clark? How come it sounded as though Nathan was talking to a sibling?

"That's fantastic! I know Mom would have been thrilled to hear that." Nathan said, glancing at me in acknowledgement. Cooper scratched at my leg with one paw and I kissed the back of Nathan's head, heading to the back with the dog to let him outside to do his business. When I came back in, Nathan was off the phone.

"Who was that, Nate?" I asked, curious. Nathan seemed to still have a smile on his face, looking back in my direction and turned to face me, drawing me into his lap with his hands on my waist.

"Have I ever told you about Clark? My older brother?" He asked. My eyebrows shot up.

"No, I think you've failed to mention that part of your family." I told him, gently brushing his hair off his forehead.

"Well, he left the house when I was in college, I think. He got fed up with our father and hadn't spoken to either my mother or father since. He would write periodically, but that was all I ever really heard from him. He's been trying to get his pilot's license for ages now and finally got it. He rang and told me about it. He's supposed to be coming up at some point, I'm hoping, but he said he couldn't promise anything just yet. He in the air force, it was something he always wanted to do." He lowered his eyes with a shrug. "Thought my father could at least be happy about that. He had a doctor and a pilot in the family."

I slid my arms around Nathan's neck, kissing the top of his head. "Your father has every reason to be proud of you, Nathan. If he isn't it's his own problem, not yours."

Nathan exhaled slowly, gently running his hand up and down my back. "Clark couldn't stand Dad's criticism. He had more nerve than I did. I would definitely consider him the stronger brother." He said, kissing my shoulder.

"I love you and I'm proud of you, Nathan, more than anything." I told him, running my hand through his hair as I kissed his forehead. "That means a lot to me, Maggie." He said softly. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, feeling his arms tighten around my waist. While I was surprised Nathan had never told me he had a brother, I was glad he at least had a family member that stayed in touch with him.

Nathan and I went outside to continue with the horses. Nathan went into the paddock where Uther resided with the other stallions, pushing heads away who were curious of his presence. I watched him slip Uther's halter over the stallion's nose and buckle it, leading him out. I followed him to the barn where Nathan clipped him to the crossties in the aisle, watching as he bent to run his hands along Uther's legs.

"How does he look?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. Nathan straightened, and I saw the slightest smile on his face.

"He feels sound," He said, patting Uther's cresty neck. "Sound enough to where I'm debating getting on him."

My head shot up immediately. "Nathan.. really?" I asked, a smile sliding across my face. "That'd be amazing."

"It will be, because my mind is made up," Nathan said with a smile. I could tell he was excited about getting back on the stallion. It was good to see Nathan excited about this and I knew Uther's recovery was important to him. It was important to me as well.

"Just be careful, Nate, he hasn't been ridden in almost a year now," I said, watching as Nathan went into the tack room and got an English saddle and Uther's bridle, which Nathan had to brush off the dust collecting on the leather straps from the year Uther spent on stall rest.

"I think he'll be fine, sweetheart." Nathan said, placing the saddle pad on Uther's back and then the saddle. "He's been sound for awhile now."

"That's not entirely what I had in mind," I said softly, leaning against one of the stall walls as Nathan tightened the girth. Uther wasn't girthy but he did toss his head in protest, though stood fairly quietly. It was plain as day to me that Uther's accident had definitely calmed him down. I knew there was a side of him still that was just itching to blow out of there and return Uther to his excitable days. What concerned me even more was the idea that Nathan was going to be on his back.

Nathan had the halter unbuckled and around the nearly eighteen-hand German Warmblood stallion's neck, slipping the bit into Uther's mouth and pulled the bridle over his head. Uther stretched out his neck, his mouth gaping which seemed to be an only reflexive response from not having a bit in his mouth in over a year, but he seemed to mouth the bit until it was situated and released a loose snort. Nathan fastened the straps that needed it and gently pulled his thick forelock from under the browband. When the halter was released from Uther's neck, Nathan pulled the reins over his horse's head and lead him to the barn exit when something dawned on me.

"Nathan, hold it… " I sad quickly, ducking into the tackroom to retrieve a set of white polo wraps. "Better safe than sorry, especially after a year." A look of realization and gratitude passed over Nathan's face as I kneeled to wrap each of Uther's long legs.

"Good thinking. That could have gotten ugly," Nathan said, waiting until I was out from under Uther's legs before he led him to the roundpen, with me trailing behind. We figured it was the better option, since neither of us were quite sure how Uther was going to react. I stood by the railing, watching Nathan pull down the stirrups. One of the stallions from the pasture screamed from afar, the voice I couldn't pinpoint at the time, but odds were it was Phaeton. Uther turned his head as Nathan adjusted the girth as a shrill, throaty, and _loud_ whinny shook through the stallion's massive frame in response, his ears stiffly erected on the top of his poll. I watched Uther's actions, his expression, trying to read him. It seemed as though gradual that rambunctiousness was returning, though he was giving no real indication.

"Honey, watch him… " I warned, eyebrows furrowing as Nathan gathered the reins. The mares watched at the fence in the pasture that neighboured the roundpen with pricked-eared curiosity. I drew a breath and held it as Nathan gently squeezed Uther into an eager walk. I could see Nathan on alert, ready for anything the stallion might throw at him, but Uther didn't seem like he was in an ornery mood. At least not yet. Nathan asked him for a trot and the stallion obliged, his muzzle tucked to his chest. His form that I remembered so clearly brought tears to my eyes. He was the image of grace, power and athleticism, a picture of raw beauty in his piebald frame.

This was going smoothly. Too smoothly. My fingernails dug into my palms as Uther's tail lashed and slapped against his rump, his ears swiveling and flicking a mile a minute. I couldn't tell if it was aggravation or just pent up energy but the next thing I knew, Uther exploded into a fit. He zig-zagged on and off the rail into an explosive fit of bucking and leaping. Nathan's body gyrated like a ragdoll on his back, but he was doing everything he could to stay on. This wasn't out of animosity, it was the energy that I knew was ready to burst from the get go, and Uther was loving every second of it.

"Sit back, sit back, sit back sit back sit back—" I called, straightening at the railing. Uther bucked, thrashed, careened, lept and writhed, and within moments Nathan hit the ground with a thud as Uther dug in and roared across the pen. I heard a thunk of hoof hitting wood which I assumed was Uther getting too close to the rail before ducking left. But I vaulted over the railing to Nathan's side as he painfully pushing himself up, sitting for a moment as he let the pain of his body smacking the dirt as hard as it did dissipate.

"Nate! Are you alright? Can you move everything?" I asked, my hand on his shoulder as I knelt before him. Uther had come to a stop near the gate almost expectantly, like the royalty he was named after, seeming to assume that someone would open it and let him out. He was finished here, and was ready to return to the barn, seemingly carefree that Nathan had hit the dirt. The black and white stallion craned his head, his ears pricked as one swiveled to the side, cocking one back hoof in contentment with what I could have sworn was an exasperated sigh.

"That son of a bitch… " Nathan muttered with a pained laugh, his voice strained as he tried to get air back into his lungs.

"I had a feeling he was being too good to be true," I said sympathetically, though seeing the frustration and amusement on Nathan's face I couldn't help but smile. "What a horror."

"Maniac is more like it," He said, grunting as he climbed to his feet. I took hold of his arm to aid him.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, honey, I promise. That just wasn't a short fall," Nathan said, shaking his head before kissing the side of my own.

"Uther towers over everything in the barn, not surprising." I said, shaking my head with a light grin as Nathan moved to take hold of Uther's reins. He pulled the stallion's reins over his head and led him, almost painfully, out of the arena. I gently rubbed his lower back as we walked.

"That deserves a backrub and massage later tonight," I told Nathan.

"I'm going to need it," He murmured, his arm sliding around my waist. We went back into the barn and Nathan untacked Uther, bringing the saddle and bridle into the tackroom and I unclipped Uther and brought him out to the washrack. I hosed the Warmblood stallion off, used the sweatscraper to scrape off excess water and brought him back out to the field. The moment he was released he immediately sank to his knees and rolled, much to my annoyance upon seeing the dirt clinging to his still wet frame. I went into the barn to check on the two foals. Immediately, when I peered into the stall, I was met with a pair of glowering brown eyes and pinned ears as Dragonada stood firmly between me and her two offspring, the colt hiding under her belly and the filly peering out from behind her dam's rump as though attempting bravery. Though how she stood, the resemblance to her mother was uncanny, despite her mousy brown coat. Whether she'd stay that colour was a different story. Nathan and I had no way of knowing if either the filly or colt would remain the mousy bay they were now or grey out like Dragonada. Genetically speaking, the two should have been born black and greyed out, but I had no idea if Dragon Blade was homozygous black. Apparently not if the foals were brown, but who knew, they may have been bay based and would grey out in time.

We got back into the house, and I went into the kitchen with two wine glasses and a bottle of wine, bringing it into the living room where Nathan sat, leaning forward while running his hands through his hair. I set a wine glass in front of Nathan on the coffee table, reaching around him to gently pull off his t-shirt.

"Now just what are you doing?" He teased, laying a hand on my leg, taking a sip of the wine glass. "I'm a broken man, Maggie, I don't think we're going to get anywhere tonight."

"There's no need, I just want to sit here and cuddle," I responded, succeeding in gently pulling Nathan's shirt off. I rubbed my hands along his back, kneading my fingers into his skin and muscle. Nathan tilted his head back with a light groan made in the back of his throat, but I knew it was positive, taking a sip of the wine I had brought him.

"You take too good of care of me," He murmured, leaning back against me slightly. I slid my arms around Nathan's bare waist and kissed the back of his shoulder.

"You deserve every bit of it," I responded, laying my chin on his shoulder. Nathan smiled, leaning back against me in the slightest.

_**Three years later**_

Almost three years had rolled by since Marni's death, but to be honest things couldn't have been more incredible. Nathan and I owned the ranch together, this time around rescuing horses. We hadn't exactly gotten too far, but with Shilo now five years old and getting a bit too big for her pony, Tinkerbell, Nathan and I had both at one point exchanged that glance of, "It's time." Shilo needed a bigger pony.

I was slowly getting back involved in showing, or at least training up to it. Loving the progress I was making with Poltergeist, the Largos had asked us to keep him for another month or so, to at least enter him in the next event. Unlike what Marni and I did all those years ago, the three day eventing, Amber Sweet focused mainly on jumpers. How she had managed to get the extreme extroverted Arabian stallion, who was extremely dominant to boot, to focus on such a high energy competition. Then again it sort of suited him. The black splash was incredibly athletic, and seemed to thrive off of high gear, adrenaline addled anything. I discovered this as Nathan and I lead Poltergeist down the hill to the arena. Nathan gave me a leg up and immediately I could feel Geist bunching up under me like a coiled spring.

"His tail is literally straight up," Nathan teased, issuing the stallion with a gentle pat, though touched my leg gently. "You sure you're okay?"

"Sweetie, I've been working with him over jumps about three-foot-six for the past few weeks, I think we're fine," I assured him with a smile, leaning down and kissing his forehead. Geist's head swung to the side as our whole herd of bachelor stallions; where Geist normally resided, tore off at a thundering gallop down the fence line. A high pitched whistle shuddered through the stallion's whole frame, his breath creating a mist in the cold morning air. I smoothed his long black mane, shaking his head.

"Relax, you goof, you're fine," I told him, looking back in Nathan's direction. "I'd better get him in there, Nate. Where's Shilo?"

Nathan pulled his zip up hoody sleeve back to look at his watch. "Well, it's about six o' four in the morning, I'm assuming she's still asleep. We would have heard her come out if she was up," He said, patting my leg gently. "Alright, get in there. Let's see what this big boy can do."

I nodded, gently nudging Poltergeist with my heels and asked him to move forward into the arena, where I picked up a brisk trot as Nathan closed the gate behind me. Still in the training stage and being a jumper, Geist was pretty much equipped with every contraption imaginable. Wearing a rubber jointed loose-ring snaffle with a figure eight noseband, a running martingale with a breast collar, his back legs wrapped in maroon polos with fuzzy sheepskin and leather jumping boots on his forelegs; not to mention bell boots, I figured if he and I were to take a spill, _he'd_ be the one to come out of it unscathed.

Poltergeist's black tail remained flagged as he rounded his neck. I gently tugged in a back and forth motion on both reins to ease him on the bit, posting with his already floating trot. I could have sat the trot and not even moved in the saddle. It was obvious that regardless of the problems the Largos had been having with the overly aggressive and dominant stallion, they had paid a lot of money for a horse with impeccable training. What I was trying to figure out was what went wrong somewhere along the lines. I trotted him a couple laps around the arena, asking him to bend in the corners while squeezing my inside leg and turning his head toward the inside while nudging him to bend his body toward the outside, basically teaching him that I wanted him to be flexible and bend around the corners. The first few times he swished his tail and pinned his ears in aggravation, even done so much as crow-hopped every so often, but before it could escalate into a bucking fit, I yanked his head up and brought my riding stick around and smacked his haunches with a growled "_No._" directed his way. The stallion wasn't stupid, he figured out very quickly that we could make this easy or hard, and I was willing to take whatever came my way. Reluctantly, he eased his way around every corner and once satisfied, I asked him for a canter. He wrung his tail with more excitement than annoyance, leaping straight into a canter, and even better he was on the correct lead. I took up slack in the reins and urged him forward. His back was hollowing out and with each stride I could feel him wanting to buck. Apparently Nathan caught it too.

"Keep your heels down and his head up, Maggie, he's getting overly excited, stay alert," Nathan warned. I could see him at the fence line, leaning against the railing. I tightened the reins a bit. Every stride seemed to be more exuberant and even faster than the first. As I took him down the diagonal for a flying change it took practically a spasmodic leap in the air, an explosive snort and Poltergeist twisted, landed, and bucked all the way back down the line, my whole body gyrating in the same motion as though I was riding a rocking horse on steroids. All I could do was try to pull the Arab's head up, keeping my heels down. It was enough to send anyone's heart into their throat but I had a decent grip on both his head and his back.

"Easy… easy… easy… pull his head up, Mag. Pull up, pull up, pull up, pull up—" Nathan called. I could hear the tension and concern in his voice. I managed to get Poltergeist's head up and cantered him a couple more rounds around the arena to get him settled before I slowed him to a walk and a halt near the fence where Nathan stood. I could tell by the look on my other half's face that as much as he had tried to stay calm; that had scared the hell out of him.

"Well, that was exciting," I joked, trying to catch my breath, shaking my head as I gave Geist's damp neck a series of pats. He was blowing slightly but otherwise not all that winded or hot. What concerned me now was whether or not Nathan was still breathing.

"Jesus, he's like a loaded gun," Nathan shook his head, exhaling slowly.

"He has improved since he's been here, you've got to give him that." I said.

"That's not saying much, Maggie, he was a terror when we first brought him here." Nathan added. I opened my mouth to respond, but I couldn't say anything. He had a point. The Largos had sent him here because Poltergeist literally terrified everyone on the premises. He had pitched Amber countless times, and even I had been dumped in the dirt more than my fair share, but Poltergeist and I were coming to an understanding. He was a stunning horse, a colour that I never thought would have been possible for a pure Arab. While he was a blue-black, he had the splash white colourings with a white face, his eyes a striking pale blue. Aside from that, he had no other real markings except a small white patch under his belly and all four of his legs had tall white stockings and pink hooves. It wasn't that Poltergeist had been abused, he was just a wickedly intelligent stallion and when he wasn't challenged mentally to do something that helped him exercise that brain power, he had grown bored, destructive, and eventually mean and violent. His immense athleticism had helped in that as well.

"Let's just do three-six and stick with that today, Mag. The ground is still a bit frozen for my liking, and with the mood he's in I don't want to risk either of you getting hurt," Nathan said, ducking under the fence and moved past Poltergeist and me. With no real intention of genuinely being annoyed at Nathan's presence, but for the mere fun of it, as Nathan passed Poltergeist flattened his ears against his skull and snaked his head around with a threatened nip at Nathan's shoulder. I had caught it and immediately checked the reins sharply, adding a smack on his neck with the crop for good measure. Geist's ears and his head flew back up with a surprise, backing up a couple of steps. Nathan looked up.

"That's enough out of you," I growled. Nathan's hands were placed on his hips, shaking his head with a scoff.

"He just won't let up, will he?" He said. I rolled my eyes, nodding. For some bizarre reason Nathan and Poltergeist hadn't gotten along from the get-go. Nathan gave Geist a wide berth for this exact reason.

"Ok, all the jumps are set at the right height, why don't you take the line and round to the barrels?" Nathan suggested. I nodded, nudging the stallion into a canter and turned him toward the line. One thing about Poltergeist, when his head was in the game, _his head was in. The. Game._ He knew what he was doing, he had it handled. It made me wonder if maybe Amber thought the same and she really didn't have it handled. Poltergeist was trying to take their of them both, make up for Amber's incompetence but Amber just tried to wrestle him into submission, insisting with her body that she knew what she was doing. With a powerful, headstrong animal like Poltergeist, that wasn't the way to go. It frustrated him, and I was even beginning to suspect that it made him insecure, which he compensated for with a very nasty disposition. That wasn't going to happen with us.

Coming to the line, I could feel Poltergeist lengthen his strides, recognizing that he had seen the distance before I did. I slid my hands up his elegant neck, letting him find the distance I thought and hoped he was aiming for; the one I was _prepared_ for, and if not I was in for what was popularly known as a "Yahoo!" moment, but he had found the exact distance. One.. two.. three—Poltergeist's forelegs snapped up and he took the jump like nobody's business. I leaned forward during take off, keeping my heels down and readied myself for the next jump. I didn't touch the reins, just kept them still in my hands. The last thing I wanted to do was try to over-direct him, since I knew that was exactly what would piss him off.

Two strides; he took the next in stride, sailing over it in absolutely impeccable form. I snapped forward and back, whipping my head to the left as I turned him, barely tilting the rein to direct his head. Each time I got on this horse I realized how incredibly sensitive he was. No wonder he had become such a problem. Amber was trying to power and provoke an already fiercely intelligent animal. It was a battle of, "I got this. No I got this, back off and sit back. No, you will listen to _me!_"

It wasn't pretty, and I was beginning to suspect that that was a majority of this horse's problems. A classic case of the rider's the problem, not the horse.

However, we were a few strides away from the barrels and I could feel something in his demeanor change. I barely had a few seconds to process when Poltergeist dropped his shoulder and ducked away from the fence. Taking part of the rein with me and dragging it over the side of his neck, beyond my control my whole body flew over the pommel of the saddle and I collided with the jump, finding myself lying in a pile of poles and one knocked down standard. Poltergeist yanked away from me and took off trotting across the arena. I staggered to my feet almost immediately, my line of sight following where my mount was heading. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Nathan vaulting over the fence and rushing toward me.

"Mag! Honey are you okay?" He immediately moved to my side, rising with me as I stood.

"I'm okay, I promise, just a bit bruised," I assured him, laying a hand on his arm but turned my gaze back to Poltergeist. "I'm just praying to God he doesn't step on his reins."

We heard a pop of leather snapping from a good distance off and now Poltergeist was at a breakneck gallop, ripping around the arena, with both ends of the now broken reins trailing behind by his flagging black tail.

"Oh, shit.. I knew it… " I muttered, immediately moving toward him. "Geist, _whoa._ Settle, sweetheart, settle… "

I never thought in a million years he would listen to me, but the Arabian stallion slowed to a walk, turning his head in my direction before dropping his head, a full-bodied shake dancing down the stirrup leathers, dropping his head with an outstretched foreleg to rub the side of his head, his now eradicated bridle just barely beginning to slide off of his head. The headstall was still intact, thankfully, but the reins were destroyed. Oh well, at least it was the reins and not his jaw or something. The mental image of that was enough to make me cringe. Nathan moved past me and I stood near him, watching a bit nervously as he slowly approached the stallion's side.

"Nate, honey, be careful… "

Spotting Nathan, Poltergeist pinned his ears, shooting Nathan a look. Nathan's eyebrows furrowed as he murmured to the stallion, and once he was near enough, grabbed one half of the reins. Geist gave an enraged squeal, rocking back on his haunches in a cloud of dust in a sort of backpedalling rear, swinging around and trying to fire both; if not at least one, back hoof in Nathan's direction. Nathan was able to move just far enough away and jerked the stallion to face him, keeping a firm hold on the reins once the other broken half was in his hand.

"Now you cool it. You're done," Nathan said tersely to the stallion. The look Poltergeist gave him was about as unimpressed as they came. I stood nearby; feeling an ache in my lower back which I knew was from the fall. Reaching back, I gently rubbed it with my fingers, following Nathan back to the barn with Poltergeist in tow. Normally I wouldn't have ended a training session on that note, but every part of my body ached, even though I knew I was fine. Poltergeist was just too hot at the moment to get him to cooperate. As Nathan and I exchanged glances, we both knew that was the case. When we brought him back to the barn and untacked him, Nathan clipped the leadrope to Poltergeist's halter and lead him to one of the turnout fields, letting him loose to let off some steam. Sure enough, Poltergeist careened away at a breakneck gallop, bucking down the fence line with his tail flagged. I leaned my hands against the fence, watching Amber's horse and felt Nathan's arm slide around my waist. I turned and kissed his shoulder, sinking gently against him with a hand on his chest.

"How're you feeling, sweetheart?" He asked. I exhaled slowly with a light shrug, wrapping my arm further around him.

"Sore," I murmured, my chin against his collarbone. I could feel Nathan kiss the top of my head.

"I know, honey, I can imagine. It'll get better," He said softly, rubbing my back. "You stuck with him pretty well, that would have thrown anyone."

"Thank you, darling. But right into the fence?" I groaned with an unhappy laugh, sinking against Nathan, who chuckled and held me tighter.

"I know, honey, that was a cheap shot on Poltergeist's end." He said, kissing the side of my head. I was relieved because after the three years that had rolled by since Marni's death; as much as any fall or accident of mine on horseback scared the daylights out of Nathan, he had calmed down about it quite a bit. I couldn't blame him. It was Marni's accident in the beginning that literally had traumatised him, especially after all the rubbish he had received from the media when Marni's death should have been left well enough alone. As we walked back to the barn, Poltergeist plodded behind us calmly, which was too weird. The stallion was about as calm as ever, which usually meant trouble, from Nathan's and my own past experiences. We got him in the barn, and while I tried to help out, Nathan shooed me away to have me sit down on the tack trunk. The next thing I knew was a nudge to my shoulder and I turned my head to see my beloved chestnut Arabian stallion, Phaeton, with his elegant head craned over the stall door.

"You are such a big baby," I crooned with a smile, cupping his dark, velveteen muzzle and kissed the tip of it, feeling his upper lip wriggle in delight, his ears pricked in obvious interest. When we got Poltergeist cooled down and put away, Nathan turned his head to spot his five year old daughter, Shilo, making her way to her pony, Tinkerbell's stall. Shilo stood about three-foot-six at her age, and Tinkerbell was still about nine to ten hands. As much as we knew none of us would want to admit it, Shilo was ready to move on, and that was a discussion for later. A larger pony and I knew some other changes in the mix. Nathan glanced at his watch as Shilo entered Tinkerbell's stall with a grooming kit, and while I found it hilarious, I knew Nathan was horrified to see his daughter in school clothes about to brush her pony.

"Shi… honey, what're you doing? You've got to be ready to get on the bus, it comes at seven-thirty and it's seven-fifteen now." Nathan said, heading toward the stall door. I couldn't believe how much Shilo had grown. She had the halter on Tink and everything, brushing her with utmost love and affection.

"It's okay, Daddy, I'll get there. Tinkerbell needed to be brushed." She informed him, but a smile on her face told me and Nathan both that she was going to sneak in as much time with her pony as she possibly could. Once she was finished, Nathan lay a hand on his daughter's back, guiding her out then kneeling in front of her.

"Alright, one second, Shi, let me just have a look at you," He said as he painstakingly plucked bits of hay and shavings off Shilo's clothing. "We don't want you going to school looking like you slept in Tinkerbell's stall, do we?" He crossed his arms, his eyes teasing. "Did you sneak into the barn in the middle of the night and sleep in Tink's stall?"

Shilo giggled, shaking her head. "No, Daddy! Of course not." She informed him, though her smile was enough to make anyone's heart melt. Nathan grinned, his eyes softening and leaned forward to kiss her forehead, standing to wrap an arm around her.

"That's what I thought. Now let's get you on the bus, I think I hear it," He said. Shilo stayed close to her father's side as the bus pulled up. Nathan had made sure Shilo had her lunch bag, her backpack, everything, and was set to go to kindergarten. It was almost frightening to me to think that this little girl who I had known from the time she was in the womb was already five years old and in preschool. Shilo turned, moving toward me and flung her arms around my waist. "Bye Maggie!"

"Bye sweetheart, we'll see you after school," I said with a smile, kissing the top of her head. "Have fun today."

We parted ways and watched Shilo get on the bus. Even though she had done it a number of times before, I knew Nathan had a hard time watching his little girl go. I looked in his direction, saw him with his hands shoved in his pockets, lowering his eyes. I moved nearer to him and rubbed gentle circles over his back, kissing his shoulder. Nathan gave a thin smile and wrapped his arm around me as we headed back to the house. Our German Shepherd, Cooper, who was now about four years old, rushed after us in the house All horse chores were done for the time being, since we had gotten them done before I decided to get on Poltergeist. Nathan and I headed into the kitchen to fix ourselves cups of coffee. I poured some into two mugs and handed one to Nathan and we made our way into the living room. He lay with his back to the far corner of the corner couch, willingly accepting me in his arms as I sank back against his chest with his arm around me, still holding my mug while reaching to affectionately rub his side. "Ok, so what's the verdict?"

"Well, for starters, we have twelve horses on the property," He said. "I think it's time to downsize."

His sentence made me cringe, but I knew what he meant. "I agree, but who can we sell?

"Well, we're not doing much with the Thoroughbreds, including Dragon Blade, Kilkenny Creek, Batten, Bank on Silver. All of those guys are now five years old and we haven't done anything with them. They should go to homes where they're going to be used."

"What about Aftershock and Allure, Dragonada's foals? I mean, those guys are three years old and just now halter broke. I'm not planning on doing anything with Dragonada anytime soon, Poltergeist is a handful as it is." I said, sinking back against Nathan's frame. "You know what, I really have been thinking about that idea of running an operation for horses who have had issues in the past, rescues and so on. I think we can do it, Nathan."

"Maggie… " He gave an uncomfortable laugh, shaking his head. "I don't know, sweetheart, I'm still on edge about this. I mean, bringing in horses with an assortment of problems is sort of the least of my concerns. I mean, there's marketing, networking, getting our name out there. That's a lot of money in itself, Mag. Like, is this going to be something we want to get involved in? Especially when you're getting back into showing. How're you going to find the time to do both?"

"I don't know, I guess… I'm going to have to make sacrifices, not show as much. This is something I really want to do, Nate, something I've always wanted to do."

I looked up in Nathan's direction and saw his expression soften. He exhaled slowly, nodding.

"We'll see how things go. Who knows, this might wind up working out. You have my support though, sweetheart, all the way."

I issued him with a gentle squeeze, grateful for his encouragement. We sat talking for a bit, deciding we'd sell all the Thoroughbreds except Allure and Aftershock, and Nathan said he had a good connection with someone who was looking for training prospects. That was five sold. Then the conversation of Shilo and Tinkerbell came up. Both Nathan and I knew this would be a testy subject.

"Well, it's not exactly like we _have_ to sell her, she's a great little companion for the others." I said. "We could get Shilo a little welsh pony or something, see if we can find her something larger. She'll still have Tink, but when the time comes, we can make the decision whether or not we want to find Tink a better home."

"I like that idea. I know Shilo's going to be devastated if she has to part with her first pony." Nathan said. "She loves that little furball."

"She's been good to Shi, that's for sure, she's taught her a lot." I said. Nathan nodded, exhaling slowly.

"She really has."

Later on that day, we had let all the horses out. We had immediately decided to geld Aftershock due to his sire's intrusive nature. Dragon Blade himself was gelded, and if anything it was the filly, Allure, who was even worse. Both had developed an almost rosy brown-grey coat. Allure was lighter than Aftershock, who was a darker brown. With a clean blaze down Allure's face, Aftershock had developed something that started off as a star then gradually widened into a blaze down his face. He was turned out in the pasture with Tinkerbell, Allure, Dragonada; his dappled grey Thoroughbred dam, Kilkenny Creek; a bay Thoroughbred, Batten; a chestnut with no white on him, Dragon Blade; the black sire, and Bank on Silver; another dappled grey. The stallions, which included our Friesian stallion Navarre, Amber's little black sabino splash Arabian, Poltergeist, Uther Pendragon who had been Marni's and was a stunning piebald German Warmblood, and my chestnut Arabian stallion, Phaeton. I went up to the fence and went in with the stallions. The dynamic was really impressive. There was a different aura to being with these animals. However, there seemed a constant conflict between Phaeton and Poltergeist. I saw the looks cast at each other, both challenging and reserved, as though questioning whether or not it was worth going at it to see who came out top dog. Uther was no doubt alpha of this bachelor herd. Next to him was Navarre, then my Arabian. Poltergeist was low man on the totem pole merely for his attitude, but he was trying. When I walked in, however, Poltergeist flattened his ears, advancing on me with a scathing look. This didn't last long, however, when Phaeton had seen this and was having no part of it. He rushed Poltergeist from the side, his ears disappeared against his neck with a sharp nip to the side of Poltergeist's shoulder. The other stallion squealed, whirling around with a few kicks fired in Phaeton's direction. I could hear two whacks of Geist's back feet nailing Phaeton in the chest, but that only pissed Phaeton off even further. In a clamber of hooves and rising dust, Phaeton ambushed Poltergeist with teeth and front hooves. Geist squealed and kicked wildly, but was trying to get away as fast as he could. However, I knew this wouldn't last for long.

I was right.

Geist suddenly whirled and reared up, his ears plastered against his skull. He struck out with both forefeet and Phaeton also went up, meeting his opponent with just as much animosity. I knew I had to get in there.

"_Hey! You two! Knock it off!_" I snarled, rushing at the both of them. The two seemed so surprised that they both immediately scrambled back. Phaeton's nostrils were flared as he huffed furiously, his flanks rapidly rising and falling.

I clipped a lead to Poltergeist's halter, dragging him out of the stallion paddock. The fight had already stirred up a ruckus between the two others. Uther came charging over, immediately crowding Poltergeist's haunches with pinned ears. I was already swinging the leadrope at the piebald stallion's head when Poltergeist pinned his ears and tucked his haunches, threatening a kick. But I recognized Uther's body language. He wasn't about to tolerate that in his band.

"Nate! Can I have your help, please?" I called, keeping a firm grip on Geist as he swung around. Nathan emerged from the tack room, seeing me wrestling the Arabian stallion into the other pasture. It was typically used as quarantine, with a strand of hot wire along the top. I figured that would be good to avoid any further conflict between Phaeton and Poltergeist.

"What happened, Maggie?" He said, unlatching the gate and opened it for me. I no sooner got the halter unbuckled before he tore out of my grasp, about yanking my arm out of its socket. Poltergeist careened around the corner with his tail shooting up and flagging behind him, releasing a shrill whinny in a call to the rest of his mates, yet it was apparent that after the trouble he had started, he was given the silent treatment for the time being by the others. They wanted no part of him.

"I decided to go in with the stallions, Poltergeist rushed me and Phaeton was having no part of it Geist kicked him and it sent Phaeton into a rage. Geist ran for a few seconds before deciding he'd turn and take Phaeton on, and that wasn't going to end well." I explained, shaking my head. "Phaeton was going to beat the living hell out of him."

Nathan's hands were placed on his hips, shaking his head. "That horse is becoming a real problem, Mag."

I snorted. "Believe me, sweetheart, you don't need to convince me. I don't know what more Rotti wants me to do with him—" My sentence was cut off, however, by an immediate thought. "Wait… Nathan, I have an idea."

Nathan's green eyes leveled with my own blue pair, his brows furrowing. "Why do I have a hunch that I'm not going to like what I'm about to hear?"

"Just hear me out for a moment, darling. If I keep working with Geist extensively, if we get rid of the other Thoroughbreds, I can get Geist ready and done and if we let Rotti know of our plan, maybe he could help spread the word because of what we were able to accomplish with his horse." I suggested. Nathan stared at me, turning and shook his head with an almost disbelieving laugh.

"Ok, if it were anyone else I'd say great idea, but Mag, let me just point out a few errors with this plan," He said. "First off, we've had his horse for three years. Three months, I'd be more agreeable. Yeah, let's work with him a bit more, three months isn't a lot of time, especially for a maniac like that. But Mag, _three years._ If we can't make progress by the time Shilo's in kindergarten, what else can be done? That horse needs a bullet to the head more than more training, he's literally getting dangerous."

I recoiled, narrowing my eyes in Nathan's direction, though hurt by his comment. "Well, your faith is touching, thank you." I replied indignantly, my tone quieting yet terse. Nathan exhaled slowly, moving toward me and drawing me into his arms. I didn't move when he did so, but eventually gave in and sank against him, my face buried against his chest. "You're a jerk sometimes, you know that?" I muttered, my voice muffled by his shirt.

"I know, but you love me," He said, his tone gentle, feeling him rubbing my back. "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. In fact, it was a horrible choice of words entirely. I'm just worried; I'm scared for your safety, and the safety of the horses. That horse is just way too much to handle, too much for what we can handle in the facilities we have. That's a majority of the problem, not you. I know you could do this, I just worry. I've seen that horse throw you more times than I'm comfortable to witness. You've been lucky, but maybe not next time. Is this a risk you really want to take?"

I was frustrated, frustrated with the feeling of failing. Looking at Poltergeist pacing the fence, it ate away at me more and more that nothing I seemed to do was helping this horse. And for some reason, when normally Nathan's comment would have made sense to me, it just infuriated me further.

"Risks are part of this, Nathan, you know that, I know that. We all have taken risks, even Marni took a risk, and we both know that." I muttered with a clipped tone, gently pulling away. Immediately I could feel Nathan's body stiffen with what part of me remained in his arms, and he slowly lowered them. When I met his eyes, I recognized immediate hurt in them and felt an instant pang of regret. I hadn't meant to say that. I had no idea what possessed me to, but now I was kicking myself because I was sure I had just really hurt the man I loved the most.

"Was that really necessary, Mag?" He murmured, his voice frigid but quiet. I felt like someone had a cold, hard grip on my heart at this point. My expression softened.

"Nathan… "

"No, it's fine. Look, I'll just meet you up at the house," He said, turning. "I need to go pick up Shilo in a bit. In the meantime try to keep the risks at a minimum."

His tone was sardonic, and as much as that hurt a bit, I knew it was because he himself was hurt. He made his way back up to the house and I exhaled slowly, running a hand through my dark hair. My blue eyes lifted to Poltergeist in the pasture, watching the stallion continue to pace. He was relentless. It began to dawn on me that this horse might cause mine and Nathan's relationship to begin to fall apart. I checked water in the horses' stalls before heading back up to the house, but just as I did I saw Nathan's truck pull out to go pick up Shilo. The more I thought about what had happened the worse I felt. I went into the kitchen with a slow exhale, getting a glass and the jug of orange juice out of the fridge. I poured myself a glass just as my iPhone went off in my back pocket. I dug it out and tapped on the text menu.

Shilo going 2 nans. Night 2 ourselves?

N

I exhaled slowly, grateful to at least hear something from him. I quickly typed back a responding yes before sending the text and set my phone down. I made my way back to the barn, deciding to put the juice back in the fridge. I headed into the pasture with the stallions, watching all three come up to me, eagerly mugging me for treats.

"I don't have anything this time around, guys, I'm sorry." I chuckled, ruffling Navarre's thick forelock. I looked over at Uther with a grin, recalling the time about three years ago when, after Uther had seemed sound enough, Nathan had gotten on him and was launched off the stallion's back, hitting the ground like a ragdoll after Uther had taken off bucking across the arena. I felt horrible for Nathan but it was funnier than anything. Uther was better behaved now that he had rid himself of that excess energy, now eleven and not quite such a youngster anymore. I reached for a leadrope over the side of the panel and clipped it to the side ring of Uther's halter, tying the other end to the opposing ring. I lead Uther over to the nearest fallen tree trunk, praying he would stand still and near enough for me to slide up onto his back.

"Whoa… whoa… " I crooned to him, coaxing him a few steps back. Uther's ears tipped back toward me as one careful step after another was taken. I slid my body forward onto his back, hesitating and waiting to feel any sort of tension. There was none of the sort except for a heavy sigh from the stallion. I slowly swung my leg over Uther's back, taking care not to kick him in the flank (that would have been rich.), and gathered the cotton lead in my hands. Issuing a gentle squeeze with my heels into his sides, I could feel the power of his muscles rolling with each stride at the trot he had picked up. Uther was smooth, incredibly smooth. He had a round back with very subtle withers, so he was extremely comfortable to ride bareback. However, it's a matter of knowing the horse you decide to get on without a saddle. There are some, including a few from our own farm, that I wouldn't have dared get on bareback without a death wish. A few more steps at a trot I squeezed with my legs, both to keep myself on his back and asked him for a canter. Uther surged forward and I wound my fingers in his long mane across the field. He was incredible. I couldn't remember the last time I had been on his back. The last time might have been when I had Rigoletto still, and when Marni and I rode, we'd sometimes switch horses, though Uther was always a handful. He seemed as though he had quieted quite a bit.

I took him back down to the gate where I dismounted without winding up on the back of another horse, since the other two crowded us nonstop, begging for the attention Uther had received. I issued pats, rubs and scratches, cooing to all of them as I slid off of Uther's back onto the ground feet-first. I unclipped and untied the leadrope, looking over as I slid through the opening of the gate, noticing Nathan's truck parked back in the driveway. My stomach tightened in a knot but I went up to the house anyway. Cooper met me at the door with enthusiastic tail wags that required his whole butt wiggling to and fro in order to accomplish, whining and wanting so badly to jump up on me, but we had an agreement with that. It was cute when he was a puppy, but at ninety pounds it wasn't so cute anymore, therefore not okay.

I spotted Nathan on the couch and almost on cue, Nathan turned his head to look in my direction. "Hey,"

"Hey you," I said softly, moving toward the couch and sat down next to him. Nathan glanced in my direction with a thin smile, though it didn't last long. I brought my knees up under me, placing a hand on his shoulder from behind, kissing the side of his head and lay my chin on my hand on his shoulder. "You still love me?"

Nathan exhaled slowly. "Of course I do, but that was a low blow, Mag. I was only trying to help, did I really deserve that?" He said, his voice a bit annoyed but only trying to mask the hurt. "Marni's death still kills me, you know that."

"I know it does, sweetheart, I'm so sorry," I murmured, shaking my head. "I didn't mean that. I was frustrated with the whole situation with Poltergeist and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that, at all."

I wrapped my arms around Nathan and drew him to me to where the back of his head was against my collarbone, and could feel a heavy exhale leave him. "I'm sorry, darling, I never meant to hurt you, you know I wouldn't."

Nathan nodded slowly, drawing a breath. "I know, sweetheart." He murmured, leaning back toward me to where I could hold him. I lay the side of my head against the back of his shoulder and he seemed to relax in my arms.

"We're going to have a nice relaxing night tonight," I murmured to him, kissing the side of his head. "We need it."

"We do," Nathan said, gently stroking my forearm. We lay in silence for a few moments until I heard Nathan's voice.

"I saw you riding Uther in the field earlier."

This elicited the immediate '_Oh shit_' reaction from me and I froze.

"Yeah, I… erm… he just sort of… well… " I delayed, trying to think of an excuse. I knew Nathan was concerned about the stallion's soundness. But much to my amazement I heard a chuckle escape Nathan and could feel it leave his chest.

"I'm not mad, honey. It was good to see you riding him." Nathan said, looking up at me. A smile crept across my face. "How does it feel riding something that's not trying to kill you?"

"Amazing, really," I teased, kissing the side of his forehead. "In truth, he's a dream, Nathan. He was brilliant."

"I'm glad," Nathan said. "He looked really good. Sound, his weight was evenly distributed. I was thrilled. And you know of all people I trust you riding him."

"I know you do, sweetheart," I said with a smile, gently tightening my arms around him.

The rest of the night played out brilliantly. With a bottle of wine open, it was a team effort between Nathan and me to make dinner. Nathan cooked steaks in a skillet and I made a salad, occasionally helping with what I could get away with before Nathan repeatedly shooed me back to my post. We sat and had dinner, watched a movie, with some flirting and kissing that Nathan and I hadn't done in quite some time. Following the movie, he and I went down to bring in the horses and feed them, making sure to blanket each one due to the cold weather that was setting in in October.

By the time we got finished, it was still quite early, around nine or so, so Nathan and I both decided upon getting coffee from in town. We went into the nearest place which was Coffee Stop and went in to sit down, ordering our drinks to sit and chat for a bit. Nathan took a sip of the coffee he ordered, sitting across from me.

"So, this horse rescue idea," Nathan began, looking in my direction.

"Well, more like horse sanctuary," I corrected. Nathan nodded slowly.

"Ok, horse sanctuary." He leaned toward me and on his elbows on the table, arms crossed. His green eyes searched mine, as though realizing for the first time just how much this really meant to me. "You really want to do this?"

"Yes, more than anything, Nathan," I responded softly. "I think we can do this."

Nathan nodded slowly, reaching across the table and took my hand. "If this is what you really want to do, Maggie, then I support you one hundred percent. Alright?" He said, issuing my hand with a gentle squeeze. I couldn't have been more moved.

"Thank you, Nathan, so much, sweetheart," I murmured, giving his hand a squeeze. Nathan gently cupped my cheek, searching my face before leaning to kiss my forehead.

"Of course, darling. You always have my support, always." He said softly. We finished up with our coffee and headed home, exhaustion finding the both of us rather quickly. When we got back to the house, we checked on the horses, fed Cooper and my cat, Georgia. As we headed up the stairs, I slid my arms around Nathan's waist, kissing the back of his shoulder. I could see the smile cross his face as he laid his arms over my own, tilting his head to kiss the side of my own. He and I both showered, changed into pajamas and crawled into bed. Nathan lay on his back and I lay beside him with my head on his collarbone, in his arms.

We had started drifting off to sleep when suddenly the phone rang at the bedside table. Nathan rolled over onto his side and I groaned, burying my head behind him against the pillow, my arm still draped over his side. Nathan groaned, rubbing his eyes to try to wake himself up and flipped on the light, eliciting a light squeak-grunt out of me as I shrank further against him, closing my eyes against the painfully bright light.

"Hello?" Nathan said, holding the receiver up to his ear. I absently trailed my fingers along the bare skin of his side, still lying behind him but listening. "Yes, this is he. Is there a problem?"

My eyes snapped open, feeling a tension come across Nathan's body. I pushed myself up onto my elbow, my hand still at Nathan's waist, kissing his shoulder and leaning both my chin and lips against his skin, glancing from the phone to him. A sober look crossed Nathan's face.

"What? God, I… I had no idea he was even supposed to fly tonight… " Nathan's voice was hushed, shaking his head. I slid my arm around him, this time studying him. A knot had formed in my stomach. Nathan pushed himself up so he was sitting up in bed, staring straight across the room. I sat up with him, my arm sliding around his waist. Something told me that there was something wrong. Something horrible had happened. I could see it on Nathan's face. He laid a hand on my knee with a gentle squeeze, as though needing to feel my presence there. I placed another kiss on his shoulder, staying near him.

"How did… was he… " Nathan cleared his throat. "Was he killed instantly?" He paused a moment, closing his eyes as though pained. "But there was no way of saving him?"

Saving who? For a moment I thought it was Nathan's father, but then it dawned on me that not long ago, Nathan had brought up hearing from his brother, who was a pilot. His brother had been planning on visiting, but for three years it hadn't happened. With a sinking feeling I began to realize just what had happened.

"Thank you… for letting me know. I… ah… have you told our father? I don't think he'll want to hear from me, especially not news like this." Nathan's voice was low, almost gravelly. I knew how upset he was, how hard he was taking this. I rubbed his back, murmuring that it was alright, that I was there. He squeezed my knee gently.

"Alright. Thank you… goodnight." Nathan murmured. He hung up the phone, still staring straight. I moved nearer to him, the both of us still sitting in bed. Nathan swallowed.

"My brother, Clark. He… they called and just said… just tonight he was… " Nathan's breath hitched in his throat, trying to find the words and as he swallowed, seeming to try to find his composure as well. I wrapped my arms around him.

"I know, sweetheart, I know, I heard… I'm so sorry… " I murmured, kissing the side of his head. Nathan gave a heavy, sharp exhale, drawing a breath which almost sounded wavering.

"Shh…. It's alright, darling, I'm here," I murmured, moving forward and drawing him into my arms. He sank against me, his arms wrapped around me. I rubbed Nathan's back tenderly, murmuring to him. I could feel his shoulders shake periodically, and felt his tears against the fabric of my shirt and even my skin as he buried his face against the crook of my neck. He didn't want to talk about it, I knew that. At this point he just needed to mourn. I kissed the side of his head, holding Nathan close. I was saddened by what happened, but I hadn't known Nathan's brother. I was able to be the person Nathan needed to lean on, and I was glad to be. When Nathan straightened partially, I could see the tears that still spilled down his face and gently wiped them with my thumb, cupping his face in my hands gently.

"I'm right here, sweetheart. Lie down, Nate, I'll be right here with you," I urged gently. Nathan lowered himself slowly and turned over onto his side, exhaling shakily. I lay down behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind, my chin against his shoulder and crook of his neck. My hand gently rubbed along his side, tenderly running my fingertips along his torso, wanting to soothe him the best I could. He lay his arms over my own, sinking back against me. Even through his closed eyes I watched tears well and spill down his face, watching him swallow as though trying everything he could to pull himself together. But I tightened my arms around him, wanting to show him that he was safe to deal with this however he needed to. I kissed Nathan's shoulder, holding him close, murmuring that I loved him and would always be there for him. I felt his breathing start to grow steadier, relieved at that fact that he appeared to be falling asleep.

A few hours later, I awoke to find Nathan no longer in bed next to me. Pushing myself up, I draped both legs over the side of the bed, moving downstairs to where I saw Nathan sitting on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees, his bare back to me. I moved toward him, sitting on the arm of the couch beside him. My hand moved up and down his back in a soothing manner, and I felt him glance in my direction, leaning gently toward me.

"How're you doing, Nate?" I asked. I half expected him to say he was alright, that he was coping, but he gave a shrug.

"A bit.. a bit like a knife was just thrust into my chest," He murmured. I slid my arm around him, kissing the side of his head. "Clark was the only one I had. He and I were so close, to know that he's gone, I just… I haven't come to accept it yet."

"Oh, Nate," I murmured, stroking his hair, feeling the side of his head tilt against my shoulder. "I do understand how you're feeling, Nate. When both my parents died, I had a sister, Inez. She and I were the best of friends. One day I came home and I couldn't hear her, couldn't sense her. She was just gone. I never found her body, I don't know if she was dead or alive, I just had to give myself some kind of closure and tell myself she was dead, especially after the epidemic."

Nathan nodded, laying a hand on my knee with a gentle squeeze. I trailed my hand back and forth along his shoulders in a tender notion. From where I sat, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, drawing him almost closer into my lap. He lifted on of my hands and kissed my knuckle before replacing it, and I gently stroked along his stomach and chest with my thumb.

"I'm here for you, Nathan. Always," I told him. He laid his head in my lap and I kissed the top of his head, rubbing his bare back and murmuring to him. I knew he was upset, and I knew nothing anyone said would be of any comfort to him at this moment. All I could do was hold him and let him know I was there. After a few moments, Nathan straightened, his elbows on his knees, shoulders hunched as he ran his hands through his hair with a slow exhale. I continued to run my hand up and down his back, kissing the back of his shoulder. He turned his head, kissing the side of my own while wrapping an arm around me.

"Thank you for being here with me, Maggie, it means the world to me," He murmured.

"Of course, Nathan, I wouldn't leave you to deal with this alone." I told him. He searched my face before wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace. I held him tightly, kissing his shoulder, gently murmuring to him that I was there.

The next day, Nathan and I headed down to feed the horses. Poor Poltergeist was still sequestered to the pasture by himself. Last night had to be a shock and emotionally draining for the both of us, Nathan especially. I found him kneeling down and scooping grain into buckets. I bent and kissed the back of his head, rubbing his back in the meantime. He forced a smile.

"I'll be okay, sweetie, I promise," He assured me gently. I continued to gently rub his back in gentle circles.

"You think that's going to stop me?" I teased gently, kissing the top of his head. Nathan gave a weak chuckle.

"Doesn't surprise me," He said with a smile, kissing my knuckles. I stroked his hair until my iPhone buzzed in my pocket. I dug it out, looking at the text.

_Im coming out. Want to ride, figured you could help_

_Xx Amber_

"Oh great, like things couldn't get any more stressful," I muttered, shaking my head. Nathan turned to look in my direction.

"What is it?" He asked gently. I shook my head.

"Amber wants to come out and see Poltergeist and see his progress—or lack thereof." I responded, shoving my phone back in my pocket. Nathan groaned, rising to his feet.

"Look, Maggie, it isn't your fault that horse is a failure," He said. "For all we know it could be whatever Amber's doing."

"I guess we'll find out," I said, heading out to the pasture to get Poltergeist. The stallion had been standing by the gate, though the second he saw me, careened in a massive circle, his tail flipped over his back with a hollowed snort, flaring his nostrils.

"You quit it. I'm in no mood," I muttered, though I knew that wouldn't matter a thing to Poltergeist. Poltergeist pinned his ears, tossing his elegant head. He crowded me in the corner and I swung the lead at his head to get him away. Any other horse I would never have done that to knowing I'd never be able to catch him, but Poltergeist merely ducked away but came right back. I looped the leadrope around his neck pulled the halter over his nose and fastened it. Poltergeist reared upward, one fore hoof almost nailing me in the back of the head. This stallion was getting on my last nerve.

"Knock it off," I snarled, checking the lead sharply. I lead him out of the pasture. I took him into the barn, brushed him off while trying to dodge his attempts at biting me in the meantime. Somehow, no matter how many times I smacked him for it, Poltergeist was going to have a go at anyone he possibly could. When Amber's corvette pulled into the drive, I could feel Poltergeist's whole body stiffen as I lay a saddle pad over his back.

"The hell, I would have thought you'd have him tacked up by now," Amber huffed. I shot her a look.

"Nice to see you, too, Amber. I had a bit of trouble getting him out, now if you'll let me focus on continuing without receiving your horse's hoof to the head, I'll get him ready for you shortly." I responded tersely. Amber's lips pursed in astonishment and fury at being spoken to in such a manner, but she said nothing. After about twenty minutes of battling Poltergeist into his gear, I handed his reins to Amber, who immediately responded with yanking his head toward her to follow her. Poltergeist's head shot up in protest, and I immediately saw something different in his eyes. Not the same defiant fire he normally had, but he wore a defensive, almost fearful expression.

"Amber! Take it easy," I said, stunned. Amber shot me a look.

"Mind your own business, Mag," She snarled. My eyebrows shot up, and before I could retaliate, with a quick flick of her wrist, Amber had her riding crop turned in her hand and whacked Poltergeist in the muzzle with the hard handled end. The stallion jerked and backpedaled rapidly, his haunches slamming into the barn wall on the outside. I could hear the horse on the other side—I'm not even sure who it was, I think Phaeton—flee to the opposite corner of his stall with a _kerthunk!_ of hoof hitting the wood wall.

"You stupid son of a bitch!" Amber hissed, yanking and hauling the stallion forward. To be honest I was amazed that Poltergeist didn't lash out at her. Much to my amazement, he did nothing but try to get away, not that I blamed him. Her rage was then directed toward me. "He's made no improvement on the ground, go figure."

"Well I can't imagine getting hit in the face with the handle of a whip helps anything," I responded frigidly. Nathan had heard the commotion and was coming out of the house, with five year old Shilo behind him. He immediately had seen what was going on and gently nudged Shilo behind him.

"Shi, stay away from him, alright? Keep at a safe distance," Nathan told her, straightening. The little girl nodded, looking at the stallion wide-eyed and bewildered. "What's going on here?"

"We've been doing things wrong, Nathan, it seems being beaten with a riding whip is more effective than anything we've been trying," I said, my tone snarky but I turned a look clearly reading _Help_ in my other half's direction. Sure enough, Amber wasn't going to prove me wrong, took the whip and began a rapid-fire smacking of the stallion's hip, flank and side. Poltergeist gave a squeal, leaping forward and kicked out at least twice, his haunches bunching in defense.

"Amber!" Nathan snapped. "That's enough. I won't have treatment like that of a horse on my property. I'm sure your father would love to know just where the stallion's issues really stem from."

Amber's pale blue eyes snapped in Nathan's direction with a venomous stare. "You wouldn't dare. Plus my hitting him isn't the issue. The horse is fucking psychotic. If his breeding weren't so fantastic his balls would be chopped off tomorrow. So Daddy just says I have to deal with it. Plus, you don't think if you were to try to rat me out you would lose your job? Who's he going to believe? His daughter or some asshole that let his wife get killed on a lame horse he knew was lame? Believe me, if you stop working for GeneCo you're going to be thrown to the courts and they'll have their way with you."

I watched Nathan's jaw set and knew that comment had hit him where it hurt. He gave a disgusted wave of his hand, turning. "Get on him. Do whatever. It's not our problem when you wind up ruining that horse, if the damage hasn't already been done."

Amber stuck her foot in the stirrup and swung a leg over Poltergeist's back. I was almost amazed when she didn't wind up kicking the stallion in the flank, but every muscle in Geist's body was rigid like a coiled spring. I watched Amber make her way into the arena and felt Nathan come up near me, his hands shoved in his pockets. His body was rigid, with Shilo walking near him.

"Nathan, don't listen to a word she says, you know it's not true," I told him, touching his arm. Nathan exhaled slowly, shaking his head.

"Let's just get this over with," He said quietly, his eyes hardened, though I knew his irritation and upset wasn't directed at me. I rubbed his back and he and I went over to the fence to watch what was to happen.

Just as we expected, it was the most unbearable thing to have to watch. Without doing anything to warm the stallion up, Amber forced the Poltergeist into a forward canter by digging her spurs into his sides and whipping him with the crop. Poltergeist's tail was flagged and his head straight up in the air, mouth gaping open with nostrils flared, his eyes rolling. The poor horse was confused as hell and fighting Amber every step of the way with everything he had. It was no wonder the horse was as difficult as he was. Amber grind her spurs into his sides to urge him forward, and when he would actually abide by it, for some reason she saw it as too forward and would yank on his mouth. She hauled Poltergeist to a stop and the stallion reared up in an attempt to get away from her, or at least to get his head back, though I could see him doing everything he could to take her on in a battle of wills, but it did nothing but earn him beatings from her whip, which only made him angrier. I was tempted to ask her how she would feel if someone were to start beating her with a riding crop.

"This is getting painful to watch," I murmured, shaking my head. Nathan stood beside me, his eyes narrowing in Amber's direction. She sent Poltergeist over fences that were higher than he was ready for, sending poles crashing to the ground, yanking his head around a corner to the point where his haunches almost slid out from under him like that of a movie stunt horse. The stallion's eyes rolled white, his breathing coming in explosive snorts from his still flared nostrils. Through reflections of light I could see the gleam of sweat soaking the stallion's shoulders, neck and flanks, the foam forming where the reins were constantly rubbing against his neck and in between his front legs.

"Amber, for Godsake, enough, you're killing him." I said sharply, shaking my head, gripping the railing. I could feel Nathan's hand on my lower back.

"Amber! You're finished." Nathan snapped, his hand on his waist. Amber hauled Poltergeist to a halt, dismounting and shot me a scathing look.

"Fine," She huffed, tossing Geist's reins to me. "But I'm bringing Daddy out here just to see how little progress has been made out here. Wallace, you're going to be out of the job." She turned back to her car and stormed off. I looked at the panting, quivering horse whose reins I held, my heart aching for him. Poor Poltergeist could barely breathe. His breath exploded from his nostrils, coughing and gaping his mouth away from the bit. I lifted his head, realizing Amber had adjusted the bridle far too short, so the bit was yanking against the corners of his mouth almost painfully. Geist was too tired to protest. Nathan went to his side, running his fingers along the area of a puncture wound in Poltergeist's side where Amber's spurs had dug in. The stallion lashed his tail, pinned his ears and threatened a kick, but aside from that didn't have the strength to do much else.

"This is disgusting," Nathan muttered, shaking his head, lifting the flap of the saddle to undo the girth on both sides and pull off his saddle. I led Geist back into the barn, removed his bridle and replaced it with his usual halter and the stud chain, though I had a feeling I wasn't going to need to use it. Completely unlike him, Geist plodded behind me, his head low, nostrils still flared as he tried to breathe properly.

"I'm going to hose him and walk him out, see if I can get him cooled down," I said, looking in Nathan's direction. "Honey, can you get a cooler out of the tack room?"

"Absolutely," Nathan said, turning to the tack room, though I could see something in his face that made it obvious that he was having a hard time. I glanced his way from the wash rack and began hosing Poltergeist down, scraping off the excess water before draping the cooler over him to walk him. Nathan blew out a breath.

"Hey, I'll meet you up at the house, Maggie. I already fed the horses, gave Poltergeist a bit of grain with bute to see if that helps save his muscles for in the morning," He said quietly. I nodded slowly, trying to search his face. I didn't bother asking if he was okay. I already knew the answer to that.

"Alright, sweetheart," I said gently, watching him turn. Shilo looked from me to her dad as though confused who to follow. Nathan paused, turning to Shilo with his hands in his pockets.

"Shi? Do you want to come up to the house? Or you can stay with Mag if you want," Nathan offered. It was as though the little girl could sense something was wrong.

"Can I stay with Maggie? I wanna see Tinkerbell," She said softly. Nathan nodded with a gentle smile.

"Alright, be sure she has water, Shilo, I'll see you guys up at the house," He said. He shot me a grateful look and continued up to the house with Cooper at his heels. Shilo walked with me as I tried to get Poltergeist's heartrate down.

"Why's he walking funny?" Shilo asked, looking up at me. I shook my head.

"His owner wasn't very nice to him, sweetheart, he's tired and worn out." I said, not wanting to have to explain how Amber had beaten the living daylights out of the horse I held as we spoke. Shilo's dark eyes seemed to trail along Poltergeist's dripping frame. I could swear she was surveying the damage done, though as we walked back into the barn, she went to Tinkerbell's stall to pet her pony. I could immediately notice the size difference. Shilo's head was almost up to Tinkerbell's own now. I knew she needed a new pony, but we wouldn't sell Tinkerbell. We needed her around, especially for the sake of the Thoroughbreds we had now. I went to Allure's stall. The bay based dappled grey filly, looking rather rose grey at the time, slung her head over the stall door. The daughter of both Dragonada and Dragon Blade took quite a bit of both her parents' personalities, being pushy, fiercely intelligent and just a bit aloof. Her twin brother, Aftershock, was still indifferent but he had a sweeter disposition. They were both rose grey, but Allure had a blaze where Aftershock wore a crooked stripe. We blanketed the horses and headed back up to the house. I didn't see Nathan, figuring he was in his room, but it was almost time for dinner. I made Shilo some chicken nuggets with steamed carrots and mashed potatoes, while putting chicken on for Nathan and myself. I heard Nathan come downstairs and saw him appear in the kitchen, his hair still somewhat wet and his t-shirt clinging to his still shower-wet frame.

"How did everything go?" He asked, kissing the top of Shilo's head and moved toward me to give me a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my nose to his collarbone, taking in the scent of the Old Spice body wash he used and his aftershave, giving him a squeeze. The way he held me, I knew something was wrong. I didn't respond for a moment, but merely rubbed Nathan's back. After a few moments, I could feel him loosen his arms, placed a kiss on the side of his head and loosened my own.

"It went okay," I said, watching Nathan move to one of the chairs at the table, leaning with his hands on the back of it, his shoulders hunched and head lowered as though in thought. "Geist finally got cooled down. I kept checking his pulse, it was really up there for a while but he came back down. I'm more concerned about colic than anything."

"I'll go down after dinner and check his pulse," Nathan said, pushing himself off the back of the chair and straightened, moving to the fridge to get drinks, turning to Shilo. "Shi, you want juice or milk?"

"Juice," Shilo decided with a nod, climbing up into her booster seat at the table. I cut up slices of chicken and served some on a plate for both Nathan and me, setting Shilo's plate down in front of her. I put salad on the plates as Nathan got a bottle of white wine out of the fridge for both him and me with two glasses. As he passed behind me I felt his hand go to my waist in an affectionate notion, though watching his face and noting how he still said nothing, I knew there was still something bothering him, and something told me what it was. We sat down for dinner, with Nathan sitting next to me and Shilo picked up chicken nuggets with her hands. I glanced over at Nathan, watching him eat in silence. I reached over, running my hand tenderly along his back.

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked, and when he met my eyes. He shook his head.

"It's nothing. I shouldn't take what Amber says so seriously," He muttered, exhaling slowly. I realized immediately what he was referring to, still rubbing his back for a few moments longer before we all went back to eating. After dinner, Nathan had gone down to check on Poltergeist and I offered to get Shilo to bed. She brushed her teeth and got changed, and I tucked her into the twin-sized bed that was fully made with a purple and grey bedspread. As I tucked her in, Shilo looked up at me, her dark eyes quizzical.

"Maggie?"

"Hm?"

"Why was Amber saying those things about Daddy?" She said. I froze, immediately realizing what Shilo was referring to. Exhaling slowly, I brushed a bit of Shilo's fringe away from her face.

"Amber was being mean, sweetheart," I told her. "She made a comment about what happened to your Mommy and blamed him. There's a lot of people who think your Mommy's accident was his fault."

"Was it?" Shilo asked, her voice suddenly somber. My throat immediately tightened.

"Was it his fault?" I had to repeat her question, unsure if I had heard the five year old girl correctly. Shilo nodded.

"Mommy got on Uther, Uther was hurt, wasn't he? He fell with Mommy on him." Shilo turned her head. "Why didn't Daddy save Mommy?"

I knew my face had paled. Shilo was barely a year old when the accident had happened, how could she possibly remember? I searched her face, leaning forward slightly. "Shilo… do you remember what happened that day?"

Shilo nodded, and then gave a shrug, as though convincing herself. "I know Daddy. He didn't do it on purpose. It was an accident," She said, turning over.

"Shilo, your father didn't do anything wrong," I said, trying to search her face. I heard movement by the door and turned in time to see someone passing the door, with Cooper following. My stomach knotted. It was Nathan. He had heard everything. I exhaled slowly, kissing Shilo's forehead. "Goodnight, darling. Sleep tight, I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight,"

I stood, knowing I had to go see Nathan. I came into the room to find Nathan sitting on the edge of his side of the bed in only his lounge pants, his back to me and shoulders hunched. I moved nearer to him and crawled near him, sliding my arms around his waist. I could see tears welling in his eyes, knowing how much what had been said had hurt him.

"Nathan… " I kissed the back of his shoulder, feeling his arm move over my own around him. Nathan exhaled slowly.

"My own daughter thinks I killed her mother," He murmured, shaking his head. "The one thing I always wanted to avoid happening, all because Amber decided to be vindictive and say something." The last sentence was spoken in a hurt, enraged snarl as he threw a balled up t-shirt against the wall. It hit it with a smack, which was quite astonishing to me, but through his ragged breathing I could hear just how much it hurt him. I drew him closer.

"Shh… Nathan… honey.. " I murmured gently, running my hand along his side. Nathan exhaled heavily, taking off his glasses and lowered his head into his hands. I gently took his glasses and set them on his bedside table.

"She's going to grow up thinking I'm some sort of monster," Nathan whispered, swallowing, not yet lifting his head.

"No, she won't," I assured him. I urged him to lie back and lay down with him, my head against his collarbone. He drew the covers up over us and wrapped his arms around me and tilted the side of his head against the top of mine. I rubbed his chest and side tenderly, wanting to comfort him and held him close as he tightened his arms around me.

"Nathan, she loves you, and I love you. She isn't going to blame you," I murmured to him. I ran my hand along his side tenderly, remaining close to him. Nathan seemed to be calming down, kissing the side of my head. We lay there in silence for a few moments as I followed the pattern of his breathing, and then drew a breath.

"Something rather frightening did happen, though, at least that I found it," I murmured, my hand trailing up to the side of Nathan's chest.

"What happened?"

"I think Shilo remembers the accident," I said softly, seeing Nathan turn his head toward me in the dark. "She was able to tell me verbatim what had happened."

Nathan was silent for a moment before shaking his head almost incredulously. "She was a year old—if that. How could she possibly remember that?" He muttered in disbelief.

"She can't even really read yet, and I doubt she would have gotten her hands on a newspaper clipping from the accident." I said, shaking my head. "I don't know how else she would have remembered it, Nathan. Did she even know Marni's name?"

"I… I think I mentioned it a few times, I wanted her to know who her mother was, but she wouldn't have been able to pick it out of a story on it. I can't believe she remembers it," He shook his head with what sounded like an almost unhappy, worried bark of a laugh. "Should I be concerned about this and investing in therapy?"

"No, don't even worry about it," I assured him, kissing his chest. "She's a happy girl, Nate. She seems grounded enough, I wouldn't worry about her, not this young."

He relaxed a bit and the both of us eventually drifted off to sleep, not a care in the world until we had woken up the next morning and realized that not only was Amber coming out again, but Rotti was, too. I was down in the barn, tacking up Poltergeist who seemed well over yesterday, drawing this conclusion by the fact that he had tried to kick me at least twice in the past ten minutes since I had gotten him out of his stall. I moved around him and dodged another flying back hoof in my direction, smacking him on the haunches to reprimand him.

"One more time, Geist, and so help me, I'm going to beat you senseless," I growled at him. Instead, he snaked his head around with bared teeth, though despite the pinned ears I could see the glee in his blue eyes. I raised my hand in threatening to whack him in the nose for it and he flung his head up in a "You can't get me" manner. Nathan came down, seeing me duking it out with the black splash Arab. He went to Batten's stall and got him out for me, noting the two of us with mild amusement.

"Killed him yet?"

"No, but if Amber doesn't do it, I may by the end of it," I muttered with a sigh, seeing the chestnut gelding being pulled out of his stall. It had taken a ton of work to get all five of the Thoroughbreds under saddle and trained, but Batten had to be my favourite ride out of the five of them. I wanted to be on horseback to sort of "pony" Amber if need be, and if Geist didn't try to eat Batten, I figured he'd keep the stallion calm.

Amber had gotten there with Rotti, who stood by Nathan at the fence. I was aboard Batten and standing nearer to them as Amber took Geist around the course. I could overhear Rotti and Nathan talking.

"The stallion's been difficult. No matter what we've done, and Mag's been working with him for about three years now, there's been little to no progress made." Nathan explained. Rotti's eyes were fixated on his daughter and the horse, shaking his head.

"Even a bit of progress is great," Rotti said, "And even though it's not much, he has shown a bit of improvement."

Nathan and I met eyes as Nathan drew a breath, "Actually, sir, there's something I wanted to speak to you about, and I think it has a lot to do with Poltergeist's lack of progress, and for that matter, I believe your daughter—"

Nathan's words were cut off as Poltergeist let out an explosive snort after refusing a fence and Amber reached back and began throttling him with the riding whip. Sure enough the girl didn't let us down. In the midst of all of this, Geist's head was straight up in the air, every muscle in his neck bulging, eyes rolling white as his mouth gaped at the constant yanking of the bit in his mouth, trying to get away with a spasmodic leap.

"_You fucking pig!_" Amber shrieked furiously.

"_Amber!_" Rotti bellowed in furious disbelief. But it was as though Poltergeist had had it. His ears collapsed and flattened against his dark skull and he dropped and ducked his head between his knees, bucking all the way down the diagonal. Amber see-sawed at the reins, trying to slow him down and beating him with the whip but Poltergeist collided with one shoulder into the nearest jump standard with a crash. He tucked his haunches and spun mid-rear, his head high as Amber sawed at his mouth with the bit. All he wanted was to get away, and I knew the second Amber hit the dirt Nathan was going to have to get in there and get her out of there because Geist was going to try to kill her. I wanted to move Batten beside Poltergeist to try to calm him but in this state Geist was beyond calming, and doing so was just going to put me and Batten at risk, but when I looked back up, Poltergeist was running blindly, and right toward me and Batten.

"_Mag, get out of the way!_" Nathan yelled, almost panicked. All I could hear were hoofbeats as I tried desperately to kick Batten away from the fence and out of Geist's way, because he was moving toward the fence and wasn't stopping. Poor Batten didn't know what to do, with Geist running right at him faster than he had time to react, and the next thing I knew was the weight of Poltergeist hitting my leg and colliding with Batten. I saw Amber's terrified face and her lips forming in what looked like my name before all four of us were sent crashing into the arena railing, both horses going down and Amber getting thrown from Poltergeist and into me, though with enough space so that she wasn't in the pileup when I felt Batten's weight land on me.

It was like history repeating itself. My stomach dropped when I saw Amber and Poltergeist collide with Mag and Batten, and thought I was going to have a heartattack when all four of them went into the fence. Poltergeist did what appeared to be a somersault over Batten, who had flipped over, and from my stance it looked like he was directly ontop of Mag. Both horses struggled to stand with legs tangled. Amber lay in a crumpled form at Poltergeist's side, but I still couldn't see Mag.

"Oh Jesus… " Rotti muttered, stunned as he and I both made our way to the collision scene frantically. Geist had gotten up, but he held his left foreleg and right hind leg elevated, almost stumbling back down when he tried to take a step. Batten hadn't even gotten that far but when I saw how his hindleg was limp from the hip down, unable to even rise, I felt sick. If he was in that bad of shape, what was I going to expect from Mag? As though on cue, I saw her lying crumpled with her leg under Batten's weight, but she wasn't moving. I panicked.

"Call 9-1-1!" I hollered at Rotti, who immediately had his cellphone out, moving to Amber as I kneeled at Mag's side, bent over her to protect her from Batten's kicking and thrashing.

Ambulances had arrived and while Amber was admitted for a concussion, sprained wrists and a couple minor cuts and bruises, Mag was in the ICU. She had suffered head trauma, a number of broken ribs, and her ankle fractured. Her hip had been dislocated when Poltergeist had run into them both, and while the head trauma wasn't nearly as serious as Marni's had been, she was still under close watch, and it brought back more painful memories than I could have imagined, or could bear. The horses were another story. Batten had been shot on the spot, having shattered his hip and hind leg and fractured a number of ribs. Geist's fate was still undecided. He had broken two of his legs, and even if he didn't develop laminitis, his chances at coming out of this pain free for the rest of his life were slim to none, if the Largo's didn't decide to have him destroyed. What made it harder for me was that when Mag was out of the hospital, God-hoping she would make it, I was the one who had to treat Poltergeist and decide what sort of news to give the Largo's. A part of me was furious, full of resentment for having to treat the monstrosity that had almost killed the love of my life, but the other part knew that the malevolent stallion had just been a victim as well to Amber's childish cruelty.

Shilo was with me, and even though I sometimes wondered if she even really understood what was going on, but something about her calm, wise-beyond-her-years demeanor was comforting. She stayed beside me, wrapping her arms around me. I almost had to wonder if it was out of her own anxieties over what was happening. Rotti approached me, a clipboard in hand as though he were about to sign it. I lifted my eyes, my elbows still resting on my knees with my knuckles pressed to my mouth, tense and on edge.

"Nathan, I can't express how sorry I am. I had no idea Amber's treatment of the horse was what the problem was. I can pay any hospital bills and it's obvious that the horse will be coming back to our place, though Amber has no desire to keep him around anymore, so he will be destroyed."

Squeezing the bridge of my nose, it took me a moment to process this, let alone come to the realization of him having the audacity to offer to pay Mag's hospital bills and how much that would soon infuriate me. "Wait.. what about his lines? I haven't taken a good look at the stallion, but you would want to put down something with Tenebo Zafir and Atiya lines? Amber was just saying the other day that if it weren't for his bloodline that he would have been gelded yesterday, and now you're just putting him down, no questions asked?"

Rotti's face seemed to carry a dark cloud. "My _daughter_ is in the hospital because of that monster."

"_And so is my other half._" I snarled, standing up abruptly. "You think you're the only one that matters here? Your daughter and her abuse of that horse were the reasons that this accident happened today, and you ought to be pretty damned grateful that she came out with a minor concussion and slight injuries. She could have been killed. Mag is in _surgery_ right now, her horse landed ontop of her and had to be shot on point the second we found out his hip was shattered because Poltergeist ran full-tilt into him and took them both through the arena fence. How _dare_ you, after everything you've put my family through, for the past three years, think paying off her hospital bills is going to be _any _kind of compensation for what's happened."

I slammed the newspaper in my hand down, my blood boiling. It wasn't until I saw Shilo curled in the chair whimpering that I remembered she had been beside me during my outburst. I scooped her into my arms and felt her bury her face against the side of my neck as I gently bounced her and murmured to her.

"You'd better watch your tongue, Wallace. I never once said I wasn't sorry for what this has caused your family, but you are out of line." Rotti growled.

"Out of line when my family is in the hospital while your daughter is out with a few minor injuries? How am I the one out of line?" I shot back.

"Because your future, your career and your family are going to be jeopardized if you keep this up. Take my apology or leave it. It was not part of my awareness that Amber was treating that horse the way she was, but he's dangerous. He needs a bullet through the brain more than anything."

What caused the cold fist to clench over my heart was hearing those words and remembering when the exact thing had come out of my mouth to Mag. Now look where she was. Look where _Geist_ was.

"How much would you be willing to take for him?" I said. Rotti stared at me like I had lost my mind.

"What do you mean what would I take for him? Are you talking about _buying_ him, Wallace?"

"You heard me correctly."

Rotti barked a laugh. "I will never understand you, Nathan. This horse was worth over a hundred grand about an hour and a half ago just with his bloodlines alone. But now… if you're thinking of making an investment off of him you chose the wrong time to do it considering I doubt he'll even make it."

My first response was to shoot back at him that I was the one with a VmD, but it soon came to my attention that Rotti was also the CEO of the branch I worked for. "Then I guess I'm buying him by a longshot, but at least it gives him more of a chance." _Jesus, I'm starting to sound like Mag._

"You're just going to make him suffer, Nathan. And besides, he's not worth a dime."

"Hurt or not, no Arabian with Tenebo Zafir lines is worthless, especially if he can reproduce, you know that just as well as I do." I countered. Rotti scowled.

"Fine. I'll take forty grand for him. I'm being generous in that sense, and at least it'll cover medical bills that I will soon be handing off to you after I pay my portion. You're making a mistake, Nathan."

"Believe me, I'm just ripped up about that," I said, though clearly not bothered by it. Whether we had to put the horse down or not, at least he was given more of a chance. He would be in a medical sling in a stall and probably have to be sedated half the time. It was no life for him, but at least I would find out if it was possible. Rotti and I went our separate ways. I slumped back down in my chair, leaning against the side with my head in my hand when the doctor, in scrubs, came out of the doors. I immediately stood. I felt sick, remembering how things had gone with Marni, my devastation and my pain, and how Mag had been there and held me through it all. She wasn't here, now. How was I going to make it if the news was bad?

"Dr. Wallace?" The surgeon asked. I nodded.

"That's me."

"I wanted to give you an update on the surgery. Magdalene had cranial swelling but we were able to relieve the pressure. She's under a lot of pain medication for it, morphine included, but she should be fine, I want to just keep an eye on her for a couple days to watch for concussion. She had fractured three ribs, but due to the ribcage expanding every time a person breathes, they can't really be immobilized, so she'll have to be on quite a bit of pain medication for it. The surgery mainly consisted of the dislocated hip. We had to shave off a bit of her hip in order to relocate it, a pretty standard procedure, and we have her in a brace, but she'll heal alright. I'd like to keep her here for about a week so she's under close watch, but she'll be alright."

A wave of relief washed over me and I slumped back in the chair. "Thank you so much, Doctor. God, I couldn't be more relieved," I breathed a sigh, shaking my head. I leaned forward, taking off my glasses with a few deep breaths. All that worrying and it looked like Mag was going to come out with alright. "Can I see her?"

"Not just yet, she's still recovering; we've given her enough morphine and vicodin to where she should be out until about tomorrow morning. Go home and get some rest, you and your daughter both."

I wished it were that easy. It was already later in the evening, I was going to have to go straight from the hospital to the vet hospital to treat our newest inhabitant of the farm. He would have to stay overnight at the vet hospital tonight but the next day he was coming home, and that involved me and Chris transporting him and hooking him up to a sling in the stall. When we got a groggy but still fighting Poltergeist hoisted in the air, Chris gave him another sedative and shot of Phenylbutazon for pain. I walked past the aisle and past Batten's empty stall and my heart ached. I was still going to have to tell Mag what had happened to the chestnut Thoroughbred gelding. There was nothing that could have been done to save him. Leaning against the wall and watching Poltergeist swaying slightly, I felt Chris clap a reassuring hand on my shoulder, glancing in his direction with a thin smile.

"Hang in there, buddy. You're gonna be okay," Chris told me. "This is a different scenario. Mag's going to be fine."

"Hopefully," I drew a breath and exhaled slowly, crossing my arms over my chest. "It's breaking the news of Batten being put down that I'm concerned about."

I woke up feeling dizzy, my head clouded. I had brief flashes of the memory of Poltergeist colliding into Batten and me, all four of us crashing somewhere. I opened my eyes to see white, somehow with no pain at all. Then when I glanced at the IV dripping morphine it made more sense. But what had happened? I looked over and saw Nathan sitting at my bedside, and watched him immediately move closer.

"Mag… honey, thank God," He murmured, kissing my forehead tenderly. I gently cupped his face in my hand, and kissed the side of his head, more than grateful to see him.

"I was so scared, sweetheart," He murmured to me, and I could hear the crack in his voice. I gently stroked his hair.

"I'm alright, darling, at least I will be," I said softly, holding him. Nathan drew back slightly, finding my eyes. I knew immediately there was something that he wasn't telling me.

"What happened, Nathan?" I asked him, suddenly feeling ill. Did I really want to know what the outcome of the accident was?

"Amber and Poltergeist collided with you. The four of you went into the fence and Batten fell ontop of you, I think Poltergeist somersaulted over you and Amber both," Nathan said, lowering his eyes. Immediate dread filled me.

"Is Amber alright?" I asked. Nathan nodded quickly.

"She is. She came out with a concussion, a sprained wrist and a few minor injuries, but she's fine. Rotti had the nerve to offer to pay your hospital bill in compensation. I basically told him to go to hell," Nathan said. I exhaled slowly, giving him a look.

"Nate... " I couldn't say anything else, though. Knowing the circumstances, I knew it was in his nature. Now next was something I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know. "What about the horses?"

The way Nathan's face sobered scared me. "Poltergeist fractured left foreleg and right hind, we're still not sure if he's going to make it or not. Rotti was going to have him destroyed."

"Just like that? Without trying any treatments?" I asked, aghast. Nathan nodded.

"Well, to make long story short, I lost my temper on him and told him I'd buy him, saying that if he did pull through he would at least reproduce. A horse with his lines deserves better than that, as much as I've wanted to kill the monster myself for what he's done. But, so now he's hanging in a sling in the stall he was in in our barn."

"How much did you pay for him?" I asked.

"Rotti wanted forty grand but he settled for thirty-five."

"Alright, that isn't as bad as I was thinking." I said, exhaling slowly. But even before I asked I somehow knew the answer by looking at Nathan's face. "And Batten?"

Nathan lowered his eyes. "Maggie, he shattered his entire hip, hindleg and femur. We had to put him down on the spot," He gently took my hand as I turned my head and looked up at the ceiling, tears welling in my eyes.

"I knew it," I murmured, my voice breaking. Even though I knew there was no way Batten could have made it with the injury he had had. "I shouldn't have even taken him out that day. He was nearly the same size as Poltergeist, I should have taken out a bigger horse, like Navarre or someone… "

"Maggie, things would have been even worse had you taken out another stallion, even if Navarre and Poltergeist knew each other, they never got along in turnout. Batten was always steadfast and willing, this wasn't your fault. We didn't have any idea what was going to happen," Nathan moved nearer to me. I shook my head, tears spilling silently down my face.

"I felt it. I felt his hindleg collapse under him when we went down with Poltergeist." I exhaled shakily. Nathan slowly crawled onto the bed with me, lay beside me and wrapped me in his arms. I sank against him, cherishing the warmth of his body as I buried my face against his chest. I could feel him rubbing my back and murmuring to me.

"I'm right here, sweetheart, it's alright," Nathan murmured, holding me close. I could hear his voice by my ear. "I was so scared I had lost you,"

I tightened my arms around him, wincing as the ache in my ribcage made me very aware of the injuries I had acquired through the accident. Though I knew things could have been a lot worse. Nathan held me, stroking my hair and I curled up against him, listening to his heartbeat and letting tears well and spill silently down my face, unable to get away from the regret and guilt of what this had caused poor Batten.

A week and a half later, I was discharged from the hospital and brought home. My ribs were still on the mend and I had to move in a wheelchair to avoid any damage to my still healing hip, but things were going alright. Nathan took me home and we headed down to the barn to see the horses. As we passed Batten's empty stall I couldn't look inside of it, and Nathan wrapped his arm around my shoulders in a supportive notion. We made our way to Poltergeist's stall and I had to bite back the gasp that almost escaped me upon seeing the obviously drugged stallion dangling in a hoist and sling, though only half a foot off the ground. The sight absolutely broke my heart.

"Oh, Geist.. " I murmured, wanting to go in there but knew that I couldn't for two reasons; one being that I was in a wheelchair and would probably startle the Arab stallion and the other being that, again, I was in a wheelchair. It was going to drive me crazy not being able to ride for that long. The doctor had given me a four week mending period for everything, and even after that to take it easy. Nathan gently pushed the wheelchair down the aisle so I could say hello to each horse. We stopped at Uther's stall and the stallion stuck his nose through the bars. Nathan opened the stall door and Uther dropped his head into my lap, gently lipping at the fabric of my sweats.

"No, you can't eat it," I forced a smile, stroking the sides of his face. I could swear sometimes that when Uther looked you in the eye he could see right through your very soul. Such kindness and a wise demeanor, he was well beyond the rambunctious youngster he used to be. God, I wished he was still sound, he had so much talent. That night, after dinner, I held Shilo in my lap with Nathan going through some of the bills, still sitting beside me. The man never left my side during the entire ordeal. I caught sight of an issue of _Bloodhorse_ magazine under a couple sheets of paper. The idea had been lingering in my mind ever since Dragon Blade had sired two of the newest Thoroughbreds we had to this day.

"Nathan," I said, and watched his head rise.

"Hm?"

"Thoroughbreds. Breeding them." I suggested with raised eyebrows and a slight grin. Nathan's face paled.

"You're kidding,"

"No."

"The answer's no."

"We already have the mares, we could sell the geldings we don't use to get more room, Dragonada's really the only mare we've done anything with, we don't have stallions, Dragon Blade could be one of the geldings we sell, we're not going to get anywhere with him. Kilkenny Creek, if God forbid, we decided to run them, could be a track pony—"

Nathan dropped his glasses on the coffee table, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "Okay, okay, okay, okay… hold it, back up. _What?_" He looked at me as though I'd lost my mind. "Mag, when in the he… " He cast a glance at Shilo. "_Heck_—did this come up? Racehorses?"

"Nathan, look at the lines of some of the lines of the horses we plan on keeping Thoroughbred wise, for instance Dragonada, then look at the two foals, or three year olds, now. Dragonada is by Lucifer's Stone, who is sired by Diablo de Oro."

Nathan stared at me. "As in _the_ Diablo de Oro?"

"Yes, and Lucifer's Stone was Coriolis's last foal. Don't even get me started on her lines. Dragonada has an amazing lineage, she's obviously too old to race now and so might be her offspring but she's still young enough to be bred again. Nathan, this could be an incredible idea."

"And Diablo de Oro's by who again?"

"By Therion and out of Lucid."

"Where do you find the time to memorise all of this?"

"It just happened, especially when I came to realize just what we have here when we acquired five Thoroughbreds from a rescue, of course I'm going to look through the Jockey Club and see what we have."

Nathan leaned back against the couch, blowing out a breath. "Well, I'm very familiar with Diablo de Oro. The clinic was called when Lucid died and how to see to him, and only recently was Diablo de Oro put down at twenty two after an accident in a paddock. They say that stallion was Hell incarnated, but he developed quite the reputation on the race track."

"And he's obviously been a well-known sire. I've seen Diablo de Oro foals everywhere." Nathan exhaled slowly. "But Mag, horse racing takes a lot of time and money, and there are so many risks I don't even know where to begin. We'll talk about it, I just don't know, though."

"Alright, I don't blame you," I said, nodding slowly, leaning back in my wheelchair. "Do we still want to sell Kilkenny Creek, Dragon Blade and Bank on Silver?"

"We're going to have to," Nathan said. "We need more room."

I searched Nathan's face. "So you like the idea?"

"I can't say it's one of my favourites, but it's definitely intriguing," Nathan admitted. "But so help me, Maggie, if you or Shilo get hurt, I'm ending the horse racing business and going back to just having regular horses. I won't put my family in danger."

My heart leapt in my chest upon hearing Nathan regard and include me as his family. Though a part of me wondered if we would ever make it official. Weeks went by and I was finally able to get out of the wheel chair and walk around on my hip, though I was made to promise to take it easy on it. Poltergeist wasn't doing well. He had developed laminitis and it was still a question whether or not to keep him alive. Though as the rains began coming, everything seemed drearier, especially with the going ons with Poltergeist. Clark Wallace's funeral was this week, and as I looked at Nathan's back facing me that night, seeing that he had picked up the notice and was looking at it. He sat on his side of the bed. Cooper, now at four years old, lay at the foot of the bed, one ear tilted toward us to pick up every sound. I moved toward Nathan and crawled onto the bed beside him and sat down, wrapping an arm around his waist and lay one on his closest arm. I tilted the side of my head against his shoulder, gently trailing my nails along his side. Nathan drew a breath and exhaled slowly through his nose, tilting the side of his head lightly against the top of my own, seeming to relax a bit at my touch.

"How're you doing?" I asked him gently, trailing my fingertips along the curving of his ribcage and side, treasuring the feeling of his bared skin, always loving being able to touch him, but in this case, I wanted to be a comfort to Nathan more than anything.

"To be honest, I don't really know," He said softly, lowering his head to his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, exhaling slowly. "It still hasn't quite processed. I feel like I haven't mourned him because.. it doesn't really seem like he's dead. I don't feel like I've actually lost the only person I trusted growing up. I was all he had and, well, he was all I had until he left."

"Nathan, it's alright to feel something about it, to mourn him," I told him gently, my hand still running up and down along his side and ribcage. Nathan nodded slowly, though I felt the tiniest shrug of his shoulders.

"I know, and for some reason I haven't, which is never a good sign," He snorted softly, shaking his head. I took in each word he spoke. There were rare occasions when Nathaniel James Wallace, never a man of many words, would actually begin to open up and talk to someone. It was never anyone else except for me, and even those times were rare, but when he did, I let him. I always knew Nathan to keep everything to himself, when he needed to let go of something it was better for him than bottling things up.

"What caused him to leave, Nathan?" I asked softly, sitting near him. I could feel him leaning his weight ever so gently into me as another exhale escaped him.

"My father," He said, shaking his head. He seemed to hunch over, rubbing the back of his neck with his other elbow resting on his knee. I tenderly ran my hand up and down his back and my fingertips along his shoulder blades. "He would beat me and Clark.. pretty brutally when we were boys if we did something he considered 'misbehaving', whatever his definition of it was, it ranged from not putting a dish away to leaving a shoe out."

The shock that overcame me was quick and overwhelming. "What?"

Nathan lowered his eyes. "Clark, being older, received the worst of it since he was supposedly older and knew better. What it really was and it took me all these years to realize was that it was because my father was a drunk and had issues with anger, and being abusive both physically and emotionally, to boot, because when Clark got smart and left, I was left there to fend for myself. He had beaten me well into my late teens. I never wanted to hate him, but I was afraid of him."

"Oh, my God, Nathan.. " I murmured, wrapping my arm around Nathan's waist. Nathan lowered his head, as though ashamed, which only broke my heart further.

"I'm sorry," He cleared his throat, shaking his head. "I've already freaked you out enough, you shouldn't have to listen to this."

"Nathan, no, it's alright," I moved nearer to him. The last thing I wanted Nathan to do was close himself off from me and shut down. Once he did that I knew that whatever this was lingering in his conscience that had been haunting him would continue to, and that was the last thing he needed, especially while dealing with his brother's death and having to see his father at the funeral, though he would just let it and make himself suffer even more. "We've been together for almost four years now, Nathan. You're my best friend and you know I've never wanted anything but to be there for you. I love you, I want to know about your past, I want you to be able to tell me about these things,"

Nathan said nothing, but I could see it in his face that I still had him. I kept my hand on his back, offering support through touch and just trying to through my general presence. "What did he do it with?"

Nathan looked in my direction for a moment before drawing a breath as though trying to think. What frightened me was that he seemed to have to gather quite a few examples from his repertoire of painful memories of just what his father had done to him. "Mainly he would use a belt, but he would hit us with the buckle. There were other times where they were mainly accidents, but during his drunken rages. I have a scar on my shoulder from one night after he had been drinking. He had decided to put a cookie pan in the oven and heat it for God only knows what reason. He would never cook, my mother was the one who always cooked, but for some reason he felt compelled to put this thing in the oven. He tried to take it out with his bare hands—I was only about six or seven at the time, and all I remember is hearing him yell and feeling him throw it down side-first. The sharper edge of it sliced and basically cauterized my shoulder. He heard me scream and kicked me out of the kitchen—literally—with his work boot on."

Though I didn't want to see the proof of the pain this man I loved so much had suffered, I gently tilted his head to the opposite side, and right at the crook of his shoulder, close to his neck, was the raised, smooth scar-tissue that looked like a burn and laceration.

"Oh my God, Nate.. " I murmured, shaking my head as I stroked the area with one finger gingerly. Nathan lowered his eyes as he straightened his neck.

"I swore to myself I would never be the father he was. I look at Shilo and all I can think of is how I could never imagine laying a hand on her like that, imagine hurting her in the way he hurt me and Clark, but it terrifies me. I share his genetics, I.. I keep wondering if there's a part of him that's a side of me, a side of me that hasn't surfaced yet, and I just... I would give my life to protect you and Shilo," He looked in my direction, and in his eyes were filled with so much pain.. so much _fear_ which I almost never saw on Nathan. "I don't want to become him.. "

As I studied Nathan, it dawned on me just how broken he really was, from his past, his present, what had happened to him. It broke my heart to think of what he went through. I inched forward, wrapping my arms around him and kissed his shoulder. "Nathan, you could _never_ be the person that man was. Ever. You're a great father, Nathan. You always have been," I lay my chin gently on his shoulder, watching his eyes lower as he exhaled slowly. "You've been hurt, Nate. Through everything you've suffered it's done nothing but make you stronger."

Nathan lowered his head and I pulled him into my arms, kissing the top of his head, cradling him in my arms. I have never noticed the faults Nathan saw in himself but it was at that moment that I realized what made Nathan the way he was, what made him feel so undeserving and the pain he had endured that made him feel as damaged as he did. I ran my fingers through the side of his hair tenderly, feeling the exhale that left him. Try as I might, I couldn't think of what else to say. This wouldn't exactly change the way I looked at Nathan, but it definitely made me more aware of what made him the way he was. While I was grateful to be able to know that about him, it broke my heart as well, unable to imagine hurting him in any way, shape or form. But that didn't stop a part of me that lingered in the very back of my subconscious that wondered if he was right.

No.

He may share his father's genetics, but he didn't have to share his choices. The only time I had ever seen Nathan become violent was when his family was threatened, and his protective instinct kicked into high gear. When he did, he was frightening, but I knew he would never hurt me or Shilo. He would die before he let any harm come to either of us.

A few days had gone by and while we continuously tried everything to try to treat Poltergeist, the laminitis had eaten away at his hoof and Poltergeist had made no attempt to stand on it. I sat in the corner of the stall, with the Arabian stallion's muzzle dropped to my hands. Tears welled in my eyes because I knew immediately that if he wasn't even making an attempt, things were not looking good. He wasn't eating, he was lethargic, and when I thought that the headstrong stallion would never lose his will to live, it was looking like he was deteriorating by the day.

Nathan made his way into the stall slowly, casting a glance in Poltergeist's direction. The black splash stallion's blue eyes shifted in Nathan's direction as he crept over, murmuring to Poltergeist to keep him calm as he slid along the wall and sat down next to me. I could feel Nathan's eyes shift from Poltergeist to me and I didn't even have to see the expression on Nathan's face to know what he was thinking. The tears that brimmed my eyes spilled down my face.

"We can't keep doing this to him anymore, can we?" I murmured, my voice cracking. Nathan shook his head, inching closer and wrapped his arm around me. I sank against him and lay my head against his chest, swallowing.

"He's suffering, Maggie, there's just too much infection. The way he broke it, and now with the laminitis, it's just too much," Nathan said softly, his fingertips running along my upper arm. I could hear the sadness in his voice, knowing that this was hard for him, too. But a horse just couldn't heal miraculously after a broken leg, let alone two. My face had fallen and a choked, dry sob left me, covering my mouth. Nathan wrapped his other arm around me, drawing me close.

"I never thought I'd be this upset to see him go, after everything he put us through," I stammered with a choked, unhappy laugh, shaking my head. Nathan kissed the top of my head.

"I know, sweetheart, but I know you loved him. The accident wasn't his or your fault, and that's why it's such a horrible way of letting him go. He never should have endured this; you, him or Batten. This wasn't the way either of us were expecting to say goodbye," Nathan said quietly, shaking his head as he tilted the side of his head against my own. I sank against him with tears streaming down my face. This wasn't the way I ever would have wanted things to end.

That night, Nathan and I had made the joint decision to put Poltergeist down. Nathan had chosen to do it, feeling that he owed the stallion that much. We had bought him and given him a chance, it was devastating to know that this was the way he was going out. He was such a huge entity, a massive presence with so much fire in him. Maybe it just wasn't his time, that there were other plans for him that we just weren't prepared to accept. Poltergeist was lowered from the sling with Chris's help and the sedated stallion was lowered to his side. I crawled over to his head and lay his head in my lap, gently stroking his white face.

"This is the first time he's ever let me pet him without trying to attack me," I murmured through my tears with a light, choked laugh, though my heart felt like it was being ripped in half. It was my fault, why didn't I do more to stop Amber from treating him like this?

Nathan glanced over in my direction with sad, sympathetic eyes, he and Chris discussing just how things were going to go over. Nathan had a stethoscope draped over the back of his neck, sticking the ear tips in his ears and pressing the diaphragm against Poltergeist's girth area. The stallion's ears flicked toward me, his eyes fluttering closed them opening partway as I stroked his face.

"You deserved better, Geist," I murmured to him, cradling his head in my arms, feeling tears roll down my face as I tried to suppress a choked sob that lodged itself in my throat, trying desperately to keep my composure to a degree. "You just weren't meant for this world, you were too big of an entity."

I lifted my head, brushing my dark hair away from my face as I met Nathan's eyes. "We're about to do it, Maggie, just prepare yourself," He told me. I nodded, swallowing, closing my eyes as I exhaled slowly. Poltergeist's ears tilted from side to side, listening to every movement. I gently cradled the stallion's head as Nathan administered the drug with a tiny prick of the needle that the stallion never even felt. I watched through a glaze of tears as Poltergeist's breathing began to slow, his nostrils flared slightly and his breathing stopped entirely. Nathan reached over and placed the diaphragm of the stethoscope against Geist's girth and then pulled the ear tips off with a jerk of his head, his eyes lowering. He turned his head and said something to Chris, who immediately went out to the truck and Nathan moved toward me. I could feel his arms wrap around me and I sank against him, squeezing my eyes shut as tears spilled down my face against the fabric of his shirt, my arm going across his waist. I felt guilty, like somehow I was responsible for the death of this beautiful stallion.

"He's not in pain anymore, Maggie, he's in a better place," Nathan murmured to me, and I could feel him stroking my hair.

"He never should have been in pain to begin with," I whispered, tears thickening my voice. I just wanted to know where we were to go from here now.

After Poltergeist's death, I oddly found myself followed by a dark cloud. I just couldn't quite find joy out of anything, the stallion's death constantly haunting my mind. I moved down the aisle of the barn, noting the now free sixteen stalls in the twenty-six stall barn. Poltergeist's was buried on the far back part of our property. I had placed a rock as a headstone with a few flowers, never wanting to forget the Arabian stallion's powerfully commanding presence. I wanted to keep my mind on the future, there was no room for self pity. The horses we had needed us.

I paused at Phaeton's stall, smoothing his long forelock. The chestnut Arab pricked his ears as a throaty greeting fluttered through his nostrils. Even for a stallion, he was a snuggle bug, a cuddler with a very sweet disposition. As I continued rubbing the star on his forehead, I felt a pair of arms encircle my waist from behind. I turned my head, laying my arms over Nathan's as I tilted the side of my head against his own as his chin lay on my shoulder.

"How're you doing?"

"Feeling sick every time I walk past Poltergeist's empty stall," I admitted, gently leaning back against Nathan's broad chest. Coming to find that my hands were no longer petting him, Phaeton turned in his stall, returning to the hay that lay strewn about the ground and shavings in his stall. "I really feel like part of it was my fault, Nathan,"

"Mag, it wasn't. Not a bit of it." Nathan assured me, tightening his arms. Exhaling slowly, I turned my head and kissed the side of his own, laying my forehead against the side of his neck.

"Honey, I've been looking back on Poltergeist's x-rays a lot lately. Like you, I felt like maybe there was something that could have been done to help him, but his death was inevitable. There was no possible way we could have saved him."

I knew Nathan's statement was supposed to be comforting but it made me feel ill. "So we caused him to suffer by keeping him alive," I murmured.

"No.. no, I never said that. We gave him a period of being pain-free, but we couldn't have kept him alive on that." He quickly assured me. I exhaled slowly, nodding.

"He was too good—" I paused, realizing what I was about to say. "Well, he was absolute hellfire, I shouldn't say he was good, but he deserved better than the way he was treated by Amber."

Nathan exhaled slowly. I could feel his chest rise and fall with the exhale behind me. "He was a wicked thing, but sort of makes you wonder what came first, the chicken or the egg. Was Amber beating him because he was like that or the other way around? Either way it would have been a vicious circle." He said. We stayed silent for a few moments before I drew a breath.

"Tomorrow's the funeral, isn't it?" I felt something in Nathan's body change.

"Yeah,"

"Are you ready for it?"

"Not in the least."

I turned in Nathan's arms, wrapping my arms around him. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, exhaling slowly as I buried my own against his shoulder, my fingers running through the back of his hair. I wanted to be near him, wanted to hold and feel him close to me. This week was going to be hard, for the both of us. I almost had to wonder if it would ever end, if things would ever at least lessen in tension. It was about time they did.


End file.
